How do I delete my account?

So, like the title says, I really need to get rid of my profile, but I’m completely lost on how to actually do it.

Honestly, I wouldn't even mind just changing my username at this point, it's all the same to me!

Hey, mods and admins, I could use some help here... I just read somewhere that you can't actually delete accounts, so if it's possible to just swap out my nickname instead, let me know.

No way!!! Seriously, there’s just zero chance they’re deleting your profile. You’re stuck here for good. ☕

If you would like to request a change to your username, please send a private message to the site moderator or one of the administrators, including a brief explanation for the change.

...or maybe you just stumble upon a single oak tree in the dead of night...☕