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I never realized how much of a difference the bitrate settings actually made until I messed with them today. If you're on a data plan, you definitely have to be careful because the high-quality setting eats through your limit fast. Does anyone else bother switching back to standard when they're out and about?
Great topic. I'll throw some of my own thoughts out there, even though I'm not currently in active treatment.
A close friend of mine saw how much I was struggling mentally recently and told me—dead serious, I think—that I’m the smartest, most emotional, and best person she knows. I honestly don't know if she meant it. My response? If that's actually true, it’s completely useless to me. I'd trade it all in a heartbeat to be way dumber and more numb just to feel a little bit of happiness for once.
I've always been an overthinker. I spend way too much time analyzing the world and the people in it, reading, writing... I'm deeply reflective. But besides getting straight A's on high school essays, none of that has done me any favors. It just left me with hypersensitive senses and a brain that's turned entirely inward.
My romantic life? Total chaos, right up until everything just burned out. I was almost always the one being walked away from. And look, I get why.
Even my friendships are unstable. I have these habituated "disappearances" that end up killing off friendships, and when I hit those phases where I don't trust anyone and everyone feels like a threat, that hits my friends too. I don't have Facebook or any of that crap because I’m terrified of what I might actually post or say to the public when my dark side takes over. I'm not about exposing my wounds to the whole world.
Don't even get me started on college. It's impossible to stay motivated to plow through 1,500 pages of reading when your brain feels like a literal black hole.
Family stuff is broken, too. They see me as volatile, neurotic. Like I mentioned before, they don't "believe in depression"—they think it's just some luxury for people with too much free time.
Basically, there isn't a single corner of my life that hasn't been scarred by this depression.