How to protect your anonymity on Reddit?

Laura Mendoza2 said:Why don't you try explaining to me how I was supposed to interpret her saying "oh, snap😳" right after she said "Marty for," especially since you quoted it followed by the question "who? 😬".

And why didn't you just ask me to explain it to you?
You just brushed off Nicholas King a moment ago because he was trying to speak for me.

So, here it is—even though nobody actually asked me—that comment, as far as being an attempt at humor goes, was really aimed more at Nicholas King, since he was the one referencing that specific part of my long-winded post. Because of the smiley face, I honestly thought she was teasing me rather than giving me a warning—if I had realized that, I would have edited it. Also, like I mentioned earlier, since I don't spend my life reading every single random thread on Reddit, I figured it was just common knowledge that you have an alt account. I truly didn't see it as some kind of social blunder, mostly because of your avatar. If you wanted to distance yourself from the chosen few, you could have just sent some PMs🤷

That whole yard analogy you used? It totally missed the mark.

Laura Mendoza2 said:So... anyone else actually have an opinion on this, or am I just talking to myself here? Is there actually anyone out there with a take?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing at all.

Look, Rosie, Nico, and I have all told you repeatedly that it simply isn't there—but apparently, saying it once or twice just doesn't cut it. So, let me be crystal clear: it's not there. It's not there. It is absolutely not there. The whole thing is completely screwed. There is nothing.

Look, what you're claiming just isn't true—plain and simple. I didn't exactly "uncover" anything, unless you want to count the fact that my avatar might have given a tiny hint away... maybe.

You might be the one deciding what to post and how to frame it—but don't go thinking you actually have any idea just how much you’ve let slip. 🙂.

Look, regardless of how much I chase down trolls, I don't bother with clones at all. So, if even I managed to see through everything right from the start—then you’ve gone and exposed yourself, whether you intended to or not. 🙂

Why don't you just try explaining to me—since you seem to have it all figured out—how exactly I'm supposed to interpret her saying "oh, snap"?😳So, after she went ahead and said "Marty for," and then you had the nerve to quote her while asking "who?"—well, that was just... something. I guess I'm just trying to wrap my head around the logic there. Maybe it was a genuine question, though it felt a bit pointed, if I'm being honest. It’s one of those moments where the subtext feels much heavier than the actual words spoken, isn't it? Just a strange little exchange, really. 😬".

Is her explanation really that unacceptable to you? Or just plain stupid? Something else entirely? Look, she laid it out pretty clearly—she basically said, "I thought this was public knowledge, and I messed up." She apologized. Honestly, what more can someone actually do—or even be expected to do—after that?

So, I’ve been sitting here thinking—and maybe I’m just overanalyzing this, but I really feel like we need to address it—should we actually go through with organizing that whole flagellation thing at the next party? I mean, I guess it depends on the crowd, but there's something to be said for the spectacle of it all. Maybe it’s too much, or maybe it’s exactly what the night needs to really kick off. I'm still weighing the pros and cons, honestly.

Nicholas King said:So, should we actually get that whipping session organized for the next party?

It honestly feels to me like you’re becoming a huge fan of that idea😬

Sophia Kern43 said:Why don't you just ask me to explain it to you instead?
You just snapped at Nicholas King for trying to speak on my behalf.

I definitely snapped at him. 😕 Oh, I absolutely did. 🙏

And why wouldn't I ask you?
Give me a break. 🙂

If you wanted to keep things private with certain people, you could have just sent them a DM. 🤷

Jesus🤣🤣

Is this actually normal?
You mess everything up and then have the nerve to lecture me on what I should have done to prevent your own screw-up?

I'm done.

Nicholas King, unfortunately, I'm too exhausted to keep going with this; I hope you understand.
I almost wrote... ...I hope you'll at least realize..., but I know you get what I mean—you're just playing dumb. I get it.

Look, 😳

The issue here is the right to online anonymity.

Am I the only one who feels uneasy when the reality of how this site works hits you right in the face?
How do you deal with this without just quitting?

Is there any actual guarantee that all the moderators and admins are sane individuals who won't abuse the trust we, as users, have placed in them?

What am I supposed to do now? Go create a fifth account just because someone accidentally used my real name?
(It's pretty clear this account is finished after this whole thread🤣)

Laura Mendoza2 said:Is there actually any guarantee we can trust that all the moderators and admins are sane individuals who won't abuse the trust we've placed in them as users here?

If that’s what you’re asking, I honestly don't see how my slip-up today serves as an example for a situation like that.
I've truly said everything I have to say on the matter.

Sophia Kern43 said:If this is your question, I honestly don't see how my slip-up today serves as an example for this situation.
That's really all I have to say on the matter.

I’d be free to add: you said far too much.

And that’s exactly the point. To you, it was just a slip-up, some trivial little moment that I'm apparently making a mountain out of. But for me, it isn't "just" anything.

The issue is the sheer ease with which you—in this specific instance—are able to just "blurt out" things. These comments were eventually deleted, but not because you realized you used the wrong handle and went to fix it; they were wiped only after I opened this thread, essentially following a formal complaint. You're speaking for someone else (me, in this case) without any authorization to do so, regardless of your or anyone else's assumptions about what that person actually meant or intended. It's that lack of concentration, that total absence of thought or self-censorship when you blurt things out from that position that bothers me.

Today it was calling me Marty instead of Laura Mendoza2, but tomorrow... who knows. I certainly don't know what to expect.
Especially after being told repeatedly here that it was all just a clumsy accident.

As if that's a valid excuse for negligence. As if someone else's carelessness can't cause me harm just because they "didn't mean it" or "it slipped their mind."

Laura Mendoza2 said:Is there actually any kind of guarantee that we can trust that all the moderators and admins are sane individuals who won't abuse the trust we—as users here—have placed in them?

In what way, specifically, has Rosie—or anyone else in administration—abused your trust in this particular situation? 😕 The fact that Rosie happens to be a moderator has absolutely zero bearing on the actual events that unfolded.

Otherwise, to answer your question directly: no. There is no such thing as a guarantee that an administrator won't decide, for whatever reason, to use their authority a bit too extensively... that they won't engage in a bit more extensive information swapping within the moderator circle... or that, during moderator meetups (or whatever social gatherings happen), they won't go about extensively trading info about various users, much like some twisted version of a documentary on the Animal Kingdom.

Just like in real life, providing such a guarantee is simply impossible; whether someone chooses to peddle juicy, compromising, or outright fabricated information they stumbled upon is entirely dependent on one thing: whether that person is a decent human being or a total pig—and frankly, there are no warranties issued for anyone's basic humanity.

Nicholas King said:In what way did Rosie, or anyone else in the administration, betray your trust in this situation? 😕

Where exactly am I making that claim?

I asked a question: as a user, do I actually have any guarantee that things won't be abused?
(And by the way, I've noticed I keep writing about...) I can't find anything.)

What concerns me—and I’m saying this for the fifth time now—isn't actually that "someone" decided to publicly leak information that should have remained private under our community guidelines. The real issue here is that the person who did it was a moderator.
If this were just some random guy on Reddit, I wouldn't give a damn. These threads wouldn't even exist.

And here I am, asking for the fifth time: how are you supposed to actually relax when the very person who’s meant to protect you is the one making you feel unsafe?
It just feels unsettling.

Look, I didn't exactly plan on being put in a position where I'd feel this much discomfort. But since life doesn't give you a heads-up when things get awkward, why wouldn't you prepare for the worst-case scenarios?
Especially since this isn't the first time this same moderator has screwed up with me.
How am I supposed to know what else might be waiting for me here? For all I know, she—or anyone else, really—could let slip some other piece of information about me without even realizing it. Who knows what kind of data they're actually holding onto?
Look, these are all just hypothetical questions. I'm not making any accusations—not beforehand, anyway.

I get that there isn't a literal interpretation here. Guarantees.Look, moderators really ought to practice some level of self-censorship on certain topics. Ideally, you’d want someone in that position who actually understands where the line is from the jump. The parking brake. He knows exactly when and how to pull it off, even if his own car starts rolling downhill.
Look, I’m not saying anyone needs to be malicious. I just think people should have enough self-control to act in a way that doesn't embarrass themselves or this subreddit. You need at least a baseline level of focus to actually keep track of who you're even talking to.
I’d suggest setting up some training boot camps for moderators. It would be a way to actually teach those who aren't naturally cut out for the job how to handle things properly.

And finally, we have the classic move: someone trying to cover up their own screw-up by pointing the finger at the very person who suffered because of it.

In this specific instance, after reading through those two pages, I feel a bit isolated—honestly, it feels like being cornered by a cop. Two citizens actually tried to justify it, and my profile picture was my signature mini dress.😢

I'm feeling a bit let down, though I certainly get why nobody from the outside stepped in—unless you count those who find the whole situation, the players, and the underlying issues just too boring to care about.😁). I’ve been through this before. Done it all.

I wouldn't have even weighed in if I hadn't been the one to start this thread.
I’d probably just shake my head in disappointment one more time. After being offered yet another "universal solution" to problems that don't actually exist for anyone else, I’d conclude that this subreddit simply isn't for me.

That’s just not the case.

I’m genuinely curious to hear how everyone else feels about this—specifically regarding any discomfort, trust issues, or general sense of security on Reddit. If you're dealing with these concerns, how are you handling them?

Nicholas King said:There’s absolutely no guarantee that some admin won't decide to mess things up just because they feel like it. More in-depth. Use your authority to get things done. In the moderator lounge. Not happening. More in-depth. Let's swap some intel. At those moderator meetups—or whatever they’re calling them these days—live. Not gonna happen. It’s like a cheap knockoff of the Animal Kingdom—barely holds any water. More in-depth. Trading info about certain Reddit users.

I get what you're saying. It’s not even that it bothers me—actually, far from it.
Of course you’ll claim it doesn't bother you—it's easy to play the indifferent bystander when it isn't your own skin on the line.😁)

It’s obvious that everyone loves to talk, and there’s just no stopping it.

While all this talk happens over coffee in various little corners and local haunts, it’s really just intel for a very tight-knit circle. In fact, you'll be hand-picking exactly who gets to hear which pieces of confidential information—and let me tell you, that group isn't going to be anyone special.

The second you take information like that—or really any post you've made—and blast it out publicly to everyone, it stops being just forum gossip. In my opinion, it turns into something way more dangerous than just gossiping with your grandma.
Anyone making claims like that clearly doesn't grasp the stakes. They have no idea who ends up reading what they post, nor how sharing private information can ripple out to wreck someone's digital footprint or their actual life.

Or maybe they can just find out for themselves—which, let's be honest, gives them the perfect excuse to hide behind the guise of "keeping the public informed."
So, we’re right back to the same issues: trust and discomfort.

I don't know you. I have no idea what your previous username on Reddit even was, but based on everything you've posted here, it seems you either don't know what you want or you lack the ability to explain it in a way that the moderators, admins, or other users can actually follow. I attempted to parse several of your sentences, but I failed; all I could gather is that your supposed point has shifted significantly from the start of this thread to the middle, and again in this latest post.
Let’s be clear: I am not a fan of moderators or any form of authority or law enforcement—so let me preemptively dismiss any accusation that I am sucking up to them—but the moderator has already apologized to you. Neither I nor anyone else reading this thread understands what more you are looking for or what kind of guarantees you require. If you are fearful of what lies ahead, the issue isn't the moderators or the users; the issue is your own lack of self-confidence.

In my view, your reaction is excessive. Your ego has been bruised because you were "exposed," and you are simply angry at yourself because you realize that your "famous little outfit" is the reason for it all.

Laura Mendoza2 said:How am I supposed to know if she—or anyone else for that matter—might just accidentally let slip some other piece of my personal information? And more importantly, what kind of data is she actually handling?

I suppose there isn't much to say here—nothing at all.

Just one more thing—and then I’m out—because if I stay in this loop with you, where you just keep recycling the same tired arguments, all I can do is respond with my own closed circle of repetitive nonsense... and honestly, that’s just a complete waste of everyone's time. 🙂.

Comparing someone to a rapist cop is just completely inappropriate—it’s inhumane, it’s unfair, and frankly, there isn't a single metric by which you could even attempt to draw a parallel between the two. In that specific part of your comparison where you bring our small group into it... I suppose if one were to take the perspective of an observer—someone just watching from the sidelines, really—one might see things differently. It’s easy to get caught up in the noise, but there's a certain weight to simply standing back and watching the pieces move, isn't there? Maybe it's better that way—to stay detached, to avoid the fray, and just... observe. I guess you could say that being a spectator has its own quiet, albeit somewhat lonely, logic to it. You’re out here trying to claim that we’re all shifting the blame for this whole disaster onto you—which, frankly, is just as unfair as anything else you've said. Nobody is pinning this on you; it’s really not like that at all. In fact—and I think everyone here would agree, especially the head moderator—there is an absolute consensus that she is the one responsible. Now, I am talking about a genuine, unintentional mistake—not some petty, manufactured drama meant to stir up trouble on a subreddit. Sexual assault..

And finally—it’s actually happening: What exactly is it that you want? What, in all honesty, are you actually proposing here?I honestly have no idea what kind of personal details you’ve been "leaking" online—if we’re being honest about how little people actually know here—to make you feel so uneasy about someone connecting two different usernames. I mean, let's be real: casually linking two handles isn't exactly some high-level interrogation or a violation of privacy by the FBI; it's barely even worth a passing comment in a street argument, let alone some sort of criminal investigation. As far as I can see, the only way to truly prevent that feeling of discomfort regarding data exposure is simply... not offering up the data in the first place. If you don't want something known, don't put it out there. We can debate whether that's a fair way to look at it or whatever, but that’s the only logic that makes sense to me. I can't think of anything else—do you actually have another perspective on this? I suppose we should get down to brass tacks—let's be specific about this. Any suggestions?

@Laura Mendoza2/">@@Laura Mendoza2
I love telling myself I’d never pull the stunt Rosie pulled on Nicholas King's thread "by accident," but honestly? Look at it from a different perspective. If she hadn't stepped in, who knows how much of a meltdown you would've had, living in this little bubble thinking only a handful of people knew that new nickname was actually you.

Do yourself a favor: try out the new handle, ditch the old avatar, and for the love of God, stop bringing up that "Apple affair" ever again. Unless, of course, you want every single person on the internet to know exactly who is behind that screen.

On the bright side, at least the moderator actually owned up to her screw-up. Even if the apology felt a bit forced, it’s hard not to get the impression that she isn't much sharper than you are in this whole mess.

At the end of the day, I guess we all have our moments where we act like complete idiots. 😁

Nicholas King said:Nobody’s actually pinning any blame on you.

Of course not. It’s obvious to anyone with even a shred of reading comprehension who actually bothered to look at the thread.
I’m just someone with a slightly—oops, sorry... let me rephrase—poor choice in avatars.

Nicholas King said:You could really help out by picking a less obvious avatar. Seriously, this one screams, "It’s me, Charles Leclerc!" That’s definitely not how you stay anonymous.

Jamie Davis17 said:Of course you have a right to privacy. Just don't go using an avatar from your old handle, otherwise, it'll be way too easy to link the two.

Sophia Kern43 said:I didn't actually view that as a faux pas, mostly because of your avatar.

Nicholas King said:By choosing that specific avatar, you essentially made the decision to reveal everything to everyone.

You're right. My mistake.

Eric Gray2, sorry for picking such a terrible avatar for my profile. I didn't realize it would cause you so much trouble while you're hanging out on Reddit.

So, is this finally good?🤷

All this passive-aggressiveness of yours is just endlessly exhausting. You keep stubbornly conflating guilt with shared responsibility. Let me say it one more time, as clearly as possible: it is written in plain English that she is the guilty party. However—and I suppose this is where you'll start spiraling into self-pity—you *are* co-responsible, regardless of how much you hate hearing that. You started with that horrific analogy about a police officer's assault—fine, let’s stick to your own metaphor and add this: wearing a shirt that says "F*** THE COPS" didn't give her the right to screw you over without question, but it certainly contributed to the outcome. The guilt lies with her, sure, but the whole mess could have been avoided on your end if you'd just picked a slogan that didn't invite such disastrous conclusions.

Furthermore, you have been asked multiple times what you actually want or what you are proposing. You have answered those questions exactly zero (0) times, choosing instead to circle back repeatedly to Rosie's monstrosity and your own brand of internet martyrdom. You received an apology, you received a deletion—what else do you want, a ritualistic suicide?

And if you truly find joy in stringing together sentences designed to paint yourself as an ever-growing victim of everyone and everything, then go ahead—just leave me out of it. I honestly can't wrap my head around the goal or the purpose of such rhetoric, and I wouldn't dare suggest that typing it all out brings you any actual satisfaction. I simply cannot fathom how you fail to grasp the distinction between being guilty and being co-responsible.

That is all.

And who exactly do you think you are, 😕

Scott Miller5 said:I don't know you. I have no idea what your old username on Reddit used to be, but based on everything you’ve written here, it seems like you either have no clue what you actually want, or you lack the ability to explain it in a way that the mods, admins, or anyone else on this site can actually understand.

You might be onto something there.
Actually, it’s not just possible—you're clearly right.

I wrote that initial post while I was still in total shock, so I know it’s a mess and pretty hard to follow. But damn, I really tried my best to clear things up later on.

It’s obvious my writing style is exhausting. My sentences are way too long, cluttered with commas and parentheses, and I just don't use enough periods.

Alright, I’ll try to break this down using shorter sentences. It's probably best if I frame it as a quick interview—where the FBI asks the questions and I provide the answers.

FBI: Laura Mendoza2, what exactly is your problem?
I’m feeling pretty rough.
FBI: For what reason?
Me: because I’ve always had issues with the whole concept of anonymity on Reddit.
FBI: How does that work?
Look, there were some lapses in the past.
FBI: And what does any of that have to do with Eric Gray2?
Me: her mistake just triggered my PTSD.
FBI: So, you actually started the thread?
Yeah, I wanted to talk about that.
FBI: Why?
Me: because that’s just how it happened.
FBI: A quick question—why’d you bother opening a new account?
Me: that's my specialty.
FBI: And why did you pick an avatar that looks exactly like the one from your previous username?
Me: because it seemed convenient.
FBI: Isn't it a little awkward that they have a brand new username but an avatar that looks exactly like their old one?
Me: Why would that be awkward?
FBI: It wasn’t exactly the smartest move if you were trying to hide behind a new nickname.
Look, I didn't intend for that to happen.
FBI: So why change the handle then?
Me: Do I actually have to answer this?
FBI: Of course not, but people are still asking...
Me: what are they even asking?
FBI: They’re asking... they're wondering why you're acting like such a coward here.
Me: all because the moderator kept dragging out my old username in this thread.
FBI: So, what’s the actual issue here?
Look, the issue is simple: it’s just not allowed.
FBI: But now you’re claiming you aren't hiding.
So? Still not allowed.
FBI: Anyone here have an avatar that looks like mine?
Look, I never said anything about my old username, nor did I ever actually write it down.
FBI: You could have done it; it's your own fault.
Me: Look, I just didn't want to use my old handle.
FBI: You didn't do it, but the moderator did it without your permission.
Me: yeah.
FBI: But the moderator already apologized to you.
So?
FBI: Seriously, why isn't that enough for you people?
Me: That’s because I didn't ask, nor was the topic even about that moderator.
FBI: So, what’s the deal then? Give us the details—people are getting impatient.
Look, I already laid it all out in my intro post, and I’ve been clear about it in the other 13 posts too.
FBI: Which part exactly? It’s a little unclear.
Me: I wanted to sit down with everyone else and really weigh whether or not I can actually trust them.
FBI: Who are we talking about?
Me: on Reddit.
FBI: how does this look on Reddit?
Me: fine, then we're talking about the people who serve him.
FBI: And why are you even torn about this?
This whole thing was the trigger that brought my PTSD back to the surface. It feels like there’s zero effort being put into making users feel even remotely safe, let alone secure.
FBI: To err is human, so why all the rigidity?
Me: because that question hits a little too close to home.
FBI: So, you're saying the problem is actually you?
Me: no.
FBI: So what?
Look, if it wasn't intentional, then it's just plain negligence.
FBI: Where exactly do you see any negligence in this situation?
Look, if you're acting as a moderator, you shouldn't be letting people wander through threads blathering on while actively breaking the rules.
FBI: How does this affect you personally?
me: It affects me when this chatter threatens my right to privacy and my right to decide for myself how much I share about my identity or my handles—which is exactly what was being compromised here.
FBI: And that’s it?
me: No, it’s frustrating because this has shaken my confidence in how serious this place actually is. I just want to be able to communicate casually once in a while without everything blowing up.
FBI: I have to admit, all of this reminds me of when a politician once pleaded with the Speaker of the House for protection. "Luka, protect me!"
me: That's pathetic if that's the case.
FBI: I agree.
me: To me, other people handling this topic remind me more of that situation.
FBI: So, do you need protection or what? What is it you actually want?
me: Nothing. I just said what I had to say.
FBI: But people are asking what the point of this thread is. Some feel it would be only fair if, after keeping us in limbo for over 24 hours, you finally laid out your proposal. They want to know what your suggestion is.
me: I don't have a proposal.
FBI: What do you mean?
me: Like I said, I don't have one.
FBI: But some are demanding that you finally come forward with it.
me: How can I say it if there isn't one? It doesn't exist.
FBI: So you're just playing the victim without even having a suggestion?
me: What kind of proposal are you talking about, for God's sake?
FBI: The proposal you are obligated to present here.
me: Why should I be the one with the proposal?
FBI: So the discussion can actually move forward. Right now, there's nothing left to respond to, which is a waste.
me: A waste?
FBI: Yes, this is a forum. People come here to talk, you know.
me: Which is exactly why I started the thread.
FBI: Why?
me: Because I just wanted to have a conversation.
FBI: And the proposal?
me: What proposal?
FBI: Are you going to finally bring it to light? It's getting late, tomorrow is a workday and people want to go to sleep.
me: Then let them. Who's stopping them?
FBI: Just give us the proposal already, come on.
me: Honestly, screw you and your proposal.
FBI: See, you can't go without swearing.
me: Dammit, I can't help it.
FBI: And what about seppuku? Was that what you were looking for?
me: What a coincidence, I was just watching The Last Samurai yesterday.
FBI: And how was it?
me: Meh.
FBI: To wrap this up: you have no proposal and you didn't want to stay anonymous.
me: There is no proposal, and I should be the one deciding my own level of anonymity whenever possible.
FBI: So everything is fine now.
me: Depends on who you ask.
FBI: Do you have any final words for the users who are just lurking?
me: I don't.
FBI: Alright, then let's end th...
me: Actually, I have a song request, if possible.
FBI: Sure, go ahead.
me: If we can play Ernest Hemingway's "For Whom the Bell Tolls."
FBI: We can, I think we have that.

I once did exactly what Rosie did. No ill intent involved. A user sent me a DM, I apologized, and I edited the post. Problem solved with four DMs and one edit.

I’m just wondering—would you have reacted this way if a regular user had done it, or does it matter because it was a moderator?

Or did you intentionally leave almost the same avatar up just to see who would take the bait?

I should probably mention that I could have easily made the same mistake as Rosie. As soon as I saw the avatar, I knew exactly who it was, and since they hadn't changed it, I assumed they weren't even concerned about staying anonymous.
In that case, if we had been communicating, I most likely would have addressed you by your real name as well. 🙈

Good grief, this is just tragic. Someone clearly made a mistake and typed her old handle by accident.
I mean, honestly, maybe we should just give her the death penalty; someone like that doesn't deserve to draw breath.

Actually, let's do the same to Jamie Thompson3—you can tell she’s perfectly fine admitting to all sorts of twisted thoughts. 😳

Nicholas King said:The fact that Rosie is a moderator has absolutely nothing to do with what happened.

That’s exactly the point the OP is making. That is the crucial fact here. We are talking about a moderator who is behaving inappropriately. It doesn't require deep analysis or much intellect to see that. Any attempt to throw mud at the original poster is essentially a mob mentality masquerading as approval. Because, apparently, she "earned" it with her short skirt, fishnets, and manicured nails? Should she be ashamed for even complaining about those overzealous cops pinning her against a cruiser?