northernbadger12 said:Have you guys ever heard of someone being totally head over heels for someone they can't actually be with? Like, we're talking years of this. It’s almost like this unrequited crush turns into this whole fictional world they live in, where they kind of... I don't know, seem to actually enjoy the heartache? It’s honestly pretty hard to put into words.
I was just describing a person I know, and honestly, from where I'm sitting, it doesn't even matter if my friend's imaginary love is actually real or not. I just get this feeling that they've trapped themselves in this endless loop... just stuck in a permanent state of waiting for something that's never going to happen.
Sometimes I wonder if they basically invented this romance just to use it as some kind of psychological shield.
I mean, I went through something similar when I was 15, but now that I'm 30, seeing someone act like this feels a little bit weird to me.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Or maybe you've been in those shoes yourselves?
Oh, I've heard it a hundred times.
Sure, it's stupid, and in a way, it's totally self-destructive, but people do it all the time.
When a relationship never actually happens—when there's no payoff—all those built-up emotions don't just "wilt" away. Instead, they get funneled into this cycle of idealization, constant daydreaming, and this whole "platonic love" thing (yeah, I know, sounds ridiculous in this day and age 🤷), fueled by this endless hope and waiting for the situation to somehow shift.
"Unavailable" people are strangely magnetic specifically because they aren't within reach. It’s that distance—that elusive, untouchable quality—that triggers it. It’s maddening! So the imagination takes over, and you start building them up in your head.
They become perfect, amazing, flawless, simply because you haven't actually spent enough time with them to see the cracks or deal with their actual flaws—it's exactly that kind of mental trap.
And unfortunately, this can drag on for years: the idolizing, the heartache, the longing, and that desperate hope that things might change, because the feelings are so intense that the idea of never being together feels completely impossible to accept.