Posts by Gerald Bishop

Angela Wright and nimblepanther14, my dad told me—after two days of tears and heavy emotions—not to bury him until he’s actually dead. That’s just a loose paraphrase, but he’s right. It doesn't matter how much I struggle with this; that dull ache in your chest that makes it hard to breathe, the mental movies you can't stop playing... none of that helps anyone. I have a formula: you stay strong for five or six days, and then one afternoon, you find friends who are willing to just sit there with you while you cry, laugh, drink a beer, or smoke a cigarette even if you aren't a smoker, or walk around in the rain until you're soaked to the bone. You take a few hours to escape, vent, and reset. Then you return to reality, stable and steady, for another five days. Luckily, I have a friend who caught me, shoved me in the car, and drove me out into nature with a beer 🙂
And thank you both so much for replying. Having someone listen without charging a fee means everything 😉
nimblepanther14, getting angry at a sick person is useless. Try laughing with her instead. I constantly try to make my dad laugh; if it works once in ten tries, that single smile is worth more than all the money in the world. And it makes things a little easier for me, too. Tell her funny stories from the past, talk about everyday nonsense—anything to get that small smile. In those brief moments, everyone is finally far away from the problem and actually happy.

I tried to draft this post earlier, but it seems to have vanished into thin air. Not that it matters much. My history with this disease spans over a decade now. Three family members have already been taken by this senseless illness, and to make matters worse, my father is currently battling a devastating diagnosis: a malignant tumor of the gallbladder and intra-abdominal lymph nodes. We are currently waiting on chemotherapy. A second opinion yielded the exact same recommendation. He had a stent inserted after we discovered everything following his onset of jaundice. In my previous post, I asked how one stays positive through all of this—whether anyone else is walking this same path. I need to be strong, but I haven't even finished processing the previous traumas. I find myself trying not to cry in front of him; I’ve already broken down once, and seeing that pain was almost unbearable. With my mother, I never let the mask slip; I stayed upbeat, joking and making comments to keep things light. But my father was the pillar of our family, a man who has since become reliant on me and my husband when he isn't working. Now, that pillar is crumbling, and he needs help. Meanwhile, I am falling apart. It feels impossible to believe this is happening all over again. Noni passed in 1998, Grandma in 2002, and Mom in 2007. It is simply surreal.