Reddit deleted a great thread—is there any way to recover it?

I’ve pulled this specific thread out from a larger discussion regarding sleep habits.

The conversation drifted into the territory of intimacy and kids—specifically, how much it actually bothers them when parents are being active, at what age it starts becoming an issue, and how to handle things discreetly.

Unfortunately, all those posts filled with genuinely helpful info and thoughtful questions have been wiped clean.

I honestly don't get why they weren't just moved to Reddit instead. If there was a better home for it there, fine, but I don't see the necessity—Reddit is where the parenting crowds hang out anyway. On this forum, a thread like this would be perfect for planting a little seed of doubt in couples' minds... whereas on Reddit, people actually talk about sex, which isn't really the vibe here.

It feels like a real shame to ignore the educational aspect of this. I mean, it’s not like it’s going to suddenly occur to some people, "Oh, wait, maybe our late-night activities might bother the kid while they're sleeping"...

The Thread:

The Warning:


Unless the mods have vanished into thin air, is there any way we can salvage this and move it to its own section?

Edit: Yeah, looking back at the opening post, it specifically touches on whether children disrupt a couple's intimacy in bed.
And since intimacy includes sex... well, the whole warning feels pretty bizarre to me. It essentially nuked a bunch of high-quality information.

We’ve tried to keep things on track from the very beginning, but I guess the slow drift into off-topic territory eventually landed us in this pretty distasteful debate about kids' self-gratification—something that just doesn't belong on this forum.
On a few different occasions before we had to step in and start deleting posts (both through warnings and by jumping into the thread ourselves), it was suggested that if you wanted to talk about children, you could head over to the Parenting sub.

I want to apologize for bringing that up; my point was simply that children at that age are capable of feeling things—both physically and emotionally. If they aren't, then I’m just drawing from what I’ve seen firsthand within my own circle of friends.
But honestly, what exactly is supposed to be "revolting" about this?
The parents, the child, their friends, even child psychologists haven't
seen anything revolting here—just something perfectly natural and normal.
However, since the consensus in this thread seems to be that this is distasteful, I would genuinely appreciate knowing why everyone thinks it's so tacky. Thanks.

Look, if the current mods are down for it, we could just open up a dedicated thread over on the General Discussion board. If they give us the green light, I’m more than happy to dig through the archives, grab those posts, and migrate them over there myself.
But let's be real—this particular sub isn't the place for it. Not that anyone here actually needed me to point that out.

nimbletinker10 said:I want to apologize for bringing that up; my point was simply that children at that age are capable of feeling things—both physically and emotionally. If they aren't, then I’m just drawing from what I’ve seen firsthand within my own circle of friends.
But honestly, what exactly is supposed to be "revolting" about this?
The parents, the child, their friends, even child psychologists haven't
seen anything revolting here—just something perfectly natural and normal.
However, since the consensus in this thread seems to be that this is distasteful, I would genuinely appreciate knowing why everyone thinks it's so tacky. Thanks.

When you're talking about sleep habits or the private life of a couple, I guess describing a child's self-stimulation in the specific way you did is a bit much. Discussing the exact age of the child in that context feels pretty off, too.

Scott Miller4 said:We’ve tried to keep things on track from the very beginning, but I guess the slow drift into off-topic territory eventually landed us in this pretty distasteful debate about kids' self-gratification—something that just doesn't belong on this forum.
On a few different occasions before we had to step in and start deleting posts (both through warnings and by jumping into the thread ourselves), it was suggested that if you wanted to talk about children, you could head over to the Parenting sub.

The fact that a moderator jumps into a discussion acting like just another user isn't what I'd call a "warning." Moderators have always leaned on the excuse that once they join the fray, they're just regular users—so let's not try to flip the script here.

The only actual moderator warning I saw was when posts were deleted. I highly doubt I missed anything—I don't exactly have a habit of ignoring official notices—so no, I didn't "miss" a warning.

Secondly, the discussion isn't "distasteful," because the conversation stemmed from—how much and when a child becomes aware of sexuality—and that was framed within that specific context.

Just because some people feel uncomfortable doesn't make the topic of sexuality distasteful.

If the posts had actually been read instead of being reflexively wiped out, perhaps the conclusion would have been different.

The Relationship Forum includes families, and the topic of sex is part of the relationship dynamic; the Parenting Forum is where kids' issues live. Here, children were mentioned specifically in terms of how much it bothers them when parents are being intimate—groping, hooking up, or having sex right in front of them or while they sleep... which is a legitimate concern regarding a couple's sex life and the thought, "Is my kid going to be affected by this?"
In my opinion, this belongs here more than on the Parenting Forum, especially since it's not even the same group of people participating.

Whether "sleeping" is a valid excuse or not—that's what the thread was trying to figure out.

The discussion could have pointed out that a child shouldn't be viewed merely as an object within a relationship context.

But to you, it's "distasteful" simply because you haven't bothered to read it.

Or maybe you just don't care how your child might perceive your sex life and what precautions are sensible. Well, some of us do.
That doesn't make the discussion distasteful just because it doesn't suit your personal tastes.

Honestly, seeing it handled this way feels a bit pathetic. It's no wonder those parents were sending their kids to therapists when discussing a child's awareness is considered "distasteful" by some.
👎

I expected a bit more sensitivity, frankly.

When adults get upset because they realize they're being treated like objects, the mods immediately jump in to shut the topic down.
But our boundaries are taught by our parents... If they don't know what constitutes healthy behavior versus crossing a line, it’s no surprise our own boundaries are a mess when we grow up.

The boundary in question belongs to the sexual couple, not the child; the child is the catalyst for the question. This forum deals with adult relationships, and if thinking "Hey, will this bother my kid?" is considered distasteful, then 👎

Moderation should be less personal. There was no insults here, no violations of the rules—so this thread could have, and really should have, just been moved to a more appropriate sub-forum if it was truly deemed misplaced.

"Distastefulness" is entirely subjective, and childhood sexuality and how it's perceived is a natural topic, whether you like it or not.

Yet, the moderators reflexively dive in—things like victim-blaming go unaddressed, ad hominem attacks go ignored, but this gets nuked because it wasn't even read properly.

There was a time when this forum was a place of tolerance toward people, yet strict about actual insults... Times change, I suppose.

I wasn't expecting the posts to be restored, but I decided to take a chance anyway.

There used to be a revolution brewing, but now the result is just the same old crap in a different package. 👎

silverraven14 said:The fact that a moderator jumps into a discussion acting like just another user isn't what I'd call a "warning." Moderators have always leaned on the excuse that once they join the fray, they're just regular users—so let's not try to flip the script here.

The only actual moderator warning I saw was when posts were deleted. I highly doubt I missed anything—I don't exactly have a habit of ignoring official notices—so no, I didn't "miss" a warning.

Secondly, the discussion isn't "distasteful," because the conversation stemmed from—how much and when a child becomes aware of sexuality—and that was framed within that specific context.

Just because some people feel uncomfortable doesn't make the topic of sexuality distasteful.

If the posts had actually been read instead of being reflexively wiped out, perhaps the conclusion would have been different.

The Relationship Forum includes families, and the topic of sex is part of the relationship dynamic; the Parenting Forum is where kids' issues live. Here, children were mentioned specifically in terms of how much it bothers them when parents are being intimate—groping, hooking up, or having sex right in front of them or while they sleep... which is a legitimate concern regarding a couple's sex life and the thought, "Is my kid going to be affected by this?"
In my opinion, this belongs here more than on the Parenting Forum, especially since it's not even the same group of people participating.

Whether "sleeping" is a valid excuse or not—that's what the thread was trying to figure out.

The discussion could have pointed out that a child shouldn't be viewed merely as an object within a relationship context.

But to you, it's "distasteful" simply because you haven't bothered to read it.

Or maybe you just don't care how your child might perceive your sex life and what precautions are sensible. Well, some of us do.
That doesn't make the discussion distasteful just because it doesn't suit your personal tastes.

Honestly, seeing it handled this way feels a bit pathetic. It's no wonder those parents were sending their kids to therapists when discussing a child's awareness is considered "distasteful" by some.
👎

I expected a bit more sensitivity, frankly.

When adults get upset because they realize they're being treated like objects, the mods immediately jump in to shut the topic down.
But our boundaries are taught by our parents... If they don't know what constitutes healthy behavior versus crossing a line, it’s no surprise our own boundaries are a mess when we grow up.

The boundary in question belongs to the sexual couple, not the child; the child is the catalyst for the question. This forum deals with adult relationships, and if thinking "Hey, will this bother my kid?" is considered distasteful, then 👎

Moderation should be less personal. There was no insults here, no violations of the rules—so this thread could have, and really should have, just been moved to a more appropriate sub-forum if it was truly deemed misplaced.

"Distastefulness" is entirely subjective, and childhood sexuality and how it's perceived is a natural topic, whether you like it or not.

Yet, the moderators reflexively dive in—things like victim-blaming go unaddressed, ad hominem attacks go ignored, but this gets nuked because it wasn't even read properly.

There was a time when this forum was a place of tolerance toward people, yet strict about actual insults... Times change, I suppose.

I wasn't expecting the posts to be restored, but I decided to take a chance anyway.

There used to be a revolution brewing, but now the result is just the same old crap in a different package. 👎

I read it. And then I deleted it because this isn't the place for it on the General Discussion forum. The implications about being "threatened" are what's truly gross.

Kids are part of the General Discussion too, and we talk about sex there. On the Relationship forum, we talk about kids. Here, kids were mentioned specifically regarding how much it bothers them when older folks get all handsy or messy right in front of them while they're trying to sleep... which is basically a question about a couple's sex life and the thought, "Is my kid going to be weirded out by this?" In my opinion, it makes more sense for this to be here than on the Relationship forum, especially since we aren't even talking to the same crowd.

Look, let me just say we don't agree with your assessment. Is it a life for two? Or a life for three? It's still not the Relationship forum.

I expected a bit more sensitivity.

The moderation should be less personal. There was no insults here, no rule-breaking, so if someone really felt it belonged elsewhere, it could have—and should have—just been moved to a more appropriate sub-forum.
But no, the mods just jump in impulsively. They ignore the blatant victim-playing from angry dogs, they ignore the ad hominem attacks, and this whole thing is blowing up simply because nobody bothered to actually read the thread.

Since I’m already well aware of the backstory behind this sudden raid on General Discussion—which, by the way, hasn't been this productive in ages—I'll tell you what I told you on the other thread: We aren't going to moderate based on anyone's whims, including yours.

Please stop implying that we're letting people derail things, because that’s just not true. If you have beef with certain users, settle it privately instead of calling out the mods for not running things exactly the way you want them to.

The discussion became distasteful because everyone went totally off-topic and lost all sense of what the actual subject was. Even though you guys were practically begging people not to go down that path, everyone did it anyway. It’s honestly wild that after all that, you’d go as far as to claim the mods didn't read the discussion and start calling for some kind of revolution. It’s just arrogant and creates a pointless uproar. Just because the moderators aren't catering to your every desire doesn't mean it's okay to drag us through the mud like this. So much for "sensitivity."

I wasn't expecting any posts to come back, but I figured I'd take a shot.

I nicely suggested that you work things out with the Relationship forum moderators, but clearly, the goal here isn't actual discussion—it's just stirring the pot because certain people didn't get their way. It's not happening. Nobody is the sheriff of General Discussion, nor will they ever be. That goes for every single user on this site, yourself included.

Just popped in here to see if I’m the only one noticing this, or if I’m just out here on my own island.
Turns out, I'm not. You guys aren't crazy.
Hey, nimbletinker10 and silverraven14—you two are spot on. I'm totally with you, assuming there's actually any point to all this anyway.

boldwalker12 said:I read it. And then I deleted it because this isn't the place for it on the General Discussion forum. The implications about being "threatened" are what's truly gross.

Kids are part of the General Discussion too, and we talk about sex there. On the Relationship forum, we talk about kids. Here, kids were mentioned specifically regarding how much it bothers them when older folks get all handsy or messy right in front of them while they're trying to sleep... which is basically a question about a couple's sex life and the thought, "Is my kid going to be weirded out by this?" In my opinion, it makes more sense for this to be here than on the Relationship forum, especially since we aren't even talking to the same crowd.

Look, let me just say we don't agree with your assessment. Is it a life for two? Or a life for three? It's still not the Relationship forum.

I expected a bit more sensitivity.

The moderation should be less personal. There was no insults here, no rule-breaking, so if someone really felt it belonged elsewhere, it could have—and should have—just been moved to a more appropriate sub-forum.
But no, the mods just jump in impulsively. They ignore the blatant victim-playing from angry dogs, they ignore the ad hominem attacks, and this whole thing is blowing up simply because nobody bothered to actually read the thread.

Since I’m already well aware of the backstory behind this sudden raid on General Discussion—which, by the way, hasn't been this productive in ages—I'll tell you what I told you on the other thread: We aren't going to moderate based on anyone's whims, including yours.

Please stop implying that we're letting people derail things, because that’s just not true. If you have beef with certain users, settle it privately instead of calling out the mods for not running things exactly the way you want them to.

The discussion became distasteful because everyone went totally off-topic and lost all sense of what the actual subject was. Even though you guys were practically begging people not to go down that path, everyone did it anyway. It’s honestly wild that after all that, you’d go as far as to claim the mods didn't read the discussion and start calling for some kind of revolution. It’s just arrogant and creates a pointless uproar. Just because the moderators aren't catering to your every desire doesn't mean it's okay to drag us through the mud like this. So much for "sensitivity."

I wasn't expecting any posts to come back, but I figured I'd take a shot.

I nicely suggested that you work things out with the Relationship forum moderators, but clearly, the goal here isn't actual discussion—it's just stirring the pot because certain people didn't get their way. It's not happening. Nobody is the sheriff of General Discussion, nor will they ever be. That goes for every single user on this site, yourself included.

I’m afraid you don't have the full picture.
Based on my best guess as to what you're implying—no, this has nothing to do with my stance that we shouldn't be letting people post things masquerading as expert advice or advertisements without providing a shred of actual credentials.

So, let's skip the assumptions and the patronizing attitude about knowing exactly what my motives are.
The threads are dragging on—they were, they are, and frankly, they're becoming more frequent. You all used to let these kinds of endless discussions slide as if they were perfectly fine; I'm simply pointing out that it's just unnecessary filler.

What I considered to be the topic and my objective is clearly stated right here. Please, don't flatter yourself by thinking you know me.

It’s now crystal clear to everyone that you’re moderating according to your own preferences, so there’s really no need to hide behind some claim of "objectivity." Thanks for the heads-up, I guess. That's that. 👋

I simply wish to offer my support to the other forum members and cast yet another vote against this practice of "Puritanical inquisitions." Testimonials should not be deleted; rather, they ought to be the subject of discussion and reflection.

On one hand:

I found it personally shocking to encounter individuals who find it acceptable to engage in sexual activity while a child is sharing their bed. Apparently, such people exist, and they possess their own various justifications—citing spontaneity or impulsive decisions, for instance. To me, such behavior is inconceivable, and I see no logical reason to expose a child to sexual acts. 😲 However, why should we attempt to silence these people now? It is far better to be aware that such behaviors occur. It is preferable that they speak up so that someone might explain to them that this is not a particularly healthy environment for a small child; quite simply, they should just move to another room.

On the other hand:

The example provided by nimbletinker10 regarding her friend's child was presented almost from a medical, biological, or psychological standpoint—in other words, it was delivered in the manner one would expect from an obviously educated and serious individual. There was nothing distasteful about that specific example or the way it was conveyed. Sexual development begins in early childhood, and it remains merely a question of where that fine line lies between the normal sexual development of a child and a disrupted or exaggerated development, which occurs when there is clearly a cause for sexual development to take precedence over other aspects of that small life.

...it’s just that, well, there’s actually this whole dedicated sub-forum just for parenting and raising kids. I mean, are we really going to be debating baby monitors and pacifiers right here in the middle of this thread? Just because we want to?

Setting aside how much fun the off-topic stuff can be or if the subject even fits the vibe, it’s still technically off-topic. Don't you think?

To person who made those comments was being absolutely revolting, and frankly, that child probably was too. Just plain dirty. You can't claim an action is perfectly fine while describing it like it's some scene out of a horror movie.

From what I’ve discussed with people on this thread, I don't think anyone else even considered that angle.
It actually shocks me to see the direction some of these thoughts are heading. Honestly, I'm appalled.
The truly revolting part is thinking that by doing this to a child, you're doing something "dirty"—at that point, the child isn't even the main issue.

No one in this discussion complained about anything being offensive regarding the matter. In fact, an expert—I can't recall the username since everything was wiped—actually commented positively on it. But apparently, we have an administration here that is obsessed with policing everything through a lens of extreme puritanism. 😕

@Scott Miller4, look, the whole point of this debate is whether a child sleeps in the parents' bed or not; that is literally what the opening post that the moderators used to start this thread is about.
Why on earth would you open a thread on your own initiative and then turn around and declare the subsequent posts "off-topic" when they are addressing the exact same subject as the intro?

If you want to host this on the General Discussion board, talk to the current moderators. If they agree, I can move the posts over to General Discussion myself.
This doesn't belong in the Debate section. But you already knew that.

If that's the case, then this entire thread is off-topic. Just look at the introductory post you yourselves selected. I wasn't sure where the boundaries were, and I won't tolerate being told how to participate. Besides, moving posts around isn't exactly a constructive way to communicate.

There's some mention of a coordinated attack against the Debate section. 😕
That part is a complete mystery to me.
I haven't posted in that section for years, let alone had any kind of underlying vendetta with anyone. Most of the users in this thread were strangers to me until a few days ago.

But what are we actually talking about here?
Even after the deletions and the warnings, people kept posting about children, and those posts are still sitting there right now.

Jacob Phillips4 said:I simply wish to offer my support to the other forum members and cast yet another vote against this practice of "Puritanical inquisitions." Testimonials should not be deleted; rather, they ought to be the subject of discussion and reflection.

On one hand:

I found it personally shocking to encounter individuals who find it acceptable to engage in sexual activity while a child is sharing their bed. Apparently, such people exist, and they possess their own various justifications—citing spontaneity or impulsive decisions, for instance. To me, such behavior is inconceivable, and I see no logical reason to expose a child to sexual acts. 😲 However, why should we attempt to silence these people now? It is far better to be aware that such behaviors occur. It is preferable that they speak up so that someone might explain to them that this is not a particularly healthy environment for a small child; quite simply, they should just move to another room.

On the other hand:

The example provided by nimbletinker10 regarding her friend's child was presented almost from a medical, biological, or psychological standpoint—in other words, it was delivered in the manner one would expect from an obviously educated and serious individual. There was nothing distasteful about that specific example or the way it was conveyed. Sexual development begins in early childhood, and it remains merely a question of where that fine line lies between the normal sexual development of a child and a disrupted or exaggerated development, which occurs when there is clearly a cause for sexual development to take precedence over other aspects of that small life.

Sure.
As long as those discussions happen in the right places. Reddit has specific subreddits for certain topics, but r/AskReddit isn't the place to debate child sexual development, descriptions of kids masturbating, or at what age a child reaches orgasm. That’s just not where this belongs.

Lately, instead of just nuking off-topic posts, I’ve been working with the other mods to pull that content out and spin it into its own separate thread. I guess that doesn't mean I'll do that for every single off-topic comment, though.

silverraven14, I don't always slap people with warning labels on every thread. Usually, I try to steer things back on track just by joining the conversation myself. I also tend to send private messages to users to point things out rather than handing out bans immediately. Honestly, I really don't see how I could be more tolerant than that.

Jason Harris5 said:...it’s just that, well, there’s actually this whole dedicated sub-forum just for parenting and raising kids. I mean, are we really going to be debating baby monitors and pacifiers right here in the middle of this thread? Just because we want to?

Setting aside how much fun the off-topic stuff can be or if the subject even fits the vibe, it’s still technically off-topic. Don't you think?

Separation could always be an option—and if it’s truly necessary, we could even look at relocation. To be clear, I’m not disputing the idea of splitting off at all.
I honestly used to believe that being a moderator was actually about something meaningful—you know, having the intuition to spot a high-quality discussion and giving it the space it deserves. After all, if we hadn't carved out that specific room for it, that entire thread about sleep hygiene wouldn't even exist.

So, let me see if I can wrap my head around the immediate benefit here—we’re on a forum dedicated to sex, and someone decides to drop a lecture about how our extracurricular activities might affect a child "sleeping" nearby. Yeah, I'm struggling to find the point too.
People tend to flock to Reddit for one of two reasons: they’re either hunting for some piece of advice they can't find elsewhere, or they just want to vent about their kids.

This isn't actually advice about parenting—it's about sex. And really, you have to weigh whether there are actual long-term consequences here, or if you can just gracefully shrug, say "whatever," and move on with your life.

I have to say, I’m officially lodging a protest against the decision to wipe out such a high-quality, genuinely useful discussion. It’s frustrating to see a thread with actual substance get scrubbed like that—especially when we were finally getting somewhere.

I’m not disputing the fact that, given how this conversation has evolved, it’s probably better to move it to a more appropriate subforum—though I'll leave the link to the right thread right here for anyone interested.
Look, like I said before—this isn't actually about the mulberry bushes; let's be real, this whole thing is about the sex. Even with that part being edited out, the tension is still palpable enough to make you sweat. If the story had taken a different turn—maybe something more suited for a gritty HBO drama—then all this back-and-forth would actually feel worth the effort.

If this were actually about "how your neighbors act up while you're busy hooking up," we wouldn't be over here in the neighborhood drama subforum, would we? 😉
Is there actually a debate to be had about whether you can scream your lungs out in a hotel room just because "you feel like it," or maybe have some loud, intense sex right next to a buddy who’s trying to sleep? I mean, sure—why not? If that's the vibe, go for it.
Kids are a much more sensitive demographic—mostly because you can't exactly shoo them away from a public area by telling them to "go find a hotel room."

If we’re going to play by these rules—where this whole "judgmental" thing is supposedly strictly for two people—then I guess nobody is allowed to mention kids anymore. You couldn't even bring up how someone's behavior, say, a messy affair, impacts their children without breaking the code. By that logic, we might as well move the entire conversation over to Reddit and call it a day.
And he isn't even moving.
Look, that’s exactly why I didn't view the ridge as some kind of "natural habitat"—just like you wouldn't consider a suburban cul-de-sac to be a natural habitat when you're sitting there venting to your wife about how to handle a betrayal, or debating the merits of husbands who only stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids.

Kids get brought up in almost every conversation these days—and honestly, it makes sense. They’re a core part of our community, after all. Besides, the way we adults carry ourselves—the choices we make and the energy we put out—has a massive, direct impact on them. It’s hard to ignore that connection.

Is it really that scandalous to say, "Think about how this affects your kids," when you bring a new hookup home? Honestly, I don’t see what’s so offensive or "disgusting" about pointing out the reality of the situation—like, why can't we just be blunt and say, "Consider the impact on your children if you're hooking up right next to them while they sleep"? If the conversation heads in that direction, fine. Let it. If a new subtopic emerges, let people hear something fresh for once. Maybe someone will actually realize they’re handling things poorly, or maybe someone else will have a moment of clarity—an "Aha! By the time I'm that age, it won't matter, and besides, they're sleeping in a different room in this cramped studio apartment anyway"—and that’ll be that. End of story.

So, they go ahead and purge a whole mountain of solid posts—just to hand out bans because of some personal crusade against the concept of childhood sexuality being "revolting"... unbelievable.
I always suspected that whenever things started getting heated—you know, when the digital pitchforks come out and people start throwing punches—it was just a convenient excuse to say "this topic is too hard to moderate." It’s the classic move: pull the thread, isolate the discussion, and lock it down tight. But honestly? I think we should leave it open. Let it stay right where it is so anyone looking for answers can actually find it. We need these conversations to remain accessible—not just to vent, but so people can actually learn something from the chaos.

It’s worth it.
Look, let’s get one thing straight—this isn't some attempt at trolling, I'm not trying to be a smart-ass, and I certainly am not throwing trash around just for the sake of it. This isn't an insult, either.
Let’s be honest—navigating life as a couple with kids, or even just planning to have them, involves some incredibly non-trivial hurdles that most people tend to gloss over.

Honestly, she’s less valuable than a broken vending machine in a deserted subway station—just a constant, irritating nuisance that pops up in random threads only to linger there, or worse, somehow manages to get highlighted.

We also have those locked threads hanging around—they stay up simply because there’s still some actual value in keeping them visible.

Look, I’m all for cleaning up the clutter—deleting spam or mindless nonsense is perfectly fine—but this? This isn't garbage.

And I’m certainly not going to fall for that "I’m the moderator, so if I say it’s garbage, then it’s garbage" line of reasoning—to which my response would simply be, "Yeah, sure it is." 😬
I won't. Because that isn't actually an argument.

Especially when you look at everything else floating around in the neighboring threads—none of which have been swept away like literal trash. Now, don't get me wrong; I don't consider any of it "garbage," though there are certainly bits and pieces that contribute nothing to the conversation. But look, this forum isn't some stuffy ivory tower where we only engage in academic debates fueled by peer-reviewed papers and CC lists. Given that there’s plenty of other content out there—content that happily exists (and hey, it's fine if it does)—labeling anything remotely educational as "trash" just completely undermines the credibility of what we're trying to do here.
User trust, much like raising a child, is earned through consistency.
It also requires introspection—a genuine willingness to learn and actually rethink how you operate.

Hold on a second. Are you actually complaining about the moderators, or are you upset because they specifically nuked that discussion about how parents having sex in the same room as a newborn might affect the kid's future development?

I mean... the thread was supposed to be about the marital bed—you know, sleeping habits and stuff—not about a couple's sex life or child-rearing...

Honestly, IMO, it’s a bummer they didn't just spin that part off into its own sub-thread. Like, talking about parental sexuality and its impact on kids could have led to a really deep dive into why eroticism seems to vanish from modern relationships altogether.

But hey, whatever, that's probably not even the point right now...

Personally, I think it's kind of a drag when a site like Reddit starts gaining traction and quality by pivoting toward these "off-topic" subjects, basically turning into a space focused on adult themes just to cater to the older crowd.

But hey, that's just my two cents. I don't run the show.

Yeah, it was actually pretty interesting to read about how those situations might mess with a kid's development later on... but you can't take it that far in a thread meant for something else. And it's not like it's some "dangerous" topic that should be banned everywhere... it just doesn't fit under the umbrella of marriage beds and sleep patterns. I mean, kids grow up, right? You aren't bringing them into the bedroom with you until they're eighteen!

Scott Miller4 said:Sure.
As long as those discussions happen in the right places. Reddit has specific subreddits for certain topics, but r/AskReddit isn't the place to debate child sexual development, descriptions of kids masturbating, or at what age a child reaches orgasm. That’s just not where this belongs.

Lately, instead of just nuking off-topic posts, I’ve been working with the other mods to pull that content out and spin it into its own separate thread. I guess that doesn't mean I'll do that for every single off-topic comment, though.

silverraven14, I don't always slap people with warning labels on every thread. Usually, I try to steer things back on track just by joining the conversation myself. I also tend to send private messages to users to point things out rather than handing out bans immediately. Honestly, I really don't see how I could be more tolerant than that.

Maybe things would be clearer if all warnings were written in a different color?
Because the way it stands, someone will always claim they couldn't tell the difference (and maybe they really couldn't?) between your post as a regular user and your post as a moderator.
If we did that, everything would be clear and transparent for everyone.
I believe it would reduce the number of misunderstandings.

As for what's "disgusting," there isn't much more to say there. It’s obvious that we have different ideas of what is distasteful. And different ideas of what is natural or normal. Let's just leave it at that.

@Jason Harris5 — that thread wrapped up in just a few posts and was long finished by the time anyone took offense and it got deleted; it wasn't like half the posts were about that specific issue. The whole situation regarding a child sharing a marital bed for years is such a massive topic here on this board that I wouldn't even begin to list all the various angles we've covered.

nimbletinker10 said:To person who made those comments was being absolutely revolting, and frankly, that child probably was too. Just plain dirty. You can't claim an action is perfectly fine while describing it like it's some scene out of a horror movie.

From what I’ve discussed with people on this thread, I don't think anyone else even considered that angle.
It actually shocks me to see the direction some of these thoughts are heading. Honestly, I'm appalled.
The truly revolting part is thinking that by doing this to a child, you're doing something "dirty"—at that point, the child isn't even the main issue.

No one in this discussion complained about anything being offensive regarding the matter. In fact, an expert—I can't recall the username since everything was wiped—actually commented positively on it. But apparently, we have an administration here that is obsessed with policing everything through a lens of extreme puritanism. 😕

@Scott Miller4, look, the whole point of this debate is whether a child sleeps in the parents' bed or not; that is literally what the opening post that the moderators used to start this thread is about.
Why on earth would you open a thread on your own initiative and then turn around and declare the subsequent posts "off-topic" when they are addressing the exact same subject as the intro?

If you want to host this on the General Discussion board, talk to the current moderators. If they agree, I can move the posts over to General Discussion myself.
This doesn't belong in the Debate section. But you already knew that.

If that's the case, then this entire thread is off-topic. Just look at the introductory post you yourselves selected. I wasn't sure where the boundaries were, and I won't tolerate being told how to participate. Besides, moving posts around isn't exactly a constructive way to communicate.

There's some mention of a coordinated attack against the Debate section. 😕
That part is a complete mystery to me.
I haven't posted in that section for years, let alone had any kind of underlying vendetta with anyone. Most of the users in this thread were strangers to me until a few days ago.

But what are we actually talking about here?
Even after the deletions and the warnings, people kept posting about children, and those posts are still sitting there right now.

Look, I’m just laying it out for you here—this whole trolling routine you’ve been pulling lately, both on the forums and in those PDFs, is getting pretty obvious. It’s all right there in black and white. Just so we're clear: it isn't going to fly with me. Consider this your heads-up.

So, you’re out here throwing these disgusting insinuations my way about me and my coworker without even a shred of hesitation, all because the setting we were in wasn't exactly "professional." And then—get this—you have the nerve to play the innocent bystander like you’re just confused by the whole thing. Real classy.

Here's another little slice of this mess for you guys:

I mean, honestly, the direction these thoughts are heading right now is actually blowing my mind. It’s kind of wild if you think about it. Seriously, I'm just sitting here completely stunned by where this is all going.
It’s honestly pathetic when you run into people who think they're being some kind of moral crusader by acting like a kid is doing something "dirty" or wrong. Like, give me a break. If you're actually that triggered by a child just existing, then let's be real—the kid isn't even the issue here. The actual problem is whatever messed up mindset is going on inside your own head.

Honestly, nobody on this thread has even breathed a word about anything tasting gross because of it. I actually heard from some expert onsite—I can’t for the life of me remember their handle, and now the whole thing has been scrubbed from the board anyway—but yeah, that was the word. Honestly, I’m feeling pretty stoked about this. Total win. She voiced her opinion, but hey, at least we’ve got an administration that goes out of its way to make sure nothing but pure, unadulterated Puritan values make it through the door. 😕

Give me a break.
Look, if we’re going to claim that something is "off" or totally out of line—like bringing up a kid masturbating in the middle of a serious thread about sleeping arrangements with your spouse—then we’re basically just preaching Puritanism at this point. It’s a massive reach.

So, I keep hearing people whispering about some supposed backstory behind this whole crackdown on the Zand. Honestly, what is even going on? It feels like there’s some deep-seated drama brewing in the background that nobody is being upfront about. 😕
I'm still completely lost on that part. It’s a total mystery to me.
Look, I haven't posted anything on here for years, let alone had some kind of history with anyone else on this board. Honestly, most of you guys hanging out in this thread? I didn't even know you existed until a couple of days ago.

Look, it’s not even about you. There is zero reason to go making a huge scene over nothing.

silverraven14 said:Separation could always be an option—and if it’s truly necessary, we could even look at relocation. To be clear, I’m not disputing the idea of splitting off at all.
I honestly used to believe that being a moderator was actually about something meaningful—you know, having the intuition to spot a high-quality discussion and giving it the space it deserves. After all, if we hadn't carved out that specific room for it, that entire thread about sleep hygiene wouldn't even exist.

So, let me see if I can wrap my head around the immediate benefit here—we’re on a forum dedicated to sex, and someone decides to drop a lecture about how our extracurricular activities might affect a child "sleeping" nearby. Yeah, I'm struggling to find the point too.
People tend to flock to Reddit for one of two reasons: they’re either hunting for some piece of advice they can't find elsewhere, or they just want to vent about their kids.

This isn't actually advice about parenting—it's about sex. And really, you have to weigh whether there are actual long-term consequences here, or if you can just gracefully shrug, say "whatever," and move on with your life.

I have to say, I’m officially lodging a protest against the decision to wipe out such a high-quality, genuinely useful discussion. It’s frustrating to see a thread with actual substance get scrubbed like that—especially when we were finally getting somewhere.

I’m not disputing the fact that, given how this conversation has evolved, it’s probably better to move it to a more appropriate subforum—though I'll leave the link to the right thread right here for anyone interested.
Look, like I said before—this isn't actually about the mulberry bushes; let's be real, this whole thing is about the sex. Even with that part being edited out, the tension is still palpable enough to make you sweat. If the story had taken a different turn—maybe something more suited for a gritty HBO drama—then all this back-and-forth would actually feel worth the effort.

If this were actually about "how your neighbors act up while you're busy hooking up," we wouldn't be over here in the neighborhood drama subforum, would we? 😉
Is there actually a debate to be had about whether you can scream your lungs out in a hotel room just because "you feel like it," or maybe have some loud, intense sex right next to a buddy who’s trying to sleep? I mean, sure—why not? If that's the vibe, go for it.
Kids are a much more sensitive demographic—mostly because you can't exactly shoo them away from a public area by telling them to "go find a hotel room."

If we’re going to play by these rules—where this whole "judgmental" thing is supposedly strictly for two people—then I guess nobody is allowed to mention kids anymore. You couldn't even bring up how someone's behavior, say, a messy affair, impacts their children without breaking the code. By that logic, we might as well move the entire conversation over to Reddit and call it a day.
And he isn't even moving.
Look, that’s exactly why I didn't view the ridge as some kind of "natural habitat"—just like you wouldn't consider a suburban cul-de-sac to be a natural habitat when you're sitting there venting to your wife about how to handle a betrayal, or debating the merits of husbands who only stay in the marriage for the sake of the kids.

Kids get brought up in almost every conversation these days—and honestly, it makes sense. They’re a core part of our community, after all. Besides, the way we adults carry ourselves—the choices we make and the energy we put out—has a massive, direct impact on them. It’s hard to ignore that connection.

Is it really that scandalous to say, "Think about how this affects your kids," when you bring a new hookup home? Honestly, I don’t see what’s so offensive or "disgusting" about pointing out the reality of the situation—like, why can't we just be blunt and say, "Consider the impact on your children if you're hooking up right next to them while they sleep"? If the conversation heads in that direction, fine. Let it. If a new subtopic emerges, let people hear something fresh for once. Maybe someone will actually realize they’re handling things poorly, or maybe someone else will have a moment of clarity—an "Aha! By the time I'm that age, it won't matter, and besides, they're sleeping in a different room in this cramped studio apartment anyway"—and that’ll be that. End of story.

So, they go ahead and purge a whole mountain of solid posts—just to hand out bans because of some personal crusade against the concept of childhood sexuality being "revolting"... unbelievable.
I always suspected that whenever things started getting heated—you know, when the digital pitchforks come out and people start throwing punches—it was just a convenient excuse to say "this topic is too hard to moderate." It’s the classic move: pull the thread, isolate the discussion, and lock it down tight. But honestly? I think we should leave it open. Let it stay right where it is so anyone looking for answers can actually find it. We need these conversations to remain accessible—not just to vent, but so people can actually learn something from the chaos.

It’s worth it.
Look, let’s get one thing straight—this isn't some attempt at trolling, I'm not trying to be a smart-ass, and I certainly am not throwing trash around just for the sake of it. This isn't an insult, either.
Let’s be honest—navigating life as a couple with kids, or even just planning to have them, involves some incredibly non-trivial hurdles that most people tend to gloss over.

Honestly, she’s less valuable than a broken vending machine in a deserted subway station—just a constant, irritating nuisance that pops up in random threads only to linger there, or worse, somehow manages to get highlighted.

We also have those locked threads hanging around—they stay up simply because there’s still some actual value in keeping them visible.

Look, I’m all for cleaning up the clutter—deleting spam or mindless nonsense is perfectly fine—but this? This isn't garbage.

And I’m certainly not going to fall for that "I’m the moderator, so if I say it’s garbage, then it’s garbage" line of reasoning—to which my response would simply be, "Yeah, sure it is." 😬
I won't. Because that isn't actually an argument.

Especially when you look at everything else floating around in the neighboring threads—none of which have been swept away like literal trash. Now, don't get me wrong; I don't consider any of it "garbage," though there are certainly bits and pieces that contribute nothing to the conversation. But look, this forum isn't some stuffy ivory tower where we only engage in academic debates fueled by peer-reviewed papers and CC lists. Given that there’s plenty of other content out there—content that happily exists (and hey, it's fine if it does)—labeling anything remotely educational as "trash" just completely undermines the credibility of what we're trying to do here.
User trust, much like raising a child, is earned through consistency.
It also requires introspection—a genuine willingness to learn and actually rethink how you operate.

Spot on. And look, part of a moderator's actual job description is cleaning up the off-topic clutter that doesn't belong in the specific sub-forum. I already said—once you guys touch base with the mods over at Reddit and get everything squared away, I’ll happily restore the posts. Is that really such a massive hurdle? Or is it just somehow more "fun" to deal with the headache over on Quora instead?

So, let me see the immediate benefit of mentioning—and pointing out—how your hookups might affect your kid "sleeping" right next to you on a forum dedicated entirely to sex talk. Yeah, I'm still looking.
People come to Reddit for advice when they need it, or to vent about their kids.

The Parenting sub isn't some manual on how to get laid. There are plenty of other subs out there covering both parenting and sex where people can actually share their knowledge.

I object to deleting a discussion that was high-quality and genuinely useful.

Is there really an issue with keeping this thread on Reddit if the mods are cool with it?

Like I said, the topic isn't about pacifiers, it's about sex. As far as the part that got nuked goes, I still think it belongs in the Parenting sub. If the topic evolved further, sure, it could move to Reddit, and then moving it would make sense, obviously.

The whole thing is largely about child masturbation too. I don't have a place to discuss that anywhere except Reddit. Having sex near a kid is borderline, I get it, but combined with posts about child masturbation, it totally fits under the Reddit umbrella if you're insisting the discussion stays up.

I won't. Because that isn't an argument.

My argument is that a massive discussion regarding child masturbation, alongside the whole "hooking up next to the kid" thing, has absolutely no business being in the Parenting sub. Good grief, child masturbation in a Parenting sub?

silverraven14 said:I’m afraid you don't have the full picture.
Based on my best guess as to what you're implying—no, this has nothing to do with my stance that we shouldn't be letting people post things masquerading as expert advice or advertisements without providing a shred of actual credentials.

So, let's skip the assumptions and the patronizing attitude about knowing exactly what my motives are.
The threads are dragging on—they were, they are, and frankly, they're becoming more frequent. You all used to let these kinds of endless discussions slide as if they were perfectly fine; I'm simply pointing out that it's just unnecessary filler.

What I considered to be the topic and my objective is clearly stated right here. Please, don't flatter yourself by thinking you know me.

It’s now crystal clear to everyone that you’re moderating according to your own preferences, so there’s really no need to hide behind some claim of "objectivity." Thanks for the heads-up, I guess. That's that. 👋

I'm pretty sure you are. You've already brought up the favoritism toward that one female user twice now, even though you were given a direct answer. Just because you aren't happy with the response doesn't mean it isn't rude to keep accusing the mods of playing favorites. I don't show favoritism to anyone, not even my colleagues. That's a harsh and baseless accusation. Anyone who tries to dictate how the sub is run is going to get this kind of response from me. If you don't like someone and want to claim they're breaking rules and the mods should step in? Fine. But if a mod explicitly says they aren't breaking rules and you keep pushing the "favoritism" angle, sorry, but that's just being disrespectful. You aren't a moderator; you can offer suggestions, but you can't run the sub your way. I'm not going to hand out warnings just because you told me to. That's not how this works.

Look, please stop throwing around accusations and assuming you actually know what my end goals are.
There’s been stalling happening—it happened before, and honestly, it’s getting worse. You guys have been letting these kinds of dragging discussions slide as if they’re perfectly fine, but I’m just calling it like I see it: it’s stalling.

I’m not making assumptions here; I’m just drawing conclusions based on what’s right in front of me.
I have no clue what you're talking about, but let me clear something up: just because something looks like "stalling" to you doesn't mean it actually is. Also, give us a break—we aren't omnipotent gods. If we miss something once in a while, well, humans make mistakes, but that isn't a reason to go nuclear and act like this subreddit is some lawless wasteland being protected by a cabal of mods. Lately, the discussions here have been top-tier, and when you turn a single thread into a massive drama just because an off-topic rant—which was mostly just people talking about graphic sexual stuff—got nuked, you're the ones tanking the sub. Acting like we're playing favorites just because someone annoyed you is exactly how you ruin the effort we put into making this a decent place for everyone.

It’s total nitpicking. You could have addressed my actual suggestion for the FAQ, but instead, you chose to pivot to accusations of favoritism and moral policing. That’s just not right.

What I considered the topic and the goal is clearly stated right here. Please don't pretend you know my mind.

I don't know you. I am strictly talking about what you are doing right this second and the reasoning behind it. That's it.

So you moderate based on your own whims? Loud and clear now. No need to dress it up as an attempt at objectivity. Thanks for the heads-up. 👋

"Moderating based on our whims"? What is that even supposed to mean? It’s not like we’re moderating based on the dictates of Jesus or Buddha, and we certainly aren't moderating based on whatever random users demand. Every so often, someone tries to force their agenda or reshape the sub through us, so yeah, we moderate based on our own judgment while trying our best to stay objective. We’re human beings, not robots, but I can guarantee there is zero favoritism going on. There are slip-ups, sure—that happens everywhere—but there is absolutely no intentional protection or playing favorites.

We don't moderate based on whims. Period. That would imply we're banning people just because we don't like them and abusing our power, which is a nasty, heavy accusation to throw around. We don't moderate based on anyone's wishes—including our own. You twist my words so that saying "we won't moderate according to *your* wishes" turns into "oh, so you moderate according to *your* whims"—it’s incredibly rude.

This whole crusade against this sub is totally overblown. It’s actually hilarious that some of the people complaining are the exact same ones who should have been banned ages ago due to their behavior. We’ve tried everything—countless warnings, removals, the whole nine yards—before finally moving to bans. We haven't been "tyrants."
This isn't directed at you; I've already said my piece to you.

Do you want stricter rules? I'm just asking. I don't get why it's such an issue to tell people to stick to the topic and stop derailing threads with endless nonsense. But let me be clear: if you come here specifically to troll or start fights, we are going to tighten the screws. We will enforce the rules strictly, with minimal warnings or none at all. It'll be straight to bans.
But we can't keep going like this. We try to meet you halfway as much as possible, we split up topics, we do everything to make this community a good place, and what do we get back? Accusations that we're playing favorites or that we're "puritans" killing the conversation.

Just because we refuse to let someone bully another user—whether it's a big shot like Guud or anyone else—doesn't mean we're protecting them. We just don't want this sub to turn into a gossip circle. That's all there is to it.

nimbletinker10 said:Maybe things would be clearer if all warnings were written in a different color?
Because the way it stands, someone will always claim they couldn't tell the difference (and maybe they really couldn't?) between your post as a regular user and your post as a moderator.
If we did that, everything would be clear and transparent for everyone.
I believe it would reduce the number of misunderstandings.

As for what's "disgusting," there isn't much more to say there. It’s obvious that we have different ideas of what is distasteful. And different ideas of what is natural or normal. Let's just leave it at that.

@Jason Harris5 — that thread wrapped up in just a few posts and was long finished by the time anyone took offense and it got deleted; it wasn't like half the posts were about that specific issue. The whole situation regarding a child sharing a marital bed for years is such a massive topic here on this board that I wouldn't even begin to list all the various angles we've covered.

In this specific instance, the current moderation style worked just fine.
But hey, no big deal, I hear what you're saying and I'll start using colored warnings more often.

I guess that pretty much implies that after a second warning, I'll be handing out bans.

boldwalker12, just because someone happens to disagree with you doesn't mean they're trying to start a fight.😕Why on earth are you trying to manufacture a conflict where none actually exists?
I honestly don't understand why people feel the need to turn every single critique into some massive controversy. It’s always the same thing—everyone starts looking for backroom deals, hidden agendas, or some grand conspiracy behind a simple opinion. Sometimes, a critique is just a critique. That’s it. There’s no drama involved, no secret plot, and no need to start a feeding frenzy over it.
I find it absolutely mind-boggling that you’re acting like you don't know how this works. Honestly, give me a break. You used to be just another regular user on these boards, getting your own warnings and bans like everyone else.
And I’ll ask you this: would it actually be pleasant to have someone come at you with accusations of being a traitor just because you decided to comment on the same topic?

Look, here is a perfect example of the trolling you’ve been pulling lately, both on the forums and in those PDFs, just so we're clear. It's all right there in black and white. Just so you know, this kind of behavior isn't going to fly around here. Consider yourself warned.

Look, let me clarify how I see this. This isn't about trolling. Trolling is its own specific brand of online nonsense, and we shouldn't conflate the two. Just because someone holds a view that stands in direct opposition to yours doesn't mean they're trying to bait you or stir up trouble. Disagreement isn't a provocation; it's just part of the conversation.

You’re insinuating absolutely disgusting things about me and my colleague without a shred of decency, all because you can't wrap your head around the context of how it happened. And then, to top it off, you have the audacity to act completely innocent about the whole thing.

Who on earth started this? What was supposed to be a civil discussion among forum members has turned into something absolutely revolting. Is this really how people communicate these days?
You can't just throw that kind of behavior at people and expect them to swallow it without a fight.
I honestly find it bizarre that anyone could find this repulsive. Look, you’re free to believe what you want—that isn't really the point of this discussion—but I truly don't get how someone could be offended by this.

To be blunt about the R&D forums: you aren't going to find the same crowd there that hangs out on ZOO. It’s a completely different demographic. Even the typical parenting experts over at R&D don't share the same perspective on things like safe sleep practices compared to the folks posting on ZOO. Enigma actually laid this out much more clearly a while back.

And at the end of the day, I’m still left scratching my head. If the kids aren't even part of this conversation, then why on earth are they being allowed to clutter up the thread? It makes absolutely no sense. Why on earth has this entire thread been obsessing over kids all day long?😕
Those posts are still up. And frankly, that’s fine by me.
Can we please get a straight answer on this specific topic?

I’ve already addressed the issues regarding children in my previous posts—and let me be crystal clear: I have absolutely nothing to say about anything else. There is no need to bring up such irrelevant nonsense. 🙄They were totally off.
Look, I’m being as direct as possible here. This is a straightforward question—I couldn't make it any more specific if I tried.

Regardless of everything else, I need you to take a hard look at how you communicate. And I’m not talking about your colleagues—I am talking about you.
I wouldn't dream of grouping you all together, because frankly, your communication styles are polar opposites. And don't even get me started on the way this place is moderated.
This way of communicating is absolutely disgraceful. It’s nothing more than a series of cheap insinuations that we are... Everyone already knew.Just saying that something won't work isn't constructive communication. It’s lazy, and frankly, it's a waste of everyone's time.

This whole uproar over the ZOO is completely blown out of proportion. Honestly, it’s getting ridiculous. What I find particularly amusing is seeing certain people complaining about it—people who, if we're being honest, have been acting pretty poorly themselves lately.

There aren't even any thorns on the ZOO. Claiming otherwise is nothing more than blatant exaggeration, and frankly, taking any form of criticism as a personal attack is just pathetic.
Is it really such a crime to offer a bit of honest criticism?

When it comes to Good, he’s always dragging his stories out, making them way longer than they need to be. Is he seriously expecting people to just sit there and ignore that?
So, what is the official recommendation here? Are we just supposed to collectively decide to ignore his posts entirely?
Even when he’s blatantly lying on the forum, claiming you were the one who deleted fifty of his posts—that’s just straight-up trolling, isn't it?

He brings up that one forbidden topic every single time it comes up. I tried to give him a naive little response on another thread, but he just used it as an excuse to go after Miles like a man possessed. He’s practically using him as a punching bag in almost every other post he makes.

And finally, I honestly don't understand why everyone feels the need to get SO incredibly dramatic just because someone posts a critique on the very forum designed for it. Does every bit of feedback have to turn into a full-blown witch hunt?😕
And whose fault is it?
It’s coming from a bunch of users who didn't even know each other's names a few days ago.

Look, my post contains several very specific, pointed questions.