Sleep disorders: Sleepwalking and night terrors

Hey guys,
My husband and I just got married, and we’ve only been living together for two months.
In those two short months, I’ve dealt with more trauma than I have in my entire life.
Here’s the deal: every single night, after midnight, my husband starts screaming and thrashing around in his sleep.
It’s not just some random mumbling or talking in his sleep—it’s full-blown, clear sentences, and they’re almost always negative. He yells them. Usually, he starts with this terrified "No, no, no!" scream that honestly makes my blood run cold.
Then he’ll say something specific, like calling out my name or shouting warnings about some danger... and then he actually gets up, sits up, or even crouches on the bed. Sometimes he’ll pace the room or start messing with the curtains and stuff.
Occasionally, I’ll try asking him a question, and he’ll actually answer me, but then he has zero memory of it the next day.
It’s incredibly frustrating because I’m pregnant, and I can’t get any sleep. I’m actually terrified he’s going to accidentally hit my stomach or jump on me while he's acting out these dreams.
When I tried telling him how much this scares me, he just laughed it off, saying it wasn't a big deal and that plenty of people do weird stuff in their sleep. Well, it isn't funny to me at all. I’m heading to bed every night with this knot of dread, knowing he’s going to wake me up in the middle of the night. I never know what to expect. I’ve even considered moving to a different room, but obviously, that’s not a long-term fix.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Does anyone know what causes this kind of behavior or how to make it stop?

I don't have a definitive answer for you, but I would certainly recommend reaching out to a doctor—perhaps they can refer you to a specialized sleep disorder clinic.
As for whether it's safe to wake him right when an episode starts... well, I wouldn't suggest testing that theory over a forum, honestly. If you were to try it, though, I’d advise making sure someone else is home with you just in case.
Have you two even discussed the possibility of sleeping in separate rooms? Personally, I’d be more than happy to escape to another room for my own sake and the baby's, though I suppose the scheduling issues remain just as tricky.

It’s also quite concerning—and really shouldn't be overlooked—that your husband isn't taking this seriously. Depending on how you two handle conflict, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to record one of these episodes and show it to him directly?

Does he have parents nearby or perhaps someone he lived with recently? In my opinion, when things like this are so pronounced, total honesty is the only way forward. It simply isn't right if people knew about this and didn't communicate it to you. If you have close relatives or dear friends, please reach out to them for some support.

Sleepwalking can genuinely impact safety—both yours and his!—and it is clearly wreaking havoc on your own sleep quality. You have every right to prioritize your health and the baby's, and he really ought to take this seriously and act quickly so you aren't living in a constant state of shock because of him. He might not even realize how much it matters, aside from the risk of hurting himself (I mean, would you even dare open a window during a hot summer night if he's wandering near it???), but he truly cannot afford to be indifferent.

I truly hope he agrees to see a specialist. It will be important to mention if he's on any medications or if he's been under significant stress lately. In the meantime, perhaps try to foster a more relaxing atmosphere in the evenings. I am so sorry you're carrying this burden alone, but it sounds like you might need to work on your communication as well; you seem like a young couple who moved in together relatively early on, and sleepwalking combined with poor communication can very easily put a relationship to the test.

coppergardener said:I don't have a magic answer, but I’d definitely call a doctor—maybe they can point you toward a sleep disorder clinic.
I'm not sure if waking him mid-episode is safe, so I wouldn't suggest that over a forum, but if you do try it, make sure someone else is home with you.
Have you guys talked about sleeping in separate rooms? Honestly, I’d probably run for the hills myself, just for my own sanity and the baby's, but then you still have the whole "time" issue to deal with.

It’s also pretty crappy that your husband isn't taking this seriously. Depending on how you two vibe, maybe record an episode and show it to him.

Does he have parents or anyone he lived with recently? Personally, I think when stuff gets this intense, you have to be blunt. It's not okay if people knew about this and didn't tell you. If you have close family or friends nearby, lean on them for support.

Sleepwalking is a safety hazard for him and it’s wrecking your sleep. You have a right to your health and the baby's health, and he needs to step up so you aren't living in constant shock. He might not even realize he’s doing it, other than potentially hurting himself (are you even allowed to leave a window open near him in the summer???) but he can't just shrug it off.

I really hope he agrees to see a doctor. Make sure to mention any meds he's on or recent major stressors. In the meantime, try to keep things chill in the evenings. Sorry you're carrying all this; it sounds like you might need to work on communication too. You sound like a young couple who moved in together pretty fast after getting married, and sleepwalking plus bad communication is a recipe for testing a relationship.

We've been together 9 years, but we only started living together once we got married and I got pregnant.
He never mentioned anything because, obviously, he had no clue. I talked to his twin brother, and he said he used to mumble sometimes, but nothing nearly this serious.
I think he doesn't realize what he actually looks like, so he thinks I'm blowing things out of proportion. I did a little digging online and found cases that sound exactly like him. I'd love to know if anyone else has dealt with this and how they handled it or actually fixed the problem.

I’m not married, but apparently, I talk in my sleep... at least according to a few people who've noticed.

One time, they told me I was actually shouting and half-sitting up in bed, just waving my hand around in mid-air.

I had absolutely no clue I was yelling or doing the whole hand thing—they had to break the news to me the next day.
After it happened, I kind of remembered this one dream... I was hanging off a rope right on the edge of a massive cliff, just terrified of falling. 😁 😁 😁

I haven't really gone to see a doctor about it or anything.
I heard somewhere that it might be tied to stress—you know, if life is just constant chaos during the day, like at work or whatever, you just grit your teeth and push through, and then it all catches up to you at night and messes with your sleep cycle.

On top of that, I have bruxism—that's the teeth grinding thing. I didn't even realize I was doing it until my dentist warned me and said I needed a mouthguard, like what boxers wear. And yeah, the grinding is obviously caused by being constantly stressed out.

If you're looking to help your husband, I think the move is to tackle the root cause, which is the stress. Maybe change jobs, move to a new place, or talk to a therapist... if that gets sorted, the sleeping stuff should settle down too.

Also, maybe set up a webcam or an IP camera—one of those ones that works in the dark—so he can see the footage. Not to be creepy or anything, just so he actually knows what's going on.

Sent from my Samsung Galaxy S24 using Reddit

My first thought was that this smells like potential PTSD or maybe even epilepsy.

But hey, who knows? It could be anything at all when you're gaming...

Seriously though, get that checked out ASAP.

Reading through your posts feels like reading about my own husband, except his episodes aren't every single night and they aren't quite as intense as what you guys are describing. Plus, he’s got a twin brother to deal with too.
His episodes vary wildly—one minute he's shouting about needing to evacuate because China dropped an atomic bomb on Iraq, the next he's frantically waking me up to warn me there's a stranger sitting at the foot of the bed (honestly, if I hadn't died right then, I'll never know). Sometimes it's just him joking around or laughing at some high school movie, or even trying to "reboot" computer memory since he works in IT (he's an ITevac). Most of the time, it’s actually pretty hilarious; I usually just tell him, "Honey, you're dreaming again," and he just rolls over and goes back to sleep. We've been together for 12 years now, and it's actually tapered off to maybe just a few episodes a year. Back when we had our son, he used to bolt upright in his sleep, panicking and feeling around the bed with his hands to make sure the baby hadn't fallen out, even though the kid has never even slept in our bed.
I suspect the root cause might be mild ADHD or perhaps the trauma from losing his father under such tragic circumstances when he was only 17. Another thing is that he describes his dreams as being incredibly vivid—almost like full-length movies—which he insists on recounting to me the very next day. It seems like he has this deep-seated need to get those stories out of his system.
In his everyday life, he’s actually a very easygoing, cheerful guy.
We haven't really considered seeking professional help before, but looking at how intense your experiences sound, maybe you all should. I know there’s a specialized sleep disorder center at a major hospital in our area that is supposed to be top-tier.
Good luck!