Hello, everyone...
I don't even know where to start; this could easily turn into a novel...
It’s hard to trace the beginning of all this, so I’ll just start with how things feel right now, and the reality of my situation.😢
I'm 23 and living alone with my mother, who has MS. I love her deeply; she’s the only one who truly looks out for me. My father and I are divorced, and frankly, they both prefer fighting over talking—they treat me like a messenger for their insults rather than asking how I am. My sister lives far away and hasn't visited in three years. It's a completely dysfunctional family. I enrolled in college in Chicago, but I had to drop out to come back and care for my mom. There were options here too, but I lost myself somewhere between my ambitions, my desires, and the sheer exhaustion of it all. My life doesn't look like anyone else's, and I don't blame her for that, but I am endlessly depressed, just soul-crushed. I have nobody. No one to open up to. No one in this family actually cares about anyone else. All my father does is tell me that I'm her hostage, and that because of her, I'll never be happy. My sister never asks how I am; she just says she's "thinking of me."
Please, don't tell me how much harder it is for her. I once wrote a long post on MSU about her and how much I admire her strength. I'm not spoiled, nor am I close to it... I do everything a person can possibly do; I fulfill every single duty without fail. Opportunities to study abroad come my way, but I can't take them. We have a large extended family, but there's no point counting on them—they don't call, and they don't care. My grandmother passed away from MS at 58, and my mother is already 56.🙂🙂🙂🙂
Sometimes it feels like dying would be easier than living like this. I can't say anything to her because it’s always about her; she's a difficult, possessive person, and my relationship is suffering immensely because of it. I have no choices left. I don't have the strength to endure these constant spasms, the strength to face the fear, or the strength to keep being the strong one for everyone else.
I spend my nights crying for her, nights terrified for her, and nights weeping while wondering how she's holding up.
I am 100% there for her, always. But I have no one. I just want my family to care, to ask me a question, to tell me things will get better or that I'll find happiness, but I get nothing. Once, when I finally spoke up, my father used it against us, attacking my mother by saying I'd end up with a nervous breakdown and that I was killing her. You cannot imagine her reaction to that... In every moment, I am the one held responsible for everything.
I'm out of strength. Please, help me...
I don't even know where to start; this could easily turn into a novel...
It’s hard to trace the beginning of all this, so I’ll just start with how things feel right now, and the reality of my situation.😢
I'm 23 and living alone with my mother, who has MS. I love her deeply; she’s the only one who truly looks out for me. My father and I are divorced, and frankly, they both prefer fighting over talking—they treat me like a messenger for their insults rather than asking how I am. My sister lives far away and hasn't visited in three years. It's a completely dysfunctional family. I enrolled in college in Chicago, but I had to drop out to come back and care for my mom. There were options here too, but I lost myself somewhere between my ambitions, my desires, and the sheer exhaustion of it all. My life doesn't look like anyone else's, and I don't blame her for that, but I am endlessly depressed, just soul-crushed. I have nobody. No one to open up to. No one in this family actually cares about anyone else. All my father does is tell me that I'm her hostage, and that because of her, I'll never be happy. My sister never asks how I am; she just says she's "thinking of me."
Please, don't tell me how much harder it is for her. I once wrote a long post on MSU about her and how much I admire her strength. I'm not spoiled, nor am I close to it... I do everything a person can possibly do; I fulfill every single duty without fail. Opportunities to study abroad come my way, but I can't take them. We have a large extended family, but there's no point counting on them—they don't call, and they don't care. My grandmother passed away from MS at 58, and my mother is already 56.🙂🙂🙂🙂
Sometimes it feels like dying would be easier than living like this. I can't say anything to her because it’s always about her; she's a difficult, possessive person, and my relationship is suffering immensely because of it. I have no choices left. I don't have the strength to endure these constant spasms, the strength to face the fear, or the strength to keep being the strong one for everyone else.
I spend my nights crying for her, nights terrified for her, and nights weeping while wondering how she's holding up.
I am 100% there for her, always. But I have no one. I just want my family to care, to ask me a question, to tell me things will get better or that I'll find happiness, but I get nothing. Once, when I finally spoke up, my father used it against us, attacking my mother by saying I'd end up with a nervous breakdown and that I was killing her. You cannot imagine her reaction to that... In every moment, I am the one held responsible for everything.
I'm out of strength. Please, help me...