Posts by Rebecca James3

Larry Lewis said:Sorry, I haven't been following the thread closely—my bad. You seem pretty concerned about her, though... are you her legal guardian or something? Or is it more personal? Like, is she your aunt, your mother, or what?

No, I'm not her guardian. She's my mother. I was just answering a few questions about schizophrenia (based on my own experience), and then things spiraled into a debate. This is what they were asking:

Alexiss says: Check out this post
What do you think about people with schizophrenia having kids?
Do you have any?

How would the parent's illness affect the child?
Do you think there could be consequences?

Do you support people with schizophrenia having children?

My response:

Plenty of people have them. Of course. Though some might develop mental health issues years after being born. For instance, my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia 20 years before I was even born. It affects every child differently depending on the type of illness—and sometimes just knowing a parent is one of "them" causes issues (shame, anger, fear). If it’s managed properly with medication, someone can go their whole life without major consequences. In my case, there were periods where things were fine, but other times—man—I was terrified to be alone in the house with her (death threats, physical threats, broken glass, suicide attempts...). But honestly, I think as long as they're lucid and under control, you can actually connect with them much more deeply—spiritually and otherwise. There's more trust; they're great at keeping secrets, and they tend to trust you more (they can be naive). I don't know how much you can take from my specific story, but you have to understand that during bad episodes, they aren't aware of themselves or their surroundings—so you shouldn't take things personally, no matter how much it hurts. There are consequences, unfortunately—fear of your own parent, running away, cooling off the relationship, and the fallout for the "healthy" one (instability, social distrust, shutting down). But that varies wildly depending on how extreme the person's situation is throughout their life. Personally, I think they can have kids because, in some cases, children actually calm them down—they get this protective instinct since they can't show that kind of care toward themselves. But the key is seeing a psychiatrist or psychologist whenever necessary and sticking to the therapy. That's my take on it.

casualangler12 said:It can't be schizophrenia—it's too late for that onset. It sounds more like depression or some kind of psycho-organic condition to me.

Look, she's had schizophrenia forever—since she was a kid. I just can't tell if this is just another phase of her condition or something else entirely. (If you actually care, check the previous pages for the backstory.)

Noah Garcia4 said:So, is she actually overspending and burning through cash at an unreasonable rate?

Yeah. She buys absolute junk—her closet is overflowing with clothes she never even touches—and then she’s out there hitting up charity drives for stuff she doesn't need, which is ridiculous because she actually has money coming in. She’ll literally rip her own clothes apart with scissors just to justify buying something new. It's wild. Plus, she's gained weight, eats nothing but greasy junk, smokes constantly, and just completely ignores her health. I don't know if it's tied to her schizophrenia, but ever since that last stay at the psychiatric ward, she hasn't been herself. What's your take?

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Noah Garcia4 said:I appreciate the sentiment, I really do. But truthfully, I was trying to explain how I actually feel. It’s hard to articulate to someone who hasn't lived it that simple sadness is a minor inconvenience compared to clinical depression, or that feeling slightly overwhelmed is a luxury compared to that crushing weight in your chest.
And I'm certainly not looking for an excuse to hide behind my diagnosis or use it as a crutch to justify why I can't accomplish certain things—that’s the last thing I want. The moment I feel even a slight bit of strength returning, I jump at the chance to be productive. I don't have the luxury of waiting around, because we both know things could take a turn for the worse at any moment.
So, I guess that's my attempt at giving you a real glimpse into my headspace. 😉☕

I never thought you were using your illness as an excuse—I was just pointing out how this affects everyone. I totally get what you mean. For instance, after my mom’s last stay in the hospital (maybe because of that, who knows), she’s become completely unkempt—she just doesn't care about herself anymore. She recently had a minor heart attack, and a couple of years ago it was two mild strokes. She just doesn't care about anything. I try to push her to do things constantly, but it's useless. I honestly don't know what to do. 🤷 😢

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Noah Garcia4 says: The depression isn't hitting quite as hard right now, but I’m still feeling pretty down. That heavy pressure in my chest and the lump in my throat? Gone—mostly—though I still feel like I'm swallowing air sometimes. Honestly, after everything I've been through, it's a miracle I didn't completely lose it. I took some Akineton and it helped a little bit. Now my stomach is killing me from all the stress, too. It wasn't like this before— back when I had that head injury, I wasn't nearly this high-strung. My issues are coming from actual life problems right now, even if the physical symptoms seem under control. Plus, there's this whole tragedy going on with my friends... honestly, I just want to pop an extra pill and sleep through it. I'd do it, but let's face it—even when I wake up, nothing will have changed, so what's the point? 🙂

Look, here's my advice: occupy your mind with something you actually enjoy—books, gardening, pets, cooking, walking... whatever. Or finally try something you've always talked about doing, like picking up an instrument. If you have the time, go for it. People find ways to make things happen when they actually want to; everyone else just finds excuses. 😉 It keeps you busy, lets you discover something new, and helps you stop dwelling on the sadness. When you sit around doing nothing, all you're doing is feeding the misery.

"F*** this, they're tapping my phone, they put a chip in my neck at the hospital, and now they're tracking me via satellite." 😂

Love how self-deprecating you're being, 😂
I had no idea you were running on electricity—didn't realize that was even a thing. 😢 It never crossed my mind that they’d use an electric current as part of the therapy.

Noah Garcia4 said:I can't exactly talk her into something like that. That’s more of a conversation for her doctor. I can barely drag her out for a simple cup of coffee, so the idea of her traveling all the way to Martha's Vineyard is a bit of a stretch.
I was just feeling incredibly frustrated and helpless watching her struggle, which is why I vented like that. There isn't much I can do to fix it; I can only express how much it sucks to watch.

On a different note, regarding voices—so many people claim to hear messages or see things and attribute it all to supernatural powers. Some people even make a decent living off the whole phenomenon. I'm not judging anyone🙂. I honestly think there might be some substance to it. Who knows, maybe science will stumble upon a logical explanation one day. After all, gurus have existed since the dawn of humanity, right alongside witches and whatnot.
In this current era of New Age spirituality, it seems perfectly standard for any healer to claim they receive messages or visions. I've personally visited quite a few healers (and priests, for that matter). What are your thoughts on the matter? 🍿

I think people label stuff as "insanity" because it’s the easiest way to explain away anything different or anything they don't understand. Sure, I've heard stories about witches and healers who supposedly have gifts and hear voices—it's possible—but honestly, I think there are very few real ones out there. It's too easy to make money off this crap today, so the world is crawling with frauds. Now, bioenergy? That interests me—it feels a bit more grounded (using colors, sounds/frequencies, working on chakras) as a way to calm down. I think that actually works and can be great for relaxing your mind and body, if that's what someone needs.

Noah Garcia4 said:Oops, my bad—I meant where else would your mom have gone for help. A friend of mine usually heads over to the facility in Queens, but if you’re even remotely functional, they aren't going to lock you up in a psych ward. How am I supposed to put this? You mentioned yourself that your mom hears voices, so she wouldn't be sent to an asylum.

She went to Martha's Vineyard. But that’s not an asylum. Obviously, if you can hold it together just enough to stay out of a madhouse, fine—but if someone needs to unwind or clear their head, they can always go to a retreat, just like my old lady.

Noah Garcia4 said:Honestly, that sounds a lot like a state hospital in Queens to me. I’ve spent time at those types of facilities in Queens, and I actually found them quite decent. They have multiple departments, a little local park nearby, walking paths, tennis courts, a chapel, occupational therapy, group sessions, fitness programs, and, most importantly, my doctor, which makes all the difference. ☕
edit: I don't see my friend actually going there; she's far too attached to her own home.

I had no idea they had one in NYC, too. Great. Maybe she could give it a shot there?

Noah Garcia4 said:What exactly is that place on Martha's Vineyard, is it some kind of residence or more like a Cenacolo-style sanctuary?

Look, it's officially a rehab facility—you know, for getting off drugs, booze, dealing with mental health issues, support groups for survivors of assault, all that stuff. It’s got everything. They have different categories, everyone stays in their own building but they share a courtyard... it's a massive campus. My mom stayed there with an alcoholic relative—they had a room, went to therapy sessions, group support, saw psychologists, did some fun activities, cooked, exercised—they really provide everything. You just need to check with a psychiatrist; they're the ones who write the referral for it.

What a waste... honestly, they should just send them off to some retreat. My mom actually had her therapist suggest a getaway to Martha's Vineyard—for everything from mental health struggles to dealing with those damn drugstore clerks—and she came back totally fine...

Noah Garcia4 said:Absolutely. If I were to bring a child into this world, I would be inherently responsible for their entire existence, and frankly, I don't think I could provide everything they deserve. Since I actually have the agency to decide whether or not to become a parent, I’m choosing not to.

Fair enough. 🙂

Harold Anderson3 said:Why? Because look, every parent just gives their kids whatever they can manage. Nobody's perfect, and obviously, not everyone is rolling in cash like a CEO at Goldman Sachs. You just give them what you've got, to the best of your ability. That's just how it works.

Why? Because look, every parent just gives their kids whatever they can manage. Nobody's perfect, and obviously, not everyone is rolling in cash like a CEO at Goldman Sachs. You just give them what you've got, to the best of your ability. That's just how it works.
I also live with schizophrenia, and honestly, I doubt I’ll ever have children of my own. My girlfriend is actually dealing with acute psychosis right now, and she isn't interested in having kids either. The real difference between us is that while I might actually want them, I can reasonably conclude that bringing someone into this world would be incredibly irresponsible, since I wouldn't be able to provide a stable childhood. She just doesn't have the desire for it at all. It makes me wonder why my mom decided to have a child when she was also struggling with schizophrenia. But hey, that was her choice, and I respect it. I didn't get to choose to be born; she made that decision, and there's really no point in arguing over whether it was a mistake now...
I also live with schizophrenia, and honestly, I doubt I’ll ever have children of my own. My girlfriend is actually dealing with acute psychosis right now, and she isn't interested in having kids either. The real difference between us is that while I might actually want them, I can reasonably conclude that bringing someone into this world would be incredibly irresponsible, since I wouldn't be able to provide a stable childhood. She just doesn't have the desire for it at all. It makes me wonder why my mom decided to have a child when she was also struggling with schizophrenia. But hey, that was her choice, and I respect it. I didn't get to choose to be born; she made that decision, and there's really no point in arguing over whether it was a mistake now...
I hear you.

Noah Garcia4 said:Why? Because look, every parent just gives their kids whatever they can manage. Nobody's perfect, and obviously, not everyone is rolling in cash like a CEO at Goldman Sachs. You just give them what you've got, to the best of your ability. That's just how it works.

Why? Because look, every parent just gives their kids whatever they can manage. Nobody's perfect, and obviously, not everyone is rolling in cash like a CEO at Goldman Sachs. You just give them what you've got, to the best of your ability. That's just how it works.
She wouldn't be able to pull that off.
She wouldn't be able to pull that off.
What, you scared of taking some responsibility?

Given everything I’ve said—and everything I haven't even mentioned yet—I have zero intention of having kids.

Why? Because look, every parent just gives their kids whatever they can manage. Nobody's perfect, and obviously, not everyone is rolling in cash like a CEO at Goldman Sachs. You just give them what you've got, to the best of your ability. That's just how it works.

Eric Mitchell55 said:Rebecca James3, thanks so much for such a detailed post 🙂
One day maybe I'll decide to have kids, but honestly, I’m pretty terrified that I might end up being a burden to them.
I've tried to put myself in their shoes, but it's just hard... I can't quite get there.

As for what I see or hear?
Well, what do I hear? I've been hearing voices since I was thirteen, and no one can ever convince me that what's happening isn't real. No matter how much people try to label me as crazy, I just can't see it that way. To me, it's completely real; I talk to them—though, to be fair, we don't argue much more than we chat. I hear them as clearly as if they were sitting right next to me. Crazy or not, I hear them.

My mother hears voices too. I remember phases where she’d sit on her bed from midnight until 4 AM, muttering, "You won't get me, I'm fighting you."

My take: Even psychologists and specialists don't actually know enough about these "illnesses." I truly believe we don't even know who is actually "crazy" and who isn't. Maybe people who hear voices actually have some kind of internal dial for communicating with this invisible world. Every famous researcher and scientist has struggled with something similar—we call them crazy, yet we're simultaneously grateful to them for their massive discoveries. Haha, ironic. And I'm not talking about total insanity here. I believe you when you say you hear them, and I think nobody knows where they come from. Maybe it's the subconscious, or an incredible capacity for imagination—honestly, I doubt we'll ever know the real truth.

Noah Garcia4 said:For instance, did kids give you a hard time growing up? You know, those classic playground jabs like, "Your mom is crazy." That’s the kind of thing I’m curious about.
How did you end up compensating for the things your mother couldn't provide—did she actually give you enough attention? And how would you describe your relationship today?
Was the pregnancy an "oops" moment, or was it a planned event closely monitored by doctors?
Did your mother's illness play a role in shaping who you are as a person?
I can't think of anything else right now. 🤔

Kasno I found out about her illness (back in elementary school)—I only told my absolute best friend when I was 17. No one else knew because everyone warned me not to say a word. Honestly, I felt embarrassed sometimes because people would give my mom weird looks if she said or did something—they'd realize something wasn't right. So I spent a lot of time wondering: "Why isn't my mom like other moms?" Later on, once I was a bit older, I started asking: "How can I help her?"

She gave me the best she could, within her means. We played all the time when I was little; she was a cheerful person. But during middle school—around 7th or 8th grade—things took a sharp turn for the worse. She went totally off the rails—breaking stuff, making threats, hospitalizations—and it wrecked our relationship. She was rude and used to mess with me mentally, so I just pulled away. I didn't love her much back then; we fought constantly. She stopped taking care of herself, and she stopped taking care of me too (I lived with my grandma). Today, we're just neutral. If I need money, she sends it, though sometimes she'll make up some excuse just to blow cash on stupid stuff—she's a total shopaholic. I don't really trust her. I cooled things off between us, even though I still feel that childhood bond and a sense of pity for her sometimes. We're okay now, more or less.

It was an "accident," haha. They weren't married, so they just rushed into marriage. The pregnancy was monitored, but because of the meds, it ended in a C-section—plus things were pretty unstable.

I was terrified of her and society in general. I was naive and believed everyone. I had no sense of self; I ran away from relationships and hated people. I was a nervous wreck and saw a psychologist. I went through a period of depression. But when you have someone who actually makes it worth changing, you'll do whatever it takes.

Noah Garcia4 said:Rebecca James3, thanks for being so incredibly candid in your post. 😁

That's it... if you guys have questions, just ask. 😉

Eric Mitchell55 said:What are your thoughts on people living with schizophrenia having children?
Do any of you have kids?

How much of an impact do you think a parent's diagnosis might have on their child?
Do you think there could be any long-term consequences?

Where do you all stand on the idea of those dealing with schizophrenia starting families?

Plenty of people do. Obviously. But yeah—some kids might develop mental health issues years after being born. For instance, my mom didn't get diagnosed until twenty years before I was even born. It hits every kid differently depending on the specific diagnosis—and honestly, sometimes just finding out a parent is one of "them" is enough to mess someone up (shame, anger, fear, all that). If the medication is managed properly, someone can go their whole life without major fallout. In my case, things were fine for stretches, but then there were times I was terrified to be home alone with her—death threats, physical violence, smashed glass, suicide attempts... the whole nightmare. But look, if they’re conscious and under control, you can actually connect with them on a deeper level—spiritually, personally, whatever. There's more trust there—they keep secrets and they tend to believe you more (they're naive, let's face it). I don't know how much you can take from my story, but you have to understand that during bad episodes, they aren't themselves or aware of their surroundings—so you can't take what they say or do personally, no matter how much it hurts. There are consequences, though—unavoidable ones. Fear of a parent, running away, relationships cooling off—and for the parent, it leaves the kid or the household dealing with instability, distrust, and total isolation. Of course, it all depends on how extreme the person's episodes are throughout their life. I think they *can* have kids because, in some cases, children actually calm them down—they become protective since they can't be that way with themselves. But the bottom line? You have to see the psychiatrist, talk to the psychologist when needed, and stay on top of therapy. That's my take on it.