Posts by Emily James4

driftinggull21 said:It isn't FDA approved, nor are any other drugs in that same class.

That med is amazing. Anyone know of anything else with a similar effect?

Does anyone know if Desoxyn is available here, and if so, what's the brand name?

Eric Gray2 said:In that specific situation, I’d really suggest reaching out to Prof. Nataša Jokić Begić—if I remember correctly, transgender health and identity is one of her main areas of expertise, so she’s definitely someone you can consider a specialist in that field.

I wouldn't. I had a bad experience with her. The real issue is that after everything, I just can't function normally anymore. I go days without talking to anyone because I can't seem to meet anyone. It's this massive wall. If I could just break free from this loneliness, maybe there'd be a foundation to fix things... but instead, all I have are meds to stop me from completely snapping while the same movie plays on loop in my head a billion times.

I don't know what to do, but I probably won't do anything. I can't just walk up to some therapist and say, "Look, doc, loneliness and depression teamed up to destroy me, so please just give me some pills before I kill myself from the misery." I'll probably just end up behind locked doors again if I get too honest, and I don't want that. I can't afford private specialists either, so I'm stuck. It would be nice if it all just stopped, even if it cost me everything...

Eric Gray2 said:No responsible, conscientious doctor is going to start handing out psychotropic meds on their own whim—they'll refer you to a psychiatrist instead.
What kind of patient category are you talking about?

It’s complicated. Going through gender transition has absolutely drained me, and then my surroundings just finished the job. Old friends walked away, and I can't find new ones because they seem terrified once I tell them the truth. It feels like every door is slammed in my face. I just sit at home, and this loneliness is eating me alive... it's given depression massive wings. Nothing brings me joy anymore, and honestly, I can't even find the strength to have a good cry. My self-esteem is gone. There's just this vacuum tightening inside me... I don't see any way out other than ending it all.

A psychiatrist wouldn't help because everyone has these prejudices against people like me. They don't want to bother reading modern literature; they basically understand nothing. Talking to them usually turns into a series of provocations, like they're trying to "test my pulse" or something. I don't expect them to immediately hand over something to boost my serotonin or whatever else I'm lacking; they just drag these conversations out forever, playing philosopher... while I'm actually suffering.

The reason I hate them most is that during my last breakdown a year and a half ago, they locked me up in a state facility. It was horrific. The staff wouldn't even let me call home to have my usual meds brought to me. They threatened to knock me out with some injection if I caused "trouble." It was nightmare fuel. That's why I don't trust anyone anymore.

I'd honestly rather handle this with my primary doctor without any interference, since I can't get actual support anyway... everyone looks at me like I'm some kind of alien. Everything is just getting worse.

Sorry if I’m intruding...

I was wondering if my primary care physician has the authority to prescribe something to help without a referral from a specialist—like a psychiatrist. I want to avoid getting a psychiatrist involved at all costs because I fall into a pretty delicate and rare category of patients that most psychiatrists here just don't get. They aren't properly trained, and most of their opinions seem stuck in outdated textbooks that the rest of the world moved past forty years ago...

Anyway, I've been hit by an incredibly heavy depressive episode over the last few days and I feel terrible. My head is foggy, and it feels like something is physically crushing me. I don't know what to do... I'm even thinking about ending it all if this doesn't let up.

I have no one to talk to about this except my doctor, since he knows my whole history, even though he doesn't know about this current state... Is there any point in asking him for medication?