#1 ·
I don't really feel like typing all of this out again, but I am struggling with anorexia, which you can see reflected in the next five sections. I would love to hear your thoughts... This text was originally taken from my blog...
I’ve opened up my blog here just to convince you that absolutely nothing in life is worth going down this path. No guy or girl is ever worth sacrificing yourself like this. In the next few posts, I'll explain my story and the details regarding my struggle with anorexia nervosa.
It all started from the moment I was born. When I came into the world, I was the biggest baby in the hospital. I was a perfectly healthy kid, just like anyone else. But when I was two and a half, I developed asthma. I had to start taking various medications, including steroids, and after that, I gained quite a bit of weight. I started eating nothing but chocolate for breakfast, and lunch and dinner... those were my absolute favorite meals. When I started school, my BMI was totally normal; I was a happy kid and the favorite child in the family. I excelled in all my classes because I actually loved studying. By age eight, I was 4'7" and weighed about 99 pounds. Even though that was a little heavy, it didn't bother me at all. Now, I'm thirteen years old and undergoing treatment for anorexia...
As I mentioned, I've always been a great student. Then I entered fifth grade. As you know, that's when those first crushes start hitting you. I fell for a girl, whom I'll call Barbie. At the time, I was a bit on the chubby side—about 4'10" and 121 pounds. According to my BMI, my weight was normal, but I felt like I was "distributed a bit wrong." Just like any other romance, you go crazy for someone at first, buying them Valentine's gifts and everything... Even if people try to tell me otherwise, I truly believe that thinner boys have a much easier time with girls. I never actually dated her, but honestly, that isn't even the point. This whole thing really took hold during sixth and seventh grade.
When sixth grade rolled around, my focus on school slipped a little. I fell head over heels for a girl I'll call Maca. She was stunning—blonde, fit, and a straight-A student. I was completely infatuated with her; I don't even know why, but I was obsessed. She liked another guy, though. I acted pretty immaturely back then, making stupid jokes and acting out. Who wouldn't be angry after hearing stuff like that? Eventually, she finished school. I spent the summer thinking about her and started getting active. I tried skipping dinner, but I could never stick to it; I'd skip one night, then find myself obsessing over why I was doing it the next. Between playing soccer and riding my bike, I managed to lose about 10 pounds. Then seventh grade began...
Maca was a year older than me. I was entering seventh grade while she was in eighth. That is when the anorexia truly took over. In September 2006, I was 5'2" and 128 pounds. Again, I felt like I was "distributed wrong." It started with skipping dinner, then skipping entire meals. I began running and doing intense workouts. By November 1st, 2006, I was 5'2" but only weighed 110 pounds. Once you get sucked into that mindset and step on the scale, you just think, "I'll just lose one more pound." I was doing 1,000 sit-ups and 200 push-ups every single day. Some people didn't believe I could handle that much, but I pushed my body to the absolute breaking point. Then I started running 2, 3, or even 4 miles a day. I spent entire days just exercising, and exercising... By January, I was 5'3" and only 103 pounds. I lost all that weight in such a short time just to impress Maca. Now, writing this on May 2nd, 2007, I am 5'3" and weigh only 95 pounds. My BMI is 17.3, which means I am underweight and suffering from anorexia. I've seen a psychologist, and my brother, who is a medical technician, tells me every day what I should be eating and that I shouldn't exercise so much... But I still have this constant fear that I'll gain it all back and never be able to lose it again. Once you fall into anorexia, it is incredibly hard to escape. You lose your appetite entirely; sometimes you can't eat for days. My diet consisted of: Breakfast (which was mostly just trying to survive) consisting of 1 or 2 pastries. Lunch: A tiny portion of whatever was served at home. Dinner: Never happened. I never even thought about sweets. On a good day, I was lucky if I consumed 500-600 calories. For a growing person, you need about 2,200 calories a day. In the end, I wonder if one girl was ever truly worth spiraling into such a dangerous illness. I am recovering now, even though I still struggle when I eat a little more or skip a meal.
I practically went through an eating disorder because of Maca, buying her gold earrings, phone credits, Christmas presents, Valentine's gifts... you name it.
I’ve managed to heal myself somehow, though. Now I actually eat breakfast, lunch, sweets, and sometimes even dinner after 8 PM. Currently, I'm at 159cm and weighing 43kg. That puts my BMI at 17.4, which is in the anorexia range.
I can't say that girl was stupid or anything like that. You can't force someone to be with you. I'm still in love with her, even knowing she doesn't want to be with me. She has her own life and will eventually be with whoever she loves... And if she went through as much heartache for one guy as I did, I believe she'll end up with him eventually.
So, if you fall in love, please don't resort to an eating disorder just for a guy or a girl. One day they might love you back, or you'll find someone else. There isn't just one single person on this entire planet.
GOOD LUCK!!!
by Rocky
I’ve opened up my blog here just to convince you that absolutely nothing in life is worth going down this path. No guy or girl is ever worth sacrificing yourself like this. In the next few posts, I'll explain my story and the details regarding my struggle with anorexia nervosa.
It all started from the moment I was born. When I came into the world, I was the biggest baby in the hospital. I was a perfectly healthy kid, just like anyone else. But when I was two and a half, I developed asthma. I had to start taking various medications, including steroids, and after that, I gained quite a bit of weight. I started eating nothing but chocolate for breakfast, and lunch and dinner... those were my absolute favorite meals. When I started school, my BMI was totally normal; I was a happy kid and the favorite child in the family. I excelled in all my classes because I actually loved studying. By age eight, I was 4'7" and weighed about 99 pounds. Even though that was a little heavy, it didn't bother me at all. Now, I'm thirteen years old and undergoing treatment for anorexia...
As I mentioned, I've always been a great student. Then I entered fifth grade. As you know, that's when those first crushes start hitting you. I fell for a girl, whom I'll call Barbie. At the time, I was a bit on the chubby side—about 4'10" and 121 pounds. According to my BMI, my weight was normal, but I felt like I was "distributed a bit wrong." Just like any other romance, you go crazy for someone at first, buying them Valentine's gifts and everything... Even if people try to tell me otherwise, I truly believe that thinner boys have a much easier time with girls. I never actually dated her, but honestly, that isn't even the point. This whole thing really took hold during sixth and seventh grade.
When sixth grade rolled around, my focus on school slipped a little. I fell head over heels for a girl I'll call Maca. She was stunning—blonde, fit, and a straight-A student. I was completely infatuated with her; I don't even know why, but I was obsessed. She liked another guy, though. I acted pretty immaturely back then, making stupid jokes and acting out. Who wouldn't be angry after hearing stuff like that? Eventually, she finished school. I spent the summer thinking about her and started getting active. I tried skipping dinner, but I could never stick to it; I'd skip one night, then find myself obsessing over why I was doing it the next. Between playing soccer and riding my bike, I managed to lose about 10 pounds. Then seventh grade began...
Maca was a year older than me. I was entering seventh grade while she was in eighth. That is when the anorexia truly took over. In September 2006, I was 5'2" and 128 pounds. Again, I felt like I was "distributed wrong." It started with skipping dinner, then skipping entire meals. I began running and doing intense workouts. By November 1st, 2006, I was 5'2" but only weighed 110 pounds. Once you get sucked into that mindset and step on the scale, you just think, "I'll just lose one more pound." I was doing 1,000 sit-ups and 200 push-ups every single day. Some people didn't believe I could handle that much, but I pushed my body to the absolute breaking point. Then I started running 2, 3, or even 4 miles a day. I spent entire days just exercising, and exercising... By January, I was 5'3" and only 103 pounds. I lost all that weight in such a short time just to impress Maca. Now, writing this on May 2nd, 2007, I am 5'3" and weigh only 95 pounds. My BMI is 17.3, which means I am underweight and suffering from anorexia. I've seen a psychologist, and my brother, who is a medical technician, tells me every day what I should be eating and that I shouldn't exercise so much... But I still have this constant fear that I'll gain it all back and never be able to lose it again. Once you fall into anorexia, it is incredibly hard to escape. You lose your appetite entirely; sometimes you can't eat for days. My diet consisted of: Breakfast (which was mostly just trying to survive) consisting of 1 or 2 pastries. Lunch: A tiny portion of whatever was served at home. Dinner: Never happened. I never even thought about sweets. On a good day, I was lucky if I consumed 500-600 calories. For a growing person, you need about 2,200 calories a day. In the end, I wonder if one girl was ever truly worth spiraling into such a dangerous illness. I am recovering now, even though I still struggle when I eat a little more or skip a meal.
I practically went through an eating disorder because of Maca, buying her gold earrings, phone credits, Christmas presents, Valentine's gifts... you name it.
I’ve managed to heal myself somehow, though. Now I actually eat breakfast, lunch, sweets, and sometimes even dinner after 8 PM. Currently, I'm at 159cm and weighing 43kg. That puts my BMI at 17.4, which is in the anorexia range.
I can't say that girl was stupid or anything like that. You can't force someone to be with you. I'm still in love with her, even knowing she doesn't want to be with me. She has her own life and will eventually be with whoever she loves... And if she went through as much heartache for one guy as I did, I believe she'll end up with him eventually.
So, if you fall in love, please don't resort to an eating disorder just for a guy or a girl. One day they might love you back, or you'll find someone else. There isn't just one single person on this entire planet.
GOOD LUCK!!!
by Rocky