Olivia Rivera77 said:I'm 26... Honestly, back when I was in school, I spent the whole way there praying because I was terrified that something bad would happen to my family if I didn't perform certain rituals. I always had to get up from my chair and move to the right side because I didn't want to mess up my "luck." I had to tap on wood every single time a negative thought crossed my mind (like, thank God I have that little ritual to fall back on...). At one point, I was blinking so much that I refused to leave the house because I couldn't control it and felt so embarrassed about it... plus a million other things. Even now that the physical stuff has calmed down, these dark, intrusive thoughts still hit me. It started with seeing car accidents on the road and then my brain would just spiral into thoughts like, "what if you just died right here in front of everyone?" That's what dragged me straight into depression. By the time I finally worked up the nerve to start therapy, man, it was a total nightmare. But, I will say this—I've been on Lexapro for about a year and a half now, and it has made my life so much better. The physical compulsions are gone, even if those stray thoughts pop up occasionally. I know it’s a brutal thing to carry, but believe me, it is treatable. Try to ignore them, try not to give them any power, and one day you'll just wake up and realize you aren't doing it anymore.
My symptoms hit a little differently, but it’s essentially the same beast. Those intrusive thoughts used to be way more intense, though looking back, it feels like they've calmed down. Instead, the physical compulsions have ramped up over time without me even realizing it. I feel like the last four years of my life have just vanished into thin air; I completely shut myself off from the world and it just kept getting worse. For example, whenever I read the paper, I can't help but twist the corner of the page. I do it constantly—while listening to music, while working, whatever. I basically need a newspaper nearby just so I can fiddle with the edges. And yeah, sometimes I blink so much that I stay inside because I'm mortified. Some people on another forum suggested I go see a psychiatrist, but my biggest headache is figuring out how to tell my parents. Seriously, we've lived together for 18 years and now, after all this time, I have to break the news? It’s awkward as hell that I didn't tell them sooner, but I've reached a breaking point. I have to get moving, even if it feels like starting from zero.