Posts by Alex Patel96

Rebecca Bennett41 said:And tell me, are you actually considering seeking out psychotherapy?

No. I went through it a few years back, but honestly, I can't say it did much for me.

Rebecca Bennett41 said:a, could you perhaps elaborate on that a bit more?
I am curious as to how exactly you arrived at this particular stage of the process.

Honestly, I spent about five or six years just burying my head in the sand. I always knew deep down, but as long as I could just ignore the reality of it, I did. Someone put it perfectly once: it’s just a massive amount of built-up resentment finally boiling over.

Rebecca Bennett41 said:Come now, lay all your grievances bare and tell us exactly what is weighing on your mind; we are more than ready to lend you our assistance.

What am I supposed to say? I hate my pointless life. The worst part is everyone else seems to find purpose in everything, so they don't get why I'm like this. Like, I'm "supposed" to be happy. But I'm not. I gave up on myself a long time ago just so the people around me could be okay—my parents, mostly. And now I'm stuck here. Maybe I even deserve it.

Rebecca Bennett41 said:I have no intention of being provocative; I am merely interested in hearing your perspective.
Why should someone who finds no meaning in existence, someone for whom nothing seems to go right despite not being the cause of their own misfortune, be expected to turn to God? Is it purely because that was God's design?

Look, I don't exactly have much to say in defense of God.

I don’t even know where to start. To put it bluntly, my life is falling apart. I’ve squandered every single opportunity to build the life I actually wanted. Some of it is on me, some of it is on my parents, and honestly, I think part of it is on God too.
Unfortunately, we’re talking about things that can’t be undone, or at least they're incredibly hard to fix. I just don't have the energy to restart a chapter that should have been closed a long time ago. Whatever my dream was, those doors are basically slammed shut.
Now I’m left with the idea of settling—finding some compromise, doing something else... but the reality is, there isn't anything else I actually want to do.

I tried. I really did. I even went through the motions of getting a degree (which I’ll be finishing soon!), even though I couldn't care less about the subject. Every time I think I'm getting by, I spiral into another crisis or a bout of depression. It’s exhausting, especially when I realize that living a life where I'm miserable feels completely pointless. There are days when I spend hours crying because I can't see an exit from this hell. Other days, I manage to play the part of a happy person perfectly, which works since everyone who knows me thinks I'm being genuine—mostly because, on paper, my life looks great.
But inside, I’m screaming while I’m laughing on the outside. I don't have the strength to keep this act up. I've always been a fighter, but this is too much. I find myself spiraling into dark thoughts lately—thinking about "accidentally" veering off the road or falling from a rooftop... stuff like that.
I just don't see the point in a life where I'm crying every single day...