Posts by Sam Hall59

Just enroll in college and move to a major city like Chicago or NYC🙂

frozencanyon10 said:Well, I suppose you really are one of those lucky ones...

That sounds great and all, but honestly? I’m just trying to figure out how to do the exact opposite. 😉

frozencanyon10 said:Oh, so you actually do go outside... In that case, I imagine social skills won't be much of an issue for you... 🙂

Look, I’m a big fan of just throwing everything into the fire when it comes to solving problems 😁—I mean, who knows? Tonight, some girl actually came up to me because she wanted to meet me (!!!), so I guess meeting people isn't the terrifying monster everyone makes it out to be. 😂

Peter Phillips32 said:Just step away from the screen and go touch some grass for once...

Haha, funny thing is, I actually was out earlier... 😁

Seriously though, if anyone actually has some useful advice, feel free to drop it...

I realized tonight that meeting people out in the real world is surprisingly easy—just by paying a little attention to your surroundings—and honestly, there isn't even that much depth required for the conversation. 😁 Clearly, I need to work on my social skills... (haha, just talking to myself here, ignore me... 🙂 )

Roger Morgan4 said:I actually think point number two is a brilliant move (alongside everything else, obviously). Even if you end up tripping up occasionally, it doesn't really matter; you just shake it off and move on. You’re in a place where nobody knows your history, and you don't know them either. It’s a clean slate, yet it provides that essential hands-on experience needed to actually build some social muscle.

Your strategy is honestly solid. Just take a page out of Thomas Morales752's book and take things one step at a time. I know the urge to see immediate results is probably overwhelming, but even those tiny, incremental shifts are massive wins. In my view, having this plan in place is already a success in itself. Just keep at it!

To be completely honest, the thing that scares me most is joining a local nonprofit. 😲

But hey, it’ll all work out.🙂🙂

Roger Morgan4 said:I just wanted to add that you strike me as an incredibly sharp individual, and I truly believe you have what it takes to make it happen. So, don't you dare give up now! 🙂

I'm not giving up—not quite. I’ve actually mapped out a little master plan to finally become a functional social human being. Here’s the strategy:

1. Join a club or some kind of organization that actually requires (at least above-average) social skills.

2. Pick up a summer job through a campus employment office that forces interaction
(think telemarketing, door-to-door surveying—basically anything where talking to strangers isn't optional).

3. Get out there—hit up concerts, meet people in the wild, find a crew.

4. ? (If anyone has any actual suggestions for step four, feel free to drop them below.)

Thomas Morales752 said:That’s why I think trying some subtler approaches helps... like bringing up news stories that tie into the topic at hand. Don't sweat it too much, you'll get the hang of it with practice. It feels awkward now, I know, but I really believe you'll shake off that fear. Just don't give up on yourself.

With the club stuff, just take baby steps and set small goals for yourself... for example, maybe you just listen at the first meeting, then try to chip in a little at the next one. If you bite off more than you can chew, you might fail and feel discouraged, and nobody wants that. You're the best judge of your own pace.

Before you know it, you'll be the one acting like a therapist for all your socially awkward friends! 🙂

haha, I already am 🙂 thanks a lot for the help.

Thomas Morales752 said:Look, grabbing coffee on campus is a killer way to break the ice, but man, it can be tough—especially if the group is pretty tight-knit. You kind of have to push yourself a little, which is hard when your self-confidence is hitting a low point. But, honestly? You might be looking at it a little sideways. I had this friend who dealt with the exact same thing. We'd be in the middle of a discussion, she'd stay quiet and only chime in once in a while, and then she'd get upset because nobody asked her what she thought. Truth is, people aren't going to stop and ask you for your opinion. In a real conversation, you just gotta jump in! One trick I suggest for joining the flow is maybe reading the news. When someone brings up a topic, you can always go, "Oh, hey, I actually just read about that today..."

When you guys are swapping study guides or tackling schoolwork together, don't let the conversation die the second the work is done. Once you're more than just strangers, try heading out for coffee during a break. If you vibe, it might actually turn into a real friendship...

And hey, if you really don't click with the crowd or the stuff they talk about, I highly recommend finding a club based on something you actually enjoy. Even if you don't have a specific hobby, there are general clubs out there, like Every student, where random students show up to debate topics, watch movies, give presentations, and all that good stuff.

I agree that you have to assert yourself, but how? Like I said before, whenever I try to "assert" myself, I usually end up overdoing it. I seriously need to figure out how to actually participate in a conversation properly.😢
As for clubs, I actually have an idea of something I could join—hopefully, I'll manage to actually speak up once I'm there. :/

Thomas Morales752 said:Seriously, give some of those tips a shot! That’s just my two cents, anyway. If things still feel stuck, maybe try finding a therapist? Just give yourself a fair chance here. And hey, don't be afraid to lean on others if it turns out you actually need the help. Why do you feel like you have to tackle this whole thing all by yourself?

Just caught up on your last post! Honestly, that sense of composure you're looking for? It'll come with time and just feeling more solid in your own skin. Whenever I mess up like that, I try to lean into the irony of it all. Instead of letting a comment fly out too fast, I try to turn it into a joke first. And hey, if people laugh... well, maybe they'll get the wrong idea about you at first, like you don't quite fit in. I can't really say for sure though—you're the expert on yourself! But once you start hanging out with new crowds, you'll be able to shape that image however you want. Have you ever thought about joining a club on campus? Might be a good way to shake things up!

I think I need to handle this myself because, being a psychotherapist, I can hold a relatively normal conversation. Like talking to a friend. A therapist isn't going to follow me to campus or hang out when I'm out and about. The problem is strangers. I always freeze up—it used to be much worse, actually. Literally terrifying. I used to have panic attacks when I had to go to gym class, so I'd just skip it because I didn't know anyone there. During my freshman year, I always sat far away from everyone else. I wasn't even capable of asking for a syllabus or what happened during the last lecture. I've managed to get over the fear now, but I'm still inexperienced when it comes to communication. I honestly don't know how "normal," social people talk—what they even talk about... I'll admit, I often find myself eavesdropping on conversations (since I can't seem to join them) and thinking that even if I were right there in the middle of them, I wouldn't know what to say.

I went out for coffee with some colleagues the other day. It wasn't even uncomfortable, just deeply unsettling because nobody acknowledged me. I only went along because they said, "Let's grab coffee," while I was mid-conversation with a girl from your group. I tagged along thinking they were inviting me too. Except, the whole time, they just talked amongst themselves about their lives, their nights out, pop stars, whatever. I would chime in on topics where I actually had something to contribute, and they'd just nod and leave it at that. Nobody asked me a single thing. It was like I didn't exist—and when I did speak... it was just "aha, okay." In those moments, I constantly feel like a parasite. Bad company. It's like I just latched onto them and they couldn't bring themselves to say, "Hey, maybe don't come with us." 😢

Roger Morgan4 said:Look, if you’ve burned through half the self-help section at Barnes & Noble and you're putting in the work, yet you're still spinning your wheels, there might be a point where you have to admit that reading isn't enough. Honestly, I think it would be best to take Thomas Morales752's advice here and go find a licensed therapist to help you navigate this. It might be worth asking around the forum to see if anyone has a solid recommendation for someone reliable.

I actually saw a therapist myself, and that’s how I managed to get past my social anxiety—you know, that paralyzing fear of even approaching people or starting a conversation. At this stage, though, I think I have to tackle this one on my own.😢

Roger Morgan4 said:That approach really worked wonders for me. Even though my mind moves pretty fast, I find I can express myself much more clearly now. I used to struggle with saying the right thing at the right moment, and then I'd spend the rest of the day overanalyzing how I could have phrased things differently. Now, everything feels a bit more fluid, almost effortless. So, I’d definitely suggest taking this advice to heart; it might just help smooth out your communication skills over time. It’s been a proven lifesaver for me. 👍

Sure, but online interaction is incredibly shallow—at least based on everyone I've met so far. I don't know... I met this amazing girl who really helped me pull through a massive depressive episode, and then, after just a few weeks, she vanished without a trace. No word, nothing. In moments like this, I can't help but feel like it's my fault—like people are just running away from me. 😢

hm... honestly, my biggest frustration right now is this nagging feeling that I’m missing out on life. I’m in college, but I barely hang out with my classmates at all. I have a few friends, sure, but they’re just as socially awkward as I am—though it doesn't seem to bother them. They’ve either fully embraced their hermit lifestyles or just gave up on meeting people ages ago. Personally? I have this massive urge to actually socialize and meet new people, but I just can't seem to get started. I’ve devoured dozens of self-help books—I know the theory, I really do—but when it comes to actual practice... I just can't be spontaneous. It feels like I'm putting on a terrible performance. On those rare occasions when I actually *do* manage to be spontaneous (which is saying something), I end up looking like an idiot because I react way too impulsively. For example, I was talking to this guy I barely know—he mentions he has this high-end Harley-Davidson—and instead of just saying "nice" or "cool," I blurt out, "Man, life sucks, lucky bastard, I'd kill for a bike like that," while making this half-despairing, half-confused face. He just stares at me like I'm a total maniac, and everyone else starts laughing. Every time I try to be myself, it turns into some awkward disaster—whether it's because I say something stupid, act too impulsive, or just act weird. So, to prevent that, I just shut down and tell myself it's better to stay quiet than to look like a complete moron. I just want to learn how to communicate with some balance—not by being totally closed off, but without overdoing it and acting like everyone I meet is my best friend... 😢

Thomas Morales752 said:We really need to draw a line between people who are just naturally a bit more introverted and those who are actually struggling to function in their day-to-day lives. When it starts getting in the way of normal life, we’re talking about social maladjustment—which can look a million different ways, obviously... But honestly, you shouldn't brush this stuff off! If left alone, it can lead to total isolation, loneliness, low self-esteem, anxiety, and all that good stuff. Luckily, the fix is pretty straightforward: social skills training.

At the end of the day, social skills aren't some permanent thing you're just born with or without. They're learned! There's absolutely no reason to fake being someone you're not. You just have to work on them a little bit until they're developed enough that you don't feel stuck anymore.

But that's exactly my question—how does one actually *learn* social skills? 😢

The question in my title 😢—also, how does one actually become more likable, approachable, and social? Any tips would be much appreciated.