How can I help her?

I’m not entirely sure if this falls under the right subforum, but I honestly don't know where else to turn.
So, here's the situation: a friend of my girlfriend's—who's also a close friend of mine—has been dealing with this intense, non-stop coughing for about three or four months now. On top of that, she’s throwing up two or three times every single day, and she’s got these random spots or sores appearing on her legs that she just treats with iodine. The real kicker, though, is that she is flat-out refusing to see a doctor. She’s originally from Canada and is currently studying over here in the States, and apparently, she can't just head to a clinic in Washington, D.C., because there's some messy bureaucracy regarding international students or whatever—it doesn't really matter. The point is, she could easily go back home to Canada if she actually wanted to. She travels back every weekend, so she has the opportunity. But no, she’s stuck in this stubborn mindset that "doctors are just out to rob you and lie to your face," so she’s just suffering through it.
Trust me, this doesn't look harmless to me at all. She’s literally sprinting from her college classes straight to her room just so she can vomit, and she’s struggling to keep up with her training sessions (she does martial arts). She isn't losing weight, but she looks incredibly pale and completely drained. To make matters worse, a couple of weeks ago, she started taking some random medications her boyfriend back in Canada sent her—meds for who-knows-what, sourced from God-knows-where without any prescription. My girlfriend's best friend is going through this, and it’s heartbreaking to watch because of how stubborn she is. I have no idea how to convince her to just go to a damn doctor and get checked out. I genuinely feel like one of these days she’s just going to collapse, and then it’ll be too late to do anything.😢
I am getting more and more terrified of what might happen if this keeps up; I'm honestly fearing the worst.
Does anyone have any insight into what might be going on with her? And more importantly, how on earth do we talk sense into her so she'll finally seek medical help? Any advice at all would be hugely appreciated.😢

Joseph Morris5 said:I'm not entirely sure if this belongs in this subforum, but I wasn't really sure where else to turn.
So, my girlfriend’s friend has been dealing with this intense cough and throwing up two or three times every single day for months now. To make matters worse, she’s got these weird sores or spots on her legs that she keeps treating with iodine. The real issue? She refuses to see a doctor. She’s an international student here in the States, and apparently, there’s some bureaucratic mess regarding how they handle foreign students, which makes things complicated. She could easily head back home to Canada to get checked out since she travels back every weekend, but she won't. She’s stuck in this mindset where she thinks doctors are just scammers out to rip you off, so she’d rather just suffer through it.
I’m telling you, this doesn't look harmless at all. She’s rushing from class straight to her room to throw up, and she can barely handle her martial arts training anymore. She isn't losing weight, but she looks pale and completely drained. To make matters worse, she started taking some random pills a few weeks ago that her boyfriend brought over from Canada—who knows what they actually are or where she's getting them. My girlfriend is her best friend, and it's heartbreaking to watch because she's just so stubborn. I honestly don't know how to convince her to go see a real doctor and get checked out. I have a gut feeling she's going to collapse one day, and by then, it might be too late. 😢
I’m getting more and more worried about where things are headed if this keeps up. Honestly, I'm bracing for the worst.
Any ideas on what might be going on with her? More importantly, how can we actually convince her to go see a doctor? I'm open to any advice you guys have. 😢

When she gets that stubborn, there’s really only one move left: just call 911.

Maybe try giving her a bit more info regarding potential illnesses and what those symptoms could actually signify—perhaps that’ll make her reconsider and finally see a doctor. It sounds a bit foolish, I know, but there are definitely people who don't really grasp the gravity of things until they're truly spooked, and only then do they head to the clinic.
Personally, I don't find this funny at all; playing around with one's health like this is reckless. Sure, there are doctors everywhere, but that isn't an excuse to neglect your well-being by refusing to seek professional help.
Taking xy tablets based on guesswork is a serious matter, and she really ought to stop doing that.
If this first approach doesn't work, the next time she starts vomiting, just call 911. They are required to evaluate every patient and direct them to the appropriate facility if necessary (and I am fairly certain that will be required).

Edit: I had a stubborn grandfather in my family—honestly, you wouldn't believe the stunts he pulled. He refused to ever step foot in a doctor's office, even when he had fluid leaking from his legs and swelling around his heart... he was literally dying. I don't want to dwell on it too much, but we eventually called the paramedics. The first time, he refused to go and threw a massive scene—he actually chased the medics away. But the second time, when he felt weak (and was vomiting), the emergency crew arrived, and with our help, we managed to get him taken in.

Joseph Morris5 said:I'm not entirely sure if this belongs in this specific subforum—honestly, I'm a bit lost—but I didn't really know where else to turn with this question.
So, here’s the situation: a friend of my girlfriend—who is also a friend of mine—has been dealing with this brutal, non-stop cough for about three or four months now. It’s getting pretty bad; she’s throwing up two or three times a day, and she’s got these weird spots or sores appearing on her legs that she just tries to treat with iodine. The real issue, though, isn't the symptoms—it's her refusal to see a doctor. She’s an international student over in Canada right now, and apparently, there's some kind of bureaucratic nightmare regarding medical protocols for foreign students, so she can't exactly just pop into a clinic in Washington, D.C., to get checked out. Honestly, I don't know all the specifics of how their system works, but it sounds like a mess. She could easily head back home to Canada if she actually wanted to, especially since she travels back every single weekend, so the opportunity is there. But she’s stuck in this stubborn mindset where she thinks doctors are nothing but scammers and liars—just total nonsense—so she’d rather just suffer through it than deal with them. It's tough to watch.
Trust me, this doesn't look harmless to me at all—not even a little bit. She’s running straight from her college classes back to her room just to throw up, and she can barely handle the intensity of her martial arts training anymore. She isn't losing weight, but man, she looks pale and completely drained. To make matters worse, a few weeks ago she started taking these medications that her boyfriend—who lives back home in Canada—is supplying. God knows what they actually are, and he's just sourcing them on his own without any oversight. She’s my girl's absolute best friend, and I hate seeing how much this is weighing on her, especially since my girl is being so stubborn about it. I honestly don't know how to convince her to just go see a real doctor to figure out what's actually going on. I have this gut feeling that one of these days she’s just going to collapse, and by then, it'll be a "too little, too late" situation. 😢
I’m starting to get this growing sense of dread about where everything is headed—if things keep moving in this direction, I honestly fear we're looking at the absolute worst-case scenario.
Does anyone have a clue what might be going on with her? More importantly, though—how do we actually convince her to see a doctor without it turning into a massive argument? I’m open to any and all suggestions. 😢

If you take her straight to the ER, she won't have to deal with anyone trying to scam her or feed her lines—it’s just not how things work there. Honestly, so many people from all over the country end up in those emergency rooms when something goes sideways, so the staff is used to handling all kinds of situations.
I’m just struggling to wrap my head around this—if they’re coughing that hard and throwing up every single day, could we be looking at an eating disorder like anorexia? I mean, what are they even eating? It sounds like their diet is pretty pathetic right now. Are they running a fever or anything?
I honestly can't make head or tail of these spots... I mean, is she maybe dealing with an allergic reaction?

Haha, try getting her to go to the ER... It’s just not happening. What am I supposed to do, tie her up and carry her there? She’ll just look me dead in the eye and say "No," and then you’re stuck just watching the train wreck unfold because she is so incredibly stubborn. Honestly, I never even know when to call an ambulance—I’ve only caught her actually throwing up maybe two or three times, and since it rarely happens right when I'm looking, I can't exactly call 911 when nothing is going on. My girlfriend is her roommate, so that's how I stay in the loop. I really don't want to make a huge scene by calling emergency services, because if I do, she'll probably end up snapping at both them and me, and then I won't be able to help her at all. I genuinely feel like she won't go until someone practically hauls her there or she completely collapses 😢
. Oh, and regarding food—she doesn't eat much, obviously, but it's not like she's anorexic or anything. She eats regular meals and takes her vitamins and all that stuff, but the problem is she just can't seem to keep much of anything down.

Look, what you're describing could actually be a symptom of some pretty nasty stuff—internal issues or even infectious diseases that fall under state oversight and mandatory treatment protocols. So, next time she’s feeling under the weather, maybe your girl should just call 911 and tell them her roommate has been coughing, vomiting, and breaking out in skin lesions, and that she's worried it might be something contagious... then mention how this person is being totally uncooperative about getting checked out, so they'll probably have to come out and take a look, and I bet they'll insist on running tests whether she likes it or not...

By the way, there isn't some complicated, messed-up protocol to deal with here; you just take your insurance from Canada over to the local Medicare office and they'll issue you a document with our social security number on it. As far as I know, we have a reciprocal agreement with Canada that gives us full coverage...

Joseph Morris5 said:A few weeks ago, she started taking some pills her boyfriend sends her from Canada. Who knows what they even are; he just picks them up on his own without any real oversight.

Tell your girlfriend to check the ingredients and post them here... maybe your friend knows what they are but feels awkward saying anything. If she’s skeptical about doctors, it makes sense she'd be wary of meds too, which means she probably shouldn't just swallow anything blindly...

Try to find out exactly what she's taking 🙂
(It doesn't matter if they're from Canada; the chemical composition is universal and can be identified anywhere.)

Susan Reyes5 said:Tell your girlfriend to actually look at the ingredients list for those meds, then post them here... honestly, maybe her friend knows what's going on but feels awkward bringing it up. If she’s already skeptical about doctors, it makes perfect sense that she'd be wary of the medication too—she probably just doesn't want to take something blindly without knowing what it is.

Try to find out exactly what she's taking 🙂
(It doesn't matter if they were bought in Canada; the chemical composition is universal and recognizable anywhere in the world)

I can't see them right now—those medications are back home with her in Canada.
As for that "clumsy" protocol you mentioned, I suspect the issue might be that she hasn't even signed up for health insurance here in the States yet. I'm going to try to double-check that, but if that turns out to be the case, does it even matter if I call 911?

Look, emergency rooms handle anyone whose life is on the line or if they're considered a public interest case, regardless of whether they have insurance or if we even know their status... but honestly, you should try talking to her first. Maybe she’s dealing with some chronic issue she’s just not ready to open up about, but you really need to make it clear that if she has coverage in Canada and can get the right paperwork from the Social Security Administration, she shouldn't run into any walls getting care here in the States. The only thing is, when it comes to checkups, testing, or getting admitted to a hospital, she’ll just have to fill out one specific form—kind of like a standard contract—sign it, and that's basically it...

Anyway, unless she already knows exactly what she's dealing with regarding this chronic condition and just refuses to talk about it—I’d strongly suggest getting some diagnostics done. It doesn't necessarily have to be something critical, but it could be, and frankly, that's just not a situation I find comforting at all...

Of course I’m going to have another talk with her—either today or tomorrow, as soon as I can actually catch her. It isn't even a matter of whether she’d prefer seeing a doctor in Canada instead, if it were even that simple. No, she just won't listen, won't hear a word I say; she's dug her heels in, and frankly, I don't care what her reasons are. To top it all off, she ended up throwing up three times that same day. Honestly, it's enough to make me want to lose my cool and just yell at her.

I finally figured out exactly what's going on here...

Joseph Morris5 said:Look, I’ll talk to her again—today or tomorrow, whenever I can actually catch her. It isn't even a matter of whether she'd prefer seeing some doctor over back in Canada—if only it were that simple. She just won't go, won't listen... she has this stubborn streak that, frankly, I can't deal with right now—especially after she spent half the day throwing up. Honestly, it’s enough to make me lose my temper.

Have you guys thought about sitting down with her parents? Just letting them know everything she's actually going through?

I honestly don't get why you're stressing over someone else's stress...

Casey Palmer5 said:I just don't get why you're getting worked up over someone else's concerns...

He's looking for help 😉

Casey Palmer5 said:I just don't quite grasp why you're getting so worked up about someone else's concern...

Personally, I find it rather wonderful—perhaps even necessary—to see someone actually showing concern and wanting to lend a hand. It feels like a fundamental part of being human, I suppose; especially when health is at stake, which is often how real friendships are forged and tested.

Man, why am I even stressing over someone else's problems? I’ve asked myself that a dozen times already—but honestly, I just know that if something were to go wrong, I’d absolutely tear myself apart for closing my eyes when I should have seen that things weren't okay.
As for her parents, they clearly aren't picking up on anything; they just don't seem interested in her life or her in general. And it’s not like I even have a way to get a hold of them anyway—they're in Canada, and I have zero clue who they are or how to reach them, plus they don't speak any English or anything else...
Anyway, we actually sat down for a private chat with a psychologist, and she advised me not to confront her about it or rush into anything too drastic. Instead, the goal is to try and talk things through so she might eventually open up about what's going on—and maybe figure out if it's actually bulimia (if the doctor can tell, of course). So, I’m not calling 911 or anything extreme just yet; that’ll be my absolute last resort.

Yedwy provided a great rundown of useful information, though it feels like they might be holding onto a few lingering doubts of their own.
I honestly can’t blame anyone for getting worked up over someone else's struggles. To be truthful, I’d be much more surprised by someone witnessing something like this and remaining completely indifferent!
I had briefly considered whether this could be bulimia, but the sores on my leg don't really align with that diagnosis. Of course, we aren't doctors trying to pin down a specific label, but my main concern is whether there's a risk that this could be contagious or dangerous.
Joseph Morris5, you mentioned earlier that she’s currently training for something. Do you think her coach is actually aware of these ongoing health issues?
It might be worth having a conversation with them. Most serious coaches in the US wouldn't dream of letting an athlete train if there was an unexplained medical issue hanging over their head.
You really are facing a difficult situation here.

It’s pretty obvious the coach doesn't know—honestly, he's probably keeping him in the dark.
I don't think it's contagious or anything, because my girlfriend lives with her and if it were some kind of bug, she definitely would've caught it by now, I mean... who knows. But anyway, if this conversation doesn't go anywhere and nothing actually gets fixed, I'm calling 911 and just letting the chips fall where they may.

Bulimia has crossed my mind as well—especially after you mentioned how someone might rush home from college or practice just to purge, maybe two or three times a day.
As for those sores, I'm really not sure. But if we're talking about something contagious, it doesn't necessarily have to manifest on another person immediately.

Alright, let me clarify—they aren't exactly deep wounds or anything. I probably misspoke there; they’re more like these red patches on my skin. Honestly, it might not even be related to everything else—it just popped up recently, so it could be a rash or some kind of reaction to something I ate or touched. I don't think that's really the main point here.