Posts by casualraven43

My dear friends... it truly brings me such relief and comfort to visit a site like this and read through your stories and kind words. I have so much respect for all of you!!!! I want nothing but healing for everyone here, and I hope you find strength to endure everything—you are all absolute heroes!!!! Bravooooo!!!!!
babica4... fadedtrucker5!!!! Bravo!!!!👋👋👏👏 I admire you all; please, stay strong!
For those who aren't aware, we are fighting this battle right alongside my father. He was diagnosed with primary hepatocellular carcinoma of the liver, which is inoperable. The doctors didn't give him any chance at all, yet he is undergoing chemotherapy (he has completed 11 rounds so far, receiving them every 21 days). We are now 10 or 11 months in, and he feels wonderful. Honestly, how he is handling it is nothing short of a miracle!!!! He hasn't lost his hair, he isn't nauseous, nothing... the only issue is that, much like a musical artist 🙂🙂
What he has most of is positivity; he is completely certain and convinced that he is 100% healthy, and he carries himself that way 🙂. Perhaps that isn't always ideal, as he can get a bit too relaxed and forget his dietary restrictions, but we've decided to let him be. If he feels good, then we feel even better...
Please, do not pay any mind to what others say about how someone else fared; we are all different individuals, and God is GREAT. No one can ever truly know how long a person's journey will be. Our responsibility is to fight and to pray to God, and I truly believe in miracles!!!!
Sending my love to you all 😍

I want to apologize; I made a mistake in my initial post when I mentioned that his white blood cell count and hemoglobin levels were elevated. In reality, they are actually low, which is why the results are so concerning.😢 That isn't the reason they decided to proceed with chemotherapy, but I am still deeply worried...😢

Because of his low white blood cell count and anemia, they couldn't proceed with chemotherapy. The doctor told him to come back in a week once he's retested...
I am incredibly anxious right now. Not long ago, when his ulcer ruptured, they had to push his chemo back by two weeks, and honestly, he was a total wreck. I truly feared we were losing him.😲😲He was becoming so disoriented—it was like he wasn't even processing reality—but as soon as he finished that round of chemo, he improved significantly. Now, I’m spiraling again, worrying about what this setback means. This is actually the first time they've turned down his treatment due to his lab results; up until now, everything has been fine, with the exception of his tumor markers. Those have started to climb, too. They were at 5,400, and now they've hit 5,900... it feels like far too much.😲

Kimberly Wright, please accept my deepest condolences. I truly cannot begin to imagine what you are going through right now. All I can say is, hang in there; stay strong for your mother's sake. Just know that we are all standing right here by your side.

My father was finally discharged today, but they decided against administering his chemotherapy because his white blood cell and hemoglobin counts were off. Could someone please explain what kind of results typically lead to that decision? Once he gets home, I will post the exact numbers, but he isn't back yet and the lab reports are still with him.

John, please accept my deepest condolences.🙂🙂
It is truly difficult to process everything you have been through. I completely understand why you feel that way about those experiences where they just tell you to "call the doctors"—it sounds absolutely horrific and deeply unsettling.
Thank you for continuing to offer your advice and support to all of us who are still fighting our own battles, even while navigating your own pain and grief. I truly mean that; you have my utmost respect.
Stay strong. Sending my very best wishes to you.

It’s honestly unbelievable... I keep reading this and I just can't stop shaking my head.😲
If you truly are the person everyone says you are, then I have to wonder what on earth is going through your mind right now. Seriously...
The guy is pure trouble—a total wreck. It's blindingly obvious that his only priority is himself; he intentionally pushed you away, made the choice to sink into drugs, and settled into a life of complete chaos. So, tell me, what exactly are you hoping to find by staying?😲Do you really think you can fix him?🤣The truth is, there isn't a single soul on this planet who can help someone like that.
Run, don't look back, and thank God you got out while you still could.

Dear Lisa White54, I am so incredibly sorry that you all have to go through this. My heart truly breaks most for your children; they are far too young to endure any of this, especially under such circumstances..
I truly understand how you feel..
I completely agree with your sentiment that no illness can ever serve as a justification for such behavior.. I don't know your husband's background or the specific ways he has jeopardized your lives, but there is hardly a day that goes by where I don't weep or feel a sudden, overwhelming surge of rage toward him. 😢😢😢
Just yesterday, I found myself shaking in my room, crying uncontrollably and praying to God for the strength to keep moving forward. In a moment of total exhaustion from the stress and heartache, I even took my frustrations out on my little angel, who is only one year and two months old. Just imagine the state I've reached.. my child certainly did not deserve that, and I carry a deep sense of guilt and remorse today because of it. I promise myself I will never let it happen again, no matter how much pressure I am under..
There was a day when my anxiety became so physical that I was in actual pain. I had to lie down for a long time and eventually see a doctor just to ensure that my baby was okay. Thank God, everything turned out fine.
As for him, I am no longer trying to walk on eggshells. Honestly, I don't even care anymore. He can do whatever he wants, as long as he stays away from us. Ugh... if only it were that simple, but I doubt it will be..
I recognize that people facing terminal illnesses face immense struggles, and it isn't easy for them either. Truly, I would give anything to help or ease the burden for anyone in such a situation; it eats at me.. But should they be allowed to vent their frustration by tormenting others? Should they be permitted to lash out at the very people who live for them, who breathe for them, and who give absolutely everything to support them? I don't know; I have asked myself this question so many times. One moment I am furious, the next I am grieving, then I feel pity, and then I feel a primal urge to strike back. 😢😢😢

Hello everyone..
I've been struggling with a persistent issue for quite some time now. To be specific, I am experiencing intense itching around my anal area. There isn't any actual pain, just constant itching that happens every single day—it becomes particularly bothersome in the evening once I lie down and try to relax. I have already consulted my doctor and explained everything clearly. Initially, he requested stool samples and urine cultures, both of which came back normal. He then attempted to take a swab from the area, but unfortunately, that procedure failed twice.🤷
Please excuse the graphic detail, but when I examine the area, I notice what look like small, slightly swollen ridges surrounding the opening.
I am extremely diligent about my hygiene and overall care, so I am truly at a loss as to what might be causing this or who I should turn to next. I gave birth about a year ago, and following the delivery, I developed some hemorrhoids. They were painful at first, but I managed to resolve them using a cream from Hadens that I picked up at the pharmacy...
Given all this, what do you think this could be? My doctor seems stumped and doesn't know which specialist to refer me to or what the underlying cause might be, leaving me feeling quite desperate. Who should I reach out to? If these aren't hemorrhoids, what kind of specialist can perform a proper examination of that area?
My apologies if this was too much information. Best regards to you all!

Angela Wright said:Sweetheart, please understand that this isn't your father speaking; it is two different illnesses talking through him at once.
There is very little you can actually do, other than simply being present for both of them—especially for your mother. Everyone chooses their own path in life, and that is just the reality of it. I believe there are moments when you might even wish for his passing, and I want you to know that isn't a bad or selfish thought. Your father is simply trapped by his circumstances.
You have to prioritize yourself and your child. During my own pregnancy, I spent so much time worrying unnecessarily, and in the end, I gave birth prematurely. People tell me it wasn't my fault because these things happen, but deep down, I am convinced my anxiety played a role, so please, be wiser than I was. You cannot take responsibility for your parents, but you owe that level of care to your children.

You are absolutely right, Ivana. I need to focus more on my little angel; they haven't done anything wrong and deserves to grow up healthy and happy regardless of everything else... I read that your baby is home now and doing well with Mom, and I am just incredibly happy to hear that. 🙂🙂🙂
Today, I noticed for the first time that Dad's hair is thinning dangerously; he even complained to Mom about it, she told me... It hit me harder than I expected. It’s just so difficult. This is his eighth round of chemo. I knew this would happen, but seeing him looking so vulnerable and somewhat frightened breaks my heart.
How have your loved ones handled hair loss or going bald? How did they cope with it emotionally? Did they use hats or anything to cover up? And did their hair eventually grow back? Please forgive my thousand questions, but I am facing this for the first time in my life, and I don't have anyone else I can turn to or talk to about this.😢

I try to support him and give him everything I possibly can, but there is a limit to how much one can endure out of pure humanity, regardless of how ill he may be. I am fully aware of the situation—I understand his illness and just how serious everything is—but I find it absolutely unbearable to deal with his behavior and the way he acts. No matter how sick he is, I simply cannot tolerate this. I would gladly fulfill many of his whims, but his insistence on drinking and mistreating everyone around him is where the line is drawn. Even though my heart is breaking from the pain and sadness, and things are incredibly, terribly difficult... we are all doing everything in our power for his health. Everyone is actively involved in his treatment, working closely with his doctor. I do my absolute best to help him, from managing his medications to exploring various alternative therapies; we even buy him whatever he asks for. Every single day, I prepare lunch exactly how he wants it—which usually means the very foods he shouldn't be eating, but that is what he demands. And after all that, look at how he shows his appreciation. He repays us by drinking 😢😢 every single day. He insults us and treats us poorly. Just hold on a moment... you are my father, I adore you and I love you, but does everyone else have to fall ill because of him? Perhaps I am losing my mind; I am trying to make sense of it all. Maybe I am wrong, and maybe I am failing by giving in—letting him have his way just to avoid an argument—but is that really okay? Is it right that we are fighting like lions, paying for everything (and please don't misunderstand me, I don't regret spending a single cent), and sourcing his medications, only for him to wash it all down with 😢? Perhaps I truly am not thinking straight. Maybe I am the one who needs help 😕.. oh, goodness...

Dear Ivana, you hit the nail right on the head. My mother has always been his rock—a truly selfless woman who has loved him unconditionally her entire life. I’ve actually suggested to her that she should be a bit firmer with him, maybe set some boundaries to see if he’ll finally wake up and come stay with me, but she simply can’t. He is so incredibly ill, both physically and, as you can see, mentally, and she just doesn't have the heart to turn her back on him, regardless of how much it hurts her. She has accepted this as her cross to bear, and she carries it with grace. But honestly, my heart breaks for her. It’s devastating to watch; she is still young, and I need her so much. I feel like I would fall apart if anything happened to her, yet here she is, enduring everything and suffering in silence. I can't leave her side because she is still working, and when she comes home exhausted, having little Vedrana jump into her arms, that’s what gives her the strength to keep going. Those moments are the only thing that puts a smile on her tired face, and I refuse to take that away from her. On top of that, I am there for her through all the dark days; fortunately, Mom understands everything perfectly and supports us in every way she can.
Folks, I don't even know what kind of mental affliction this is. Today, he came home after his eighth round of chemotherapy, and I caught him in the basement drinking ice cream. Honestly, how much of a fool does a person have to be to do something like that? It’s selfish toward himself and his family all at once. Then, when I look at him—so frail, so pale, barely able to walk—I am overcome by this indescribable heaviness in my chest. I remember him just a few years ago, how vibrant he was. He was our eternal optimist, never angry, never sad, always wearing a smile and having a kind word for everyone. He absolutely adored me, and Mom was his queen; that’s why she spoiled him so much. Oh, dear God, it is soul-crushing to see what he has become. Why? There are days when he seems a little better, and we are all so overjoyed and optimistic, but then there are days when—believe me—I find myself wishing he would just pass away. My God, I am terrified of those thoughts and those moments. But the reality remains: I love him, because he is my DAD. There are days when I feel like I am losing my mind because I don't know how much longer I can endure this. He has an abdominal scan coming up soon to check his status, and I am terrified of the results. I am so afraid. Part of me thinks that if things took a turn for the worse, it might serve as a wake-up call so he realizes how much damage he's doing and stops living this way, but the other part of me is praying to God that the illness recedes and things get better. Am I losing it? Sometimes I'm too scared to even think. Believe me, I am at my happiest when I am asleep.

Hello everyone. I have been sitting here for about fifteen minutes now, trying to figure out how to introduce myself and what words to use to begin my story. To be honest, this is about my father. 😢 I am hoping that by joining this forum and connecting with all of you—lovely women I haven’t even met yet—I might find the strength to navigate this ordeal as smoothly as possible, if that is even achievable. Last November, my dad was hospitalized due to a ruptured ulcer. While he was recovering and preparing for discharge, some strange symptoms began to emerge: jaundice, swelling in his legs, fever, sudden weight loss, and eventually, intense pain. After an exhaustive battery of tests, our doctor informed us that my father has cancer—specifically hepatocellular carcinoma (HCC). It has already metastasized to his rib, almost the entire liver is affected, and his prognosis is extremely grim. 😢😢😢
First came the shock, the disbelief, the tears... the pure heartache. I simply couldn't wrap my head around it. How could this happen so suddenly? He had never dealt with any illnesses before; he never complained about anything. Now, there is something I feel I must mention: he enjoyed a drink. While he wasn't a heavy drinker, he did consume alcohol regularly over the years. He was never aggressive or a troublemaker, but I suppose that doesn't matter now. Our doctor told us immediately that surgery wasn't an option, so we were referred straight to an oncologist. He started chemotherapy right away, which he seems to tolerate incredibly well—almost no side effects at all. Mentally, he seems stronger than any of us, though perhaps he is just acting; he refuses to discuss it at all. He goes in for chemo every three weeks, and that is the routine. As for his condition, it remains stagnant; it isn't receding, but it isn't spreading either. Because the doctor keeps praising him for how well he's handling the treatment, my father has become somewhat deluded. He acts as if he is perfectly healthy again and has reverted to his old lifestyle—drinking alcohol. Despite all our conversations and warnings, he lives in his own world, completely ignoring us. He has become an incredibly difficult person to deal with. He used to be such a cheerful, soulful man, but now he is a disaster—selfish, rude, and caustic. He insults and belittles all of us. He is wasting away, losing weight day by day. Dealing with him is an immense struggle; the arguments we have leave my soul aching. To make matters worse, I am currently pregnant with my second child, and after these fights, I often end up in my room crying for an hour. I don't know how to handle this. What is happening to him? It feels as though this false "macho" persona is finally surfacing. We thought he was coping well, but he clearly isn't. He is showing his true colors now. His mood swings are constant, and they are nearly impossible for us to endure. My mother is suffering even more because of him; he is psychologically abusive toward her. I can't stand it, and I don't think I should allow it, regardless of how sick he is. I feel like I am at my breaking point. How am I supposed to move forward? I have my own apartment, but it breaks my heart to leave my mother alone to face all of this.
I have tried everything. I have sought professional advice, and I am doing everything within my power to support his recovery. I go out of my way to get him homemade buttermilk, brewer's yeast, olive oil, honey—basically everything I hear might help—including that ImmuneMax AHCC supplement. But he treats it all with such indifference; he doesn't value any of it. On top of everything, he is diabetic and has to manage his medication. I am at a loss as to how to continue with him. How can I manage all of this without hurting myself or my baby, while still protecting and helping my mother? How...?
Please forgive me if I have overwhelmed you with such a long post; I suppose I just needed to pour out all these emotions and explain the situation. I hope you can understand.

Hi everyone, I’m new here and I’m also dealing with hemorrhoids. I only just found out about them during a recent checkup with my gynecologist; I mentioned that I was experiencing intense itching and felt what seemed like small external lumps, and after a quick look, she told me straight up: you have hemorrhoids. Since I had never dealt with this before, I did some digging, and the advice I received was to use Faktu ointment, cut out spicy foods, and use cold water rinses. Honestly, I find the cold water thing a bit much—as a young woman planning for a future family, I don't feel like applying cold water down there, but it seems like something I'll have to do. Anyway, I started using the Faktu and, surprisingly, it helped at first, but the issue returned shortly after. The itching is still constant, though thankfully there is no pain or bleeding involved. Now, I've gone back to using the Faktu, but this time it isn't making any difference at all. At this point, I am genuinely at a loss for what to do. Could anyone with experience please advise me or recommend a more effective ointment? This is incredibly uncomfortable and the itching can become almost unbearable.😲Thank you so much in advance.🙏