Sleeping with eyes open? (Patient discussion)

Hey everyone, I’m looking for some insight regarding my grandma... she’s been pretty sick lately. She just got home from the hospital a few days ago, but honestly, it feels like she isn't really aware of anything around her. I can't tell if she’s just sleeping with her eyes open or if she simply doesn't have the strength to move at all.

Her face always looks like this—her eyes stay almost completely open, staring kind of past me, like she's looking at something way above my head... you can see a bit more of the white part under her eye. She was already blind in one eye, and the other is only about 60 percent vision.

She can't talk because of the surgery she had, and she's being fed through a tube. When I want to ask her something, I try to get her attention by speaking up a bit louder, like: "Grandma, if you're feeling hot, move your leg"—and I'll hold her leg at the same time just to feel for any reaction—or, "Grandma, if you're hungry, move your leg." Yesterday, she actually could move her leg enough to give me a sign, but today it's much weaker... almost nothing at all.

Now I'm just stuck wondering... is she not moving her leg because she's sleeping with her eyes open, or does she just lack the physical strength? 🤷 She survived on basically broth, tea, and some other "watery" stuff at the hospital for nine days, but now that she's back home, we've started giving her slightly thicker blended food so she can actually get some strength back.

A few times throughout the day—maybe 10 or 20 times—it sounds like she's breathing heavily. It's almost like a slight wheezing sound (she's using a cannula, but I keep it clean and check it regularly). It's almost like she's sighing deeply several times... I wonder if that's just what happens when someone is dreaming or something?

If anyone knows anything or has gone through something similar, please help me out. I'd really appreciate any insight you can give. Thanks.

dustyjackal13 said:Hey everyone, I’m looking for some insight regarding my grandma... she’s been pretty sick lately. She just got home from the hospital a few days ago, but honestly, it feels like she isn't really aware of anything around her. I can't tell if she’s just sleeping with her eyes open or if she simply doesn't have the strength to move at all.

Her face always looks like this—her eyes stay almost completely open, staring kind of past me, like she's looking at something way above my head... you can see a bit more of the white part under her eye. She was already blind in one eye, and the other is only about 60 percent vision.

She can't talk because of the surgery she had, and she's being fed through a tube. When I want to ask her something, I try to get her attention by speaking up a bit louder, like: "Grandma, if you're feeling hot, move your leg"—and I'll hold her leg at the same time just to feel for any reaction—or, "Grandma, if you're hungry, move your leg." Yesterday, she actually could move her leg enough to give me a sign, but today it's much weaker... almost nothing at all.

Now I'm just stuck wondering... is she not moving her leg because she's sleeping with her eyes open, or does she just lack the physical strength? 🤷 She survived on basically broth, tea, and some other "watery" stuff at the hospital for nine days, but now that she's back home, we've started giving her slightly thicker blended food so she can actually get some strength back.

A few times throughout the day—maybe 10 or 20 times—it sounds like she's breathing heavily. It's almost like a slight wheezing sound (she's using a cannula, but I keep it clean and check it regularly). It's almost like she's sighing deeply several times... I wonder if that's just what happens when someone is dreaming or something?

If anyone knows anything or has gone through something similar, please help me out. I'd really appreciate any insight you can give. Thanks.

My own experience is heartbreaking... I'm sorry I don't have anything positive to offer you. She's fading away. Everything you described is exactly what I witnessed with my grandmother, and then with my mother before they passed.😢
Just stay by her side constantly and talk to her about beautiful things. Do everything in your power to make her comfortable, and make sure everyone tells her how deeply she is loved. Hearing is the last sense to go, so she is almost certainly hearing all of you.

Angela Wright said:My own experience is heartbreaking... I'm sorry I don't have anything positive to offer you. She's fading away. Everything you described is exactly what I witnessed with my grandmother, and then with my mother before they passed.😢
Just stay by her side constantly and talk to her about beautiful things. Do everything in your power to make her comfortable, and make sure everyone tells her how deeply she is loved. Hearing is the last sense to go, so she is almost certainly hearing all of you.

I really don't want to accept that... I'm going to do everything in my power to help her pull through. At the end of the day, it's all in God's hands. "Fading away"... reading that just completely floored me.

dustyjackal13 said:I really don't want to accept that... I'm going to do everything in my power to help her pull through. At the end of the day, it's all in God's hands. "Fading away"... reading that just completely floored me.

I'm so sorry.😢😢😢 I wrote down my own experience just like you asked.
But like you said, God has the final say.
Still, regardless of anything else, don't miss any opportunity to tell her how much she is loved. We don't talk about it nearly enough, forgetting that we're all just passing through and our lives are nothing more than a blink in the vastness of the universe.

Angela Wright makes a fair point—it’s a tough reality, but your grandmother is nearing the end. At the very least, I suppose you should focus on making these final hours and days as comfortable as possible for her. 👍

Don't even go there... I honestly have no clue what I'd do to myself if anything ever happened to her.

dustyjackal13 said:Don't even go there... I honestly have no clue what I'd do to myself if anything ever happened to her.

Honey, that’s just the way life works... it isn't some freak occurrence or something unnatural. Our entire existence is nothing more than a series of hellos and goodbyes. Parting ways is brutal, there's no sugarcoating it, but it's inevitable. You have to focus on the quality of the life lived rather than just counting the years. Your grandmother made it to old age, and in this world, that is a massive achievement. She got to see her children and grandchildren grow up; she loved deeply and was loved right back. She's surrounded by her favorite people in her own home... believe me, given how fleeting everything is, there is no greater blessing than that. So please, try to be grateful for it.

I truly get what you're going through. I lost both my mother and my grandmother—the two people who loved me most in this entire world. That void they leave behind is heavy, but I find myself feeling thankful that I had them, and that they were able to pass with dignity, living their lives fully, loved and protected until the very end.
You're going to pull through.

I don't even know anymore... last night was just brutal, she was struggling so hard to breathe. We ended up calling over some close family who live nearby. I was wide awake until like 2 AM—just couldn't shut my brain off. I kept crying because I honestly thought it was over, but she made it to morning... though she still hasn't woken up. Probably just knocked out from the meds. Everyone is just sitting here waiting, just hoping for some kind of miracle, some sign that she'll pull through... I don't even know. My mind kept drifting to those awful images, you know, the funeral, people dressed in black, and then suddenly I'm thinking about her making pies and cookies when I was little, or walking through the orchard... it was like being in a trance. I dragged myself up around 6 this morning, I don't know. I just don't have the strength to pray to God right now—it feels like He let us down. Or maybe it’s just her, since she was at church every single Friday and Sunday, fasting every Friday and Tuesday for like 65 years straight.

I've calmed down a bit, I guess, but I feel like I'm just one step away from breaking down again.

dustyjackal13 said:I don't even know anymore... last night was just brutal, she was struggling so hard to breathe. We ended up calling over some close family who live nearby. I was wide awake until like 2 AM—just couldn't shut my brain off. I kept crying because I honestly thought it was over, but she made it to morning... though she still hasn't woken up. Probably just knocked out from the meds. Everyone is just sitting here waiting, just hoping for some kind of miracle, some sign that she'll pull through... I don't even know. My mind kept drifting to those awful images, you know, the funeral, people dressed in black, and then suddenly I'm thinking about her making pies and cookies when I was little, or walking through the orchard... it was like being in a trance. I dragged myself up around 6 this morning, I don't know. I just don't have the strength to pray to God right now—it feels like He let us down. Or maybe it’s just her, since she was at church every single Friday and Sunday, fasting every Friday and Tuesday for like 65 years straight.

I've calmed down a bit, I guess, but I feel like I'm just one step away from breaking down again.

Don't torture yourself like this, and try not to view the end of her life as some sort of punishment. Life is fleeting for everyone, regardless of whether they were saints or sinners—some leave us early, others much later. Some go through illness, while others make it to old age... and we all hope for that latter one. Your grandmother reached that milestone.
My own great-grandmothers were the most devout women to ever walk this earth. There wasn't a procession, pilgrimage, or Stations of the Cross they didn't participate in on their knees. They prayed the Rosary three times a day, always emphasizing that they did it for their children... but life, well, life is a different story entirely. Their children faced hardships and sickness, not because they were bad or good and God abandoned them, but simply because that is the nature of existence. What God did for them was guide them through those trials in the least agonizing way possible, so that when death eventually came, they could depart in a state of grace.
Focus on the happy times and talk to her about them. Don't let her leave this world with a heavy heart, because she can surely sense the bitterness and grief you're struggling with. She doesn't deserve that. Your grandmother was a woman of faith; she lived her life and practiced her fasts as an investment in the life to come. The Lord is calling her home now, and while it might seem strange, I truly believe that is why the gaze of the dying is always directed upward.

Since she is a believer, it might be a good idea to call a priest to administer the Anointing of the Sick. My mother received it several times. Once, we thought it was the end, but she recovered. Right after the priest left, she opened her eyes and seemed to find new strength. I think it would mean a lot to your grandmother, too. It would bring her lifelong devotion full circle.

She got the ointment about two or three months back—and now she’s ended up in the hospital because it looks like she might have had a stroke. I'm still holding onto hope, though...

dustyjackal13 said:She got the ointment about two or three months back—and now she’s ended up in the hospital because it looks like she might have had a stroke. I'm still holding onto hope, though...

Hang in there 😢

I'm so sorry 😢

My grandma passed away out of nowhere. She'd been feeling under the weather for days, then one night she ended up in the ER because of breathing issues—asthma stuff. She was gone just a few hours later. Honestly, I’m still kicking myself that I didn't get one last chance to say goodbye..

Hang in there. I know it sucks right now, but I bet your grandma wouldn't want you stuck in this grief. I know that doesn't make the pain go away, but it's better that she went peacefully rather than fighting a losing battle for years in constant pain.

My grandmother was laid to rest yesterday... I’m asking the admins if you could please just close this thread or toss it in the trash—whatever the protocol is here. Every time I see it, it hits me right in the gut and brings everything back... it's getting too hard to deal with. I'm really hoping you guys can take it down because there's honestly no point in keeping it up anymore, and it's just painful to look at, especially knowing I was typing this out while she was still with us... thanks in advance

dustyjackal13 said:My grandmother was laid to rest yesterday... I’m asking the admins if you could please just close this thread or toss it in the trash—whatever the protocol is here. Every time I see it, it hits me right in the gut and brings everything back... it's getting too hard to deal with. I'm really hoping you guys can take it down because there's honestly no point in keeping it up anymore, and it's just painful to look at, especially knowing I was typing this out while she was still with us... thanks in advance

Honey, please accept my deepest condolences.😢
Don't ever feel ashamed of this thread. It was a completely natural, human response to what you were going through.
I truly hope you made the most of the time she spent here.
May your grandmother rest in peace; carry her legacy in your heart with all the pride and love she instilled in you, and eventually, pass that same love down to your own children and grandchildren. That is how she stays alive in your world.
Hang in there. You’ll find your footing again, but for now, let her rest in peace.

Thanks... I’m not exactly embarrassed or anything, it’s just—it's tough watching this thread unfold. I know I don't really have to be here, but every single time I log onto the forum, I end up finding my way back to this...