Schizophrenia - General Discussion
in Psychology & Therapy ·
I was hoping to share some information and certain dilemmas, though I would also appreciate hearing from anyone who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
Life, much like anyone else's, has its inevitable ups and downs, yet I often feel as though I struggle to navigate them more than most, experiencing things with an intensity that others seem to brush off entirely. It sometimes feels as if my moods and mental states possess a strength of their own, perhaps even greater than my own will, but I suppose I haven't quite found the courage to sit down with a psychiatrist or a psychologist, as I tend to expect the worst possible outcome.
Around the age of 18 or 19, I went through some difficult family circumstances which, at first, I seemed to handle quite well without any lasting impact, and I eventually started college. However, after a while, these strange thoughts and sensations began to surface. I was overcome by what might be called a profound sense of fear and a lack of motivation regarding daily responsibilities; there were times when I would spend an entire week inside the house without leaving, and on the rare occasions I did go out, I was gripped by panic attacks and an overwhelming sense of discomfort around people. This state persisted, and once my parents realized I wasn't doing well, I moved back home for a while, though the problems remained the same.
After a few months, I experienced a sudden surge of desire and energy to change my life, so I started working and moved toward a lifestyle that was almost the complete opposite.
However, whenever new hardships arise in my life, the pattern seems to repeat itself, and this has been occurring for about four or five years now. Currently, I have stopped working, and those depressive episodes are resurfacing. I know I can go a week without much sleep, or perhaps I am too afraid to fall asleep during the night, leading me to sleep all day instead; then, for a week or two, the cycle flips into constant outings and similar behaviors.
Perhaps these patterns could be identified more closely with bipolar disorder, though I have never reached an extreme point where I physically endangered anyone, nor has there ever been a situation where emergency services or the police had to intervene to take me into custody.
I realize many people might argue that these are just typical struggles for a young person in America—that feeling depressed is a normal response to unemployment or difficult life events—but lately, I feel as though I have crossed a threshold of self-awareness. It feels as if certain thoughts won't simply vanish on their own, almost as if they were hardwired into my brain, and they interfere deeply with my daily life and how I perceive myself and others. I also went through a period where I imagined I was someone else entirely, living a different person's life; at the time, I assumed it was merely a phase of idolization, but after reading up on certain matters, it seems much more serious.
There is also some history of mental illness within my family.
I am not entirely sure why no one ever pointed out the possibility of these issues to me, or why my parents didn't react more strongly during that first depressive episode, but I would value hearing the perspectives and advice of anyone dealing with similar struggles.
Life, much like anyone else's, has its inevitable ups and downs, yet I often feel as though I struggle to navigate them more than most, experiencing things with an intensity that others seem to brush off entirely. It sometimes feels as if my moods and mental states possess a strength of their own, perhaps even greater than my own will, but I suppose I haven't quite found the courage to sit down with a psychiatrist or a psychologist, as I tend to expect the worst possible outcome.
Around the age of 18 or 19, I went through some difficult family circumstances which, at first, I seemed to handle quite well without any lasting impact, and I eventually started college. However, after a while, these strange thoughts and sensations began to surface. I was overcome by what might be called a profound sense of fear and a lack of motivation regarding daily responsibilities; there were times when I would spend an entire week inside the house without leaving, and on the rare occasions I did go out, I was gripped by panic attacks and an overwhelming sense of discomfort around people. This state persisted, and once my parents realized I wasn't doing well, I moved back home for a while, though the problems remained the same.
After a few months, I experienced a sudden surge of desire and energy to change my life, so I started working and moved toward a lifestyle that was almost the complete opposite.
However, whenever new hardships arise in my life, the pattern seems to repeat itself, and this has been occurring for about four or five years now. Currently, I have stopped working, and those depressive episodes are resurfacing. I know I can go a week without much sleep, or perhaps I am too afraid to fall asleep during the night, leading me to sleep all day instead; then, for a week or two, the cycle flips into constant outings and similar behaviors.
Perhaps these patterns could be identified more closely with bipolar disorder, though I have never reached an extreme point where I physically endangered anyone, nor has there ever been a situation where emergency services or the police had to intervene to take me into custody.
I realize many people might argue that these are just typical struggles for a young person in America—that feeling depressed is a normal response to unemployment or difficult life events—but lately, I feel as though I have crossed a threshold of self-awareness. It feels as if certain thoughts won't simply vanish on their own, almost as if they were hardwired into my brain, and they interfere deeply with my daily life and how I perceive myself and others. I also went through a period where I imagined I was someone else entirely, living a different person's life; at the time, I assumed it was merely a phase of idolization, but after reading up on certain matters, it seems much more serious.
There is also some history of mental illness within my family.
I am not entirely sure why no one ever pointed out the possibility of these issues to me, or why my parents didn't react more strongly during that first depressive episode, but I would value hearing the perspectives and advice of anyone dealing with similar struggles.