My dad passed away with that exact same look on his face, holding onto such intense optimism until the very last second. I feel just like you do... like I should have handled things differently, or maybe even given up sooner than I did. I became absolutely obsessed with making sure he had the most painless exit possible and squeezing out every single bit of "quality" life he could get.
But then again, looking back, my whole world basically shrunk down to this wild, frantic hunt for some miracle potion, a new medicine, or any scrap of info I could find... ever since the day we found out he was sick.
The feeling keeping me going isn't even sadness anymore; it's more like this mix of anger, the sense of having lost a war, and finally realizing that he is finally at peace. Paradox!
Both my husband and my grandfather were taken by cancer (one right after the other). When I tried to ask him what kind of future our family was facing once the metastasis was confirmed, he told me that the absolute worst thing about this disease is how it drags the entire family into the wreckage and breaks everyone completely. He wasn't kidding!
It makes total sense to me now... though I didn't grasp it back then. Please accept my sincerest condolences!
At least my dad got to live a real life... it truly feels so unfair!
Your kids need their mom... take care of yourself, Ines
Peace, quiet, and some actual soul-deep tranquility... honestly, isn't that what we're all just wishing for? Like a moment of pure stillness to soothe everything.
My dad passed away on October 20th, after fighting an incredible battle for six long months.
The only thing that brings me any peace is knowing he went out like an angel, and honestly, he stayed on his feet almost until the very last day.
I feel completely hollow sometimes—one minute I’m totally lost and angry, and the next I’m feeling composed again, just grateful he didn't have to suffer so much and that he fought until the bitter end. It’s just such a rollercoaster...
I really wanted to reach out and send a huge thank you to everyone who was there for me with advice; I truly can't thank you enough.
A special shout-out and a big kiss to the "old crew" too!
I feel like I could practically write a book on prostate cancer and bone metastasis at this point, so if anyone ever needs some guidance or just a little bit of help, I'll always be here for you.
Honestly, Ivana, I really believe your mom is going to be around for as long as you both are. I went through something similar with my grandma, and even now, I can still feel her presence nearby somehow.
I know we all dread the end, but at the end of the end of the day, death itself—and just letting go—actually brings a sense of peace.
My husband told me—and he’s seen it firsthand since both his dad and grandad passed away from cancer—that if this disease has any silver lining at all, it’s giving the patient enough time to say their goodbyes.
It felt so surreal to wrap my head around that at first, but as time passes, I’m starting to see exactly what he meant...
I’ll be grateful for every single meaningful, conscious day he gets to spend with us, but then again, I also want him to move on the very moment his quality of life fades... because, hey, isn't that when the time is right?
I can tell you've been through absolute hell, but one thing is for sure: your guardian angel will always be watching over you, just like you're watching over her right now. 😘
Oh, Jesus... honestly, all I can say is that when that moment finally comes, I just want her to drift off like an angel and find some well-deserved peace... How are you holding up???
I really don't know what to tell you, because there’s no advice I could possibly give that would actually help! I guess you just kind of feel it instinctively—that gut feeling of how to be there for a parent during moments like these.
From what I've gathered, those oxygen concentrators can be super effective. I heard you might even be able to rent one out in Chicago.
Thanks for mentioning ProSure....
Up until now, I’ve been ordering it online from the States, and it was easily half the price compared to what they charge here in the US, but unfortunately, they pulled it from the shelves.
Now I'm just driving myself crazy because I can't find anything that actually works for the damn vomiting and getting her to eat.
I pop in here pretty often, even if I’m mostly just lurking instead of typing, you know?
My dad just finished his round of palliative radiation therapy.
He’s definitely looking weaker, but the best part is that he isn't in any pain. Honestly, we are all just so incredibly happy about that—it's hard to even put into words🙂 ......at least it feels like it's not hitting his bones directly, which is everything.
But now we're facing a new hurdle, and honestly, it feels like it might be spiraling into something way harder to manage.......which is starting to make me panic a little bit!!!
Basically, he's vomiting quite a bit (we're trying our best to manage it with meds) and he just won't eat much anymore... plus, he's becoming more depressed.
Does anyone happen to know how much a bottle of ProSure costs here in the States?
Thanks so much in advance for any advice you can share.
The weird thing is, he’s taking tons of calcium along with Vitamin D, yet his calcium levels just keep dropping. On top of all that, he's also drinking two Pro Surfer shakes every single day
His appetite is such a roller coaster, too. Some days he’s totally fine, but other times he can barely face food, which means he ends up skipping his vitamins and all those other supplements altogether.
I'm honestly not sure... do you think we should maybe ask the doctor about calcium injections???!!!
Does anyone have any advice on how to get blood calcium levels back where they need to be? My dad is currently fighting prostate cancer that has spread to his bones.
The thing is, his calcium keeps dropping even though he’s taking his prescribed 1800mg daily dose. It’s becoming a huge headache because it’s actually blocking him from starting his new dose of Zometa.
Hey everyone... it's been a little while since I checked in... hope you're all doing okay!
Grace Fowler, hang in there... 😘 ...just keep pushing forward... I know you'll come out on top and stronger than ever because you're tough.
Does anyone have any advice regarding palliative radiation therapy? Like, what can we actually do during or after the sessions to help someone feel a bit more comfortable? My dad is already feeling slightly better after just two cycles... though I'm worried his anemia might make a comeback. Any tips on how to keep his energy levels up?
crimsonfox102 said:May 10, 2007. MALIGNANT GLIOBLASTOMA TOOK ANOTHER LIFE. My father-in-law passed away right here at home, held in his son's arms... It's hard to believe, honestly, but the suffering he endured during those final days—and what we went through alongside him—actually helped us find some peace with his passing. Even though, man, it’s just so weird waking up in the morning and realizing I don't need to check on his bed anymore. But hey, life keeps moving, right? The hardest part was trying to explain to my boys why everyone was crying, why we couldn't let them leave the living room, and why suddenly there were so many people rushing around. One boy is 7 and the other is 5, but they needed to understand what was happening... "Grandpa is in heaven now, sitting on a cloud watching over us," I told them, and they started crying... Then the oldest one asked, "He died, didn't he, Mommy?" "Yes," I answered. And then he said, "You know, Mom, I feel so bad that I have to cry, but I'm also happy because I know his legs, his arms, and his head don't hurt anymore. God called him home because He felt bad seeing Grandpa suffer so much. I'm gonna cry for a little bit longer and be sad, is that okay?" "Of course it's okay..." that's all I could manage to say.
"DON'T CRY BECAUSE A LIFE HAS ENDED; BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOU WERE PART OF THAT LIFE..." Bosmans
I am so incredibly sorry, crimsonfox102... what you wrote is just so touching. Honestly, in moments like this, I feel just like your oldest son, just trying to wrap my head around why all of this is happening to my dad. I guess we never really grow up enough to truly understand this painful evil we call cancer.
Thanks Ivana, I did some digging online, but I figured maybe someone here has actually been through this specific treatment themselves, or at least knows someone who has or is currently undergoing it.
I’m just trying to wrap my head around what my dad is going to have to deal with. Right now, they’re saying he’s a bit too weak to jump straight into any heavy-duty therapy, so they started him on Zomet (which is really just for the bone stuff), and then after 28 days, he should be ready to start the actual treatment.
So, my mom is suggesting Estracyt for my dad—apparently, it’s some kind of combo involving hormones and chemo. He’s dealing with prostate cancer that has spread to his bones. He can still move around, and he’s managing the pain with some Advil and Tylenol right now.
Does anyone out there happen to know what the side effects are for this specific mixture?
I'm honestly a little worried about how his body will handle the treatment, especially since he’s only weighing about 110 lbs. They started him on just Zomet for the first 28 days to give him a chance to recover, since his stomach is pretty messed up from all the Ibuprofen he's been taking.
So, my dad just got diagnosed with metastases on the head of his right femur, the head of his left femur, the 3rd and 11th ribs, and the sternum... Even though I had this gut feeling deep down, the shock and all those other miserable feelings are still hitting me hard.
He’s waiting on a multidisciplinary team meeting this Thursday to decide on the start of treatment.
I am so incredibly sorry about your dad, velvetmarlin18. My heart really goes out to everyone else here who is tied to this situation in any way... I finally understand what it feels like to be a secondary victim.
I’m still trying to read up on everything I can about this beast, but honestly, part of me is terrified to find out more. I know I have to stay composed—it's the only way I can actually be there for him... pfffffffffff. velvetmarlin18, my biggest fear is just not knowing enough, even though I’ve spent almost seven years studying healthcare... plus, I’m pretty skeptical about most of our doctors.
Just arrogant ego-maniacs with their "small-town, corrupt mindset," trying to heal their own family generational complexes by acting superior over patients and everyone else they can dominate... fackers.
And that’s basically everything I’ve gathered in less than a month...
velvetmarlin18, has your dad started his treatment yet? Where did the beast metastasize?
Hang in there.😘
If anyone has any tips regarding bone metastases, please, I'm all ears.
Mr. Lepina, thank you so much for the advice, and I definitely won't be hospitalizing my dad....
I actually just picked up some Glucosan for my dad through this company. If you look at their setup, it seems like there’s a bit of a difference in who's actually manufacturing it.
velvetmarlin18 said:After he finished radiation on his back (for metastatic prostate cancer), we ended up staying at the hospital. Honestly, the doctors have been taking such great care of him. They gave him blood transfusions and IVs... he seems to be doing much better. I just don't quite get why he needed the blood transfusion? But hey, it clearly helped. The only thing is, he’s dealing with constant vomiting right now!!! Well, I guess we can't expect the body to just magically find extra strength. The doctors think it might be a side effect from the radiation. Does anyone happen to know how to make it stop?
Hey Emily,
I feel like we're in the exact same boat because my dad is also fighting prostate cancer. He's going through tests right now, but they're suspecting metastases.
I've been trying to dig up every bit of info I can—talking to "this person and that person," scouring forums, reading blogs, chatting with doctors, nurses, coworkers, searching the web, looking at American sites (since I live in London), and basically picking the brains of all the "experts" out there, people with lived experience, and their families...
I really hope I can help you out, and I'm hoping you might be able to do the same for me too...
If you're up for it... let me know and maybe we can chat privately.
Honestly, Lavica02, when I call someone an idiot, I just mean I feel like a total newbie compared to them. It feels like everything I think I know is actually nothing at all...
It would be super silly of me to start complaining now, especially after scrolling through all these posts over the last few days, desperately trying to hunt down any bit of info that might help us.
I’ve come across so many people here—both those fighting the battle and those supporting them—who I genuinely look up to. I know for a fact that I’m the type of person who would go through absolute hell for my dad.
But I have this one littleanxiety stuck in my head[/COLOR], and that’s just the sheer speed of everything. I’m terrified that my sister and I might pick the wrong specialist or let a doctor mess up the treatment plan and wipe out our last shred of hope.
Since the doctors are suspecting metastases with my dad, it feels like he, my whole family, and I are all in this intense race against the clock.
Kimberly Nguyen said:When my dad first started dealing with that beast, we took all his test results over to UnitedHealth Group in Chicago... there was this one doctor there (I can't recall her name, but she had dark hair and was incredibly striking) who specialized in working with cancer patients.... We went looking for a third opinion, and she was honestly the only one who gave us straight answers and predictions that—even when they were really tough to hear—turned out to be spot on in the end...
Thanks, Kimberly,
Please feel free to treat me like a total idiot here, because I’m honestly lost—is UnitedHealth Group a private clinic or what?? The thing is, he doesn't have any insurance coverage in the US, even though he is an American citizen.
Kimberly Nguyen said:When my dad first started dealing with that beast, we took all his test results over to UnitedHealth Group in Chicago... there was this one doctor there (I can't recall her name, but she had dark hair and was super striking) who specialized in working with cancer patients.... We went looking for a third opinion, and she was honestly the only one who gave us straight answers and predictions that—even when they were really tough to hear—ended up being spot on...
Thanks, Kimberly,
Please feel free to treat me like an idiot here, because I’m totally lost—is UnitedHealth Group a private clinic or what?? The thing is, he doesn't have any insurance coverage here in the US, even though he is an American citizen.