Posts by Alex Sullivan5

thanks for the info, thegirl. I’ve actually done my own reading on avoidant personality disorder—and several others under the personality disorder umbrella that feel uncomfortably familiar, like histrionic, schizotypal, and schizoid disorders. A psychologist I spoke with briefly described it as this secondary layer of discomfort when you're around people close to you... just a constant urge to withdraw and alienate yourself from every social connection.
The thing is, I don't have much faith in my current psychiatrist. Here in the States—well, where I've been living—psychiatrists can be incredibly narrow-minded with their diagnoses. It makes me hesitant to really open up... maybe if I could just find someone who actually knows what they're doing.
As for social phobia, Holstein hit the nail on the head. It’s that crushing sense of inadequacy that triggers panic attacks. When those hits me, I lose my grip entirely—I get disoriented, lose my sense of place, and even start experiencing hallucinations... seeing black spots or spirals. My doctor just hands out sedatives, which basically just allow me to pretend I'm fine. But once I'm home, I'm right back to retreating into movies and isolation... All these symptoms combined make me feel like I'm going to snap. That's why I joined this thread. I'm no expert, but I can't help wondering if all these disorders could eventually lead to schizophrenia. I hope I'm wrong—even Holstein's comments left me feeling pretty spooked about that possibility. But there isn't much I can do... I think a truly skilled psychiatrist could help, but finding one like that here feels impossible.

vividskipper15 said:Anne, there’s really no need to worry. When you mention struggling with social phobia, the tendency to construct an imaginary world actually makes perfect sense. Plenty of people resort to this when life gets overwhelming, especially if they feel isolated or worthless. Creating a fantasy world is simply a mechanism to escape the pain; it’s a way to dull the suffering. In the real world, the ache is often too much to bear, and everyone looks for an exit. This is just one method—others choose drugs or alcohol. It’s all fundamentally the same thing. Furthermore, inventing illnesses or playing the hypochondriac is often just a way to cast oneself as a victim to secure attention and acceptance from others; after all, nobody wants to be cruel to someone who is sick. Ultimately, it’s about adopting a new identity because who you truly are doesn't feel good enough. I assume there is a massive, underlying drive to become someone better or more beautiful.
Have you actually sat down for a consultation with a psychiatrist or a psychologist?

Yes, I've been seeing my psychiatrist regularly for fifteen years now due to these episodes—intense physical pain that feels like a crisis—and the social phobia. But I haven't had the courage to tell him about this imaginary world... I'm terrified it might be schizophrenia. Given that there are two cases of schizophrenia in my family—my dad and my aunt—I'm scared. Because of that, my doctor just prescribes me sedatives, and my official diagnosis remains social phobia. Since I'm hiding the truth from him, I wanted to ask you all first. Thank you, 😘, you've somehow comforted me by suggesting this isn't necessarily linked to schizophrenia. Still, I needed to be sure... I've heard stories about being "next" in line.

I’m 18 and I need some honest insight here. I’ve never been much of a communicator—social anxiety has always kept me pretty withdrawn... At 13, I started building this internal world where I was actually popular. I thought it was just a phase, a childish coping mechanism that would pass, but it’s persisted into my adulthood. I’m living this "double life"... I know it isn't healthy, though there's a small comfort in knowing I can snap back to reality the second my mom walks into the room. It shows I can still distinguish what’s real from what’s imagined. Still, it’s terrifying. This inner world is constantly running in the background—in there, I’m outgoing, relaxed, and I even have a boyfriend who loves me... I need to know if this is the beginning of schizophrenia. A few years ago, I actually went as far as screaming that I had leukemia. I continue to tell my parents how deeply unhappy I am, convincing myself I’m suffering from various terminal illnesses—to the point where I’ve lied to my closest friends about it. I don't want to lie, but the impulse feels stronger than my willpower. I also read one of your posts about feeling pain or a sense of choking... sometimes the anxiety hits me so hard that my very bones ache, and I start having suicidal ideations. My legs feel restless, panic sets in, and while I know it's psychological, I can't seem to stop it. My intuition is also incredibly intense—I find myself predicting things, communicating with people in my dreams... if someone is struggling, I'll dream of them, and then later hear that they really were depressed and needed help. But these "movies" playing in my head, this double life I can't switch off... I'm scared of how far this will go and how it might eventually tear my family apart. Please, tell me what this is.