Posts by goldentinker70

Lawrence Bailey77 said:I personally tend to believe it, though perhaps not in your specific case. From what I can gather through your posts, you seem to be one of those rare individuals who actually possesses discipline. You know exactly what needs to be done, you remain fully aware of the reality of the situation, and you aren't constantly feeding into some sort of ego trip... respect!

Cheers 🙂

🙂
🙂

Could someone please fix the typo in the title?

Thanks

Donna White50 said:That’s the way to do it... 👍
You'll be in peak shape in just a couple of months...🤣

👍
That’s pretty much how I’m running the numbers, too.
I think I might have actually had a decent time at the New Year's Eve party.
I’m talking about November 2016, obviously. 🙂

So, I see someone out there claiming this can drag on for years—as if that’s some kind of impressive feat. 😲
I don't buy it. 🙂
It looks like things are getting a little bit better every single day.
Look, I’m not running away from this, nor am I denying it—and I'm certainly not trying to force anything. I'm just accepting it for what it is.
That should do it.

@venera
What did I even do wrong? 🤷
I guess I’m allowed to stir the pot a little bit, right? 😉

But anyway... which one...? 🙂

Donna White50 said:Wait, didn't you say you weren't really into women...🤣
🍿

Even so, I’m still playing for The straight squad—that hasn't changed. ☕

Brandon Foster7 said:mmm.🙂
if you're actually that hot, don't sweat it. I'll slide a nude into your DMs to help cure that Melancholy.😛😉

😉
Empathy works wonders—women fall for it instantly 😂
I definitely played my cards right here

So, what are we talking about—am I a looker like Charlie Sheen?
Or more like the guy in my avatar?

I'm doing alright health-wise
I hit the gym every single day
Earlier this spring, I gave my apartment a fresh coat of paint
Took the kids on a solo trip to the coast
I’ll admit, I get Melancholy—but I wouldn't call myself lazy or depressed

It just sucks being on my own when I'm not actually in a headspace to start a relationship
So, I'm stuck—caught in a bit of a rut, if you know what I mean
It’s frustrating, honestly; there's this constant sense of internal discontent

It’s not depression—it’s just melancholy
Depression is a clinical condition that requires treatment, specifically when someone loses their drive and can’t function—which isn't my situation
I am, however, completely torn apart and drained by this divorce—my energy levels have hit rock bottom
I'm exhausted and worn out, plain and simple
And honestly, things will probably stay this way through the end of the year
Maybe then things will finally start looking up

Again, I'm not depressed
I have zero interest in self-harm😉
Life just feels heavy and difficult right now

I’m not sure if this belongs under psychology or divorce forums

The thing is, the melancholy following my divorce has taken on a worrying, almost unbearable weight. 🙂 I feel incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin 🙂 It isn't depression—I don't view it as a clinical condition—but it isn't exactly pleasant either. It feels... well, right on the edge of hopelessness. 😲

I know psychotherapy can help, and I am actively working on that. 😁

So, what's the core issue?
Being solo is hard. It's awkward, frustrating, cold, grueling, nasty, grim, terrible, empty, boring... I’d much rather have a partner.
And why I don't have one is perfectly clear to me.
I'm not complaining just to complain, but it seems I am trapped by my own self-image, which apparently refuses to change.

Essentially, I just don't have the strength to jump back into a relationship. Sure, I could find a suitable woman if I wanted to. But I'm not looking. I simply don't have the energy for the whole "getting to know someone" dance or going on dates; I have zero desire to socialize beyond grabbing a coffee here and there with a friend. I have no drive for the "hunt," and even something like speed dating wouldn't work—meeting people requires an engagement that I currently lack the will, the strength, and the energy to provide.

Secondly, I won't settle for superficial connections. That's just not who I am. I'm an emotionalist, not Charlie Sheen. I don't wish I were him, and I accept myself as I am. I'm not better or worse than Charlie Sheen; I'm just different. Consequently, shallow flings don't interest me, no matter how popular or recommended they might be these days. I can't do it, and I don't want to. That's just how it is.

And so, we find ourselves back at the start.
I am alone.
I don't like it.
I don't have the strength to build something new.
I don't want anything superficial.

The only light at the end of the tunnel is the realization that this state of being cannot last forever.
Once I sort myself out and regenerate,
I can move forward and look for something new.

As for how long this absolute mess will continue—only God knows. 🤷

PS
Today marks four months since the divorce was officially finalized.

Jerry Evans2 said:Hey there!
Since I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this right now, I figured I’d just write it all down, and maybe putting it into words might help a little bit.
Foreclosure—what an ugly word. Back in 2008 and 2009, whether you were watching local news or international outlets, everyone had that one dreaded word in their headlines: "crisis!" Everyone was saying the crisis was coming and things were going to get bad. I guess I didn't pay much attention at the time, mostly because I had a solid, steady job. Then, toward the end of 2009, my son was born, and honestly, it felt like one thing after another went wrong. Not long after he arrived, my company started feeling the squeeze, and that stability I relied on just began to melt away. My paycheck started running late, then eventually got cut, and to make matters worse, my wife's employer laid her off due to downsizing—and since we were renting, our landlord wasn't exactly sympathetic to those kinds of struggles. With a newborn, an unemployed wife, and a salary of around $3,000, life gets incredibly difficult very fast. We finally made the call to leave Indianapolis and move to Washington, D.C.—basically flying blind. Looking back, I doubt I'd ever have the guts to do that again, but somehow, I managed to land a new job within a month, and we were back on our feet.
After about six months, we were finally starting to adjust to the new surroundings and our new life. However, the fallout from having absolutely no income for two months started to catch up with us. Before long, we hit our first bank freeze that basically swallowed my entire paycheck, and that’s when the true nightmare begins—the kind of nightmare only people who have dealt with legal financial freezes can truly understand. Our plan to get my wife a job and find childcare for our little one completely fell apart. For the first couple of years, it was just endless paperwork and red tape, and once we cleared that hurdle, we were hit with health issues for our child, and shortly after, for my wife too.

We were spiraling financially; every single month seemed to be harder than the last. But I guess I handled it better than most, because I stayed surprisingly calm and rational through it all. People I knew used to look at me with such confusion and admiration, asking things like, "Man, how are you not losing your mind?" or "With everything going on, you seem totally fine!" I suppose that was one small silver lining that kept me focused and pushed me to scrape by on a single paycheck, making sure to cover the rent and utilities before seeing if there was anything left for food—we definitely weren't buying new clothes. It was a brutal stretch, really tough, especially without any close friends or family nearby to lean on for help.
Toward the end of last year, we finally got our kid into daycare, and honestly, it felt like the sun finally broke through the clouds! It created the opening my wife needed to find work. And she did!
She has a great job with a good salary now. And so do I! Almost all our old worries have vanished, and after five years of constant struggle, the obstacles that seemed so immovable just sort of melted away.
But here’s the strange part: instead of feeling happy and lighthearted now that things are stable, I feel this weird, lingering fear of life. It feels like I have more anxieties than ever, even though, objectively speaking, I don't. That heavy weight I carried—the pressure of being solely responsible for providing for and feeding my family—it's gone. Everything is exactly as it should be, but I'm just not myself anymore.
My wife comes home from work, full of energy and happy, and I meet her with a smile that usually fades within two minutes. She’ll be talking away, and I’ll just find myself staring right through her, staying quiet and withdrawn. I'm closed off; nothing brings me joy or excitement, and I tend to take everything for granted, which isn't fair to her at all. It’s almost like I’m angry at everything, even though I don't express it outwardly. I don't know the clinical term for it—maybe it's depression, or some kind of aftershock from the trauma, or whatever. I just feel lost in time, like I'm standing still and spreading this cloud of apathy everywhere. I try to laugh, but I get this lump in my throat, my stomach starts churning, and this wave of nervousness hits me, leaving me feeling distant and pathetic. I want to be happy; I want to enjoy life with my wonderful wife, because what's the point of her success if she can't share it with me? I feel like I'm pushing her away. I want to change, I want to actually enjoy ourselves, but I just can't seem to move forward. I still don't have many friends, just acquaintances.
Anyway, to wrap up this long story, she's at work and I really should get started on dinner, so I'll head out.
I actually feel a bit of relief just having written this all out; I know hardly anyone is going to read this rambling, depressing vent. My only goal was to get it out of my system. I would really value hearing anyone's thoughts on this.
Anyway, take care, everyone!

I'd call it PTSD
That’s exactly what I’m afraid of happening once I finally escape this nightmare of high interest rates, collections, and crushing debt. While I'm in the thick of it, I'm fighting like a lion—working two or three jobs just to stay afloat. But once it’s all over... huh... 😲

Hang in there. 👍
Maybe you just need some time to process this part too...

Jerry Evans2 said:I honestly thought that enough time passing would just clear out all the mental clutter in my head. But man, it’s taking forever; I’ve been dragging everyone else down for five months now, and at this point, being stuck in my own little bubble doesn't even seem to matter anymore. Today, I took my kid out to the local park and sat down with a couple of other dads, but I just stayed quiet and zoned out... I kept telling myself, "Come on, just talk to these guys; they’re being decent enough to come over and sit by you, so stop acting so sullen..." I felt like I was just totally stuck in a single moment...
I’ve actually thought about seeing a therapist, but I guess I’m just too embarrassed to go through with it. At thirty-one years old, I really should be out there conquering the world, not digging my own hole and sinking deeper into it. In a weird way, I kind of admire how clearly I can describe my own self-sabotage. But it’s just so hard to make a move; I feel like such a coward sometimes, like I just don't have the guts to face anything...

That internal monologue you're having—it sounds like you're just beating yourself up and taking all the blame. In my opinion, that's what's actually draining you.
It's better to give yourself credit—give yourself a win for having the strength to pull through all that.
Then, without making a huge production of it, just move forward. You don't have to go around acting like a clown performing for a crowd at the park, but you can always manage some basic small talk... you'll always have things to talk about regarding the kids.
Just be careful not to become a slave to what other people expect from you—they might want you to be euphoric or overly chatty, but just be yourself.👍
If they're unhappy with your mood, honestly, that's their problem.☕

Brian Reed said:Why does everyone insist that trust is a prerequisite for socializing?

Should we hand over $10,000 in cash every time we grab a drink? Give them the keys to our house or garage? Leave our kids in their care? Or maybe sit around discussing how to embezzle millions from the federal government...

Small talk about haircuts, gardening, famine in Africa, or crime rates in some random foreign country—it’s all great filler. You can never run out of topics, and the time flies by effortlessly...

And apparently, you have to be a "social creature" or a "human being" or whatever else they call us. 😁

Brian Reed said:We really need to define what we mean by people here.
Are we talking about general social interaction—colleagues, acquaintances, or the casual crowds we run into daily—or are we talking about the struggle to find a tight-knit inner circle?

Because let's be real: I don't know anyone walking around with thirty "close" friends. Most people have somewhere between one and five—maybe six if they're lucky.
And I'm lost on this whole "toxic" and "fool" business.
The concept of "trust" escapes me too—are we talking about keeping secrets, where someone protects your information? What exactly does "trust" cover in this context?

I assume that in this context, trust refers to being willing to be open during a conversation—basically, the ability to actually connect with others. Of course, we all maintain total control over how much we reveal, regardless of how nosy people might be or whether we feel pressured by their opinions to speak up or stay quiet. But if we approach everyone with suspicion—acting like they’re all out to scam us, hurt us, or weaponize whatever we say—well, I don't think that's exactly a solid foundation for building any kind of rapport.
Naturally, there are acquaintances, friends, close friends... there are plenty of shades of gray here, and you certainly don't talk to every social circle the same way.
But that specific kind of trust—it's really half of self-confidence, which is pretty vital for successful social interaction, and honestly, for just enjoying life and being comfortable in your own skin.

I’ve been thinking about this... if I just popped an antidepressant, would I actually get high? 🎉
Right now, I’m just feeling listless, depressed, anxious... 🤦
It would definitely give me a boost, though.

Yes, but...
It’s not like I feel incapable of handling these low moods myself.
My energy is shot, things are "complicated" right now—so is it really normal for me to be bouncing around like a clown? It feels more natural to just settle down a bit until the situation stabilizes. I shouldn't just go slamming my head against a wall like: 🙂
If I viewed my current state as some kind of clinical illness, then sure, I’d need medication. But I don't see it that way; it's a perfectly logical reaction to going through a divorce and dealing with financial chaos... stuff like that. I definitely feel unsettled, frustrated, and I'm pissed off at a lot of things (the banks, for instance). This discomfort is ugly, nasty, and bitter, but I think I can manage it. As they say, "business isn't blooming," but things will turn around eventually—maybe by the year 2099...

So yeah... 🙂
Even though I've heard plenty of success stories, I'm not looking to get high on drugs, no way... 🙂

Nicole Barrett76 said:"Hillbilly," man... I nearly had a heart attack just reading that thread title. You could have at least phrased it a bit more delicately. For a split second, I actually thought you were going to ask why we aren't sexually attracted to our parents or siblings.

In truth, attraction to cousins isn't quite as taboo as people tend to assume. However, that certainly doesn't mean anyone would immediately act on such impulses. It is much like how one wouldn't simply walk up to a complete stranger they find attractive and ask if they want to sleep with them.

Take me, for instance; I am somewhat attracted to one of my female cousins because she has such a gentle spirit. Though, I have heard she can be quite the gossip. I don't often think of her in a sexual way, but if the thought does cross my mind occasionally, I don't feel any sense of shame. Rather, it feels like a moment of quiet fulfillment. And yet... when that feeling arises, I feel no need to escalate or prolong it, nor do I feel the need to suppress it.

Mind you, she isn't exactly a beauty.

Exactly—that's the crux of it. Biological attraction can happen between any two people of the opposite sex; it's just how nature works, nothing inherently "sick" about the chemistry itself.
But let's be real: social conditioning plays a much bigger role in how we actually behave than biology does. Someone made a good point earlier about a friend's wife—the same logic applies whether it's a brother's wife or a sister's husband, etc. A sane, civilized person isn't going to let raw instinct override everything else.
That said, there are still plenty of primitives out there—I know one personally—who prioritize their primal urges over social bonds. It's purely animalistic... ☕

Thanks a million!!!
It feels good to be back 🙂

Emily Patel64 said:My radar picked up on him immediately—suddenly, he was head over heels, just completely smitten. 😁

Well put—I'm with you on that one! 👍

slywolf45 said:Maybe this In Love and War one?

Yeah—I think that might be the 👍
one. I definitely need to check it out.
Thanks 🙂

slywolf45 said:Maybe that one In Love and War?

I think he’s a solid actor—even if it's been quite a while since I've actually sat down to watch one of his movies.

He was in something recent... totally gray-haired and just a small role. I can't recall the title... he played some college professor—maybe in Wolf?
I'm pretty sure it was actually Steve Jobs

slywolf45 said:Well, what do I know? Personally, I thought it was a solid film. I almost skipped it when I first saw the subject matter, but it didn't disappoint.
Plus, I think Hilary Swank is a fantastic actress.

Meh. It was pretty lackluster. Reminds me a bit of some scavenger out in the wild.

😂

granitecanyon172 said:This is easily one of my all-time favorites. James Woods is a straight-up genius.

👍

Hands down, my favorite actor on the planet!

The thing is, I haven't actually seen a huge chunk of his filmography
Even back when I watched John Q., I just knew he was someone special
But I really discovered him through this one movie—I can't for the life of me remember the title. He plays some kind of soldier; I'm not even sure if he's a prisoner or a guard, but there’s some sort of interrogation going on... anyone recognize it? It’s gotta be at least 20 years old.

Then there's Citizen Kane—he absolutely killed it in that role. I never actually sat through the whole thing, just bits and pieces... and for some reason, I haven't been able to track it down anywhere for years.

Is there anyone else out there who's a fan of his? 😁