Posts by William Perez8

I also forgot to mention that I used to have this ritual where every single time I stepped into a restroom, I felt compelled to count every individual tile on the floor. I’d even double-check my math just to be absolutely certain I hadn't missed one. I was constantly counting stones whenever they caught my eye, too. Now, that urge has subsided by maybe 99 percent entirely on its own. I suppose it happened through some sort of self-awareness or deep reflection, though I honestly don't know why I ever did that in the first place. It lasted for a long time, but things are much better now. On top of that, I’ve been so obsessed with the number 4 that people around me have actually started calling me out on it. To cope, I try to intentionally do things only 3 times instead of 4. When I notice that nothing bad happens, I feel a little bit of anxiety at first, but then I realize I feel much lighter afterward. I guess doing this little bit every day is a good way to handle it.

I have a massive amount of this nonsense running through my head, and I can say from experience that I mostly deal with it on my own. It doesn't even cross my mind to take pills or go see some psychologist when my girlfriends can provide much better support just by knowing and understanding me. I’ve missed out on so many good things because of my rituals, and I waste a ridiculous amount of time thinking I have to complete certain tasks—like checking my purse ten times to make sure everything is there, or checking the front door a million times, only to lie awake at night wondering if I actually locked it. Then there’s the constant need to write numbers like eights or nines on scraps of paper (just imagine what a letter would have looked like back in the day) and all sorts of other stuff. But I’ve realized that I have to fight against it every single day, and it has started to decrease. I suppose it will never truly disappear, but if you decide to resist it every day, I think your condition will improve day by day.