Posts by Benjamin Hall6

So, it looks like the Risperidone is the culprit behind the libido issues for now, at least until they phase it out in about a month or so...

Harold Anderson3 said:I actually had a very similar experience when it came to my diagnosis process. Even our treatment plans are pretty much identical—I’m also on an ability maintenance program right now.
I can generally handle the psychotic symptoms without too much trouble, but those sudden shifts in mood really take a toll on me. Do you ever find yourself getting hit by those waves of deep depression every now and then?

Lately, though, I've been feeling better for quite some while now. I feel more motivated, more active... I actually have a sense that this stability might stick, given how things went last time. I was functioning almost entirely normally before making the foolish decision to taper off my meds. These days, my main issue is a lack of libido. My emotional range has returned, though much like before, I don't really have the capacity to cry... but all in all, I am content.

Speaking from my own experience, antipsychotics do help manage delusions and things of that nature, but the diagnoses themselves often feel like they belong more to the realm of pseudo-medicine than actual science. My own journey was a series of shifting labels: first, it was just an adolescent crisis, then Borderline, then schizoaffective, followed by bipolar, and finally, paranoid schizophrenia. In my view, these are all essentially just different points on a single spectrum of dysregulated emotions, thoughts, and behaviors... and without proper support, the situation inevitably escalates. It escalates because we’re often stuck with these brief, ten-minute check-ins through our insurance provider where they simply hand over a prescription and say goodbye. There were times when clinicians told me I didn't even exhibit schizophrenic traits. Then there is the concern that long-term medication can actually alter brain chemistry, potentially paving the way for even more severe diagnoses

I have had quite positive experiences with aripiprazole... a third-generation antipsychotic. It truly brought me back from the brink. I’ll soon be transitioning to the monthly Abilify injection, which I would recommend to anyone in a similar position. It is, after all, a third-generation medication. My only lingering concern is that my libido hasn't quite returned since the psychosis. I had a healthy drive before, and even during other treatments, but it seems to have retreated entirely; I simply don't experience sexual attraction toward women anymore. Perhaps those negative symptoms regarding volitional dynamics are still persisting... Or, if someone suspects that Xelion might be the culprit, perhaps things will shift once I switch to Abilify? There were times when I was at my best just on Zyprexa and aripiprazole, and eventually, even just the Zyprexa was sufficient. The priority is to clear those productive symptoms with something effective, then move into a maintenance phase where you aren't relying on heavy doses, but rather the minimum sustainable amount... and then one simply has to work on the remaining personality deficits. In my case, those are long-standing phobias and various social anxieties. That sense of "I just can't do this," a sort of fear of being clumsy or unprepared... I was always an exemplary student with top grades, but academia is one thing, while the real world is quite another, where I felt more like an outcast or an "omega" male. Looking back, the most significant turning points toward my decline occurred in my twenties—the best years, really—when irrational decisions driven by severe insomnia (lasting at least six years) derailed the paths I had set for myself. Psychiatrists would likely attribute that to a prodromal phase. What I've realized, however, is that I am hypersensitive to stress. Given my long history with fitness, I've come to understand that I am one of those individuals who overproduces stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in response to stressors that most people handle with much greater ease. To put it plainly, the first major stresses—my first breakup and my mother's breast cancer diagnosis—simply broke me. I stopped sleeping, and it transformed my personality into that of an irrational, depressed individual. I might even hypothesize that this entire spectrum of so-called psychiatric disorders is essentially a sensitivity to the stresses of modern life in particularly vulnerable individuals.

I actually view this link as quite optimistic. If a disorder isn't strictly hardwired biologically, but is instead driven by flawed cognitive patterns and behavioral habits, then there is a genuine possibility for significant improvement...

What are your thoughts on this? Personally, I find several points quite compelling, which is why I’m actually considering starting CBT soon...
http://behaviorismandmentalhealth.co...ot-an-illness/

Just a quick note to introduce some of the terminology to those who might be unfamiliar with it...

https://www.livingwithschizophreniau...understanding/

Back in 2016, I experienced a psychotic episode and was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. Prior to that, in 2011—during which time I was also hospitalized—I was treated for borderline personality disorder due to suicidal ideation...

Following my discharge in 2016 (after a two-month stay), it took about six months to recover from the negative symptoms. A combination of 300mg of Effexor, 10mg of Haldol, and 10mg of Zyprexa eventually helped. Initially, I was on xeplion, which was tapered down until it was completely discontinued. When the Haldol was introduced, it felt like spring had finally arrived; I began feeling like myself again. I became social, productive... over time, I ended up staying only on Zyprexa.

The trouble started because I felt so well, convinced that the psychosis had merely been a side effect of tapering off antipsychotics, so I decided to stop the Zyprexa altogether. To put it bluntly, I was doing great on 5mg of Zyprexa, and then I made the foolish decision to quit on my own accord... That happened this past month, leading to a month-and-a-half hospitalization.

Naturally, the psychosis returned. The official diagnosis now says F29, though my psychiatrist suggests it is paranoid schizophrenia...

Currently, I am prescribed xeplion 100 and 15mg of Haldol (aripiprazole).

I’m not noticing the same positive shifts that the Haldol provided last time. Is it possible that the side effects are coming from the xeplion, or am I simply dealing with negative symptoms? It feels as though I am checking off every single item on the list...

My doctor mentioned that we might eventually transition to an Abilify injection, so I plan to ask him to make that happen as soon as possible; I feel as though the xeplion is draining the life out of me. I am trying to maintain an affirmative mindset, hoping things will improve. I actually registered for this forum specifically because of this topic... Should I perhaps try Effexor again? I miss my emotions, my motivation, my interests, my drive, even my sense of humor. I seem to have lost everything. I used to be such an intensely emotional person...

I wonder how many of us are actually here? It doesn't help to realize that the woman who was the love of my life was my ex—we broke up just months before my psychosis, and now she won't respond to texts and has blocked me on Facebook...

I feel quite isolated in all of this. I am currently unemployed and living with my parents; my father is largely bedridden, and my mother is battling cancer...

I almost wish I still had that old anger and resentment from being bullied, just so I could build something again through heavy metal music. But there is no affect left. At most, I might experience a small, melancholy twitch when listening to classical music, which I suppose I should count as progress. I used to be such a connoisseur of all types of music, primarily indie...