#1 ·
Well, I suppose it’s finally time for me to start a thread of my own here.
I have to admit, I actually swiped this concept from the music forum, but honestly, so much of what applies there translates perfectly to the seventh art. So, let's dive in:
To you people, Hollywood is basically the incarnation of evil.
Your only real defense against Hollywood is European cinema.
And by "European cinema," you mean everything from the films of Asia and Africa to those of Southern and Central America—though you conveniently exclude Australia just because they speak English over there.
Whenever someone posts a "greatest films of all time" or "best director ever" list that feels a bit too predictable, you immediately tear them apart, calling their taste pedantic or academically sterile.
Then, just a few posts later, you’ll drop your own list which is just as pedantic and academically sterile (but, of course, it’s *your* version of it!).
You’re the ones starting threads like "The death motif in early Italian Neorealism" or "A comparison of semi-subjective framing in the works of Pier Paolo Pasolini and Michael Powell."
When you watch a movie, you don't cry, and heaven forbid you show any actual emotion that a normal human being might feel. No, when you watch a film, you simply a n a l y z e it.
Special effects are pure evil. A movie with special effects is, by definition, a bad movie. Generally speaking, any film where the technical aspects are too prominent (think frantic editing or heavy sound and visual stylization) is considered trash because you believe film is an organic art form—that the image on the screen is actually just a projection of a person's mind inside a dark room, emitting light through... well, you know.
If someone starts a thread about a movie you happen to hate, you’ll jump in after every single person who says they liked it to post a comment with the diametrically opposed opinion. By the end, most of the replies in that thread will be yours.
Whenever someone takes a stance on a film that contradicts yours, you demand they defend it with logic. You, however, never bother to argue your own point because your opinion is just an indisputable fact. You only feel 100% certain of your position once someone else has explicitly proven you wrong.
When you find yourself in a heated debate with some IMF bureaucrat over a film, your ultimate trump card is simply pointing out that you saw the movie before they did.
In your world, the adoration for a film is inversely proportional to its box office success. You especially despise that one movie with the ship and the iceberg (you won't even dignify it by mentioning its name).
Whenever you spot a thread populated by IMF types with mediocre knowledge of film history, you "innocently" chime in with a few posts mentioning obscure directors and indie flicks. You patiently wait for their reaction—which is usually something like "And who are you supposed to be?"—before you descend upon them like a predator.
You create threads about films and directors that almost nobody has heard of, specifically intending for no one to reply, so you can maintain the myth of yourself as the ultimate authority on cinema.
To anyone who might feel a little called out by this, please know that I’ve included a few of my own flaws in this list as well.
😁
I have to admit, I actually swiped this concept from the music forum, but honestly, so much of what applies there translates perfectly to the seventh art. So, let's dive in:
To you people, Hollywood is basically the incarnation of evil.
Your only real defense against Hollywood is European cinema.
And by "European cinema," you mean everything from the films of Asia and Africa to those of Southern and Central America—though you conveniently exclude Australia just because they speak English over there.
Whenever someone posts a "greatest films of all time" or "best director ever" list that feels a bit too predictable, you immediately tear them apart, calling their taste pedantic or academically sterile.
Then, just a few posts later, you’ll drop your own list which is just as pedantic and academically sterile (but, of course, it’s *your* version of it!).
You’re the ones starting threads like "The death motif in early Italian Neorealism" or "A comparison of semi-subjective framing in the works of Pier Paolo Pasolini and Michael Powell."
When you watch a movie, you don't cry, and heaven forbid you show any actual emotion that a normal human being might feel. No, when you watch a film, you simply a n a l y z e it.
Special effects are pure evil. A movie with special effects is, by definition, a bad movie. Generally speaking, any film where the technical aspects are too prominent (think frantic editing or heavy sound and visual stylization) is considered trash because you believe film is an organic art form—that the image on the screen is actually just a projection of a person's mind inside a dark room, emitting light through... well, you know.
If someone starts a thread about a movie you happen to hate, you’ll jump in after every single person who says they liked it to post a comment with the diametrically opposed opinion. By the end, most of the replies in that thread will be yours.
Whenever someone takes a stance on a film that contradicts yours, you demand they defend it with logic. You, however, never bother to argue your own point because your opinion is just an indisputable fact. You only feel 100% certain of your position once someone else has explicitly proven you wrong.
When you find yourself in a heated debate with some IMF bureaucrat over a film, your ultimate trump card is simply pointing out that you saw the movie before they did.
In your world, the adoration for a film is inversely proportional to its box office success. You especially despise that one movie with the ship and the iceberg (you won't even dignify it by mentioning its name).
Whenever you spot a thread populated by IMF types with mediocre knowledge of film history, you "innocently" chime in with a few posts mentioning obscure directors and indie flicks. You patiently wait for their reaction—which is usually something like "And who are you supposed to be?"—before you descend upon them like a predator.
You create threads about films and directors that almost nobody has heard of, specifically intending for no one to reply, so you can maintain the myth of yourself as the ultimate authority on cinema.
To anyone who might feel a little called out by this, please know that I’ve included a few of my own flaws in this list as well.
😁