Posts by Gary Thomas13

@Carl Kern66 my heart goes out to you... My dad passed away—it’s been exactly two months today, but honestly feels like it was just yesterday... We insisted on home care... He wasn't really with us much these last few weeks, but he had everything he needed and didn't miss a single thing... Most importantly, he was surrounded 24/7 by the people he loved most. And what you said... I felt the exact same way... we were trying to save him at the end in every way possible, and it probably gave him a few extra days—I know those extra days were hard on his body, but I'm certain he was happy to spend them with us... Even if he wasn't fully aware, I truly believe deep down he knew what was happening... A couple days before he died, I had to head out on a trip and I whispered to him to wait for me, told him not to leave until I got back. As soon as I returned and he realized I was there, he passed within five minutes... with tears in my eyes... a man who isn't conscious doesn't cry... I'm sure he was right there with us the whole time, even when he couldn't control his movements or speech... I still check this thread every day and read everyone else's posts because I totally get what everyone going through this is feeling... You guys are the bravest people I know... unfortunately not by choice... but you're incredibly brave and I respect every one of you... especially Angela Wright and a few others... be patient with everyone, explain things as best you can, and keep sharing all that good advice...

Here’s a little update. After everything, it still hits you—no matter how much you brace yourself, it still catches you off guard... I don't need advice or anything. I did everything for my dad—from making sure he had a hospital bed and a decent mattress and pillow, to managing those hundred IV bags the nurses brought in every single day... He could swallow and had all his reflexes intact right up until the day before he passed... Last Friday, I had to rush out to Chicago for an emergency, which wasn't too bad, but when I got back Sunday around 6 PM, my family told me he'd been struggling all day. His foot had turned dark, his extremities were cold... As soon as I walked in and he heard my voice, he started gasping for air and then just... stopped. Called 911 immediately, they were there within a minute, but there was nothing they could do... I'm convinced he was just waiting for me—I told him at 5 AM to hang on until I got back... and when I finally made it home Sunday, I just quietly whispered thanks to him for waiting... because I knew it was a matter of hours... It's been a brutal fight. I basically put my entire life on pause—I was by his side from the moment of diagnosis until the very end... 99% of the time, anyway... spent countless nights awake because he couldn't sleep either, so I just sat there stroking his hand and whispering nonsense, hoping he could still hear me... For the last two weeks, he was mostly gone—just a body lying there breathing and swallowing... It wasn't hard to stay, though. I know I did everything in my power... I pulled myself together and organized the funeral, and everything went with dignity... We'll always remember the crowd that showed up... He loved people and they loved him, and everyone came out to pay respects... I'll never forget my dad. I know even though he's gone, he's still here for me... always... I'm still a bit of a mess, honestly. Only now that it's over am I letting myself actually cry and grieve. I just wanted everything to be exactly how he would've wanted it, and the only way I could manage that was by staying composed... I'll check back in once I sort through his things—if anyone needs anything, let me know... I have plenty of diapers, unused IV kits, syringes, and stuff like that... I'll put a list together and reach out

Sadly, Dad lost his fight today... he didn't suffer, though. He didn't die in pain... it was over in just 5 minutes when he stopped breathing...

Typo alert—typing this on my phone, my bad,

Honestly, looking back, I was actually happy just seeing him up and acting like an idiot. Now? He’s basically a houseplant—just staring off into space, totally unresponsive. He’s chill, doesn't even try to move unless we physically turn him... but god, when I try to feed him, he fights back with this crazy strength and keeps his mouth clamped shut... luckily he doesn't have many side teeth left, so I can just slide the tip of the syringe in and get some food in him—mostly homemade stuff I cook and mash up. It's not ideal, but it beats just being on an IV... We got him to the vet today to check his ribs, and tomorrow they’re gonna run some scans to see if there's anything at all we can do to help with the symptoms... I don't even know what's worse—when you're watching everything go south in real time and it just breaks you, or when he looks like this, like he's stuck in his own little world and isn't even here... then again, you never really know if he can still hear us and understand everything deep down inside... I'm choosing to hope and believe he can.

Carl Kern66, things aren't any better over here either... Dad's completely checked out. He just stares blankly into space—doesn't react to anything. He spends all day lying there, and the only thing he actually does is fight us when we try to lift him up to feed him or give him some pie... he just wants to lie still and keep turning over in bed. We've been managing to get food into him through a syringe—basically just pureed oatmeal instead of mush—doing about 6cc at a time via injection. A big syringe doesn't work. Digestion and bathroom stuff seem fine... most of the time he's just sleeping, and if he's restless, it's just because he's struggling to drift off... We're using patches and ointments that seem to help with the pain... Just a few days ago, he could actually say a few words! He was agitated and couldn't sleep a wink... now it's the opposite. Nothing comes out, he just stares off into the distance and sleeps constantly... he only reacts if you give him a little pinch or something. When I try to feed him with a spoon just to see, he clenches his teeth so hard I won't even risk putting the spoon in his mouth... We finally made it to Mayo Clinic today to get a head scan and see if there's any way to make him more comfortable...

@ Michelle Kelly4

Yeah, I was with him all night—he was super restless, honestly just wore us both out. He’s barely sleeping, maybe thirty or forty minutes max before he's wide awake... and that's been the pattern for a while now. We got him a catheter set up today, so hopefully that helps since he’s struggling with urination. He can't really control it, but at the same time, he refuses to use a diaper because he’s terrified of them—so he just holds it until the absolute last second when it starts leaking anyway. What hurts the most is seeing him decline so fast every single day—like, his ability to answer basic questions or even follow what we're saying is just slipping away. Nobody has it easy, especially him, but honestly? Last night wasn't even about being tired... it was just gut-wrenching watching him struggle like that when there's nothing I can actually do to help. :+

He's back home now. We actually begged the doctor to let him out about 10 days early just so he could recover—he was totally wiped out since he hadn't been eating at the hospital, plus he kept messing with his IV lines so his arms were all bruised up... He's home for now, so we'll see what the doctor says when we head back and try to get another scan

...even if he tries to fake it, his speech is such a mess that he can barely get a coherent sentence out...he’s gotta talk painfully slow just to make any sense at all

They operated on his head, which fixed some stuff—like his eyesight being better—but honestly? He’s still mostly out of it. Like, he'll be sweet and affectionate one minute, then totally spaced out like he's high. And when he really snaps... man, he just rolls out of bed to hit the bathroom, we help him there, and he wants to crawl right back in immediately. Does that loop like ten times in a row. There are flashes where he's actually lucid, but then he starts calling us by all the wrong names—calling me his brother's name, or calling his brother someone else entirely—and even when we tell him, "Hey, focus, it's us," he's hit or miss. We were actually at Mayo Clinic about ten days ago because they wanted to do a hip scan to check for changes in his hips and head, but he was so agitated they couldn't get a single shot. Six attempts over three days, nothing. They give him something to settle him down so he can sleep, but as soon as he gets downstairs for a CT, he's up and pacing again...

Forgot to mention—he doesn't eat at the rehab center unless we're there visiting. They have to tie him to the bed because he’s restless and keeps trying to get up, but he's too weak and would just collapse if he tried to stand... Typing this on my phone while sitting next to him watching over him since he didn't even sleep last night, so excuse the messy typing

Figured it was finally time to jump in here. Been lurking this thread for a while now. Last year, around April, Dad started having these intense pains in his legs and ribs. After a bunch of useless tests and some wrong diagnoses from a doctor who clearly didn't know what he was doing—we ended up getting a bone scan. That’s when they found the metastases. He was admitted to oncology via the rib area, and after more imaging, they confirmed a primary lung adenocarcinoma (about 2cm) with bone metastases, mostly right where the pain was hitting him hardest. He went through eight rounds of Carboplatin and Paclitaxel, plus some radiation, which actually looked promising at first—the pain subsided and the lung tumor showed slight regression. But then, things took a turn. The cancer spread to his liver (just a little bit for now) and to his brain (which is the bigger issue). He had a brain biopsy to confirm the spread, and after that, everything just spiraled. It started with speech issues, then weakness in his legs, and now he can barely move. Lately, he's been really disoriented most of the day and mobility is almost zero. Luckily, Mom works mornings, so I dropped out of college to stay by his side full-time, and my brother works from home so he can step in whenever. For the last few weeks, sleep has been non-existent... we're basically running shifts at night. One night it's me, one night Mom, one night my brother. We take turns staying awake. Food-wise, he still eats okay because we're feeding him ourselves—someone is with him 24/7. We do small meals throughout the day, fresh juices, and some supplements like Gravil, but nothing major. So, timeline: pain started in April, hit the ribs in August, brain involvement found in February... and here we are on May 12th. Just hanging on, fully aware of how bad it is, taking it one day at a time... Decided to post here just to share the weight of it all, especially knowing how much people get judged or blamed on this thread. It's brutal when you're in this spot because you know there's no going back—you can't undo any of this—but you still pour every last ounce of strength, every cent, and every sleepless night into it...