Posts by crimsonfox102

Warm greetings to everyone...

I haven't been around for a little while... and I’ve spent some time catching up by reading through the old posts... it's been more than a month since we last heard from Una67 (the mother of Majmilije). I really hope her silence means everything is going well?!

My own family has been feeling the weight of loss due to glioblastoma, but we are somehow pulling ourselves together... You know, someone always has to be the one to shoulder the heavier end of things—trying to bring those who are grieving back toward balance and reality. My husband lost his father on May 10th of this year; he spends quite a bit of time at the cemetery lately, but when he comes home, I try my best to remind him that there are plenty of reasons to find joy. He has shut off the radio on me countless times and told me I'm being terrible, but I just let the situation settle and wait until I see an opening to talk with him... It isn't easy every single time, because glioblastoma essentially strips the soul away from those watching a loved one die. After months of witnessing that kind of suffering, it is incredibly hard to snap back into everyday life and explain that today is still a special day—that the sun is shining for us, and that someone deserves a smile or a touch simply because we are still here, alive, and wanting to live... I suppose I can say, thank God we have two sons, which means we have to put so much effort into raising them right and ensuring they don't suffer because of our grief... We actually managed to coax him into going to the movies to see Shrek... and it was wonderful; it made all the effort worth it because even he laughed from the heart...

For Betty Allen65

I am honestly just so glad that my little bit of insight could bring even a tiny spark of light into your world.

You know, they say a candle doesn't lose any of its glow just by lighting another one... if anything, they just shine much brighter together...

If you ever feel the need to talk—really talk—please don't hesitate to reach out via private message... I will always be more than happy to listen... "Friends are the angels who lift us up from rock bottom when things get tough and remind us how to fly again."

I am so sorry...

I know this might sound like a silly question, but has anyone ever actually figured out why people get glioblastoma??? Based on some statistics they showed during Hloverkin's segment on CNN, the causes for these malignant diseases are about 30% diet, 30% smoking, 5% alcohol, and then stress, lack of movement, genetics, and other factors hover around 2-5%. To me, it feels like stress is way, way more responsible for all this...

I wouldn't say they're entirely right... My father-in-law was never an unhealthy man. We live out in the country and grow our own food, and whenever he would go in for his KKS checkups, the doctor would tell him his results looked like those of a young boy... I know he suffered immensely during his time in exile because he couldn't even access his own backyard (by the way, my father-in-law was a mason—he was always moving around, so much so that even on the day he had his first seizure, he was walking out to the field just to see if the clover had grown enough for mowing..).
He almost never smoked...
But the number of people suffering from these malignant diseases is just too high; my personal opinion is that it’s actually a consequence of the war, regardless of whether people were in a combat zone or somewhere further away. Life just moves at 100 mph now! I grew up in the city, but when I got married and moved back to the countryside after the peaceful reintegration, the older folks used to talk about how they actually had time for daily, weekly, and annual vacations. They ate less meat, moved more, drank more water, spent more time socializing, and laughed more—but us today???? We don't even have time for ourselves, let alone others, and then when terrible things happen, we sit around wondering where we went wrong??? We've become so selfish and egocentric... when our loved ones fall ill, we pray to God that they live as long as possible, mostly so we can accept them however they are just so *we* feel okay—so we don't feel lonely. But what about the one suffering right beside us? Do they really want a life like that? Has their pain drained both their soul and body??? But who is that "other" person anyway??? The most important thing is that they are alive, because we feel better just seeing them next to us, regardless of everything else... Where has the humanity gone, the sensitivity, and the faith that there is something better out there and that this life is just a bridge??? As long as they are living, we have to be their support, but when that moment of waking comes, we have to let them go so they can pass peacefully; they deserve that...
I remember my mother telling me that back in 1971, her brother passed away from a brain tumor, and Grandma cried for him constantly for months, visiting his grave until one day she had this strange dream. She said she saw a multitude of young men walking carefree through a beautiful expanse, but my late uncle was the only one dragging these incredibly heavy buckets full of water. Then he told her, "Mother, those are your tears; you aren't letting me rest in peace..." From that moment on, Grandma started truly living again...
God isn't merciless. He always does what is best for us and our loved ones, even if we often fail to understand it...

May 10, 2007. MALIGNANT GLIOBLASTOMA TOOK ANOTHER LIFE. My father-in-law passed away in our home, right there in his son's arms... It’s hard to believe, truly, but honestly—the suffering he endured during those final days, and what we went through alongside him—it actually helped us accept this loss a little easier. Still, it feels so strange waking up in the morning and not heading over to his bedside; we just know life has to keep moving forward. The hardest part was trying to explain to my boys why everyone was crying—why we wouldn't let them leave the living room for a moment—and why, suddenly, the house was overflowing with people and everything felt so chaotic. One boy is seven and the other is five, but they had to understand what happened... "Grandpa is in heaven now, sitting on a cloud watching over us," we told them, and they just started sobbing... Then the older one asked, "He died, didn't he, Mommy?" "Yes," I answered. And then he said to me, "You know, Mom, I'm so sorry, and I have to cry, but I'm happy because I know his legs, his arms, and his head don't hurt anymore. God called him home because He saw how much Grandpa was suffering. I'm going to cry for a little while longer and be sad, is that okay?" "Of course it's okay..." was all I could manage to say.

"DON'T CRY BECAUSE A LIFE HAS ENDED; BE HAPPY THAT YOU WERE A PART OF THAT LIFE..." Bosmans

My dear friends,
I am on this forum almost every single day, and honestly, I’m still surprised by how many people come here just looking for a little bit of support. My father-in-law is battling an aggressive glioblastoma—and to be perfectly honest, we haven't learned much from his doctors at all. Most of the strength I've found has actually come from this community and those long phone calls with Ivanica. I don't think I've ever encountered a disease quite this cruel in my entire life. He had surgery back in December 2006, and then started chemotherapy and radiation in February. For the first four weeks, everything seemed to be on track, but since then, his condition has been declining—literally every single day. He was discharged from the hospital on April 5th, and since then, he has stopped speaking entirely. He lost function on his right side and is now bedridden (using diapers). Some days, he can only manage a tiny amount of food—just enough to fit in a small yogurt cup—and we have to give him fluids via a syringe; he might only take 5 ml in a whole day. By April 21st, we couldn't even administer his medication because he was choking, so I rushed to the ER to explain the situation, only for them to tell me, quite coldly, that they wouldn't come get him. I ended up staying at the ER until they finally relented. He is currently in the neurological ICU, and they had to put in a feeding tube the day before yesterday. They ran a new CT scan and sent it over to Indianapolis for the reading. When the doctor reviewed it, he told us that the primary glioblastoma had grown despite the chemo and radiation; it's now about the size of a small apple. To make matters worse, there are four new spots, and they said he only has a few days left.
Up until that moment—when the doctor read the new scan—I was trying so hard to be the pillar of strength for my mother-in-law and his wife, and I was doing my best to keep the kids distracted so they wouldn't fully grasp the gravity of what was happening. But then, a wave of pure fury, helplessness, anger, sadness, and endless tears just broke over me... It was overwhelming. Then, my younger son walked into the room, saw my red, tear-streaked eyes, and just started crying and pulled me into a hug. In that moment, I felt this incredible warmth, and suddenly, I felt a sense of peace. I suppose those of us who suffer alongside those who are leaving—sometimes because of the circumstances surrounding their departure—tend to keep our windows wide open, yet we fail to see the light because we are constantly staring at closed doors. Now I realize that while I will certainly cry when this man leaves us, I will also be endlessly grateful to him. Through his suffering, I feel like I am growing too. I know, once he crosses that earthly bridge, the Kingdom of Heaven will be waiting for him. He'll be wrapped in God's warmth, the suffering will finally leave him, the pain will vanish, and he will simply rest in God's infinite mercy...

And please, remember this:
THE DARKER THE NIGHT, THE BRIGHTER THE STARS WILL SHINE!!!!!

A huge thank you to Ivanica for all her support, and to everyone else on this forum.

Hey stormyridge36,
isn't that just how you get closer to the patient? I mean, why on earth would you expect a doctor to be expected to master the jargon of a lawyer or an engineer???
Given your level of education, I'm sure you've realized just how many people out there in America aren't exactly well-informed—it’s unfortunate, really—but that doesn't mean they shouldn't at least understand what they're actually suffering from. Take my situation, for example: I was told directly that my father-in-law is battling glioblastoma, and that we’d need to prepare for the fact that it's located in his left temporal lobe, plus the added complication if a recurrence happens down the road. What kind of conclusion is a layman supposed to draw from all that if it isn't explained clearly???