CheckEmoji Community · the emoji forum
🏠 Home 🆕 What's new ❓ Unanswered 🔥 Popular 📡 RSS Members 👥 0 online
log in · register
Home › Lifestyle › Health › Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

Support resources for families dealing with cancer and other serious illnesses

Started by casualpanther1 · · 👁 4 views · 1.9K replies

📡 Subscribe to replies

Participants casualpanther1quietpilot87Angela WrightJames Young87Zachary Howard2Benjamin Grant6wanderingharbor61Roger Hall15Zachary Booth3brightgardener8feralwolf24hiddentiger80Karen Fox36Elizabeth Diaz60slyseal28Linda Wright5James Martinez3Jeremy Kelly6gentlemoose62Maria Scott4shadowmason6Kevin Edwards35jadetinker42John Chase6 …
casualpanther1 casualpanther1 MemberOP
37 messages
joined Feb 2007
#1 ·
Dear everyone,
It honestly saddens me that every single time I sit down to write something here, I first have to offer my condolences to those of you struggling.
At the same time, it serves as a necessary reminder of how much humility I need to maintain. Every day, I find myself sincerely thanking God that my wife is doing so well. We are now in the 21st month since her diagnosis, and she is still like a little girl—cheerful, energetic, healthy, and full of life and hope. It doesn't even feel like we are living with this disease. The only thing that reminds us of its existence is the massive pile of supplements she takes every day.
We have a follow-up MRI scheduled for sometime this month.
No matter how much I read about the hardships patients face or the suffering of their caregivers, it is incredibly difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea that I could find myself in that exact same situation at some point in the future. I can tell you right now, despite all the mental preparation I’ve tried to do, I am terrified of that possibility. Reading about how you all handle these immense challenges fills me with admiration, but it also makes me wonder if I would be capable of being that strong. As time moves further away from the start, my confidence in handling the unknown shrinks. It’s an incredible paradox; I should be purely happy because everything is fine right now, yet the fear persists.

My own procedure went smoothly. All three feeding arteries that were supplying blood to the AVM malformation in my brain have been closed off. For a few days following the surgery, I lost vision on the left side of my left eye due to brain edema caused by the procedure. Fortunately, things settled down after a week, and I've been recovering ever since. Headaches are to be expected, but they aren't a daily occurrence anymore.
I’ve started my rehabilitation by walking laps around Central Park, naturally with my wife by my side.
I am heading back to work next week.
Unfortunately, this story isn't over yet. After the follow-up exam in September, a Gamma Knife procedure is highly likely. We will just have to see.

We continue to hold onto the hope that the AVM will remain dormant forever and that we can somehow avoid the inevitable.

Best regards, and hang in there.
quietpilot87 quietpilot87 Active Member
149 messages
joined Sep 2008
#2 ·
Quick question—how do you guys deal with malicious comments?
Most people aren't actually evil, but they react in all sorts of messy ways. Some just love feeding off other people's misery, while others feel bad and end up being totally clumsy with their words.

My mom brought this up after a recent run-in with an old acquaintance whose wife passed away from cancer. Even though she’s already on the mend, he hit her with something like, "Don't worry, you won't be around much longer either."

Look, we all know people fighting cancer aren't exactly hitting triple digits, but comments like that are a total gut punch to a patient's mental state. Even if there's a grain of truth to them. Why do people lack basic decency—if not for themselves, then at least for someone else? 😢

So, what do you do when that happens? Keep in mind, we're talking about entire social circles you used to hang out with, where suddenly the best move is to just ghost everyone at once.
Angela Wright Angela Wright Regular
731 messages
joined Feb 2007
#3 ·
quietpilot87 said:Just a quick question—how do you all deal with malicious comments?
Most people aren't actually evil, but everyone reacts differently. Some folks just thrive on other people's misery, while others feel so bad they don't even know how to react properly.

My mom actually brought this up after running into an old acquaintance whose wife passed away from cancer. Even though she’s already on the mend, he hit her with a comment like, "Don't worry, you won't be around much longer either."

Look, we all know that people battling cancer aren't exactly living to see a hundred, but those kinds of remarks are a massive psychological blow to a patient. Even if there's a grain of truth in them. Why do people lack basic decency? If they can't show it to themselves, the least they could do is show it to someone else. 😢

So, what do you do when that happens? Keep in mind, these are often entire social circles you've known for years, and suddenly it feels like the best move is to just cut them all out at once.

In a situation like that, I choose to rise above the mediocrity. I just thank God that He saw fit to make someone so special that they were gifted with something others never received: a pure, noble soul.
Honestly, there's plenty of trash like that out there☕. If I wasted my breath fighting back or burning energy on them, I probably wouldn't have any left for the things that actually matter right now.

I mentioned a while ago that the situation we find ourselves in acts as an incredible filter. All the sludge and garbage that's been accumulating around you just gets stripped away, leaving you with the privilege of holding onto the few truly kind souls through sheer grace. Everything becomes crystal clear overnight; you see exactly who people are and what to expect from them, which dictates how you handle them moving forward.
That’s one of the massive silver linings of this whole ordeal, in my opinion.
James Young87 James Young87 Newcomer
6 messages
joined Dec 2011
#4 ·
Angela Wright said:I mentioned a while back that the situation we’re currently navigating acts as a sort of incredible filter. All the noise and the negativity that seemed to be swirling around you just sort of separates itself from you, which I suppose is almost a gift—allowing you to hold onto those few people who show genuine, pure kindness. Everything suddenly becomes crystal clear, and you find yourself knowing exactly who people are and what you can realistically expect from them, so you know how to handle things moving forward.
That’s just one of the many silver linings, in my opinion, that can come out of a crisis like this.

That is so beautifully put!👍 👍And it feels so incredibly true!!!!
Dealing with these kinds of illnesses and losing people we love... it really does remind you of what actually matters, and I guess it helps refocus your life.
My father passed away from cancer. I miss him terribly every single day. But at the same time, even amidst all that sadness, desperation, and feeling so helpless, I somehow feel remarkably strong. After going through something that heavy, it seems clear to me that there aren't many things in life that can truly break you. If I was able to make it through that—and honestly, even eighteen months later, I’m still finding my way through it—then I feel like there isn't much left that could ever knock me down.
Sending everyone a big, warm 🙂
Zachary Howard2 Zachary Howard2 Newcomer
6 messages
joined Jan 2009
#5 ·
quietpilot87 said:Just a quick question—how do you all deal with malicious comments?
Most people aren't intentionally evil, but everyone reacts differently. Some people just seem to thrive on other people's misfortune, while others feel so much sympathy that they end up reacting clumsily.

The thought occurred to me recently after my mother ran into an acquaintance whose wife had passed away from cancer. Even though my mom is well into her recovery, he threw out a comment along the lines of, "Don't worry, you won't be around much longer either."

I mean, we’re all aware that people battling cancer aren't exactly living to see a hundred, but I think comments like that are a genuine psychological blow to the patient. Even if there's a grain of truth to them. Why do people lack basic decency? If they can't show it to themselves, they should at least show it to someone else. 😢

And what are you supposed to do in a situation like that? Keep in mind, these are entire social circles you used to be part of, and suddenly it feels like the best move is to just start avoiding them altogether.


My late mother used to handle nonsense (not quite this specific type, but nonsense nonetheless) by simply saying: "I don't even feel sick; it's like it isn't even happening," and she would spite the illness and the world by traveling everywhere and going to theaters and concerts. Unfortunately, she couldn't fully shake the disease, but at least she lived those two years to the fullest and fought until the very end. These crude individuals allow themselves to vent their frustrations because they lost a loved one, and frankly, you shouldn't have to give them any thought. Just keep moving forward with courage.👍
Benjamin Grant6 Benjamin Grant6 Member
36 messages
joined Aug 2008
#6 ·
quietpilot87 said:Just a small inquiry—how does everyone here manage to deal with malicious comments?
Most people aren't inherently evil, of course, but their reactions vary wildly. Some seem to thrive on the misfortune of others, while some feel such intense pity that they become completely paralyzed by how to respond...

The thought occurred to me following a recent encounter my mother had with an acquaintance whose wife had passed away from cancer. Even though my mother is already in recovery, he felt the need to drop a comment along the lines of, "Don't worry, you won't be around much longer either."

I mean, we are all painfully aware that those battling cancer aren't exactly living to see a hundred, but I believe comments of that nature are a profound blow to a patient's psyche, even if there is a grain of truth to them. Why is it that people lack basic consideration, if not for themselves, then at least for others?...😢

So, what is one supposed to do in such a situation? It is worth noting that these are often entire social circles you once interacted with, making it quite difficult when you realize you might suddenly need to start avoiding them altogether...

As for myself, such remarks hit home, and I now make a point to steer clear of anyone who would share them...

When my ex-boyfriend heard that my mother was seriously ill, his response was simply, "That's nothing..." and when I explained her struggle and how weak she had become, he remarked, "Why are you crying when you're paying for everything anyway?" At the time, those words felt like a direct insult, though today they just seem incredibly foolish...

My mother hasn't personally had to endure such remarks, which I am profoundly grateful for. However, we have immediately begun distancing ourselves from individuals we suspect might approach her with that kind of attitude...
wanderingharbor61 wanderingharbor61 Member
20 messages
joined Aug 2011
#7 ·
Linda Peterson37, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss 🙂!
Roger Hall15 Roger Hall15 Active Member
107 messages
joined Jul 2003
#8 ·
brightgardener8 said:Melissa Kim45, how are you doing? How’s your mom holding up?

It’s been quite a while since we’ve seen any of those witty posts of yours...

It’s been about a year since the diagnosis, maybe a year and a half since she was first admitted to the Mayo Clinic, and honestly, Mom is just... there. Not exactly great, but I don't really know what to make of it all; I suppose, by some standards, they should be satisfied with where things stand. Personally, I just feel sort of numb.😁

How have you been? 🙂
quietpilot87 quietpilot87 Active Member
149 messages
joined Sep 2008
#9 ·
Angela Wright said:Please, there's a literal ocean of it out there☕. If I wasted my breath—or my energy—arguing about it, I probably wouldn't have anything left for the actual priorities in my life right now.

I'm not even getting worked up over it—it’s just hard watching my mom recount the whole thing and seeing her actually feel that sting in real-time. It's tough. I want to give her some advice on how to handle it, you know, keeping her specific personality in mind. Thanks for the encouraging posts 🙂
quietpilot87 quietpilot87 Active Member
149 messages
joined Sep 2008
#10 ·
Nancy Hernandez43 said:My mom hasn't had to deal with comments like that personally, and honestly, thank God for that. We started cutting off people the second we sensed they might come at her with that kind of energy.

People have tried labeling us as all sorts of dramatic relatives—inside or outside the family—constantly checking in to see how she’s doing. And when I say "she's doing okay"—because, let's be real, what else can you say? She doesn't have symptoms yet, the chemo is rough but manageable, she's still fighting, and the family is holding it together—that's when the lecture starts: "How can you say she's okay? It's a brutal disease, people don't survive this, blah blah blah..." Give me a break. Seriously. Eventually, I just got fed up and started being blunt about hanging up on them. 😁

That said, I get where those people are coming from, especially if they haven't lived through it.
When someone you love is facing a serious illness, the most important thing you can do is stay positive—or at least neutral. We were all blindsided by the news, and everyone processed the shock in their own way, mostly in silence. But we never complained or brought bad vibes around her. 🙂 When she lost her hair, we actually made jokes about it to lighten the mood. We definitely don't need anyone's sobbing or negativity right now. 🙄 It's not like Mom doesn't have enough going on in her own head. Around her, there needs to be nothing but positivity, just to drown out even the smallest dark thought that crosses her mind.
Zachary Booth3 Zachary Booth3 Member
27 messages
joined Dec 2008
#11 ·
To everyone here, THANK YOU for all the condolences and support you've shown me....
I don't even know where to start. I still can't quite wrap my head around everything that happened. I'm trying to process it, but I'm just struggling to navigate this incredibly heavy, painful new reality..
I miss my dad... I miss him so much. My whole family feels his absence, and I just can't accept that this is our new normal..
His condition started taking a turn for the worse exactly a week ago. Last Wednesday things shifted, they got worse on Thursday, and then on Friday....
Please forgive me if some of this feels out of place for this thread, but I just need to share this with you all....

I was right there with Dad when he took his last breath. Even though that moment keeps playing on loop in my mind, I’m grateful he wasn't alone. He was waiting for me.
Just two minutes before that happened, I was actually convinced this was just a bad patch—that he’d feel better after some rest and sleep. I truly believed that....
By pure chance, I spent so much time with him over these last few months. There isn't a single thing we haven't said to one another. I feel a sense of peace knowing he always knew how much we loved him, and that we would move mountains for him if we had to.
My dad died young, at only 48, but I guess life doesn't follow any rules. You rarely see that kind of courage and optimism in people. I'll admit, I used to complain about the small stuff and make mountains out of molehills, but it takes a situation like this to realize what a real problem actually is. My dad? Whenever anyone asked how he was doing, he’d just say he was doing great and wasn't in pain. He knew how to appreciate the little things and truly live life. I learned so much from him; both he and Mom are my ultimate role models.
Honestly, it's hard to even write this. My mind is spinning and my head feels heavy. It's just a total whirlwind of emotions inside me....
But if there's one thing I want to tell everyone, it's that you should never give up. Even now, I refuse to stop fighting. Both alternative and conventional medicine helped us, and you really have to arm yourself with knowledge to fight an enemy that *can* be defeated. My dad never let his spirit break, and maybe that's the most important part of all.
And no one—absolutely no one—can be reduced to a statistic. No data point can capture how much love those people received. Maybe I'm being naive, but I deeply believe that love, attention, and care from your family are just as vital as surgery, radiation, or chemo.
I also want to thank my husband. He has been my rock through all of this, pushing me forward when I can't move myself.

Best to you all!
Zachary Booth3 Zachary Booth3 Member
27 messages
joined Dec 2008
#12 ·
One more thing... I used to believe there was a reason for everything in life, but I honestly can't find any logic behind all of this. Maybe it doesn't even matter now. If you're asking if I'm bitter, sad, or angry—yes, I am. But if you ask if I'm at peace? Also yes. I was lucky enough to grow up in a family where love was always expressed, and I'm incredibly grateful to God for that. Knowing my parents loved me and that I loved them back is what matters most.
When I think about it, maybe the true measure of a life isn't whether you live to be 50, 70, or 90 years old, but how much love you receive from those closest to you.

If anyone needs advice, help, or anything else, reach out. I still intend to fight against these monsters.
Roger Hall15 Roger Hall15 Active Member
107 messages
joined Jul 2003
#13 ·
Linda Wright5 said:Hello to all the fighters out there,
I read this subforum pretty regularly, though I tend to write more over on the association's forum.
I have a question... how are you all dealing with the psychological struggles of those who are ill?
My sister has ovarian cancer, she’s dealing with deep vein thrombosis and ascites—fluid buildup in her abdomen—so she hasn't been very mobile for about ten months now. Sometimes she acts like a spoiled child (even though she's 39), getting angry if things aren't done exactly her way, and she loves to control and manipulate people... And honestly, sometimes I just don't know how to handle her... I don't want to give in to her too much, but sometimes she truly drives me crazy... Should you be blunt with people like this, or should you walk on eggshells and just endure their outbursts?
She saw a psychiatrist a few times and was happy with her, but she hasn't been back in quite a while...

We don't "deal" with it. Patients themselves (or rather, the family members acting as proxies) basically have to find their own psychological support or just lean on one another. We actually took my mom off certain pills like Haldol and Prazina on our own initiative. I'm not saying that's smart or how it should be done, but Mom isn't a zombie anymore (I actually got scared when I saw her expression once). Since she stopped taking Prazina in the evening, she hardly has any accidents with her bladder or bowels. It's not a mobility issue, though she is quite limited now, but without those specific meds, she's doing better. She sleeps with Xanax. What I mean is, aside from the pill-pushing, patients don't get that kind of support, and they desperately need it. Cancer is the kind of disease that frays your nerves to the breaking point. The treatment does the same. I'll start worrying seriously when she begins crushing cigarettes into her soup or talking to the zucchini, but until then, we won't let her into the house or let her take those kinds of drugs. To be honest, we don't even know anymore how much is dementia, or Alzheimer's, how much is just the cancer breaking her down, how much is caused by electrolyte imbalances, or how much is due to the heavy treatments. Of course, we fall apart every single time she has a fall because it reminds us of how it was at the beginning, and we can't help but wonder if the cancer has come back.

Anyway, we are constantly at each other's throats.😁
I am not ashamed to admit that I snap and yell at her when I see her with a cigarette more than a few times a day—which, granted, she's allowed to do (so what?). She refuses to use an ashtray "just so I won't lash out," and then she staggers around the apartment with a cigarette in one hand and uses the other to steady herself. Everything is a mess; she's burned through everything. I go crazy finding toothpicks in every corner. She hides them everywhere and uses them multiple times. I can talk, shout, pray, or sigh, but she just rolls her eyes. She's learned exactly what works for her and what doesn't—"I forgot," she'll say. "You know I'm sick." In a year and a half, I haven't been able to teach her to check her blood pressure in the afternoon. When it comes to things that suit her or things she wants, this helpless old woman turns into a devilishly clever manipulator and an incredibly skilled liar. When I realize what she's up to, I lose it, and I don't hide it. She plays games with vital things: food, drink, medication...
And this is being GOOD compared to how it was just a few months ago.

Naturally, we try to control everything, but she finds ways around us. I have no idea how a woman who is practically immobile (she's almost there; she can only go out with assistance and can't manage alone even in a dream) manages to get hold of sedatives. What am I supposed to do? Call everyone who visits her, even just by phone? She is alone for three hours in the morning and three in the afternoon, and during the middle of the day, she has a housekeeper who has already learned most of her little tricks. What kind of idiot would bring her pills? Last time, I found tablets hidden in a pillowcase, and she only admitted to one single pill and said, after being questioned,😁 That was actually brought to her by a woman who ended up moving to the States in the meantime. Threats aren't going to work; she’s defending this with everything she has.

Then again, whenever I really corner her and start yelling my head off and being relentless, I end up feeling terrible. I mean, maybe this is the last time for this one thing or the last time for that other thing, and I just know that one day I’m going to miss this whole chaotic asylum, even if from where I'm sitting right now, it doesn't look like there's any version of life where you aren't constantly testing your nerves. It's like I have this gut feeling that behind all her madness, there's some profound, heavy suffering. And honestly, it does look that way, because once I manage to catch my breath and calm down, I realize they aren't doing this on purpose. They’re just scared, overwhelmed, helpless, and miserable—it isn't easy for them.
As for how we fare alongside them, well, that's something only we can truly understand.

I don't think we need to go overboard trying to coddle or protect difficult patients. If anything, that just makes them feel more frightened, overwhelmed, powerless, and pathetic. Maybe that negative attention is the only way they can still feel like "real people," the way they used to be.

There's a massive age gap between my mom and your sister, so I doubt this will help you much, other than maybe realizing you aren't alone in struggling with these kinds of issues.

Keeping my fingers crossed for your sister and for all of you.🙂
Roger Hall15 Roger Hall15 Active Member
107 messages
joined Jul 2003
#14 ·
As far as everyone else is concerned, I have one message to send from the bottom of my heart:

:2up:

I’m not angry, nor am I bitter (at least not for more than an hour or two)😁 and I forgive everyone.
It’s just that they won't be spending much time in my orbit anymore. Forgiveness is one thing, but forgetting isn't really on the table since that wasn't the intention here.
There were all those people who felt the need to say things to me like, "Did you hear that guy passed away? Any idea what happened?" followed by the sentence I personally haven't found the nerve to utter: He died of cancer.
Why on earth would you tell a woman battling a serious illness that someone else died from that very same disease?
How do you even explain that you don't do that, unless you're someone who genuinely feels like they might hurt someone? I once caught one person calling my mom's cell phone, letting it ring twice, and then hanging up, knowing she’d call right back. When I called that person back to ask if something was wrong,😁 the response was basically: No, no, maybe I just didn't let it ring long enough. Get lost!
And to the person who brings her sedative pills without even asking, I wish you nothing but the best, because karma will catch up to you, and when it does, you’re going to need that "best" quite desperately. So, there you go.
To the people who never bothered to ask what was needed (since nothing was needed, which they should have known), yet were absolutely overflowing with unsolicited advice about medications and cures—I wish them the best for the exact same reason, as well as those who reached out just once and those who simply stopped reaching out altogether.

I wouldn't wish what we're going through on anyone, but since I won't be around them, I won't know.😁

Truly, the only way I could think of to protect myself or my mother—not just to shield us, but to prevent unnecessary harm and the pointless draining of energy that actually constitutes living—was to say goodbye to certain people. Without actually saying anything.😁
But, honestly, I remain deeply, deeply grateful to all of them. They served as my greatest teachers; through them, I learned more about myself and others. Life is full of staged performances and fake displays, and situations like these are just ways to realize the truth of it all.
Angela Wright Angela Wright Regular
731 messages
joined Feb 2007
#15 ·
Linda Peterson37 said:And one more thing... I used to be a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, but honestly, I’m struggling to find any logic or purpose in all of this right now. Maybe that doesn't even matter anymore. If you're asking if I'm bitter, sad, or angry—the answer is a resounding yes. But if you ask if I'm at peace, the answer is also yes. I was lucky enough to grow up in a family where love wasn't just assumed, it was actively shown, and I am endlessly grateful to God for that. Knowing my parents loved me and that I loved them back above all else—that’s what matters most.
When I look at it that way, maybe the measure of a life isn't whether you hit 50, 70, or 90 years, but rather how much love you receive from those closest to you.

If anyone needs advice, support, or anything else, reach out, because I'm still planning to fight these monsters.

Lindsay, I am so incredibly proud of you. You are a powerhouse! Your dad raised an amazing woman—someone strong, dignified, and with such a healthy perspective on life.
Keep fighting, honey. I'm right there in the trenches with you, and I can see that this struggle is exactly why everything happened. Even if there isn't some grand design, I find my purpose through this fight and by helping others; it brings me such immense comfort and peace of mind. I know my mom is happy.🙂
brightgardener8 brightgardener8 Active Member
157 messages
joined Jul 2007
#16 ·
Melissa Kim45 said:How are you holding up? 🙂

I don't really have the energy for these massive, deep-dive posts, and honestly, I don't think it's even necessary because I find pieces of myself in pretty much everything I read on here.
It basically means you've already covered it all and we’re just on the same wavelength. And why wouldn't we be?

We went through our own version of this circus with my mom for a while, but unfortunately, that phase is behind us now. It's over. Things are quiet now, but things are also way worse. It’s exactly what you said yourself.
Mom is in a nursing home now, and she's completely immobile. There were days when I genuinely thought she had turned into a vegetable because she was doing so poorly. Then they "brought her back" using Mannitol just enough so we can actually hear her voice again. She didn't speak for about a month. She stopped eating entirely. Now, she's slightly better again.

As for me? I check in and check out whenever I can, but I don't try to control the timing of it all—that would just be too much. But, hey, life goes on.
Benjamin Grant6 Benjamin Grant6 Member
36 messages
joined Aug 2008
#17 ·
quietpilot87 said:We were also targeted by various aunts and family acquaintances, everyone checking in on her every other day... And when I respond with "she’s doing okay" (because, honestly, what else could I say? There are no cancer symptoms yet, the chemotherapy is grueling but certainly not unbearable—for heaven's sake, people are alive and persevering, the family is united, nothing is truly catastrophic), it triggers this endless barrage of comments like, "But how can she be okay? This is a devastating illness, so few survive it, blah blah blah..." Honestly, I just want to tell them to shut it. Eventually, I became quite blunt and simply started cutting them off mid-sentence over the phone... 😁

On the other hand, I suppose I understand these people to an extent, especially if they haven't lived through something similar...
When someone in your home is facing any kind of serious illness, the most vital thing you can do in their presence is remain positive, or at the very least, neutral. We all received the news with difficulty, each of us processing the shock in our own way, mostly in silence. But we never once complained or projected negativity in front of her... 🙂 When she lost her hair, we would make jokes about it and things of that nature. We certainly don't need anyone's whimpering or pessimism right now... 🙄 It is as if it isn't difficult enough for Mom to deal with everything in her own head. Around her, one must maintain a sense of positivity, just to neutralize even the slightest unpleasant thought that might drift through her mind...

It was much the same for us. It was easier for us to create a sort of filter, as Angela Wright described, because we are a small family. In a short amount of time, we learned that the only four people we can truly rely on are ourselves. A tremendous help was that my father stayed by her side twenty-four hours a day, fighting stoically to ensure that nothing or no one disturbed her peace...

In any case—positive thinking and the mutual love of all family members helps a patient immensely, ensuring they never lose the will to fight at any given moment. Because yes... the illness is difficult, and the struggle is equally taxing...

This life situation has truly taught me who my real friends are, and I am not at all ashamed to say that I can count my true friends on one hand, though I am grateful they exist and that I know exactly who they are...

Hang in there!
quietpilot87 quietpilot87 Active Member
149 messages
joined Sep 2008
#18 ·
Nancy Hernandez43 said:This whole situation has been a massive reality check regarding who my actual friends are. Honestly? I can count my real inner circle on one hand—not even kidding—but I’m actually pretty happy about it. At least I know exactly who’s standing by me.

Luckily, my mom's cancer diagnosis didn't mess with my friendships at all. There were stretches where I just went totally off the grid and didn't want to see anyone, but I was met with nothing but understanding 🙂
On the flip side, my parents lost people they genuinely thought were their lifelong friends.
Zachary Howard2 Zachary Howard2 Newcomer
6 messages
joined Jan 2009
#19 ·
Melissa Kim45;13941927 said:As far as everyone else is concerned, I have one message from the bottom of my heart:
To all those people who said things to my mother like, "Did you hear that little bird died? This little bird died because..."—and now comes the sentence I don't have the courage to even utter: "...because of cancer!"
Why on earth would you tell a woman battling a serious illness that someone else passed away from the very same disease she’s fighting?

I couldn't agree more. I never said things like that to my mom, nor did I ever let anyone else do it either. I didn't mention when a colleague's mother passed away from breast cancer, and I certainly didn't tell her about my friend's father whose brain cancer had spread everywhere. I focused solely on the positive examples. I'd tell her, "Look at Dina," (that was my way of bringing her up) and how she's been fighting for ten years straight. Or, "Look at my friend's dad," who was given six months to live with brain cancer but is still here ten years later (mentioning the survival without the grim details of the decline). Or, "Look at this friend" who beat breast cancer twenty years ago, while her husband has been battling leukemia for seven years. Those kinds of stories. Everything else is just completely inappropriate.
feralwolf24 feralwolf24 Member
26 messages
joined Aug 2009
#20 ·
When did all this happen with your dad? How is he doing now? Are there any lingering side effects, like getting headaches whenever the weather changes or something?
Huge cheers for your mom!!! She’s a total rockstar!! There’s actually a story linked on one of those news forums by that Feral writer (here’s the link to the story :-) ). There is so much truth in there. I read the text and found myself laughing and crying at the same time. It’s just so vivid and beautifully written.
As for my dear husband, it's been 1.5 years already. He deals with terrible headaches, his jaw locks up, he gets nasty rashes, and skin breakouts. He hears things that were never even said; he twists everything people tell him... He has zero interest in getting better or recovering, so he hides things and stuffs himself with whatever he can find—it usually ends with him chewing gum so much that he gives himself such bad acid reflux that it's a total disaster. It’s almost like he’s trying to make sure the illness comes back. We went everywhere we could, whenever he'd let us, including seeing a psychiatrist who diagnosed him with an anxiety disorder, avoidance, denial, and emotional withdrawal... all sorts of stuff, but they didn't really take any next steps, just acted like everything was fine. He was never much of a talker and struggles to express himself, but now that’s the biggest hurdle to actually making progress.
Yeah, we managed to get through it, mostly by accident, though I lost the baby on January 21st, exactly one year after my husband was discharged from the hospital :-). We’re at least being vocal about it now, because I finally had the freedom to push back and cause a bit of a scene since it was my health on the line. We managed to get most of the tests done, and aside from the mycoplasma (which is why we lost the baby—I actually had to practically threaten my gynecologist just to get the referral for the swab, and she ended up yelling at me in front of the whole clinic), we also got clarity on why the chances of a embolism are low and shrinking. It turns out my husband has one significantly smaller testicle, and it’s not something he was born with; it's shrinking over time, which means it isn't functioning for production. He's also considered a high risk for testicular cancer, so we were told we have to watch it closely, and if it starts receding into the abdomen, it has to be surgically removed.
All in all, we’ve got a lot going on in our lives (I lost my grandma, grandpa, and a neighbor recently... plus I have a wild husband I can never see eye-to-eye with), but there are good things too :-), the house is full of pets and there's constant chaos and noise :-))). We took in a puppy from our late neighbor who had two dogs; he was too small to stay there, so now we have a little whirlwind in the house. He’s just a pile of shoes everywhere, tearing up tiles and chewing on chairs and tables... he's a total handful. It's been a long time since I've had a puppy to look after, so at least I'm genuinely laughing again :-))))
Big hugs to everyone!!!
slyseal28—HANG IN THERE!!!!! If you need anything at all, just say the word—we'll shout it from the rooftops together!!!!

You must log in or register to reply here.

Log in Register

🔗 Similar threads