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Genital pain...

Started by Zachary Ortiz · · 👁 3 views · 14 replies

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Participants Zachary Ortizrapidhound78Matthew Morris28Dana SullivanABrian Gonzalez7casualjackal12
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#1 ·
Dear fellow forum members—I am currently grappling with some rather significant health complications regarding my massive reproductive apparatus.

Beyond the fact that I suffer from excruciating bouts of pain every two or three days, lately—as if the aforementioned issue weren't enough—there is this frantic leaking after I finish urinating. It’s akin to a rusty metal faucet left running. 😢

The urologist informs me that the root of this struggle likely stems from my intense physical endowments, though he hasn't ruled out the possibility of testicular inflammation caused by excessively frequent sexual activity.

While I fought tooth and nail against his bureaucratic policy of reduction, I eventually—facing the hurricane-force onslaught of empty demagoguery from a medical council of Swiss phrenologists—was forced to unconditionally surrender.

Now, I am tasked with trimming those excessive 37 daily encounters down to a more manageable 26, so that—to quote the man: "my grand organ can fully revitalize and achieve the necessary conditioning for all the challenges the new academic year brings." End quote.

Since I have never found myself in such a dire (one might even say hopeless) predicament, I humbly request that you, esteemed forum members, lend your precious advice and words of support to help me find light at the end of this dark tunnel: Mount Rainier—Saint Roch—Appalachian Mountains.

My thanks to you all in advance.

Sincerely,
Anthony, Anthony, a hero, not a villain!!!! 🎉 🎉 🙂

Oops... Wrong password. My apologies.

Forgive my unrefined little nervous tics. 😢

And the lady at the pharmacy was kind enough to tell me there wouldn't be any side effects.

Dammit.
Lying dog. 😢
rapidhound78 rapidhound78 Member
34 messages
joined Jul 2005
#2 ·
oh, what an idiot 🙏
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#3 ·
Don't you dare trivialize my struggles, you digital beast!!!🙂
Do you have any earthly idea what it’s like—actually, let me rephrase—do you have even the slightest inkling of what it feels like to walk around for your entire life carrying ten pounds of extra kidney meat between your legs??😢

Of course you don't.

My spine is basically shot at this point.

I’m starting to look like a freaking Quasimodo. 😢
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#4 ·
You’ve been flagged for a ban. 😉

This is hardly the appropriate venue or the right moment to be mocking my physical imperfections. 👎

Shame on you, truly... 👎
And as for the rest of you—you bunch of cynics—maybe try showing a little empathy for once...🙂

Go on then, pat yourselves on the back, offer some hollow comfort... maybe things will improve even with those spikes... 😢
Matthew Morris28 Matthew Morris28 Active Member
55 messages
joined Jan 2005
#5 ·
The cure for all your problems? It’s called pure bliss. Honestly, you probably have massive blisters on your hands by now—either from working too hard or just from spending way too much time online typing out nonsense. 😁
rapidhound78 rapidhound78 Member
34 messages
joined Jul 2005
#6 ·
Matthew Morris28 said:The cure for all your issues is a good old-fashioned ointment. You probably have massive blisters on your hands from tugging on yourself thirty-seven times a day and typing out nothing but pure nonsense. 😁

🙏
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#7 ·
Matthew Morris28 said:The cure for all your issues is some kind of magic ointment—let's call it New York City Sludge. Honestly, you probably have massive blisters on your hands from either typing out this nonsense or... well, let's just say other repetitive daily activities. 😁

Who even manufactures this "City Sludge" anyway??

Is it Atrix? 😳

If it is, man... just forget about it..

To cover my entire backside with that stuff, I’d need about three tons of cream.

And I definitely don't have that kind of cash. 😢

Hmm, if I start with this whole "creaming" business now, where does it end? That doesn't seem like a sustainable option either.

God, that's like starting to paint the exterior of your house and then quitting halfway through. 🙄

What do you think, buddy??

Your logic only applies to the downstairs department.

I'm listening.

Go ahead, you cowards.

I'm drunk and currently cursing out my sportsbook bets.

Don't you guys start getting on my nerves too.
Dana Sullivan Dana Sullivan Newcomer
8 messages
joined Jun 2005
#8 ·
Matthew Morris28 said:The cure for all your issues? It’s called some kind of miracle ointment. You probably have massive blisters on your hands from jerking off thirty-seven times a day and typing out all this nonsense. 😁

Whoa. 🤣 🤣 😂 😂 😂
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#9 ·
It appears I am quite literally a magnet for idiots. 🙄

Rapidhound78, go pee and get some sleep.
A Anonymous Veteran
3.6K messages
joined May 2005
#10 ·
Matthew Morris28 said:The cure for all your issues? It’s called honey. Pure, thick American honey. Honestly, you probably have massive blisters on your hands from spending all day jerking off 37 times a day and typing out this absolute nonsense. 😁

YOU TOTAL LOSER!!!! 🤣 😂 🤣
Brian Gonzalez7 Brian Gonzalez7 Member
35 messages
joined Feb 2004
#11 ·
Zachary Ortiz said:Hey guys, I’m dealing with some massive health issues regarding my... uh... extremely oversized reproductive equipment.

Besides the fact that I get this unbearable, stabbing pain every two or three days, lately—as if that wasn't enough—it keeps leaking like crazy after I finish peeing. Like a rusty old metal faucet just won't shut off. 😢

My urologist tells me the issue probably stems from being so incredibly gifted, though he didn't rule out the possibility of inflammation due to my... frequent sexual activity.

Even though I fought tooth and nail against his bureaucratic nonsense about scaling things back, I eventually had to just surrender to the empty, storm-like rhetoric of that medical board of Swiss phrenologists.

So now, I have to somehow cut down those excessive 37 sessions a day to a more reasonable 26, just so—and I quote—"my majestic organ can fully revitalize and be physically prepared for all the challenges the new academic year brings." End quote.

Since I’ve never been in such a tough (okay, maybe hopeless) spot before, I’m asking you, my fellow forum members, to please help me find some light at the end of this dark tunnel with your wise advice and words of support: Mount Rainier - Saint Roch - Appalachian Mountains.

Thanks in advance.

From the bottom of my heart.
Anthony, Anthonyeeeee, hero, not a criminal!!!! 🎉 🎉 🙂

Oops... wrong slogan. My bad.

Just getting hit by some rude impulses here. 😢

And the lady at the pharmacy was super nice and told me there wouldn't be any side effects.

Damn it.
Lying dog. 😢

Stick it between your legs and plug it into your ass so you stop posting this stupid crap. 👋
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#12 ·
I’ve already given that so-called "anal Hamilton procedure" a shot.

Sadly, it didn't exactly do the trick.

Though, I have to admit—it’s starting to grow on me, this sensation of my own guts being right up there in my backside.

Almost as much as being in your mouth. 😉
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#13 ·
Who’s up for a little sing-along??? 🙂

From Palace to Palace

My boots are laced up high and tight
And through the dark, I find my way
The black stallion knows where I tie my gear
Even the dogs watch me pass—they know the game

From palace to palace I roam
Never met a rogue quite like me
I'll steal your heart away
Little darling, wait and see

Don't go scolding me, old man
It's the ladies from three different towns who are mad
Because I tipped my hat to every girl I saw
And stole their hearts with a single glance

The dew has already settled on the frost
And I haven't a clue which direction to take
But wherever I wander, they're all willing to help
Just so I might stay until the morning light breaks

From palace to palace I roam
Never met a rogue quite like me
I'll steal your heart away
Little darling, wait and see x 2


Yeeee-hawwwwwww-haaaaaaaa-haaaaaaa-haaaaaa !!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
casualjackal12 casualjackal12 Member
16 messages
joined Jun 2007
#14 ·
The solution is clearly the satellites!

TOTAL CAP!
Zachary Ortiz Zachary Ortiz MemberOP
22 messages
joined Sep 2005
#15 ·
Jimmy Floyd, your suggestion was shot down without a second thought. 🙂

Those 48 centimeters are my entire life. 🙂

Try coming up with something actually useful next time.

Alright, buddy?? 😉

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