Schizophrenia - General Discussion
in Psychology & Therapy ·
It’s happened to me twice now.
The first time, I lost an incredible job.
I honestly thought I was finished, but I managed to bounce back and actually landed something even better.
Then, after some time had passed, history repeated itself. This time, they were watching me closely, and I’m still working there today.
What weighs on me most is this constant financial uncertainty. If I just knew I was set for life,
and didn't have to worry about a paycheck, maybe I could afford to quit or focus on my treatment. Instead, I find myself constantly dreaming up side hustles and fantasizing about making it big.
If only I could hit the jackpot on a lottery ticket so I could finally just breathe. I know how unrealistic that sounds, but the insecurity just eats away at me. I don't want to end up wandering the streets, hungry and losing my mind one day.
It’s funny, though—my behavioral issues always seem to flare up whenever I fall in love. I meet someone, and suddenly I'm losing it :-) It’s true. Who knows what kind of deep-seated glitch is going on in my head?
Ever since I was a kid, my biggest wish was just to find that one person who would love me back. I’ve actually had some wonderful girlfriends—more than most of my friends, if I'm being honest—but the moment I truly fell in love, I’d become paranoid and act so strange. The last time I fell for someone, it was through social media, but once I realized I was spiraling, I had to call her and tell her we needed to break up so I could go seek help. We hadn't been together long, but she was perfect. It’s such a heavy thing, having to walk away from someone you care about just so you don't embarrass yourself or hurt them. It isn't easy. And I wonder, will I ever truly succeed in that area, especially now that things don't feel quite as simple? I need so much more just to feel happy. When you're a man approaching thirty, there's this unspoken pressure to be making your mark on the world while you're still in your prime, yet people don't offer much empathy or warmth during that struggle.
Does anyone have any thoughts?
The first time, I lost an incredible job.
I honestly thought I was finished, but I managed to bounce back and actually landed something even better.
Then, after some time had passed, history repeated itself. This time, they were watching me closely, and I’m still working there today.
What weighs on me most is this constant financial uncertainty. If I just knew I was set for life,
and didn't have to worry about a paycheck, maybe I could afford to quit or focus on my treatment. Instead, I find myself constantly dreaming up side hustles and fantasizing about making it big.
If only I could hit the jackpot on a lottery ticket so I could finally just breathe. I know how unrealistic that sounds, but the insecurity just eats away at me. I don't want to end up wandering the streets, hungry and losing my mind one day.
It’s funny, though—my behavioral issues always seem to flare up whenever I fall in love. I meet someone, and suddenly I'm losing it :-) It’s true. Who knows what kind of deep-seated glitch is going on in my head?
Ever since I was a kid, my biggest wish was just to find that one person who would love me back. I’ve actually had some wonderful girlfriends—more than most of my friends, if I'm being honest—but the moment I truly fell in love, I’d become paranoid and act so strange. The last time I fell for someone, it was through social media, but once I realized I was spiraling, I had to call her and tell her we needed to break up so I could go seek help. We hadn't been together long, but she was perfect. It’s such a heavy thing, having to walk away from someone you care about just so you don't embarrass yourself or hurt them. It isn't easy. And I wonder, will I ever truly succeed in that area, especially now that things don't feel quite as simple? I need so much more just to feel happy. When you're a man approaching thirty, there's this unspoken pressure to be making your mark on the world while you're still in your prime, yet people don't offer much empathy or warmth during that struggle.
Does anyone have any thoughts?