Posts by Gerald Parker3

He’s honestly such a complete moron 😍 😍 😍

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fM4yekiPo3w

Basically, the movie just drifts aimlessly through a bunch of nothingness—it’s that typical "everything and nothing" vibe we've seen way too often.
It’s mindless and incredibly basic. 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏

I absolutely adore a good Will Ferrell film

The movie is just as hilariously insane as everything else he’s ever done.😁 😁 😁 😁 😁

The whole chaos just made me realize I’d never actually be able to live up to what being an adult is supposed to look like.
Honestly, I just wanted to stay a kid—to have a life where I didn't have to worry about a single thing.

Noah Sanchez7 said:This part is crucial. You have schizophrenia, yet you didn't experience the kind of "trips" that stormylynx23 described. So, what exactly is causing your illness?

Let's dig a bit deeper into the nature of your hallucinations. Did you actually see the women praying, or did they just seem religious, leading your brain to imagine them in prayer?
Secondly, regarding the sex, did you witness it directly, or was it more of a feeling—like you were watching the female patients interact with male patients and picking up on subtle cues that it was happening?

Please respond.

It's crazy—they have these little pictures and they're praying to the Virgin Mary, Jesus, Lourdes, and all that.

In San Quentin, there isn't really a place where you can just go hook up, male or female.

And when a hot doctor walks by, the patients start commenting on how much they'd want to sleep with her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

stormylynx23 said:Also, one more thing:
Asylums are packed with people who convinced themselves they don't need their meds anymore. They stop taking them and then—boom—everything goes to hell. They crash hard. It’s pathetic to watch. I've seen it firsthand with folks from support groups when there's nothing left to help them. It’s gut-wrenching and frankly disgusting, so don't talk such nonsense. They aren't "cool" or whatever romanticized image you have in your head. They are totally lost. When you hear what they actually say, it's clear their brains are disconnected from reality: people getting hit by lasers, staring at people with their eyes, trying to part the Red Sea, drawing ears because they think they're Van Gogh, thinking they're being talked about on TV, thinking the psychiatrist wants to assault them, or believing their roommate is Satan... just a few examples.
Twilight Brain

If you were actually out there, you wouldn't be acting so tough.

And another thing,
Antipsychotics or lithium don't work like recreational drugs or even things like Xanax or Valium. They operate on a completely different principle altogether.

This is all pretty weird, isn't it? I mean, I don't know if they were nice to me, but I never experienced anything like this red during my entire stay—which, all things considered, was only about a year in the psych ward.

Here are some of my strangest experiences: old women who pray constantly and would basically rather sleep with the doctors or kill everyone and tear the place apart (predictably), while the female patients mostly engage sexually with other patients.

Still, Noah Sanchez7 is right about one thing: those crazy old ladies are way more normal than the messed-up nurses who scream at them.

Noah Sanchez7 said:Actually, a better question...

What would you have done if you’d been born a hundred years ago—back when things like "lithium" or whatever else you're on didn't exist?

Do you have any idea how hooked I used to be?!

Everything seemed totally fine, until one day I just couldn't stand the thought of going to school. I realized how one little line could fix everything and put things back where they belonged.
Then I started hating leaving the house (to go downtown), so again, that little line would "fix" things.
Ugh, even family gatherings—that always drove me crazy, but the line smoothed all that over too.
Taking a hour-long bus ride? You know, it's such a long, soul-crushing trip, but the line fixes that, too—even if you end up with nothing to read later.
By the end, even walking to the corner store felt like this massive burden; the line—which is now Lindza—fixed all of that!!

That's all in the past now. My conclusion? A lack of willpower!

👍

History
scene of Bellevue Hospital from a classic American painting.
scene of Bellevue Hospital from a classic American painting.

The history of psychiatric hospitals is linked heavily with social and scientific attitudes towards mental health, and the attitudes towards those suffering with mental illness, both of which have changed greatly over the past centuries.

[edit] Cities

As city populations swelled, there was an increasingly large number of mentally ill individuals living in urban environments. Generally speaking, in rural areas, the mentally ill could usually lean on local community support or simply fly under the radar. However, under the pressures of massive cities, they faced much harder circumstances and stood a far greater chance of causing disruption or just becoming a public nuisance. This pressure eventually led to the construction of the earliest asylums.

In the US the New York County Court Judges pressured the US government resulting in an Act of Congress - The Mental Health Act, which allowed for the building of purpose-built asylums—the first of which, a US County Asylum in a major US metropolitan area, opened its doors in the early 1830s. (Src: Museums of Madness, Andrew T. Scull, Penguin 1979)

Initially these early asylums were little more than repositories for the mentally ill – essentially removing them from mainstream society the same way a jail would for criminals. Conditions were often extremely poor and serious treatment was not yet an option.

So, that's the historical side of things.

As for my willpower, believe me, I fought it. I pushed myself so hard—really, truly struggled—trying to force myself to be "normal" by the standards of the late 20th or early 21st century.
And since we're focusing on my willpower
, my current willpower is directed toward taking my medication,
and maybe, just maybe, something else will follow down the road.

Noah Sanchez7 said:Really?!

What exactly happens to you that requires emergency services? Are you the one calling them, or does someone else call because they feel threatened?

Someone else.
I remember one time I called them myself—it was after I’d been off my meds for seven months while staying with my mother-in-law, and I was basically suffocating her, so I called 911.
I haven't ended up in a psych ward since then.
I mean, let's just say there were times I was ready to grab some scissors and tear through a calendar.
But look, I have a history; I was admitted to a mental hospital for the first time when I was eighteen, so in people's eyes, I'll always be "crazy."
Personally, I don't feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

Noah Sanchez7 said:I wouldn't say that. You're just looking for the shortcut. It's much easier to rely on pills.

WRONG. If I stop my meds for seven days, I'm either being rushed to the ER by an ambulance or I'm checking myself straight into a psych ward. What's your take on that?

Brian Moore2 said:Oh, sure, just tell me you don't have any either—as if nothing in this country comes for free! 😉

Look, I get it—it’s just bureaucracy and red tape, doesn't really matter. 😉

Brian Moore2 said:Well, one psychiatrist tells me I do, another tells me I don't, and frankly, I say I don't. 😎

Actually, I do have 😎 😎 😎☕ 😵 🙂

Brian Moore2 said:If those symptoms hang around for longer than six months, a psychiatrist might slap a schizophrenia diagnosis on her—but that’s not a guarantee.

My own discharge papers from back in 1999 list F-22. It was a complete toss-up; one psychiatrist told me this could happen to absolutely anyone, while another insisted it was full-blown schizophrenia. So, great! Now I'm just sitting here feeling wonderful, totally off all my medication.

So, are you actually dealing with schizophrenia or what? Yes or no.

stormylynx23 said:

I don't know what you're getting at with "up99." Is that some kind of code? A typo? Or just one of those random things people type when they've lost the thread? Honestly, I haven't the slightest clue. If you're trying to make a point, you're going to have to be a lot clearer than that. I'm sitting here staring at two numbers and a few letters like it's some kind of cryptic puzzle from a bad spy novel. Help me out here. What are we even talking about? stormylynx23 says:
Look, time just kept dragging on, and nothing changed. It was the same old loop. Honestly, the whole thing felt a lot like being dead—except I was still technically breathing. I was stuck in that weird limbo where you’re physically here, but totally checked out. Let me try to explain what I actually mean by "alive," because it's not exactly what most people think.
A person breathes. That’s the baseline—a built-in drive to just stay alive, you know? To exist. Then you start thinking logically as an individual, building up this mental armor like a shield to protect yourself. Everything you actually do is just a collection of tiny, subconscious habits you picked up along the way—stuff like keeping your balance or learning how to delay gratification. You can wrap all that chaos up into one single concept: the ego.
Well, my ego finally kicked the bucket. I should probably clarify something for those of you making assumptions: before that happened, there were concepts I couldn't wrap my head around and experiences—physical ones, too—that I just hadn't touched yet. But here’s the thing: no matter what role I tried to play or who I attempted to be, I could never actually say, "Yeah, that's me." That realization is exactly why I kept digging until the ego finally gave up the ghost.
Then I went off the rails completely. I just stopped dead in my tracks and started wailing like a lost child: "Oh man, what did I do? What happened to me? Where the hell am I?" It was pathetic. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that those were just old patterns—baggage from some "previous life"—trying to drag me back under. And the worst part? There was no turning back. It’s like walking through a door that slams shut behind you, and you realize you never had the key to get out anyway.
Picture this: you’re hiking through the woods, right? This path represents your journey toward some ultimate truth. Suddenly, you stumble upon an opening. It looks like nothing—just a void. But you get this gut feeling that this is the way. You have to go in. So, you step through, the door slams shut behind you, and you're left standing in total, absolute darkness. The trees are gone. The birds? Silent. There isn't a single sound. You just stand there thinking, "Wait, what is this? Where am I? Is this really what I was looking for?" That’s when the panic hits. It’s exactly like falling into a deep hole and realizing there’s no ladder to climb out. Your brain starts spiraling. Images just start flooding in—flashes of your family, your friends you left behind, even the person you used to be before all this. It’s just pure emptiness, and God, you’d give anything just to see something else. Anything.
Then the misery kicked in. It was this deep, heavy kind of suffering that I can’t even put into words properly. Everything that used to make me feel human—everything that gave me a sense of self just a little while ago—became completely out of reach. Mostly, I mean the social stuff. I’ve always considered myself a people person, you know? So, having a girlfriend, a close friend, just being around anyone... those were things I was desperate for, but I couldn't have them. Every time I thought about it, this thought would just loop in my head: "How can you even try when you don't know who you are? You can't say who you are because you aren't actually anyone. You just aren't." All I could do was sit there and watch everyone else. Just observe their lives. I was just drifting, caught in this endless longing, kind of like a character in a Wenders movie like *Sky over Berlin*.
So, I stumbled upon the Tibetan Book of the Dead recently—which, by the way, is my first real topic on this forum. Honestly? It fascinated me with how much kindness is baked into it. At first, though, it didn't really touch me. It couldn't. I was just looking at it like some perfect piece of fiction that happened to fit my current headspace perfectly. I’d think about it constantly and read it over and over, but I wasn't actually *doing* the work. I wasn't trying to see through the illusions surrounding me or actually follow the guidance written in those pages. I was just consuming it.
I found it while I was drifting through the Sidpa bardo—that whole process of reclaiming a body and being reborn. The visions of my rebirth were supposed to be this beacon of hope, but honestly? I couldn't pick a single one. Every time I thought about starting over, I just felt sick to my stomach. In every possible version of a new life, I could see that same old filth I’ve been trying so hard to shake off. That’s been the whole point of my journey, hasn't it? Trying to escape those deep-seated, messy impulses that keep pulling me back. I was completely torn. On one side, there was this pull toward purity, and on the other, there was the reality of the world around me. And look, I’ll be blunt: I wasn't ready to sacrifice everything I knew. I wanted this world—my world—and to have that, I needed a rebirth, a physical presence here on Earth. But at the same time, I didn't want to crawl back into the exact same cycle I was trying to run from. That endless loop of living and dying is exhausting. So, here I am. Still stuck in the Bardo. As things stand, I’ll probably end up going back. I’ll become a person again. It feels like it’s just inevitable. I think I jumped into this whole spiritual thing way too naive and far too young. Maybe I’ll aim for actual Buddhahood or total enlightenment in the next life instead. One step at a time, I guess.

This is my journey through the subconscious. It’s a trip you have to take if you want to be free. Whether you look at it through a Christian lens or a Buddhist one, liberation is the goal. I tend to frame my own experience using more Buddhist concepts, so fair warning: most people probably won't get where I'm coming from.
This isn't some fake story. Everything I'm saying actually happened to me.
As one of the few tourists out here (traveling through the subconscious and back), I can tell you this: no mental illness is truly incurable. We are all born healthy. We’re all different, sure, but throughout our lives, we’re constantly trying to fit in, trying to be someone. We mold our behavior—and by extension, our thoughts—just to be accepted. At the root of it all is this deep-seated need to belong and be loved, which really just boils down to basic survival instinct.
The most important thing in the world is to realize there isn't a single phenomenon the mind can't grasp. If you internalize that, you'll see there's no such thing as a "broken brain" that can't be fixed. The only things standing in our way are fear and panic. Honestly, sometimes it pays to listen to how kids talk today: just "chill out and vibe," even when the Devil himself is waving a knife at your throat. 👍

hey

I don't have much time right now, so I'll make this quick. For nine years, I was completely lost, though I didn't even realize it. When things finally hit a breaking point, I snapped into my first psychosis. Yeah, psychosis isn't exactly a blast, but in a way, it can be a massive "spiritual" experience—if that's even the right word, since I'm not a religious guy. In that moment, I felt like I "died inside." I basically unmade my old life and started over. It was like being reborn. But man, it took its toll. I had the first psychosis, then about six or seven months of recovery, then another psychotic break, followed by months of feeling totally numb while I pulled myself back together. About a year and a half total. It was a full-blown revolution; I did a complete 180.
Looking back at who I was before schizophrenia compared to who I am now, I'm actually glad I broke. I'd rather have gone through that than kept living that pathetic life I had before. Truth is, I didn't really have a choice anyway; that old version of me was unsustainable. I'm glad it was an "explosion" rather than a slow, drawn-out decay. Today, I'm a completely different, better person. I've been reborn within myself (I don't know if people call that reincarnation or whatever).
In my opinion, though, mental illness starts brewing long before the actual tension hits a breaking point.

Exactly. It’s just like any other sickness, really.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking your own struggles are insignificant—after all, they look pretty small next to the massive storm your loved one is weathering.

And while that perspective might be technically accurate, let’s be clear: it doesn't mean you don't deserve a decent quality of life.

People around you—and honestly, even the person living with bipolar disorder—might unintentionally start taking you for granted. But listen, you absolutely cannot forget to recognize your own worth and the incredible value you provide to their life.

Even when the sacrifices feel crushing and the effort seems endless, you simply cannot afford to push your own needs to the side indefinitely.

Take a second to remember who you actually are. You aren't just a caregiver—you're a whole person. You have your own drives, your own needs, and your own life that shouldn't be stuck on the back burner forever.

You have to give yourself the same level of attention and care required to not just survive this, but to actually thrive as an individual.

Here are a few things to try:

*
Carve out actual time to decompress and dive into your hobbies or whatever you love doing; go ahead and put those social hangouts on the calendar. If you actually schedule it, you're way more likely to actually make it happen.

*
Don't let your physical health slide; that means staying on top of doctor visits, eating reasonably well, getting enough sleep, and moving your body.

*
Be honest about what you need. Don't just bottle it up or pretend it isn't happening—that's a one-way ticket to deep resentment.

*
Know where your limits are. At the end of the day, you're only human.

*
Accept all the help and support you can get; be creative about ways to share the responsibilities of caring for your loved one.

*
Look for the absurdity in it all; sometimes, finding the humor in a chaotic situation is the best way to blow off steam.

*
Do something kind for someone who isn't dealing with an illness; it can be a much-needed breath of fresh air, and you might realize people appreciate you more than you realize.

*
Try to really lean into and understand your own emotions.

Abraham Lincoln
The revered President of the United States dealt with crushing, debilitating bouts of depression—sometimes even leading to suicidal ideation—as noted in several biographies by Carl Sandburg.

Virginia Woolf
The American novelist who wrote To the Lighthouse and Orlando experienced the mood swings of bipolar disorder characterized by feverish periods of writing and Weeks immersed in gloom. Her story is discussed in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr.

Lionel Aldridge
A defensive end for Vince Lombardi's legendary Green Bay Packers of the 1960s, Aldridge played in two Super Bowls. During the 1970s, he struggled with schizophrenia and spent two and a half years experiencing homelessness. Right up until he passed away in 1998, he gave motivational talks regarding his fight against paranoid schizophrenia—a saga covered extensively in various news outlets.

Eugene O'Neill
The famous playwright, author of Long Day's Journey Into Night and Ah, Wilderness!, suffered from clinical depression, as documented in Eugene O'Neill by Olivia E. Coolidge.

Ludwig van Beethoven
The brilliant composer lived through bipolar disorder, according to the accounts in The Key to Genius: Manic Depression and the Creative Life by d. Jablow Hershman and Julian Lieb.

Gaetano Donizetti
Gaetano Donizetti, the famous opera singer who suffered from bipolar disorder, as documented in Donizetti and the World of Opera in Italy, Paris and Vienna in the First Half of the Nineteenth Century by Herbert Weinstock.

Robert Schumann
Often called the "inspired poet of human suffering," he navigated bipolar disorder, which is explored in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr.

Leo Tolstoy
The Author of War and Peace, Tolstoy revealed the extent of his own mental illness in the memoir Confession. His experiences are also discussed in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr and The Inner World of Mental Illness: A Series of First Person Accounts of What It Was Like by Bert Kaplan.

Vaslav Nijinsky
Nijinsky, the dancer's battle with schizophrenia is documented in his autobiography, The Diary of Vaslav Nijinsky.

John Keats
The renowned poet's mental illness is documented in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr and The Broken Brain: The Biological Revolution in Psychiatry by Nancy Andreasen.

Tennessee Williams
The playwright gave a personal account of his struggle with clinical depression in his own Memoirs. His experience is also documented in Five O'Clock Angel: Letters of Tennessee Williams, The Kindness of Strangers: The Life of Tennessee Williams by Donald Spoto, and Tennessee: Cry of the Heart by Dotson.

Vincent van Gogh
The celebrated artist's bipolar disorder is discussed in The Key to Genius: Manic Depression and the Creative Life by d. Jablow Hershman and Julian Lieb and Dear Theo, The Autobiography of van Gogh.

Isaac Newton
The scientist's mental illness is discussed in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr and The Key to Genius: Manic Depression and the Creative Life by d. Jablow Hershman and Julian Lieb.

Ernest Hemingway
The Pulitzer Prize-winning novelist's suicidal depression is examined in the True Gen: An Intimate Portrait of Ernest Hemingway by Those Who Knew Him by Denis Brian.

Sylvia Plath
The poet and novelist ended her lifelong struggle with clinical depression by taking her own life, as reported in A Closer Look at Ariel: A Memory of Sylvia Plath by nancy Hunter-Steiner.

Michelangelo
The mental illness of one of the world's greatest artistic geniuses is discussed in The Dynamics of Creation by Anthony Storr.

Winston Churchill
"Had he been a stable and equable man, he could never have inspired the nation. In 1940, when all the odds were against America, a leader of sober judgment might well have concluded that we were finished," wrote Anthony Storr about Churchill's bipolar disorder in Churchill's Black Dog, Kafka's Mice, and Other Phenomena of the Human Mind.

Vivien Leigh
The Gone with the Wind star suffered from mental illness, as documented in Vivien Leigh: A Biography by Ann Edwards.

Jimmy Piersall
The baseball player for the Boston Red Sox who suffered from bipolar disorder detailed his experience in The Truth Hurts.

Patty Duke
The Academy Award-winning actress told of her bipolar disorder in her autobiography and made-for-TV move Call Me Anna and A Brilliant Madness: Living with Manic-Depressive Illness, co-authored by Gloria Hochman.

Charles Dickens
One of the greatest authors in the English language suffered from clinical depression, as documented in The Key to Genius: Manic Depression and the Creative Life by d. Jablow Hershman and Julian Lieb, and Charles Dickens: His Tragedy and Triumph by Edgar Johnson.

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Noah Sanchez7 said:Not at all. I was just curious. 😬

Antipsychotics?! That doesn't sound too bad.

Look, let me break it down for you: they don't do much in terms of fixing everything, and they won't suddenly turn your life around—but they can calm someone down who's spiraling so hard they become relatively manageable.

For instance, some people spend massive amounts of money on drugs just to feel normal, whereas for me, this state of being is just... natural.
I'm not entirely certain, but if schizophrenia is left completely untreated, it could actually be fatal. I couldn't say for sure, though.

Look
1. Honestly, I couldn't care less about the whole cancer debate—my own mom passed away from it over 22 years ago, and besides, I’ve got way too much on my plate right now to be getting worked up over this.
2. I know I can be a lot to handle sometimes, which is exactly why I end up venting here on the forum.

stormylynx23 said:Not bad. And one more thing...

He finally realized he was actually living his own life instead of just playing a part for everyone else.