Timothy Price64
MemberOP
36 messages
joined Mar 2017
How to mess with the cops?
Last night, one of my neighbors—a totally decent guy who doesn't even drive anything flashy—got pulled over by the police and harassed for absolutely no reason. Honestly, they were basically shaking him down for a quick ten bucks, and he actually had to pay up because one officer had the nerve to tell him, “Listen, you jerk! Don't make me plant five grams of heroin in your pocket just so we can find it during a search and toss you in prison for three years!” So today, I decided to give him a little suggestion on how to get some payback... or, you know, how to really mess with them.
Buckle up. Here we go.
First off, he’ll need to find some sponsors—enough people to chip in ten bucks each—to build up a little fund. Then, he needs to order four sex dolls: a blonde Caucasian, a Black woman, an Asian woman, and a Native American woman. He should set them up in his car in this specific order: the blonde sits in the passenger seat next to him (since he lives in the States and has a bit of a weakness for blondes), and then the other three in the back—Black, then Asian, and finally Native American. Once he starts cruising around town, the moment he spots a patrol car looking his way, he should just slap the blonde right in the face. I guarantee they'll pull him over instantly to demand why he just struck her. His response? He should tell them she told him, "Look, there's the cops! Run them over!" To which he replies, "I'm not playing Grand Theft Auto; I'm behind a real steering wheel," before slapping her again. Of course, he’ll explain that unlike her, he knows the difference between right and wrong since he's clean—so there's no point in planting five grams of heroin on him and threatening him with three years behind bars. I can already see their faces! He'll grab the blonde, cover her mouth, and speak for her, telling them she was actually about to break several laws by heading toward a prostitution ring. He'll even insist on showing them a fresh doctor's note proving she's HIV positive and intentionally spreading the virus. That's when those two officers will probably realize they aren't dealing with a blonde woman, but a doll. But he won't let up! He'll insist they identify her too. He won't admit he's driving four sex dolls of different races; instead, he'll claim he's chauffeuring these ladies to various destinations. For the Black woman, he'll hold her mouth and, using a fake accent, say she's looking for a husband with "tools" as long as their batons, because ever since moving from Africa, she's tired of being treated like a mosquito bite. He'll demand they check her passport, claiming her ID only works in her home country. Then, for the Asian woman, he'll claim she wants to sell her late husband's body at a local Chinese restaurant—and he should hide a bunch of balloons filled with his own urine in the trunk, telling them it's some high-end moonshine he distilled in his own kidneys (which they definitely won't understand, though they might offer him a sip!). He'll claim she's trying to sell the body since Chinese neighborhoods exist everywhere in America, but Chinese cemeteries don't, because all the bodies end up in restaurants. He'll hold her mouth and mimic her, demanding they check her work permit for her new homeland. Finally, for the Native American lady, he'll say he's rushing her to the hospital to have her ovaries removed so they can use IVF with donor sperm from an American Indian to create babies in a lab. He'll claim he plans to settle them in a new territory, following her lead to prevent her race from vanishing after being nearly wiped out by Christian invaders in the old days. He'll pick a spot in the US that fits his narrative—maybe somewhere like a rural reservation—claiming they want to colonize an American colony to get revenge on white people. He'll hold her mouth and shout, "You cowards in blue uniforms, with your belts full of phalluses, let me populate this land with my descendants!" He'll even demand they check her exit permit for the reservation. To top it all off, he can offer them a group rate for all four dolls, costing the officers ten bucks each. As a grand finale, he can just look them in the eye and say, "I've messed with your whole system, now you deal with the fallout." He could repeat this process a few times... provided he doesn't end up in the hospital after the first attempt. Not that it matters—even if he does, he'll be out in a month, and he'll never have to worry about those cops planting drugs on him again. Hahaha!...
Well, that’s that—case closed! Oh boy...
