Posts by stormylynx23

Yeah, sure, you kicked the drugs so now you don't have any hallucinations, but when I quit my tablet, the hallucinations hit me hard

You get the difference????

Looks like you’re well on your way to snagging a Nobel Prize in Medicine for figuring out a whole new way to treat schizophrenia. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you.

Noah Sanchez7, knock it off. Indonesia has been hospitalized ten times already, and you’re out here acting like she needs an eleventh round.
You're overstepping. So many people have tried to wean patients off antipsychotics—especially those religious fanatics—and they ended up making a massive mess of things.
Nobody actually enjoys being on antipsychotics. You spend your whole life just praying for the day you can finally get off them.

Look, it's great that you're trying to help Indonesia, really, I get it. But please, let her tapering off medication be the very last thing on the agenda, not the first.

And let's be real: you've never actually been in a psychosis. What you described isn't even in the same ballpark. So don't sit there acting like you "conquered" this. You're full of it.

When I was actually in a psychotic break, I thought I was Jesus and Hitler at the same time. I'd pick up the newspaper and see my name in an article from start to finish, and suddenly I’m convinced the cops are tailing me, that they're tracking my phone, that I have telekinetic powers, or that some random celebrity is talking about me on CNN... you get the idea.

Noah Sanchez7 said:I'm not sure why, but I have this feeling you'd fall for a placebo. And quite easily, too. 😉

Also, one more thing:
Asylums are packed with people who convinced themselves they don't need their meds anymore. They stop taking them and then—boom—everything goes to hell. They crash hard. It’s pathetic to watch. I've seen it firsthand with folks from support groups when there's nothing left to help them. It’s gut-wrenching and frankly disgusting, so don't talk such nonsense. They aren't "cool" or whatever romanticized image you have in your head. They are totally lost. When you hear what they actually say, it's clear their brains are disconnected from reality: people getting hit by lasers, staring at people with their eyes, trying to part the Red Sea, drawing ears because they think they're Van Gogh, thinking they're being talked about on TV, thinking the psychiatrist wants to assault them, or believing their roommate is Satan... just a few examples.
Twilight Brain

If you were actually out there, you wouldn't be acting so tough.

And another thing,
Antipsychotics or lithium don't work like recreational drugs or even things like Xanax or Valium. They operate on a completely different principle altogether.

Noah Sanchez7 said:I'm not sure why, but I have this feeling you'd fall for a placebo. And quite easily, too. 😉

Noah Sanchez7, cut the crap, you have no idea what you're talking about.

There’s a massive difference between being "normal" versus being a "lunatic" just because you're different from the crowd, and being actually insane to the point where you can't function. Plus, you've got people with mental illnesses who act perfectly "normal" most of the time.
So yeah, one doesn't necessarily lead to the other.

And when I talked about my psychoses feeling like "dying inside," I didn't mean you could just snap out of them without meds and be "reborn." If you don't get help, you just end up stuck in some weird limbo. Basically, you're screwed. Psychosis is a massive shock to the system, and you don't need constant trauma hitting you, or worse, one continuous earthquake lasting your whole life, because you'll just fall apart.
I'm pretty sure I won't be on meds forever, but right now? I need them as much as Gerald Parker3 needs air. Without them, I'd be in total shit; I wouldn't be able to move forward at all. Those first two psychotic breaks were clearly necessary for me to survive, but eventually, you have to pull yourself out of that hole, otherwise you really can't function in any capacity—work, creativity, emotions, social life, whatever. Once you've survived a psychosis, you don't need another one to achieve "incarnation." After that experience, you can evolve and "incarnate" without needing a breakdown because you've learned how the mechanism works. Even Buddhists don't just dive into those kinds of experiences uncontrollably, and by definition, psychosis is destructive.

Look, if the meds exist, I'd be a complete idiot not to use them. Your problem is that you've just had bad experiences with chemicals.

I don't know what you're getting at with "up99." Is that some kind of code? A typo? Or just one of those random things people type when they've lost the thread? Honestly, I haven't the slightest clue. If you're trying to make a point, you're going to have to be a lot clearer than that. I'm sitting here staring at two numbers and a few letters like it's some kind of cryptic puzzle from a bad spy novel. Help me out here. What are we even talking about? stormylynx23 says:
Look, time just kept dragging on, and nothing changed. It was the same old loop. Honestly, the whole thing felt a lot like being dead—except I was still technically breathing. I was stuck in that weird limbo where you’re physically here, but totally checked out. Let me try to explain what I actually mean by "alive," because it's not exactly what most people think.
A person breathes. That’s the baseline—a built-in drive to just stay alive, you know? To exist. Then you start thinking logically as an individual, building up this mental armor like a shield to protect yourself. Everything you actually do is just a collection of tiny, subconscious habits you picked up along the way—stuff like keeping your balance or learning how to delay gratification. You can wrap all that chaos up into one single concept: the ego.
Well, my ego finally kicked the bucket. I should probably clarify something for those of you making assumptions: before that happened, there were concepts I couldn't wrap my head around and experiences—physical ones, too—that I just hadn't touched yet. But here’s the thing: no matter what role I tried to play or who I attempted to be, I could never actually say, "Yeah, that's me." That realization is exactly why I kept digging until the ego finally gave up the ghost.
Then I went off the rails completely. I just stopped dead in my tracks and started wailing like a lost child: "Oh man, what did I do? What happened to me? Where the hell am I?" It was pathetic. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that those were just old patterns—baggage from some "previous life"—trying to drag me back under. And the worst part? There was no turning back. It’s like walking through a door that slams shut behind you, and you realize you never had the key to get out anyway.
Picture this: you’re hiking through the woods, right? This path represents your journey toward some ultimate truth. Suddenly, you stumble upon an opening. It looks like nothing—just a void. But you get this gut feeling that this is the way. You have to go in. So, you step through, the door slams shut behind you, and you're left standing in total, absolute darkness. The trees are gone. The birds? Silent. There isn't a single sound. You just stand there thinking, "Wait, what is this? Where am I? Is this really what I was looking for?" That’s when the panic hits. It’s exactly like falling into a deep hole and realizing there’s no ladder to climb out. Your brain starts spiraling. Images just start flooding in—flashes of your family, your friends you left behind, even the person you used to be before all this. It’s just pure emptiness, and God, you’d give anything just to see something else. Anything.
Then the misery kicked in. It was this deep, heavy kind of suffering that I can’t even put into words properly. Everything that used to make me feel human—everything that gave me a sense of self just a little while ago—became completely out of reach. Mostly, I mean the social stuff. I’ve always considered myself a people person, you know? So, having a girlfriend, a close friend, just being around anyone... those were things I was desperate for, but I couldn't have them. Every time I thought about it, this thought would just loop in my head: "How can you even try when you don't know who you are? You can't say who you are because you aren't actually anyone. You just aren't." All I could do was sit there and watch everyone else. Just observe their lives. I was just drifting, caught in this endless longing, kind of like a character in a Wenders movie like *Sky over Berlin*.
So, I stumbled upon the Tibetan Book of the Dead recently—which, by the way, is my first real topic on this forum. Honestly? It fascinated me with how much kindness is baked into it. At first, though, it didn't really touch me. It couldn't. I was just looking at it like some perfect piece of fiction that happened to fit my current headspace perfectly. I’d think about it constantly and read it over and over, but I wasn't actually *doing* the work. I wasn't trying to see through the illusions surrounding me or actually follow the guidance written in those pages. I was just consuming it.
I found it while I was drifting through the Sidpa bardo—that whole process of reclaiming a body and being reborn. The visions of my rebirth were supposed to be this beacon of hope, but honestly? I couldn't pick a single one. Every time I thought about starting over, I just felt sick to my stomach. In every possible version of a new life, I could see that same old filth I’ve been trying so hard to shake off. That’s been the whole point of my journey, hasn't it? Trying to escape those deep-seated, messy impulses that keep pulling me back. I was completely torn. On one side, there was this pull toward purity, and on the other, there was the reality of the world around me. And look, I’ll be blunt: I wasn't ready to sacrifice everything I knew. I wanted this world—my world—and to have that, I needed a rebirth, a physical presence here on Earth. But at the same time, I didn't want to crawl back into the exact same cycle I was trying to run from. That endless loop of living and dying is exhausting. So, here I am. Still stuck in the Bardo. As things stand, I’ll probably end up going back. I’ll become a person again. It feels like it’s just inevitable. I think I jumped into this whole spiritual thing way too naive and far too young. Maybe I’ll aim for actual Buddhahood or total enlightenment in the next life instead. One step at a time, I guess.

This is my journey through the subconscious. It’s a trip you have to take if you want to be free. Whether you look at it through a Christian lens or a Buddhist one, liberation is the goal. I tend to frame my own experience using more Buddhist concepts, so fair warning: most people probably won't get where I'm coming from.
This isn't some fake story. Everything I'm saying actually happened to me.
As one of the few tourists out here (traveling through the subconscious and back), I can tell you this: no mental illness is truly incurable. We are all born healthy. We’re all different, sure, but throughout our lives, we’re constantly trying to fit in, trying to be someone. We mold our behavior—and by extension, our thoughts—just to be accepted. At the root of it all is this deep-seated need to belong and be loved, which really just boils down to basic survival instinct.
The most important thing in the world is to realize there isn't a single phenomenon the mind can't grasp. If you internalize that, you'll see there's no such thing as a "broken brain" that can't be fixed. The only things standing in our way are fear and panic. Honestly, sometimes it pays to listen to how kids talk today: just "chill out and vibe," even when the Devil himself is waving a knife at your throat. 👍

hey

I don't have much time right now, so I'll make this quick. For nine years, I was completely lost, though I didn't even realize it. When things finally hit a breaking point, I snapped into my first psychosis. Yeah, psychosis isn't exactly a blast, but in a way, it can be a massive "spiritual" experience—if that's even the right word, since I'm not a religious guy. In that moment, I felt like I "died inside." I basically unmade my old life and started over. It was like being reborn. But man, it took its toll. I had the first psychosis, then about six or seven months of recovery, then another psychotic break, followed by months of feeling totally numb while I pulled myself back together. About a year and a half total. It was a full-blown revolution; I did a complete 180.
Looking back at who I was before schizophrenia compared to who I am now, I'm actually glad I broke. I'd rather have gone through that than kept living that pathetic life I had before. Truth is, I didn't really have a choice anyway; that old version of me was unsustainable. I'm glad it was an "explosion" rather than a slow, drawn-out decay. Today, I'm a completely different, better person. I've been reborn within myself (I don't know if people call that reincarnation or whatever).
In my opinion, though, mental illness starts brewing long before the actual tension hits a breaking point.

graniteskipper17 said:Forums aren't exactly a healthy space for someone living with schizophrenia.
Basically, when you have schizophrenia, the world feels like this massive, fake construct—and look, I’m speaking for myself here, not making a blanket statement for every single person dealing with this.
On a forum like this, you have absolutely no idea who anyone actually is, which is just disastrous for a brain that already struggles to distinguish what's real from what isn't.
Again, just my own experience talking.
Bernarda really did pass away in the first ward at the local psychiatric hospital.
Since my last name happens to be Starčević, I’ve always had a soft spot for Star Trek.
It would have been nice if I could at least use a forum to say something meaningful about schizophrenia, since they wouldn't let me get a word in on TV.
But even here, people just tore me apart—exactly like my doctor warned me would happen.
Actually, it wasn't even subtle; they just came straight for me.
It just reinforced that paranoid, schizophrenic feeling I have—that the world is an inherently unsafe and dangerous place.
"Normal" people spend their whole lives fighting to carve out their own little corner of the planet.
By the time they hit my age—29—they’ve already mastered these complex systems of bullshit and lies, both to themselves and everyone else, just to survive.

I'm just one of 6.5 billion people, and I'll find my way somehow.

Stop defining yourself entirely by your schizophrenia; try seeing yourself as a person who happens to deal with certain health challenges instead. I think it might make things easier on you. You're overdoing it a bit, just like Goranbo mentioned. Plus, obsessing over the illness isn't healthy either—it can pull you under. You get too wrapped up in it, and there's a huge chance you'll hit a "flashback" that snaps you right back into psychosis.
What happened with the TV appearance?

Noah Sanchez7 said:Well, I am a Buddhist. And a fanatic one at that. You might call it being a fanatic (in the Western sense), but I think being a fanatic is necessary. Otherwise, I don't see any other way to overcome illusion and live in reality. That is my only goal, and I think I'm getting pretty close. I just need to face all these tricks my mind plays instead of sinking into miserable states.

Anyway, looking at it from a Western perspective, how serious is depersonalization? And aren't we all a little depersonalized? Honestly, you have to work quite hard and stay quiet just to "stand firm" in your own identity.
And what kind of medication is typically taken in that case?

Probably antipsychotics. There are tons of them out there. The newer ones aren't quite as brutal when it comes to those nasty side effects—you know, the stiffness or the tremors and stuff. But honestly, most of them make you gain weight, and everyone reacts differently to the same pill.

Just don't go playing chemist on your own. You need a doctor's call on this. These things are way more complicated than just getting high on recreational drugs.

Gerald Parker3 said:Look
1. Honestly, I couldn't care less about the whole cancer debate—my own mom passed away from it over 22 years ago, and besides, I’ve got way too much on my plate right now to be getting worked up over this.
2. I know I can be a lot to handle sometimes, which is exactly why I end up venting here on the forum.

👍 👍 👍 👍 👍

But it's not all doom and gloom. Even with schizophrenia, there are always worse things out there

Story #2
stormylynx23 has this neighbor, a 26-year-old guy who was diagnosed with a shin tumor when he was just 16. You know how it goes—pediatric oncology, radiation, chemo—the kid barely made it out alive. Most of his friends from the ward didn't, which is just fucking devastating. He survived, though. They "ripped" the tumor out, basically split his bone apart, and shoved a titanium rod in his leg. But even that snapped a few years later. Now, his leg is a constant mess. It healed crooked, it hurts constantly, it wreaks havoc on his back... it's just endless cycles of hot compresses, ice packs, massages, and total bullshit. Plus, there's always that shadow hanging over him, wondering if the cancer is coming back. He can't walk normally, let alone run. And he’s stuck like this for life.

Look, we aren't exactly best friends or anything, but the guy doesn't complain! Seriously, he never brings up his illness unless I corner him with questions, and even then, he just tries to joke his way out of it. Everything I actually know comes from my mom hearing things from his mom—he tells her next to nothing.
And honestly? He's got every right to feel like he's got it the worst in the whole damn world.

Gerald Parker3 said:While everyone else was out living their lives, stormylynx23 was busy reading everything there was to read about schizophrenia.

Not bad. And one more thing...

Here’s a little story for you to chew on. Honestly, it’s just between me and you, nothing else matters here.

There was this guy once—let's call him stormylynx23. He got his discharge papers and they slapped a label on him, saying he was F20 or schizophrenic. That hit him hard. Like, really hard. Suddenly, that was all he could talk about. All he could think about. "Schizophrenia, you know?" "Schizophrenia, did you hear?" That kind of thing. He basically fell in love with his own diagnosis. He started "living" it, diving into every textbook he could find, just constantly whining about his condition. Eventually, he ended up seeing a new psychiatrist in Washington, D.C. This doctor let him vent and lecture for a couple of sessions, just letting him run his mouth.
Then, during the third appointment, right when the guy starts his usual routine, the doctor grabs the first book within reach and starts flipping through it while the guy is talking. Of course, the patient gets confused. He's thinking, "Wait, is this guy even listening to me?" But he keeps going. As he rambles on and on, the doctor gets more and more absorbed in the book, eventually turning his chair almost ninety degrees away from the patient. He was just reading. Didn't look at the guy once. When the patient finally finished his rant, the doctor scribbled down a quick note, shoved it toward him with one hand without looking up, and didn't even bother saying goodbye.
After sitting with it for a while, the guy realized that might have been the smartest move his psychiatrist ever made.

Question for the class:
Why did the guy realize that was actually one of the doctor's best moves?

Depersonalization

It’s this weird disorder where your whole sense of self just... shifts. It gets disturbing and honestly pretty overwhelming. During a depersonalization episode, you can suddenly lose any grip on who you actually are. You might feel like your limbs are totally different sizes, or like you’ve somehow exited your own body and are watching yourself from a distance. Sometimes it feels like being a machine—like you and everyone else are just robots going through the motions. Or you're moving through life like you're stuck in a dream, in a world that doesn't feel real anymore. You see similar, though much more intense, episodes popping up in schizophrenia F20. But there's a catch: the experience for someone with schizophrenia doesn't have that "it feels like" quality that people with depersonalization describe. For them, that detachment from the self isn't a feeling—it's just absolute reality.

Taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_disorders

Taylor Campbell4 said:

If there’s a genetic predisposition, schizophrenia F20 might surface—but it doesn't have to—though drug use can certainly trigger it.

Having kept up with more recent scientific research and theories, I’m inclined to suggest that external influences play a much larger role than genetic predispositions. There seems to be a massive amount of misunderstanding regarding genetic causality. This can actually be quite damaging—it's vital for a person to realize they aren't merely a puppet of their DNA, nor is their fate sealed by their genes; rather, they maintain agency over their own lives. Too often, people try to shift the responsibility for everything onto their genetics.

I get what you mean, I really do. I was just trying to point out that drug addiction can act as a catalyst that helps trigger schizophrenia F20.

Noah Sanchez7 said:Thanks for this. The last time I saw a therapist, I only went for about two or three sessions.
Basically, he had me take this massive assessment—something like 250 questions—and the diagnosis wasn't schizophrenia F20, but something else I can't quite name. He just left it at that, telling me I needed to stay straight for six months before starting actual therapy. He seemed to think it would take around 20 sessions to get things back on track. I've been straight for four months now. So, I might go back, or maybe I won't. Videc.

Sometimes I wonder if it was all just the weed, thinking I became gay because of it, and that I can probably just power through this on my own.

Honestly, what you described sounds a bit too mild for schizophrenia. It doesn't even sound like full-blown psychosis, but hey, you never know. Drugs can be a major "trigger" for schizophrenia. If there's a genetic predisposition, schizophrenia can kick in, but it isn't a guarantee—using drugs just makes it easier for it to start. Check out that link Douglas Long2 gave you above. Anyway, psychoses generally fall anywhere from F20 to F30. For instance, they've been treating me as F20 for four years, but then my psychiatrist tells me this week that he thinks I'm leaning more toward bipolar disorder now. It's not exactly a 100% certain thing.

PS: Everything regarding schizophrenia is explained simply and clearly over at http://mentalhealthamerica.org/schizophrenia

swiftmason9 said:I wasn't actually talking about psychoanalysis—I try my best to avoid thinking about that stuff altogether 🙂 Just kidding, obviously 🙂
What I meant was more along the lines of some shorter-term things...

Honestly, I have no clue. I’ve never been myself, so my only move is to ask those guys from the local support group who actually went.

If you find anything out, please let me know. I'd love to give it a shot; I'm dealing with way too much pharmacology right now.

Btw—I know this has nothing to do with psychotherapy, but this Saturday I'm heading to some contemplation session at a Franciscan church over in a quiet part of town (hopefully the building won't collapse when I walk in like the antichrist)—just trying to find some peace. I can't spend my whole life living on pills (my psychiatrist gave me the green light, though).

Honestly, every single trip to the psychiatrist is basically its own form of psychotherapy anyway.

briskgull27 said:Yeah, 😬 😁

actually, if you get what I'm saying, a fictional lunatic is basically pre-normal 😁 😁 😁 😁 😁

Unlike some people on this board, I don't want to spend my entire life being a lunatic. I actually want to take action instead of just whining all day about how much everything sucks.

Taylor Campbell4 said:I’ll be honest—I don't know much about the clinical definition of psychosis, though I have a bit of a grasp on schizophrenia. It seems to me that everything really depends on the individual case. Besides, isn't it true that a person ought to act as their own therapist to some extent? After all, nobody knows you better than yourself.

I find stormylynx23's extreme take a bit strange—the idea that self-reflection only works for those who aren't severely ill, but fails for everyone else. But if we suggest that questioning one's own mind isn't a form of self-therapy, then what would we call it? That seems like a stretch to me.

As for the financial aspect, it's the truth, and it's something I've touched on here before. It is frankly shameful that mental health services aren't made accessible to everyone who needs them; instead, they remain a luxury reserved mostly for the wealthy.

It’s not about having an extreme opinion; you have to question yourself. But the thing is, certain methods aren't necessarily recommended—like, I read somewhere that Freudian-style psychoanalysis might not be the way to go. I don't know enough about the technical jargon, so maybe briskgull27 can jump in with a professional perspective. There are so many different approaches and schools of thought, so it all depends. I've heard group therapy can be really effective for psychosis. Of course, everything depends on the individual case, but mostly on the current stage of the illness (the present state).

swiftmason9 said:So, I was told I should probably ask about this here too. What’s everyone’s take on psychotherapy when dealing with schizophrenia, psychosis, and things like that? Has anyone actually gone through it and have some specific experiences to share? I’ve heard it can be incredibly effective for some people, so I was just curious to hear your thoughts... 😕

On the flip side, I’ve heard it’s actually not recommended. Besides that, I don't exactly have money lying around for regular therapy sessions. And honestly, if you were looking for a way to get an appointment at a state mental health clinic through a referral, forget about it—I've pretty much lost hope that I'll ever make it to the front of that line.