Posts by Joshua Barnes2

Look, it wasn't some grand moment of personal growth. It was just me finally being honest with myself about something I already knew deep down.🙂

Look, I’ll admit it—I was being naive. When you’re head over heels, it’s easy to just turn a blind eye to the red flags...
My gut was screaming at me from day one that this guy would end up hurting me. But after that? Who knows. I guess I was just too caught up in the honeymoon phase to realize he wasn't the right fit for me. But honestly, that's water under the bridge. The real challenge now is figuring out how to tune him out completely so he stops having this negative grip on my life...

Let me be clear: we were seeing each other... but all that time, he was also seeing her. It was likely the exact same situation, and we had absolutely no clue until just recently. Is that crystal clear now?

After a week of peace, my ex popped back up in my life. He’s the kind of guy you love with everything you have, right up until the moment you realize just how broken he actually is...
And now, he's back specifically to drag me through the mud. He had the nerve to tell me his girlfriend is pregnant—apparently, she got pregnant while we were still together—and he says it like I actually care about his mess...
The truth is, he feeds on this. He loves seeing me spiraling, feeling hurt, and falling apart. And the worst part? I keep handing him the hammer. I don't get it. Why can't I just block him? Why am I still listening to his nonsense? Why do I let him break me over and over again?
Every time a notification pops up from him, I literally shake. I know he’s going to hurt me, yet I still read every word. How do I build a wall so thick that his words can't touch me anymore?

Is it possible that... he just didn't truly care about me? Because if he actually did, we'd still be together right now...

So, here I am. After about two years, I’m back to being single... and honestly, I feel a little lost. I have way too much free time on my hands. There’s nobody to think about, nobody to dream about, and no one to pull me into a hug when I’m feeling down just to tell me everything will be okay and that they love me. There’s no one to grab popcorn with during a movie or to walk through downtown with, arm in arm. Everything I used to take for granted just vanished. My entire lifestyle has flipped upside down, and I’m genuinely at a loss for what comes next. Even though there are people interested in dating me, the idea of trying anything with them doesn't even cross my mind. I know deep down I haven't moved on from my ex yet, and jumping into something new would just feel exploitative. To be blunt, I miss him—not even as a boyfriend, but more as a best friend. He was the person I could talk to about absolutely anything. It kills me that he never reaches out anymore, but I also know if he did, he’d just end up leaving again, and he clearly doesn't want to do that. Besides, he has a girlfriend now; he's only with her for her money, whereas he was with me because he actually cared. It’s probably easier for him if he never hears from me again. I’m just wondering how to navigate this new reality. What do you do when the nostalgia hits hard and you just need someone by your side, but there's no one there?