Posts by Ronald Hernandez9

Thomas Morris2 said:That was actually what I was wondering about, though looking back, he had plenty of reasons to be quiet that day. Our little guy has severe allergies and can't touch milk or soy. We were at a birthday party for one of those problematic couples. We were invited properly, given a specific time and everything. When we showed up, we realized she’d prepared food and treats for everyone except my son and me. Since I'm still nursing, we eat the same things. To be clear, it wasn't a big deal that she didn't prepare anything for me personally, but it was pathetic that our kid had to sit there watching all the other children eat while he couldn't have anything. Naturally, he kept asking for some. And trying to explain dietary restrictions to a one-year-old is a lost cause. 🙄 Even though he'd already eaten lunch at home, he's at that stage where he just wants whatever everyone else is having. Someone handed him a peanut butter snack, and he started munching on it. By the end, he was all flushed up, clearly having an allergic reaction. We pretended not to notice that we'd been excluded from her plans, but it felt equally foolish that she even bothered inviting us in the first place. Her husband offered me coffee and a snack, but when I asked what was safe given my son's allergy, he just offered me water. 😁 And then, "oh, sorry, we didn't know." Please, don't give me that; the kid has been an allergic since he was three months old and you know it. You also know we don't eat standard food because we have to avoid soy and dairy. If she truly didn't know, she could have called ahead and asked. 🤷 Or she shouldn't have invited us, whatever. I wouldn't complain... ☕ She could have told me to make something myself and bring it along, which wouldn't have been a hassle. The way it played out felt, to me, like pure condescension. It's possible he snapped because of that too. I don't know; he was silent on the drive home. Maybe the way they treat us is just a symptom of strained relations, but when I really think about it, they tend to look down on most of their friends. They comment on people's problems and intimate details even though those things were surely shared in confidence. It's hard to say what caused what; it would be like guessing whether the chicken or the egg came first. What bothers me is the dilemma: play dumb and try to fit in, or be myself and demand a fair relationship. ☕

What about not hanging out with them at all? I mean, isn't that a third option? You didn't even list a third choice, which brings me right back to—you are who you hang out with.☕

Thomas Morris2 said:I completely agree with you there; I really don't have anything to add to that point. My actual concern is whether I might have inadvertently influenced his attitude toward his friends, which certainly wasn't my intention. It doesn't bother me at all that he hangs out with them or visits them, provided he does so without me. 😁 I don't mind showing up for a birthday or a backyard BBQ now and then, but if I can dodge the forced socializing, I’ll take it. Usually, if I bail, he won't show either, or if we do both make an appearance, he ends up being pretty tied up with his side project anyway. 🤷 It seems a bit nonsensical to me; I never actually spoke out against them, I simply made it clear on a few occasions that their circle just isn't my scene.

The whole idea that you should act a certain way just because of who you hang out with is complete nonsense. I have never once felt the urge to mimic someone else simply because they happen to be part of my social circle. 🤷 That kind of behavior seems typical enough for elementary schoolers or preschoolers, but when applied to adults, it feels somewhat absurd. I don't believe we are shaped solely by our friends; rather, family, our broader environment, and various other external factors play much larger roles in who we become. As for why they are his friends, it’s quite simple—they grew up together in the same neighborhood and went to the same schools. He isn't punishing me, as he isn't that type of person. It’s more likely he believes offering support is the right move, or perhaps he's just started noticing certain dynamics due to some friction within the social circle. If he were actually angry with me, he would have told me exactly that with total clarity.
As for that bolded part, I honestly don't have much to say to you about it 🤣🤣🤣.. It's clear I simply lack the intellect required to perceive everything that YOU have managed to notice ☕

Why is it nonsense? Don't you hang out with people like that? You had friends like that back in school or in your old neighborhood too, so why didn't you stay in touch with them? Nothing in life is black and white, but this isn't nonsense. ☕

Thomas Morris2 said:I have been contemplating having a conversation about this for quite some time. Personally, I have never viewed my temperament as an issue, but a recent series of events has cast a new light on this particular facet of my personality. To be clear, I am not exactly a social butterfly. I have friends, certainly, but only a handful of truly close ones, while the casual acquaintances who drift in and out of my life aren't even worth counting. Generally speaking, I simply lack the desire to socialize with people when there is no common ground to be found. Since I am in my thirties and possess a rather established, 😁 personality, finding an immediate connection with new people is increasingly difficult. For years, my lifestyle—constant travel, reading, hiking—worked perfectly fine. That was until I got married and had a child. My husband is a brilliant man; he is intelligent, industrious, and remarkably calm. We agree on almost everything, except for this distinction between being social or unsocial. The friction arose when I realized that most of his friends are people I find fundamentally unappealing, mostly because they embody everything I dislike in others. They engage in backbiting, enjoy mocking people, and possess such an intolerance for anything different that they make it quite obvious through their behavior if you don't fit their mold. It might have been manageable if I hadn't noticed on several occasions that things shared in confidence somehow become public knowledge. Over time, whether consciously or not, I began avoiding them, and whenever we do end up in the same room, I transform into a different version of myself—someone defensive and argumentative, which is entirely uncharacteristic of me. 🤷 To be fair, I am not suggesting they are the worst people on earth, but spending time with them has become such a chore that I feel a literal headache coming on whenever I know I am scheduled to see them. Eventually, they noticed my avoidance, and as our paths drifted apart, our social gatherings became a complete farce. My husband argues that I was the one distancing myself from the start, maintaining a cold exterior, and that this current tension is merely a continuation of those unformed relationships... 🤷 Perhaps he is right. It is possible. I am not denying that I am not a particularly social person; I won't hide the fact that my parents are much the same way and that this is how I was raised. Yet, I still maintain my own circle of friends and acquaintances; even if we aren't grabbing coffee constantly, we are always there for one another, checking in via phone or Skype. I have never forbidden him from seeing his friends; in fact, I often encourage him to reach out and nurture those friendships. We have a young son, and I frequently ask him to go for walks with his father specifically so the little one can play with their children. 🤷 What prompted this introspection was noticing how he has gradually withdrawn into himself; he still sees them, but never half as much as he used to. When we are all together, he barely says a word. We were at a child's birthday party recently, and he could hardly muster a sentence unless he was directly answering someone. He just sat there, watching our son play. I felt a profound sense of guilt. When we drove home, I tried to bring the subject up, but he seemed completely uninterested, offering only the brief explanation that he simply doesn't like birthday parties. 🤷
Is the fault truly mine, and should I be working on this supposed "unsociability"? Should I change my nature in an attempt to fit in? ☕

If your husband is supposedly some kind of "genius," then where did he find a friend group like that? You really are who you hang out with, right? A true genius would actually listen to his wife and admit when she's right, but... yeah, blah, blah, blah... And why on earth is he punishing you with the silent treatment if he's so brilliant? As for everything else, I think you hit the nail on the head—someone truly smart doesn't need that kind of crowd. But man, being the smart one in the room is tough when everyone else is just... well, you know. Jealous, petty, gossipy, low-life types...🙄