Conan the Barbarian (1982)

Let's take a break from the whole Momoa-Arnold flame war for a second. 🤣 ...and get closer to some current topics... what are your thoughts on how Conan the Barbarian is going to turn out?

As far as I'm concerned, I think it's going to be awesome, especially considering Arnold's recent roles, ranging from Last Stand to Escape Plan and even his upcoming Sabotage. Arnold as the king of Conan! 🙏

If it turns out to be an adult movie, like Sabotage, it’ll probably be good enough.
Regarding the mediocre acting—it seems like a lot of supposedly high-quality actors just don't have the guts to step out of their comfort zones.
Every time I see Amy Adams on screen, she's playing some emancipated character who thinks they're a big deal when, honestly, they're nobody.
BTW, I love the soundtrack—it immediately makes me think of the final fight from Serious man. Ah, good times.😁

Conan the Barbarian is a great one, honestly one of those rare gems from my childhood that I still hold dear today... though I have to admit, Basil Poledouris's score makes up about 80% of the whole experience, so it's really just pure magic...

Jamie Nelson10 said:Conan the Barbarian is a great one, honestly one of those rare gems from my childhood that I still hold dear today... though I have to admit, Basil Poledouris's score makes up about 80% of the whole experience, so it's really just pure magic...

I've got the soundtrack on my PC, and it's always playing in my playlist whenever I'm playing Age of Empires 2 😁

There aren't many movies where the music carries that much weight. Huge props to everyone involved in making it happen. 🙏

Grace Edwards said:If it turns out to be an adult movie, like Sabotage, it’ll probably be good enough.
Regarding the mediocre acting—it seems like a lot of supposedly high-quality actors just don't have the guts to step out of their comfort zones.
Every time I see Amy Adams on screen, she's playing some emancipated character who thinks they're a big deal when, honestly, they're nobody.
BTW, I love the soundtrack—it immediately makes me think of the final fight from Serious man. Ah, good times.😁

Wait, she'd be acting? 😕

She used to be a cute girl, but now she's starting to get on my nerves.

PS
I stumbled onto some trash version of Conan on AXN, which basically implies Xena is the same level of quality, but hey, it's watchable. I just don't get how they even have the rights? 😕

I just watched the porn version of Conan the Barbarian.
Basically, the plot follows the Milius film almost beat for beat, except every single segment has its own adult twist.
For instance, there’s that part where Conan is training with his weapons and they bring women into his cell. In this version, Conan is busy swinging his sword—for real—and they toss a naked beauty into the cell. She just lies down on the bed, spreads her legs, and starts masturbating. Meanwhile, Conan is so incredibly intense with his sword drills and all that screaming that he completely ignores her while she's climaxing.
Then there’s the scene where Conan and Subotai are trekking through the fields and come across a river. There’s this gorgeous girl filling a jug with water, and then the two of them just go for it.
Later in the movie, Thulsa Doom fuck the princess, and so on... 😁
By the way, the guy playing Conan has such a vacant, blank expression that you can't help but laugh the second he appears on screen.

EDIT: Hahahaha! While I was typing this, I realized I was actually sketching out some details from that specific flick... it's a Hustler production. It’s titled: "this ain't Conan the Barbarian xxx". 😁
It actually has a decent budget, too—it isn't just mindless sex scenes; there’s an actual plot. Honestly, the production value is better than most American indie films. But that lead actor... for a big guy, he looks like a buffed-up Forrest Gump with a massive endowment.

nimblemarlin6, go get some sleep, man 😂

Richard Wilson4 said:Wait, she'd be acting? 😕

She used to be a cute girl, but now she's starting to get on my nerves.

PS
I stumbled onto some trash version of Conan on AXN, which basically implies Xena is the same level of quality, but hey, it's watchable. I just don't get how they even have the rights? 😕

Are you talking about the one starring Ralf Moeller? 😁 😁

Here is my deep dive into that flick.

Frank Moore4 said:Are you talking about the one starring Ralf Moeller? 😁 😁

Here is my deep dive into that flick.

Look, let's be real—I'm totally fine with those kinds of movies being straight-up trash. But I honestly don't get how they even manage to clear the rights for stuff like that, especially when the budget is basically nothing. And honestly? I'm still sitting here wondering if anyone even considers them part of the actual canon.

They probably hold the film rights. Honestly, my bet is they bought them specifically with the intention of turning Conan into a massive TV franchise, following the blueprint of shows like Hercules or Xena, which were huge hits back in the day.

William Lee34 said:Every man should have experienced this film in his youth; it is an epic saga detailing the tragedies one can endure while ultimately emerging victorious. Beyond the spectacle, it is a profound piece of cinema disguised by magic and mysticism, infused with a Nietzschean philosophy that permeates every frame, every line of dialogue, and every note of the now-iconic Howard soundtrack.

It is the kind of film one could watch once a year for a lifetime and find something new every single time. A true masterpiece, and perhaps the greatest Fantasy film ever made.

Pretty well put.

Conan hits different for me too, I guess. It reminds me of this guy who used to quote it all the time—someone with "real insight" who fought to protect those old-school principles of being an undefeated man, which feels pretty rare nowadays...

Lisa Chase3 said:Pretty well put.

Conan hits different for me too, I guess. It reminds me of this guy who used to quote it all the time—someone with "real insight" who fought to protect those old-school principles of being an undefeated man, which feels pretty rare nowadays...

It is what it is. 👍
I can't believe I just watched that again. Honestly, some things never get old. It’s one of those clips that just hits different every single time you hit play. Pure gold.

That’s what I’m telling you, Richard Wilson4.
Conan the Barbarian works because of Milius’s sheer genius—his style is just superior—it pulls you right in, making you think there’s some deep, masculine philosophy at play. That’s the Milius touch, really. In reality, if a "beautiful woman" is the go-to for the girls, then Milius’s "Conan" is the equivalent for the guys.

nimblemarlin6 said:That’s what I’m telling you, Richard Wilson4.
Conan the Barbarian works because of Milius’s sheer genius—his style is just superior—it pulls you right in, making you think there’s some deep, masculine philosophy at play. That’s the Milius touch, really. In reality, if a "beautiful woman" is the go-to for the girls, then Milius’s "Conan" is the equivalent for the guys.

Tommy, I was talking to the other guys on this thread, and if you keep being such a jerk, they might just sell you off to work in a mill for the next 10 or 20 years. 🤣

The testosterone levels just skyrocket during this scene http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3kBWP231hI , especially when Rexor lets out that "YoUUU," man.

And honestly, I think the soundtrack is a huge reason why this movie hits so hard.

The Riddle of Steel :
"Steel isn't actually that tough, kid... flesh wins every time."

Richard Wilson4 said:It is what it is. 👍
I can't believe I just watched that again. Honestly, some things never get old. It’s one of those clips that just hits different every single time you hit play. Pure gold.

😉

The whole idea of an noble, spiritually strong, badass man—like a real warrior—is probably just stuff you find in books now.

Unless there's some rare exception, I guess. And honestly, same goes for women.

I caught Conan the Barbarian back on September 5, 1990, at the local movie theater. I remember the exact date because that was the very same night David Bowie was performing at Dodger Stadium.

Toward the end of the film, you get that final showdown with the band of warriors serving Thulsa Doom—the leader of that wicked cult. The whole thing goes down in an ancient graveyard that looks just like Stonehenge. You see these warriors on horseback charging down from the hills toward the monoliths.
Then, Conan steps out from behind a monolith and starts unhorsing them with this massive axe—it’s actually quite beautifully shot, all in slow motion.

But here's the thing... it's funny how our perception of time plays tricks on us...

I’m convinced those scenes where Conan uses his giant axe to knock riders off their horses felt at least three times slower in the theater than they do today!

That slow-motion swing of the axe, that specific moment when it connects with a rider and the blood sprays... in the theater, it was so drawn out it felt like some kind of avant-garde art film! In later transfers of the movie, those sequences seem to have been sped up just enough to satisfy a modern sensibility.
The problem is, if that's actually the case, we might never know for sure—I highly doubt we'll ever get the chance to watch Conan on actual film print again.

Lisa Chase3 said:😉

The whole idea of an noble, spiritually strong, badass man—like a real warrior—is probably just stuff you find in books now.

Unless there's some rare exception, I guess. And honestly, same goes for women.

Well, Ante Gotovina is exactly that kind of guy!!!

nimblemarlin6 said:I caught Conan the Barbarian back on September 5, 1990, at the local movie theater. I remember the exact date because that was the very same night David Bowie was performing at Dodger Stadium.

Toward the end of the film, you get that final showdown with the band of warriors serving Thulsa Doom—the leader of that wicked cult. The whole thing goes down in an ancient graveyard that looks just like Stonehenge. You see these warriors on horseback charging down from the hills toward the monoliths.
Then, Conan steps out from behind a monolith and starts unhorsing them with this massive axe—it’s actually quite beautifully shot, all in slow motion.

But here's the thing... it's funny how our perception of time plays tricks on us...

I’m convinced those scenes where Conan uses his giant axe to knock riders off their horses felt at least three times slower in the theater than they do today!

That slow-motion swing of the axe, that specific moment when it connects with a rider and the blood sprays... in the theater, it was so drawn out it felt like some kind of avant-garde art film! In later transfers of the movie, those sequences seem to have been sped up just enough to satisfy a modern sensibility.
The problem is, if that's actually the case, we might never know for sure—I highly doubt we'll ever get the chance to watch Conan on actual film print again.

man, movie theaters... you were at the screening, Tommy, while I was probably jumping around losing my mind at the concert...😍

anyway, good catch on that slow motion bit.