My cousin is going through rehab/sobriety training

It’s a brutal cycle, both mentally and physically. He’s already been hospitalized back home twice now. Every single time, the doctors warned him straight up: if he keeps drinking, it could be the end of the line. But, you know how it goes—he just won't listen. The first time he was admitted, it was for liver issues, and the second time was for psychiatric care. And look, it’s not like what people see in movies where they’re strapped to a bed or anything. They can basically wander off whenever they feel like it, and there’s a convenience store right across the street that sells booze. He probably ended up grabbing a drink there, too.
Right now, he’s in Washington, D.C., staying at Vineyard, and even there, you can pretty much leave the hospital grounds whenever you want, which means easy access to alcohol.

Does anyone here have experience dealing with alcoholism? Maybe someone who has gone through this with a family member? Is it actually possible to recover?

Of course it’s curable.
But honestly, that depends entirely on him.
You can give him all the pep talks in the world, make endless promises, or offer endless advice... but none of it matters when there's a 7-Eleven right around the corner, driven by profit, isn't there?

If you don't mind me asking, how old is he?

He's 41.
Anyway, they basically tell you to just walk out of the hospital if you want—nobody’s actually stopping you, and if you don't feel like staying, you can just leave.😕 I guess they give them way too much freedom, maybe.
He was on an IV drip for the first few days, presumably to help his body detox from the physical dependency, but now everything is back in his hands. It's all up to him to decide how to move forward, and honestly? I know things will just go right back to how they were, and I'm terrified.

Drew Young10 said:He’s 41.
"If you want to talk shop in the hospital, just go—nobody's stopping you, and if you don't want to stay, you're free to leave." 😕 I honestly think they've given him far too much rope here...
For the first few days, he was on an IV drip—presumably to help his body clear out the physical dependency—but now, everything has been handed back to him... he's left to his own devices to decide how to proceed, and knowing him, he'll end up right back where he started, which frankly makes me nervous.

If his extended family doesn't step up and actually try to support a member like this—instead of just dumping him at the hospital and walking away—there's a 95% chance he'll slide right back into old habits.
The fact that he’s in the hospital and being granted all this autonomy is simply the reality of the situation.
From their perspective, he isn't some high-risk patient... they don't see him as a danger to the community or whatever else...
Ultimately, the burden lies with him and his family.
Family and social circles have a massive impact on a person, even though people tend to overlook that or refuse to believe it...

We’ve lost countless hours to counseling sessions and endless talks. Seriously, just hours upon hours of it.
The thing is, he still hasn't actually said the words, "I'm done drinking—not even once."

Drew Young10 said:We've had endless consultations and discussions—hours upon hours of them.
The real issue, though, is that he hasn't actually said, "I'm done—I am never drinking again."

Hours and hours?
Give me "months and months," and then we can talk... 😁
Do you honestly think someone just snaps out of addiction overnight?

If he hasn't explicitly said it, then forget about it until he does—assuming he ever does.
But if he’s checked himself into a rehab facility—and let's be real, most people just run from those places like they're the plague—then who knows? Maybe he actually wants to get better, rather than just trying to save face and avoid admitting defeat.
🙄

So, I’ve finally reached the conclusion as to why this was a total failure.

I’ve got alcoholics in my family... he's been through rehab at a facility in Washington, D.C. a few times, but the second he walked out those doors, he was right back to his old ways.
It hit a breaking point once when they found him unconscious and wasted at a train station in Chicago. Since then, he’s trying to keep it under control, but obviously, he can't live alone—he wouldn't stand a chance.
Man, alcoholism is a nightmare. Major respect to anyone who actually pulls through it.
Sadly, it usually just ends up wrecking the whole family.

To add to that, he spent a year at a treatment center in Vermont recently, and honestly, it looks like he’s recovering. He’s put on some weight and sticks to non-alcoholic beer now. He ended up at the facility because he’d completely lost himself—started talking nonsense and couldn't even recognize his own family.
When I ask if he misses the real stuff, he just says no, non-alcoholic isn't the same... but he knows he can't touch the hard stuff again, or he'll end up blowing all his money.

Depression plays such a huge part in it, too. I remember how everyone used to jump down his throat constantly. I always felt bad for him because I knew he was struggling with depression the whole time; it was never easy for him.
Looking back, I think he was just an addict at heart.

boldeagle3 said:Hours and hours?
Maybe try saying "months and months" next time. 😁
Do you honestly think someone just kicks an addiction overnight?

If he hasn't said anything, then... well, forget about it until he actually speaks up. Or if he ever does.
But if he’s checking into rehab—and let's be real, most people run from that like the plague—then who knows. Maybe he actually wants to get better instead of just letting his pride drag him down to rock bottom.
🙄

How does "years and years" sound to you instead of "hours and hours"?
The guy's been drinking for 20 years.
Has the booze really scrambled his brain that badly that there's zero hope left?
I mean, he lost all his dignity the moment his son had to carry his dead weight into the ER while he was wasted. Can he even sink any lower than that?
And what about AA?

Drew Young10 said:How does it sound to you if I say "hours upon hours" instead of just years and years?
The man has been drinking for twenty years now.
Has the alcohol truly clouded his judgment to the point where he’s beyond help?
He lost what little pride he had left when his own son had to carry his dead weight—drunk as a lord—into the car and then to the hospital... can things actually get any lower than that?
And what about rehab?

I used the phrase "months upon months," referring specifically to those endless cycles of conversations and counseling sessions.
There is a massive distinction between talking to someone for twenty hours about their struggle and talking to them for two hundred hours.
BIG DIFFERENCE!
Yes, alcohol wreaks havoc on the mind, not just the liver... 😉
Looking at everything you wrote and asked—whether things can get lower... yes, they certainly can.
People like him don't seem to possess much pride, at least not in any meaningful sense.
As for rehab centers, I couldn't say.
Would he even be willing to check into one?

boldeagle3 said:When I said months and months, I was talking about all the endless discussions and counseling sessions.
There’s a massive distinction between chatting with someone about their issues for 20 hours versus going through 200 hours of it.
BIG DIFFERENCE!

We’re talking about counseling and talks spanning at least a decade here.
At first, he fought against going to the hospital. Then, mostly because of family pressure—but mainly because he was terrified of getting fired—he finally caved and went on medical leave for treatment.
As for communes—I don't think there's any coercion involved in those; it’s entirely voluntary. People have to make their own choice to go there and commit to spending a few years living that way.

Drew Young10 said:We’re looking at consultations and counseling sessions spanning at least a decade here.
Initially, he fought against even stepping foot in a hospital... later, it was a mix of family pressure and—more importantly—the looming threat of losing his job—which eventually led him to take medical leave to undergo treatment.
As for rehab centers—I suspect there isn't any coercion involved there—it’s entirely voluntary. People have to make the choice themselves... decide they actually want to spend a few years there.

He’s been going to counseling and meetings for ten years? 😲
Then the issue is quite clearly the fact that he simply refuses to quit drinking.

copperridge912 said:[B
Honestly, this whole alcoholism thing is just a nightmare. I have nothing but massive respect for anyone who actually manages to pull themselves out of that hole. Seriously, hats off to them.
Unfortunately, most of the time, people like that just end up wrecking their entire family.

I should probably add a bit more to this. He spent about a year at a rehab facility out in rural Montana, and honestly, it looks like he’s finally on the mend. He’s put some weight back on, which is a good sign, and he’s even switched over to non-alcoholic beer. He actually checked himself into that facility because things had gotten pretty bad—he’d completely lost control of himself. He started talking nonsense, just rambling incoherently, and there was even a point where he didn't even recognize his own family.
So, I asked him if he’d settle for a non-alcoholic beer, and he just gives me this look. He says it isn't the same thing—that it's just not a "real" beer. I guess he's right, though. Honestly, he shouldn't even be starting anyway; he knows if he gets a taste, he'll probably end up blowing his entire paycheck on brews.

Depression plays such a massive role in all of this. I remember how everyone used to just tear him apart constantly, but honestly? I always felt bad for him. I mean, I know firsthand that he was struggling with depression the whole time. It wasn't easy for him, not even close.
I guess today was just a weak showing from Slabic. Maybe.

My experience in Slića? Honestly, it was a bit of a mess. People there seem to have this weirdly slow way of speaking, and there’s just this general sense of being totally lost—both when it comes to getting anything done and actually trying to talk to anyone. It felt like a total lack of awareness about what they were even doing. Just constant confusion and zero clue. Maybe that's just how things work there, I guess.
People who have never actually dealt with alcoholism... I don't know, they just can't wrap their heads around it. They honestly can't even begin to imagine how alcohol slowly, surely, just tears families apart piece by piece.😢

boldeagle3 said:So he’s been going to therapy and counseling sessions for ten years? 😲
Then the issue is clearly just that he refuses to quit drinking.

God, boldeagle3, you just don't get it, do you?
He hasn't been seeing a professional counselor for ten years; he’s been seeing a psychiatrist who actually specializes in alcohol addiction for maybe a month or two, ever since things really went south.
BUT the "counseling" and talks within the family? That’s been going on for ten years.
OK?

OK. 🙂

Drew Young10,

you’ve gotta accept the fact that this guy just doesn't want to quit—no matter what people do around him, he’s always gonna end up right back at the bottom of a bottle.

I have someone in my own family who's been drinking since they were 13—they're well over 50 now. They've gone through about ten different rehab stints, getting picked up drunk in all sorts of places... they even managed to buy a house once just to sell it off for booze, and they totaled their car after driving drunk...

And the thing is, they don't want to stop. They actually tell me their life only feels worth living when they're wasted.

At that point, there's really nothing else you can do. 🙂 but that's just how it goes...

Jose Miller3 said:[he doesn't

And he doesn't even want to quit. He actually claims his whole life only makes sense when he's wasted.

There isn't much you can do about it. 🙂 but that's just how it is... [/B]

How are you supposed to wrap your head around something that heavy? How do you even live like that?
Does this poor soul in your family have anyone looking out for him, maybe some kids?

Drew Young10 said:It’s all about that slurred speech, being totally lost during basic daily routines, and having zero clue what they're even doing.
People who haven't dealt with an alcoholic can't even wrap their heads around how booze slowly but surely tears families apart.😢

Yeah.
Like, today he remembers everything from decades ago, but if you say one thing to him? Gone. Forgotten in five minutes. He just keeps asking the exact same question over and over.
He even brings up this thing where he tells me how I was such a little terror when I was a kid... 😁 basically saying I used to lash out at everyone.😁

Drew Young10 said:How do you even wrap your head around something that heavy... how do you just keep going?
Does that poor soul in your family have anyone left—like, kids or something?

He’s got a son he doesn't even really know. There's just zero connection there at all.

Then there's a sister he hasn't seen in five years. He's even got a niece walking around out there who he wouldn't even recognize on the street...

I’ve never seen any signs of aggression coming from my cousin.
One time, his dad actually caught him buying booze and bringing it back home—which, I mean, how do you even "catch" a forty-year-old man doing that? He just looked at him and said that it was his Easter!! too.