Turning off life support

So, I have a question. Is it legal here in the US to take someone off life support if their condition is critical and there’s absolutely no hope for recovery? My grandfather, who was 78, decided four weeks ago to go through with heart surgery, even though the odds were a coin flip at 50/50. We all knew the risks, but since he couldn't even move from room to room without needing meds, he figured it was worth the shot.
The surgery itself actually went well. He woke up the next day and we were all talking to him normally—we were honestly shocked by how fast he bounced back. But then everything fell apart. His lungs completely failed after being on a ventilator for so long, and then his kidneys gave out due to an infection. The doctors told us things were critical and we were looking at hours, not days. We were just waiting for the end, but then, out of nowhere, he stabilized. Both us and the doctors were stunned, but the medical staff warned us that with cases like this, you can't trust any prognosis. Recovery is slow and gradual, but crashes happen incredibly fast. Just a day later, he suffered a stroke. To make a long story short, his condition has been a roller coaster of getting better and then crashing again. For the last few days, he hasn't been in immediate danger, but neurologists found that his entire left hemisphere is gone because of subsequent strokes. Right now, he isn't on sedatives, so he drifts in and out of consciousness, but he doesn't recognize us at all. If he somehow pulls through—which, let's face it, is a tiny chance—he’ll come home basically as a vegetable, paralyzed with the left side of his brain gone. It’s a terrifying thought: an old man who basically lives on memories coming home to nothing, just waiting to die while unable to move. I know in America you can't just pull the plug, even though those machines are the only thing keeping him alive right now. We don't want him to suffer, and honestly, watching him struggle like this feels like the most inhumane thing for both him and us. Can anyone tell me why disconnecting life support is prohibited in the US? Is there any exception or any way to get that approved? Thanks in advance for any answers!

What you're asking about is euthanasia, and honestly, we don't allow anything like that here in the States; it’ll be a long time before we see any real movement or legislation passed on such an incredibly sensitive issue... Allowing for a dignified death? Who gets to pull that trigger? Under what specific circumstances? Those are just some of the massive questions we're going to have to tackle way down the road.
We really need to be clear that when people talk about "unplugging" here, they usually mean disconnecting a patient from a ventilator or some kind of mechanical breathing machine.
Now, the one exception where this actually happens in our country is in cases of confirmed brain death. In real-world terms, that usually happens during the diagnostic process for organ donation, but if the family decides they aren't interested in donating, the body is simply taken off life support. There isn't really any debate there.
The "gray area"—and I assume this is what you mean by talking about machines—is that murky territory in intensive care where a doctor might decide to stop using Dopamine, Norepinephrine, or other vasopressors to keep blood pressure up. People in the medical field know exactly what I'm talking about, even if there isn't a perfect name for it yet.
If you want another example to throw into the mix, look at that tragic case in the US from a few years back where a court actually denied a woman tube feeding for a few weeks, basically leaving her to starve to death.

I am so sorry to hear about your loved one, but if they do end up pulling through, the family—or whoever is stepping up to provide full-time care—is often looking at some incredibly grueling days and a really difficult daily grind ahead.

It looks like it’s pretty much a given that your grandpa will be off life support within a day or two, but he’ll still be stuck in what's essentially a vegetative state. To put it plainly, his vitals and breathing will be stable on their own, but he won't be able to move, talk, or do anything without someone there to feed him, bathe him, and basically handle every single aspect of his care.
In my experience—and I think most people would agree—that kind of situation is actually way harder on the family than when a patient is still hooked up to machines and everything feels uncertain.
But, like Scott Allen10 pointed out perfectly, we’re really looking at a massive ethical dilemma here.
I mean, if you really sit down and think about it: is a life where someone is just existing, unable to interact with the world, truly the same thing as a full, active, emotionally vibrant life? Where do we draw that line? And more importantly, who gets to decide when the music should stop? Honestly, I don't see us reaching any kind of solid, universal agreement on those questions anytime soon.

When things get heavy like this, people honestly lose all sense of logic. In those acute moments when a crisis hits, everyone just wants to cling to life at any cost—it’s that classic mindset of, "Just let them live, somehow it'll work out, maybe they'll pull through..." It's totally human, really; we just pin all our hopes on some miracle recovery without even stopping to consider what the actual outcome will look like. I feel like nobody ever stops to think about the reality of the end result.
I was talking to someone recently whose loved one has been stuck in a persistent vegetative state for years now, following some unexplained brain damage after they spent a month hovering between life and death in the ICU. They told me, almost offhandedly, "Man, if they had just passed away right then and there, I would've gone through the grieving process by now and actually be living my life normally."... hm...it's definitely not always a rational way to look at things.

Everyone who knows me—and I suspect future generations will find out too—is well aware of my one true desire: just let me go when the time finally comes.

I’ve posted about this before, but my wife and I have already signed our paperwork. We keep everything organized in a dedicated file containing our final wishes, funeral arrangements, and all the necessary legal documents.

We also left copies of these documents with our primary physician and our attorney. I assume that a document drafted and signed before witnesses, just like mine, should carry the same weight for everyone else... I suspect Susan Martin24 and Scott Allen10 might know the answer to that?

Personally, I believe everyone should have a will and a power of attorney ready. You never know what might happen or when. Without these papers, things get complicated—not necessarily because of money, but because of issues like palliative care and deciding how we want to handle those final moments, whether we are conscious or not.

=============
NOTICE OF DIRECTION PURSUING TO Death with Dignity Act

To: The attending physician
at such time I am suffering from a terminal illness**

I,…………………………………….declare that I am of sound mind
(name of person making direction)
and a person of or above the age of eighteen years AND in the event that I may suffer from a terminal illness**within the meaning of the Death with Dignity Act AND having the desire not to be subject to extraordinary measures, namely medical or surgical measures that prolong life, or
are intended to prolong life,by supplanting or maintaining the operation of bodily functions that are temporarily or permanently incapable of independent operation DO HEREBY make the direction that I not be subjected to such extraordinary measures.

Dated……..

Signature of person making direction:

WITNESSED in the presence of two witnesses:

1)

2)

(Name ,address,occupation) (Name ,address,occupation)

**terminal illness means any illness, injury or degeneration or mental or physical faculties:

(a) such that death would, if extraordinary measures were not undertaken,be imminent.
and

(b) from which there is no reasonable prospect of a temporary or permanent recovery, even if extraordinary measures were undertaken.

If everyone had their documentation in order, it would make things much easier for our loved ones, both the dear ones and the difficult ones.😁/just kidding/

😎

fadedtrucker19 said:Everyone knows where I stand—and honestly, future generations will too: just let me go when the time finally comes.

You just have to face the reality that having that wish doesn't actually change much in practice—not in like 95% of cases.

If you were sitting there right now, maybe in some ICU bed, even with that desire spoken, signed, and notarized... you'd probably still end up stuck on life support, and nobody would be able to pull the plug.

It's a tough pill to swallow, but it's the truth...

Jose Miller3 said:You just have to realize that having that kind of wish doesn't actually change anything in practice (it fails about 95% of the time).

If you were in the shoes of a bottle opener's grandma right now—even with that wish spoken, signed, and notarized—you’d still be stuck on life support and nobody would be able to pull the plug.

It's depressing, but it's the truth...

I actually heard this heartbreaking story recently about someone hooked up to machines with absolutely zero chance of ever being off them.
The doctors kept asking the family over and over if they wanted to take him off life support.

Noah Myers8 said:I heard this incredibly heartbreaking story the other day about someone who was kept on life support with basically zero chance of ever being taken off...
The doctors were constantly asking the family if they wanted to pull the plug.

That 5% group... yeah, it happens, but man, it's rare...

Jose Miller3 said:That 5%? Yeah, it happens, but it's super rare...

I get it.
But honestly? I don't know if I could ever actually sign off on pulling the plug for someone I love, even if they had it all signed and ready to go. Call me selfish, but I just know I couldn't do it.

Jose Miller3 said:You just have to face the reality that having a stated wish doesn't actually change a thing in practice (in about 95% of cases).

If you were currently sitting in the shoes of an ICU patient with a verbalized, signed, and notarized "wish" like that, you’d still find yourself hooked up to machines, and nobody would be able to pull the plug.

It's a grim truth, but it's the truth...

Look, if I fall ill, there isn't some cosmic force forcing me to stay in a hospital bed; I have every right to refuse treatment.

In the event of an accident—where I might be rushed into an ER whether I like it or not—I can only hope the doctors don't waste a bed on me when someone else actually needs it more.

I suppose I could go through the whole trouble of putting it all in writing once and for all... but then again, I'm still young and far too full of myself for that level of foresight.

I honestly believe there’s always a legal avenue to explore here. From what I understand, assisted suicide is perfectly legal in Switzerland. I’m sure there are other countries out there where you could move a grandmother for further "treatment" at your own expense, and if her condition is truly terminal, they would agree to withdraw life support.

Regarding what fadedtrucker19 mentioned about refusing treatment—that’s technically correct. However, that’s usually when things get messy, like when some self-appointed genius steps in claiming "he isn't competent," trying to play hero for someone who doesn't want to be saved. The real headache starts if a person is in a coma; they can't voice their wishes, accept, or refuse anything. I wonder if a statement like Jamie Clark74's would actually hold up in an American court. (By the way, Jamie Clark74, you had a typo—you wrote "dead" instead of "death." Might want to fix that if it's in the original.) The issue is that a family could show up with a lawyer demanding life support be disconnected, and if the hospital refuses, they could just file a lawsuit.

Thanks everyone for all the comments and suggestions. I guess we'll just have to see how things play out now..😘

I think what Jamie Clark74 was showing us is basically just a standard Do Not Resuscitate order. I honestly can't even begin to wrap my head around how much this whole situation changes things for everyone involved, especially when you consider how much we all rely on that hit of Dopamine just to get through a Tuesday, but I guess that's just life, isn't it?o NI can't believe I'm even typing this out, but honestly, life just has a funny way of throwing everything at you all at once, doesn't it? I was sitting here thinking about how much things have changed lately, almost like that one time I stayed up way too late in Chicago just watching the rain hit the window, feeling like the world was moving a million miles an hour while I was stuck in place. It’s wild how we try to make sense of it all, but sometimes you just have to roll with the punches and see where the wind takes you. RYou can always file a Do Not Resuscitate order to opt out of CPR and other medical interventions, but honestly, Jamie Clark74, like someone else pointed out earlier, I don't think that would actually save you from the jaws of the American healthcare system if you were brought in unconscious.🙂 Things just don't work that way here in the States; you can't just decide to call it quits whenever you feel like it.🙂 So, we just finished helping my 80-year-old grandma transition, and man, she had been through the wringer—we're talking triple bypasses, a pacemaker, diabetes, and a massive ischemic stroke that really took its toll on her brain. 😵It was pretty much inevitable that she’d pass after about ten days, but man... you have to wonder how a top-tier neurologist and a sharp anesthesiologist could manage to run up a bill of at least $8,000 or so with the hospital in such a short window. It might sound a bit harsh to say, but there were just so many unnecessary costs piled on there.
Honestly, I feel like when it all comes down to it, whether or not someone actually tries to resuscitate you is pretty much left up to whoever happens to be standing there with you, regardless of what those official DNR papers say.

Scott Allen10 said:What Jamie Clark74 showed us seems to be what people call a "Do Not Resuscitate" order. I'm still waiting for the rest of that thought. Did you forget to hit send?o Not RA Do Not Resuscitate order exists for when people decline life-saving interventions. But Jamie Clark74, like someone else already pointed out, I don't think that would actually save you from the jaws of the American healthcare system if you were brought in unconscious...🙂 There’s no messing around here; in this country, you don't just get to choose when to call it quits.🙂 So, we recently had to put an 80-year-old grandma out of her misery. She was dealing with a triple bypass, a pacemaker, diabetes, and a massive ischemic stroke. What else could you ask for? 😵So, she passed away after about ten days—which was always going to happen—but still... a top-tier neurologist and a sharp anesthesiologist managed to run up at least $8,000 in medical bills in that short window. Sounds harsh, I know, but just a whole lot of unnecessary spending.
At the end of the day, deciding whether or not to resuscitate someone is entirely up to whoever is standing over you, regardless of what those legal papers say. Does anyone actually think paperwork overrides a person's split-second call?

Is anything actually changing around here on that front, or is it still the same old story?

This is a bit off-topic, but I feel it’s relevant. My best friend passed away in a car accident back in '95; she was on life support for two weeks before they finally turned everything off due to brain death. From what I recall, even then, the doctors asked her parents for permission before making that call.
Back in the day, if you wanted to be a donor, you had to proactively sign a form and carry a donor card.
It makes sense to let people make their own choices about their bodies...
However, I’ve heard that over the years, things have quietly shifted behind the scenes. Now, it seems everyone is automatically enrolled as a donor unless they specifically opt out by signing a refusal.
Perhaps it sounds selfish, but living with systemic lupus and antiphospholipid syndrome—which brings everything from cardiac issues to neurological complications—has put me through enough therapies. Until science truly nails down the exact mechanism of how lupus develops, I don't think it's a great idea to be a donor, so I wouldn't choose to be one.
The way our laws are structured now, everyone is essentially included... though honestly, how many people are actually aware of that?
Since it remains such an awkward, taboo subject, the current regulations governing this are often glossed over in conversation.
It’s understandable if someone has family who might push back or protest the decision.
But we were all heavily encouraged by the media to sign up for those donor cards, yet there was never any big announcement when the system pulled a complete 180. What happens to the people who don't want to be donors for various reasons, but simply don't realize they've already been signed up?

None of the people I know—including some who actually work in healthcare—have any clue that individual consent isn't required anymore. It’s like seeing an old relic in a museum; at my rheumatologist's office, there's still a display for donor cards from the old days, as if nothing has changed.

A friend of mine was taken off life support recently. She had been on a ventilator for two weeks, but unfortunately, there wasn't even a glimmer of hope for recovery, let alone just staying stable. When the doctors approached her family about organ donation, they made the difficult decision to authorize everything.
It was such a tragic situation—she suffered severe hemorrhaging, brain swelling, and multiple skull fractures. It was honestly devastating; she was deprived of oxygen for at least ten minutes, and the medical team wasn't even sure how they managed to resuscitate her enough to get her on life support in the first place.

edit:
This happened back in 2012. She was only 20 years old, and the injuries were all caused by a traumatic fall resulting in head trauma.