Posts by Sarah James80

Thanks for the reply, Rebecca Rivera3. 🙂 I’m not even feeling suicidal anymore; I’m just absolutely livid at how hopeless this whole situation feels. Without my medication, I’m looking at a total mental breakdown, yet I can’t shake the feeling that these drugs have completely stripped away my actual personality.
As far as my doctors are concerned, my personality "disintegrated" (is that even the right way to put it???) or rather, it fell apart ages ago, and they just used meds to patch me back together—total bullshit. I find myself constantly comparing myself to people who are actually functioning normally, and while I could probably handle the mental struggle, I can't do anything about this physical weakness. 🕺 Things will get better eventually. 🙂

🙂😱 My entire existence has shrunk down to just eating and sleeping... I’m so high right now I’m practically unrecognizable, just wandering around the house carrying tea, coffee, and ashtrays. To be fair, this has only been going on for a day, but it feels absolutely crushing. I don't even know how to begin explaining what's happening or what I'm feeling.
My head feels like a total vacuum; honestly, I’d rather be hallucinating than walking around with this empty void where my brain used to be.
Everything hurts. I'm a 25-year-old female. My mind is completely shut down. I feel slowed to a crawl, and I can't even tell if this is still "me." I remember reading a comment on this thread once where a sister said she actually preferred her brother when he was hallucinating... well, right now I am perfectly drugged out, mute, and totally disorganized. On top of that, I'm dealing with a mountain of physical ailments—maybe the snowstorm is to blame for all this? Just two days ago, I was rushing around the house, cleaning everything, cooking, with the computer, YouTube, and the radio all blasting, and then suddenly, *poof*—nothing. Now I can't do anything except sip tea, pace aimlessly, and struggle to keep my eyes open because my eyelids feel like lead thanks to the Seroquel. I could barely type these few sentences. Is this a psychotic break, deep depression, or both combined? For context, my current meds are: 50mg Seroquel, 10mg Elice, 150mg XL Venlafaxine, and 5mg Azolar.🙂🙂