Unplanned pregnancy

I’ve been scrolling through these pages looking for actual facts, and I can't help but notice how most places where people are desperate for help just end up being full of judgment, accusations, and verbal abuse. That's not what I'm here for, so if you're one of those moral police types, feel free to head out now.
If you're still reading and actually willing to offer some advice, thanks—but listen closely. I need to know if any of you have experience dealing with unwanted pregnancy terminations at clinics or hospitals in San Francisco, and what the vibe is like there.
Also, if the person involved is a minor, does a parent strictly have to be present, or is it enough to have an older, trusted relative or close family friend?
Do private clinics perform abortions, and if they do, which ones should we look into?
A young woman close to me ended up in this situation because she wasn't prepared, and she has zero support from her family—no one to turn to for advice or understanding. She came to me, but I'm honestly lost on how I can even help her without overstepping.
I don't want to leave her hanging, but I also don't want to make things more complicated for either of us. PLEASE HELP!

I honestly don't have the answers to any of those questions, but I do think this is something that girl's parents really need to be looped in on. Don't try to shoulder the whole burden yourself by going behind their backs to fix things. Good luck!

Look, I wouldn't even consider doing something like that if I weren't backed into a corner, but if her parents found out, they would absolutely lose it. Trust me, I’m not exaggerating.
That sounds like a nightmare.
Honestly, I’d prefer if she just decided to have the baby, even though she’s clearly not ready for this... but it’s not my call to make.😢😲

I can't really weigh in since I don't live in the States, but I just wanted to say how kind it is of you to offer her such steady support; she’s facing an incredibly heavy decision right now.
Since none of us truly know the specifics of her home life or what she's going through behind closed doors, I won't play philosopher here. However, speaking as a parent of a daughter entering puberty, I find it hard to wrap my head around not being there for her "no matter what"—even in the face of an unplanned pregnancy. No matter how much my own parents used to yell or make threats, at the end of the day, we always stood by our kids, or at least 99% of us did.
In any case, I really hope everything works out and that she reaches the right decision.

..I don't have any firsthand experience, but I know someone who does. As for the hospital, I'm not entirely sure, but my guess is you'll need a parent on hand. Regarding private clinics, they're available in just about every major US city—if you're looking for outpatient services, you've got plenty of options. Good luck.

I actually had my procedure about a month ago, but I was at a hospital in Chicago, so I can mostly speak to how things work here in the States. I imagine it’s probably pretty similar if you were looking at a facility in a place like Los Angeles.
First off, I’d suggest checking which specific hospitals actually perform these procedures, since not every local clinic offers them. You’ll usually need to head to the OB-GYN department for an initial ultrasound, and you might also need to stop by a lab to get your blood type confirmed.
After that, they’ll schedule you for the actual procedure, which I guess only takes about 15 minutes. It wasn't painful for me, just maybe a little uncomfortable, as the local anesthesia seems to do the trick quite well. The total cost ended up being around $667. Once it's over, you'll probably just need to rest for two or three hours before you can head home. They generally don't mind if a friend comes along to support you, so that shouldn't be an issue.
Once you're discharged, you'll likely need to pick up some antibiotics and something to help manage the bleeding (it costs about $13), which you'll take for about a week. It's also normal to experience bleeding that feels similar to a regular period.
I found that taking it easy for three or four days after the procedure was helpful, and then everything seemed to settle down fine.
Overall, I don't think it's as scary as people make it out to be, though the waiting around at the hospital can be a bit tedious.
I honestly expected to be the only one there, but it turns out these procedures are quite common in hospitals, and many women find themselves in similar situations.
For the most accurate details, I'd recommend calling the OB-GYN departments at your local hospitals directly.

What I’m really stuck on right now is whether there’s even a remote chance she could pull this off without her parents finding out😕!!

I mean, I don't think there's anything for minors...

No way. Honestly, I have no clue where you'd even go for an ultrasound in San Francisco—but seriously, why doesn't she just see a gynecologist? They’re definitely the best people to talk to about this.

Isn't there some kind of loophole where if a girl is under 16, you need parental consent, but once she hits 16, all those rules just vanish?

Andrew Patel30 said:Isn't it just some legal loophole where parental consent is required if a girl is under 16, but once she hits 16, it's suddenly not needed anymore?

I agree that once they're over 16, consent shouldn't be necessary. It should just be about having an adult present. But maybe I'm wrong... 😕
I heard somewhere that if a minor needs an abortion without parental consent, they have to pay for it out of pocket $1333. 🤷

granitepanther18 said:The thing I’m really stuck on right now is whether there is any actual way for her to go through with this without her parents finding out somehow😕!!

There is zero chance of doing this legally without parental involvement. Trying to go under the radar seems way more dangerous than just dealing with some tough conversations—or even getting yelled at by her parents—to handle this the right, healthy way.
An abortion isn't free; I think you're looking at roughly $3,000$1333 depending on how far along she is and which procedure the clinic uses, whether it's suction or a D&C.

I just really hope she steps up and acts more maturely and responsibly than she has so far (especially considering the unprotected sex), and doesn't make an even bigger mistake that could haunt her for the rest of her life. When I say that, I'm talking about an illegal procedure that could leave her permanently disabled. Honestly, thinking about anything worse than that makes me sick to my stomach.

I have a bit of a story and a massive problem on my hands. I really need some urgent advice here...
I'm only 16, and I’m dealing with this guy who means the absolute world to me. We've been together for a long time, and we ended up sleeping together for the first time this past summer—a few different times, actually. After that first time, I got my period, though it was three days late, which is pretty much my normal routine. But then, about two weeks ago, we hooked up again, and now my period is five days late. I don't even have that usual feeling like it's coming. Here's the thing: we used condoms every single time. We were incredibly careful, and honestly, nothing ever went wrong—nothing broke, nothing leaked, nothing. We were so diligent about it. But I am absolutely terrified right now and I'm spiraling. It feels so strange. I was also sick all of last week, so maybe the stress or the illness messed with my cycle? I just don't know. Should I go out and buy a pregnancy test right now, or should I just wait a bit longer? Please, someone, give me an answer... anything at all...

Thank you so much

😢

By the way, I’m fully aware that my little thread here is a total tangent and has absolutely nothing to do with the current topic, but...

Love ya

granitepanther18 said:Scrolling through these boards looking for actual info, I couldn't help but notice how whenever people are desperate for help, they just get hit with judgment and insults instead... honestly, that's not what I'm here for, so if you're one of those moral police types, feel free to skip this thread right now.
If you're still reading and actually willing to offer some advice, please listen close... I'm trying to find out if anyone here has experience with terminating an unwanted pregnancy at clinics or hospitals in San Francisco, and what the vibe is like there.
Also, if the person is a minor, does a parent have to be physically present, or is having an older relative or someone close enough to them okay?
Do private clinics handle abortions, and if so, which ones?
A young woman who means a lot to me ended up in a situation she wasn't ready for. She doesn't have anyone in her family she can turn to for advice, let alone support or understanding, so she came to me... but I'm honestly lost on how I can even help her without overstepping.
I don't want to leave her hanging, but I really don't want to make things harder for either of us. PLEASE HELP!

Yeah, a parent has to sign off on it first.
As for whether they need to stay with her during the procedure—it doesn't really matter.
It costs around $1500-$533 and recovery is different for everyone. My buddy was only out for an hour, had anesthesia, and said it wasn't too bad... but then there was another girl who ended up stuck in a room for a month because of stuff like that... so yeah...
Anyway, it's legal and done in all the hospitals.
I'm not sure if keeping it a secret is smart, though. It's a big deal. If God forbid there are complications or an infection, then what?
Whatever the truth is, it's always better than a lie 🙂
Good luck 🙂

hiddenfox8 said:I have this little story and a massive problem. I really need an answer fast...
I'm 16 (only!) and I have this boyfriend I'm seriously attached to. We've been together forever and we slept together for the first time this summer. A few times, actually. After that, I got my period and it was late by 3 days (which happens all the time). Then two weeks ago we hooked up again and now my period is 5 days late. I don't even feel like it's coming. The thing is, we used condoms and they never broke, we were super careful and nothing ever popped. I'm honestly terrified and I don't know what to do... This is so weird for me, I was sick all last week so maybe it's from that... I don't know if I should just go buy a test or wait a bit longer... please someone answer, anything...

thanks so much

😢

hey look, your question is a bit off topic but I figured since you're clearly freaking out it doesn't matter🙂
to me, it sounds like stress... just the anxiety of thinking something went wrong🙂
I bet you'll get it soon, but if not—try sitting in a hot bath (not so hot you'll burn yourself, obviously) and stay in there as long as you can... or until the water cools down... it helps open things up and is great for getting your period started... kind of like having a glass of decent red wine...
🙂both those worked for me—they're my mom's old tricks

Thanks... look, both my boyfriend and I are absolutely certain we didn't conceive, but honestly, there was zero chance anyway since he finished every single time he pulled out—so, you know, it's not like anything ended up inside me... and besides, it would be peak irony if I actually ended up pregnant right now.

hiddenfox8 said:thanks... honestly, both my guy and I are pretty sure it didn't happen, but yeah, nothing happened because he finished every single time before pulling out, so you know... it wasn't inside me. Plus, it would be totally ironic if I actually ended up pregnant right now.

just grab a test in like 2 or 3 days... maybe try one of those early detection ones,$7.00.(my mom used them for me and my brother—and yeah, I've been in your shoes before too)...use your first urine of the morning!
then just see what happens 🙂

Oh my goodness... I actually did it! I am absolutely over the moon right now. Phew... seriously, thank you all so much for everything! (:

😉

hiddenfox8 said:oh my god... I actually got it! I am beyond happy right now. whew... thanks everyone for all the support (:

😉

🙂