Schizophrenia - General Discussion
in Psychology & Therapy ·
Respect to the community. I’m in a bad spot right now and I’m looking for some answers, so I hope someone can help me out with what I’m about to say. I grew up in the foster care system my entire life; I never had parents, I was always on my own, and I’ve been forced to witness things no one should ever have to see. Now, living alone, I’m dealing with a laundry list of mental and physical issues. Insomnia, depression, constant headaches, neurodermatitis, and stomach ulcers—all at just 21 years old. Cannabis proved to be an incredibly effective remedy for all my ailments. Using cannabis oil actually brought me relief, healing both my spirit and my body. Recently, I ran into trouble with the police, and because of that, I’ve been stripped of my natural medicine. Now I'm spiraling back into all my old problems. I don't have a job, I have a disability in my right arm, I have no apartment, no house, and no family to turn to. I'm under massive amounts of stress, and my hair has even started turning gray. I’ve been researching schizophrenia, and since I exhibit every single symptom, I’m terrified that I might actually have it. I’m having hallucinations, talking to myself, feeling lethargic, lacking any willpower, and thinking about suicide every single day. My faith has been shattered, and that faith was centered on cannabis, which was my lifeline and helped me in countless ways. Now it's gone. I am a victim of police brutality; I’m facing court and will likely end up in prison just for using marijuana, even though science shows it isn't harmful in any aspect. It treats everything from basic pain to cancer. I studied it personally and gained a whole new perspective on the botanical and astral worlds; I experience trips daily, whether with it or without it. Since my mother has schizophrenia, I read that my risk of developing it is between 9% and 16%, and I am increasingly afraid that my mind and soul are broken beyond repair. I don't possess any cannabis anymore; I was never a dealer, I only used it for medicinal purposes, and I have extensive knowledge about it. I know it is the only cure for my illnesses. Back when I was in the system, I saw a psychiatrist, but he didn't tell me much other than suggesting my mental state might stem from having meningitis as an infant. I haven't had a full checkup because I also have heart issues, but given my condition, the doctor prescribed things like Norvasc, Paxil, and Prozac, among others. Those drugs turned me into a zombie; I did nothing but sleep until I developed ulcers. When I found cannabis, it felt like my prayers were answered and I finally began to recover. But now it's gone, and in this country, it's illegal. It's only illegal because big pharma would go bankrupt if people realized what cannabis actually is and stopped buying their pills. Think about it: they profit as long as we stay sick! So, my question is: do I have schizophrenia? These are the symptoms I’m experiencing: depression, lack of motivation, insomnia, suicidal ideation, outbursts of anger, mood swings, hallucinations, seeing signs in everything around me, lethargy, hyperactivity, voices in my head, and more. Everything feels like it's getting worse, and I’m terrified of enclosed spaces, which will likely be my reality if the court rules against me. I have panic attacks and paranoia every single day; when I fall asleep, I wake up shaking and drenched in sweat. I’m scared to go to a psychiatrist because I’m terrified they’ll give me a serious diagnosis and lock me away in an institution where they'll just pump me full of pills, which I can't handle anymore. I’d love to just grow my own and heal the way I know works, and I could even teach anyone interested how to grow and create the most effective medicine, but it’s illegal, and that's what's driving me crazy. Sorry for the long post. I hope to hear from you soon. Thanks in advance.