Posts by Patrick Morris7

Olivia Rivera77 said:That feeling is absolutely brutal. I spent years fighting that same battle until I hit a wall and realized I couldn't take it anymore... so I finally went and got help. I can tell you right now, I feel so much better. I actually learned how to love myself, my confidence shot up, and I stopped living in fear. The worst parts—the tics and those intrusive thoughts—they haven't vanished completely, but there are days now where they don't cross my mind once. I’d recommend seeing a professional to anyone dealing with this, though obviously, you have to find the right fit because not every doctor is a winner. Luckily, I found a great one at a local community clinic who really helped me turn things around. And that whole thing about counting or repetitive rituals? I was doing that stuff back in middle school, tapping on desks and praying everything would go okay, thinking if I didn't do it, something terrible would happen. It's a heavy cycle to be in. Hang in there.👍

It doesn't hit me every single day... not with the OCD or the intrusive thoughts. It happens sometimes, just every once in a while, and there's definitely a gap of time between those thoughts coming up, but when they do show up, they totally catch me off guard and just frustrate me.
It's also like, when I'm trying to drift off right before sleep or when I'm first waking up (in that sort of half-conscious, groggy state), these images and thoughts just fly through my head that have absolutely nothing to do with anything.
And they aren't even like, dark or inappropriate thoughts or anything, just random thoughts that line up one after another without any connection to reality.
It stays like that until I fully wake up and become conscious, or until I finally crash into a deep sleep.
It doesn't happen every day either, I've noticed it mostly happens when I'm stressed out, or unhappy about something, or just when something's weighing on me—but still, it happens too often.
I know you get how I felt back before I had any clue what was going on or how to describe it—I honestly thought I was losing my mind. It scared me just thinking about it, but I did a little digging and saw that a lot of people deal with the exact same symptoms and there's an actual medical term for it, so it doesn't mean I'm crazy or anything.
That realization alone helped me a bit, seeing that I don't actually *am* those thoughts and that they're kind of forced on me because of some chemical imbalance.
Anyway, I try to use logic to suppress them (and I think I've been pretty successful with the OCD part).
But yeah, I know, I really should talk to a psychologist, but I can only get to one through my primary care doctor with a referral, and since I live in this small town and have had the same doctor since I was a kid, it feels kind of awkward to go to him. I'm worried he might judge me or label me as being crazy.

Olivia Rivera77 said:Honestly, ever since I started my antidepressants, it’s like someone finally organized the chaos in my brain. Everything feels structured now. Take my house, for example—everything has to be in its exact right spot. Before this, I didn't have the energy to lift a finger; my home was a total disaster zone, mirroring the absolute mess inside my head. But the real struggle isn't the physical stuff; it's the intrusive thoughts. I don't mean to sound like I'm judging anyone, but if your only issue is keeping up with laundry or cleaning, you should honestly be celebrating. Dealing with the mental side of things is a different beast entirely. Imagine having a million terrifying thoughts racing through your mind every single day—dark, irrational stuff, like worrying about something horrible happening to your kid. Of course, I don't actually want any of that to happen, which is exactly why it's such a massive problem. Thankfully, since starting the meds, things have finally calmed down. I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind.🤷

I know exactly what you mean... I get those same terrifying thoughts racing through my head, too. Of course, I don't want them, and I'd never actually do anything like that, so I just sit there wondering where they even come from. I've kind of landed on the idea that my own mind is basically bullying itself—it's like I'm the one causing my own suffering—mostly because I don't really love myself, I guess.
But I don't identify with the thoughts themselves, though. It's more like there's this part of me that's actively trying to torture and destroy another part of me.
It sounds a little crazy, but it makes sense to me. I've been thinking about seeing a therapist for a while now, but I just haven't been able to bring myself to actually do it.

I’ve actually been dealing with this—self-diagnosed, I guess—for quite a long time now... it’s just these certain things, like movements I feel I have to repeat a specific number of times. I used to be one of those kids jumping over cracks in the sidewalk, but I finally moved past that stage.
Lately, when I catch myself doing these repetitive motions (like using my right hand), I’ll try to consciously force myself to stop, but then I’ll realize a few minutes later that I’ve started doing it with my left hand instead. Then I try to snap out of it again, only to find myself doing it with my foot a couple of minutes later, too.
Still, I think I've managed to cut down on these extra repetitions pretty well over time.
The whole thing stems from this feeling that if I don't do something a certain amount of times, something bad might happen—or, you know, the thing I actually want won't happen (and usually, it's the bad stuff that feels more likely). So, I try to talk myself through it—basically trying to drill into my head that these little actions aren't going to change future events—and I'll try to stop using one part of my body, but then I end up switching to another... though sometimes, I actually do manage to quit cold turkey.

Sometimes I do it because things just need to be an even number, or they need to make some kind of sense or feel "complete," like there needs to be some sort of order to it.
But like someone else mentioned in this thread, it’s probably just an attempt at creating some semblance of order in the outside world to deal with all the chaos happening in my subconscious.