Topic of the day: What is the biggest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

The biggest mistake modern parents make is simply not spending enough actual time with their kids. Real time. Playing, going on outings, just being present... I get it, everyone is slammed with work and life is hectic, but children need time, attention, and affection. As a parent, you have to be fully engaged. It’s a sacrifice of your own free time, but being a parent is a 24/7 commitment... I'm not speaking from a place of pure theory; I have a teenager myself. But we can't just constantly push them toward a smartphone, a PlayStation, or leave them with a sitter or a nanny... We know it's the easiest path—it gives parents a chance to talk and actually rest. Personally, I think things like TikTok (Kicking in nuts) lead to these kinds of consequences, and this kind of nonsense is dangerous... It poses all sorts of challenges to young, developing brains... other apps are equally harmful, not to mention the easy access to pornography.
...It creates a completely warped view of love and intimacy. Critical thinking doesn't develop when they just swallow whatever content is served to them. They soak it up like sponges, which even distorts how they speak. I'm not strictly against technology, but there have to be boundaries... letting a two or three-year-old hold a smartphone is a definite no-go...

William Thompson10 said:Exactly—mom, and just mom.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or being self-righteous about it. It’s more about those heavy moments when I see my son’s sadness, for instance, because his dad couldn't make it out for a bike ride due to exhaustion. He was really looking forward to us all riding together. That's just one small example from a long list. Honestly, I feel like I'm failing at every turn, constantly feeling like I'm falling short as a parent.
The biggest waves of judgment and criticism usually hit when I mention that I went to the coast with my ex-wife. 😁.
I can already see the backlash starting here, too.

You're actually heading to the coast with your ex??
Count me in too, 🙂

"You don't have to lift a finger, just lie back and relax while Mom and Dad handle everything"
"Mom's gonna bring you some food in bed, what are you craving?"
"Mom and Dad will buy you whatever you need, so just stop stressing, honey... you're all grown up now"

I don't even know which one is the absolute worst, but man, there are just so many... Using a kid as some kind of extension of yourself, totally ignoring what they actually need, and just straight-up disrespecting who they are as an individual.

Then you've got the more practical stuff, like being totally inconsistent or refusing to let them make their own mistakes and actually live their own lives.
And then there's forcing your own choices down their throats—that's mostly an issue with the older kids.

Look, I agree you gotta spend time with your kids, but you also have to give them space to just be themselves (or hang out with friends for a bit). A kid needs to build their own life on their own terms... the main thing is just making sure they know we're always here if they ever need us or just want to talk.

William Thompson10 said:Exactly—mom, and just mom.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or being self-righteous about it. It’s more about those heavy moments when I see my son’s sadness, for instance, because his dad couldn't make it out for a bike ride due to exhaustion. He was really looking forward to us all riding together. That's just one small example from a long list. Honestly, I feel like I'm failing at every turn, constantly feeling like I'm falling short as a parent.
The biggest waves of judgment and criticism usually hit when I mention that I went to the coast with my ex-wife. 😁.
I can already see the backlash starting here, too.

So, my buddy's ex-wife owns this beach house out in Malibu, right? He spent two weeks vacationing there with his kid and actually paid her for the stay... $667 😁

Noah Fowler3 said:The biggest blunder parents make is treating their kids as if they are somehow less important. Saying things like, "You're just a kid, you'll understand when you're older," or, "Your teacher is going to hear about this, how could she give you a D in math?"

Most parents end up doing more harm than good. They don't realize they're hurting them by essentially putting them under a "glass bell jar."

Maybe the best example of this unfair dynamic is asking a kid how their day went, while simultaneously expecting them to spill everything. Then, when the kid asks you the exact same thing back, you just give a one-word answer instead of actually engaging.

Just remember. Kids often have a much more developed sense of non-verbal communication than most adults do.

This stuff used to drive me absolutely insane when I was a kid, and honestly? It didn't get any better once I grew up... if anything, it’s actually worse now... ☕.

aquamarine blue... just nothing else quite hits like it. honestly. it’s that perfect vibe, you know? almost like looking at the ocean out in Malibu on a clear afternoon... just pure, unadulterated bliss. everything else feels kinda dull by comparison... anyway, just my two cents. The user says:
You guys nailed those mistakes, seriously. But let me throw another one on the pile: overprotecting kids to the point where they grow up totally clueless and too terrified to even move on their own. It’s that classic helicopter parenting bullshit. And honestly? It usually goes hand-in-hand with the other stuff. Then you've got the coldness, the verbal abuse, the physical violence... but the psychological stuff? That’s way worse. It's more pervasive, way more insidious, and ultimately much more destructive...

I'm with you on that. It’s easy enough to get fired up against old-school, physical violence because, eventually, you realize that just isn't normal... But when someone does everything for you? When they’re always "the good guy," being sweet and constantly stepping in to bail you out? Man, it's way harder to break free from that kind of setup. You end up feeling like absolute garbage... and let's be real, you probably turned out pretty helpless and incapable because of that whole "upbringing" style...

I’ve got a situation going on right near me... honestly, everything was done with the best of intentions, I get that, but man... this person basically handed their kids a massive, impossible headache to deal with as an inheritance. Just a total nightmare waiting to happen...

ruggedscout76 said:

I suppose I should have anticipated that this would become our topic of the day, though I find myself somewhat unprepared for the inevitable debate it will surely spark among us. ruggedscout76 says:
Topic of the day: What is the single greatest mistake a parent can make when raising a child?

Or perhaps it’s more of them...

If we set aside the actual legal transgressions like various forms of abuse, I would argue that the most profound mistake many parents make is operating under the delusion that their primary duty is to engineer their child's happiness. They end up exhausting themselves by dedicating every waking moment to this pursuit, effectively sacrificing everything else in a misguided attempt to manufacture joy.
Please, don't be upset with me. There is really no need to dwell on this or feel downcast; there truly isn't much to worry about. I find myself wondering what has gotten into you today and why you're acting this way—come now, just try to be a good boy for Mom.

While we all find our greatest sense of fulfillment when our children are happy, I suspect our most vital responsibility is actually preparing them for the reality of the world at large. This means fostering a secure environment where they can navigate the full spectrum of their emotions, teaching them that feeling everything—even the difficult things—is entirely normal and nothing to fear. It is about being present without being overbearing, allowing them the space to experience their own small lives and learn how to manage those feelings independently as they grow.

Spot on. Seriously, you nailed it. 👍.

jadeowl2 said:I don't even know which one is the absolute worst, but man, there are just so many... Using a kid as some kind of extension of yourself, totally ignoring what they actually need, and just straight-up disrespecting who they are as an individual.

Then you've got the more practical stuff, like being totally inconsistent or refusing to let them make their own mistakes and actually live their own lives.
And then there's forcing your own choices down their throats—that's mostly an issue with the older kids.

Look, I agree you gotta spend time with your kids, but you also have to give them space to just be themselves (or hang out with friends for a bit). A kid needs to build their own life on their own terms... the main thing is just making sure they know we're always here if they ever need us or just want to talk.

just like we do as adults 😳

I think it’s useful during parenting to ask oneself: would I be okay with this?
Like, you try telling your partner about your day, but they’re just staring at their iPhone, giving you some half-hearted "uh-huh" while they zone out.

Or maybe you’re feeling down and you open up to someone important, only for them to brush you off with, "Come on, it's not a big deal, don't be so dramatic."

Or you make plans with someone close to go somewhere together, they flake, and then when you try to address it, they just shut you down and tell you to stop overreacting.

Or you’ve been working all day and just want to come home and relax with your partner, but they tell you: "Go play in your room, I don't have time right now."

And so on. 😳

Hmm, where to begin? There’s the blatant lack of interest in the kid and what they’re actually going through, that refusal to sit down and just talk, and then there are those blunt commands issued without any context—because, honestly, isn't it much better to take a second and explain things a hundred times over rather than just barking orders? Then you have the hypocrisy of expecting one thing from a child while consistently doing the exact opposite yourself, taking your frustrations out on them, or piling on an exhausting schedule of activities and then acting like you deserve some grand trophy of gratitude just because I'm the one driving, waiting around, and footing the bill. And don't even get me started on the total absence of actual, relaxed quality time, like just reading a book together or singing a song before bed. I'm sure more will come to mind eventually.
E: and then there's the whole "do whatever you want, however you want, since it's your life and I couldn't care less" attitude.

William Thompson10 said:Exactly—mom, and just mom.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or being self-righteous about it. It’s more about those heavy moments when I see my son’s sadness, for instance, because his dad couldn't make it out for a bike ride due to exhaustion. He was really looking forward to us all riding together. That's just one small example from a long list. Honestly, I feel like I'm failing at every turn, constantly feeling like I'm falling short as a parent.
The biggest waves of judgment and criticism usually hit when I mention that I went to the coast with my ex-wife. 😁.
I can already see the backlash starting here, too.

Personally, I don't see the big deal. As long as the parents are cool with it and it doesn't mess up anyone's future, who cares? My brother’s ex actually comes over to our place all the time (honestly, she gets along better with the rest of us than she does with him 🤣) and they spend almost every summer together.

In my situation, my ex-husband used to come over with his new wife and their kid, and I’d head over to their place too. For a while, it was totally fine—we actually made it work pretty smoothly. I really wish we could have kept it that way, but since he can't seem to sit down and have a normal conversation or make a simple agreement, everything just turned into a massive headache...

Drew Ross2 said:just like we do as adults 😳

I think it’s useful during parenting to ask oneself: would I be okay with this?
Like, you try telling your partner about your day, but they’re just staring at their iPhone, giving you some half-hearted "uh-huh" while they zone out.

Or maybe you’re feeling down and you open up to someone important, only for them to brush you off with, "Come on, it's not a big deal, don't be so dramatic."

Or you make plans with someone close to go somewhere together, they flake, and then when you try to address it, they just shut you down and tell you to stop overreacting.

Or you’ve been working all day and just want to come home and relax with your partner, but they tell you: "Go play in your room, I don't have time right now."

And so on. 😳

Yeah, that whole "how would I feel" technique is solid. It really makes you realize how often people just act completely reckless with kids—ignoring their feelings and what they actually need.

jadeowl2 said:Yeah, that whole "how would I feel" technique is solid. It really makes you realize how often people just act completely reckless with kids—ignoring their feelings and what they actually need.

Exactly. Adults spend way too much time doing things to children that they wouldn't dream of putting up with themselves.
Especially when it comes to actually acknowledging and respecting their emotions and needs.

Melissa Rivera said:So, my buddy's ex-wife owns this beach house out in Malibu, right? He spent two weeks vacationing there with his kid and actually paid her for the stay... $667 😁

Basically charging him for the privilege of seeing his own kid ☕
Just nasty

There’s way too much ground to cover here to pick just one winner.
You guys have already covered a lot of ground, so I'll try to throw in something new. Maybe it's the lack of responsiveness to a baby's needs or that emotional detachment during that first year of life. It leaves the deepest scars, and the kicker is that you can't even remember it happening later on.
Then there's the constant criticism—when parents reject a kid's actual personality because they don't fit some perfect image in their heads, and then dump all that guilt onto the child.
Or simply treating a kid like an object designed to check off the parent's personal ego boxes.

Melissa Rivera said:So, my buddy's ex-wife owns this beach house out in Malibu, right? He spent two weeks vacationing there with his kid and actually paid her for the stay... $667 😁

I honestly don't see the issue here...
If it were my ex, I’d probably let them stay for free—I mean, really—but they just won't 🤷

Quote: Mother of Pearl

feralmoose32 said:I honestly don't see the issue here...
If it were my ex, I’d probably let them stay for free—I mean, really—but they just won't 🤷

I’m just sitting here, patiently waiting for someone to actually weigh in. Still waiting on that first comment to drop. 🍿

Since you already weighed in... I was just wondering how many minutes it would take 😁
...

Honestly, it’s just too funny ☕

It’s actually pretty funny. It’s only been three minutes...

William Thompson10 said:Exactly—mom, and just mom.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or being self-righteous about it. It’s more about those heavy moments when I see my son’s sadness, for instance, because his dad couldn't make it out for a bike ride due to exhaustion. He was really looking forward to us all riding together. That's just one small example from a long list. Honestly, I feel like I'm failing at every turn, constantly feeling like I'm falling short as a parent.
The biggest waves of judgment and criticism usually hit when I mention that I went to the coast with my ex-wife. 😁.
I can already see the backlash starting here, too.

quietbadger11 said:You're actually heading to the coast with your ex??
Count me in too, 🙂

Really? I actually thought my ex had completely lost his mind when he suggested it—but apparently, it’s way more common than I thought.

And the biggest mistake... if you ask me, it's failing to recognize what a child actually needs. Those are the moments that stick with you as childhood trauma.

Robert Reyes4 said:There’s way too much ground to cover here to pick just one winner.
You guys have already covered a lot of ground, so I'll try to throw in something new. Maybe it's the lack of responsiveness to a baby's needs or that emotional detachment during that first year of life. It leaves the deepest scars, and the kicker is that you can't even remember it happening later on.
Then there's the constant criticism—when parents reject a kid's actual personality because they don't fit some perfect image in their heads, and then dump all that guilt onto the child.
Or simply treating a kid like an object designed to check off the parent's personal ego boxes.

This is very well put.