People who act like they want to hang out, but actually don't?

I’ve joined a few Facebook meetup groups, and I keep running into the exact same pattern: a huge crowd of people all chime in saying they want to hang out, but the second someone actually suggests a plan, everyone goes silent. Honestly, I just don't get the logic behind it.

It doesn't matter if the groups are local or international. Most of us have just moved here, we're looking for friends, maybe still learning the ropes, and we're all essentially in the same boat. It seems like a great way to meet like-minded people—connecting online over shared interests, grabbing coffee, getting to know one another. I’ve had some success and met plenty of cool people, but things always seem to fizzle out because of busy schedules, people moving away, just not clicking, or people being super flaky and canceling last minute. 😁

I really miss having a consistent little crew to hang out with occasionally, but it feels like mission impossible lately. I’m not necessarily looking for my soulmate or a BFF, just a few reliable girls where we can make plans and actually catch up every couple of weeks.

So, in a group of 60 or 70 people, absolutely nobody is available ON THE WEEKEND to go for a walk, grab coffee, ride bikes, play sports, or hit up an event.

All 70 of those people are members of a meetup group, they scroll through the posts, read the comments, and specifically hunt down the link to join the WhatsApp group—so why? The reason clearly isn't to actually socialize, because in the last group I was in, there was only one attempt to meet up in three weeks, and almost everyone canceled at the very last second. I personally suggested hanging out three different times; I got a few promises and then just "we'll see," and that was it. This has happened with three different groups now.

I’m genuinely stumped. What is the point of joining these meetup groups if you have no intention of actually socializing? Is it just to have another useless group on WhatsApp? To get notifications and invites you don't care about? Do these people have some weird fetish? Do they just want to feel like they belong to a community without actually participating in it? 🙏

I totally get that people have jobs, families, and responsibilities. I have a ton of obligations myself; I'm on my feet from dawn till dusk and work weekends, but I always manage to find time to see people. My schedule is usually set almost two weeks in advance, and I don't deal with nonsense like sudden shifts "because a coworker is sick" or "I have to be home for a package delivery."

I truly believe friendships are vital, especially for our mental health. It makes me sad to see so many people put social connection at the bottom of their priority list, brushing off chances to meet new people and failing to respect other people's time.

When I hear responses like "I'll see, maybe," or "I don't know, I don't really feel like it," it feels incredibly unserious, and honestly, it's a turn-off.

Please enlighten me! If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears.
I stay active, I have hobbies, and I'm constantly reaching out to people... but I've been pretty unlucky because every time I finally connect with someone, they end up moving away. 🤣

Honestly, this whole thing basically boils down to:

Quote:>

So, John Doe is cruising down the I-95 when he hears a news alert on the radio about a single driver going the wrong way on the highway. And his reaction? "Just one guy?! There must be hundreds of them!!"

>
Quote:>>

Jonathan Fowler14 says: [URL='showthread.php?p=91784613#post91784613']> I’m super social, I’ve got plenty of hobbies, I’m out and about every day, and I'm always hitting people up to hang out... but man, am I unlucky. Every single person I actually manage to vibe with ends up moving away immediately.🤣

For some reason, people just seem to be dodging you :/

Jonathan Fowler14 said:I’ve joined a few Facebook meetup groups, and I keep running into the exact same pattern: a huge crowd of people all chime in saying they want to hang out, but the second someone actually suggests a plan, everyone goes silent. Honestly, I just don't get the logic behind it.

It doesn't matter if the groups are local or international. Most of us have just moved here, we're looking for friends, maybe still learning the ropes, and we're all essentially in the same boat. It seems like a great way to meet like-minded people—connecting online over shared interests, grabbing coffee, getting to know one another. I’ve had some success and met plenty of cool people, but things always seem to fizzle out because of busy schedules, people moving away, just not clicking, or people being super flaky and canceling last minute. 😁

I really miss having a consistent little crew to hang out with occasionally, but it feels like mission impossible lately. I’m not necessarily looking for my soulmate or a BFF, just a few reliable girls where we can make plans and actually catch up every couple of weeks.

So, in a group of 60 or 70 people, absolutely nobody is available ON THE WEEKEND to go for a walk, grab coffee, ride bikes, play sports, or hit up an event.

All 70 of those people are members of a meetup group, they scroll through the posts, read the comments, and specifically hunt down the link to join the WhatsApp group—so why? The reason clearly isn't to actually socialize, because in the last group I was in, there was only one attempt to meet up in three weeks, and almost everyone canceled at the very last second. I personally suggested hanging out three different times; I got a few promises and then just "we'll see," and that was it. This has happened with three different groups now.

I’m genuinely stumped. What is the point of joining these meetup groups if you have no intention of actually socializing? Is it just to have another useless group on WhatsApp? To get notifications and invites you don't care about? Do these people have some weird fetish? Do they just want to feel like they belong to a community without actually participating in it? 🙏

I totally get that people have jobs, families, and responsibilities. I have a ton of obligations myself; I'm on my feet from dawn till dusk and work weekends, but I always manage to find time to see people. My schedule is usually set almost two weeks in advance, and I don't deal with nonsense like sudden shifts "because a coworker is sick" or "I have to be home for a package delivery."

I truly believe friendships are vital, especially for our mental health. It makes me sad to see so many people put social connection at the bottom of their priority list, brushing off chances to meet new people and failing to respect other people's time.

When I hear responses like "I'll see, maybe," or "I don't know, I don't really feel like it," it feels incredibly unserious, and honestly, it's a turn-off.

Please enlighten me! If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears.
I stay active, I have hobbies, and I'm constantly reaching out to people... but I've been pretty unlucky because every time I finally connect with someone, they end up moving away. 🤣

It was merely a component of something larger. And that latter part...

I’m an active person with plenty of hobbies, I’m constantly out in the world interacting with people, and I’m always the one reaching out to organize get-togethers—but honestly, my luck is absolute garbage because every single person I actually manage to connect with ends up moving away immediately after we hit it off. 🤣

It’s quite simple, really—they just plain old bad luck whenever they're around you. 😂 5+ 👍 This topic is absolutely brilliant; you’ve genuinely had me laughing out loud. 😂

In my estimation, people like that are exactly like an old car left to rot in a garage for years; they’re going to struggle just to turn over, let alone actually hit the road no matter how much they might want to. You have to be willing to put in the work, getting close to them and patiently grinding through the friction until their behavior finally smooths out and the basics actually become second nature to them. 🙂 Some people are just fundamentally incapable of being reliable, and they stay that way their entire lives. Lately, I’ve actually been making an effort to reach out and invite folks to grab a coffee, but honestly, it’s a joke—it feels like I’m asking them to go dig a trench in the middle of a construction site rather than just sitting down for a drink. 🙂

By the way, what kind of mess have you managed to get yourself into that makes this meeting seem absolutely vital? You don't come across that way at all. It’s pretty obvious that everyone has moved on from you, isn't it? That’s quite the lonely little portfolio you’re building there—just you and the realization that everybody else left. 😂 I’ll definitely have to use that line when someone inevitably asks me, "So, where are all your friends?" 🙂

darkcyclist92 said:It was merely a component of something larger. And that latter part...

I’m an active person with plenty of hobbies, I’m constantly out in the world interacting with people, and I’m always the one reaching out to organize get-togethers—but honestly, my luck is absolute garbage because every single person I actually manage to connect with ends up moving away immediately after we hit it off. 🤣

It’s quite simple, really—they just plain old bad luck whenever they're around you. 😂 5+ 👍 This topic is absolutely brilliant; you’ve genuinely had me laughing out loud. 😂

In my estimation, people like that are exactly like an old car left to rot in a garage for years; they’re going to struggle just to turn over, let alone actually hit the road no matter how much they might want to. You have to be willing to put in the work, getting close to them and patiently grinding through the friction until their behavior finally smooths out and the basics actually become second nature to them. 🙂 Some people are just fundamentally incapable of being reliable, and they stay that way their entire lives. Lately, I’ve actually been making an effort to reach out and invite folks to grab a coffee, but honestly, it’s a joke—it feels like I’m asking them to go dig a trench in the middle of a construction site rather than just sitting down for a drink. 🙂

By the way, what kind of mess have you managed to get yourself into that makes this meeting seem absolutely vital? You don't come across that way at all. It’s pretty obvious that everyone has moved on from you, isn't it? That’s quite the lonely little portfolio you’re building there—just you and the realization that everybody else left. 😂 I’ll definitely have to use that line when someone inevitably asks me, "So, where are all your friends?" 🙂

That's a good analogy, I feel exactly the same way haha 😲
Seriously though, people used to be down to go digging a hole with me, but now they'd rather just grab a coffee.

It sounds like people are literally fleeing the country just to get away from me hahah. It's actually just a few people who either travel a lot for work, moved away temporarily, or had to head back home for personal reasons. These are three specific people I really clicked with, and they aren't even connected to each other.

I love socializing and meeting new people. But most of the time, I end up doing things alone—traveling, shopping, walking, going to a cafe or a movie by myself... It's not that I *need* someone, I just enjoy sharing my time with others... I think that's pretty normal.

It's really tough when you move somewhere new, you don't know the language, and your opportunities to bond with people are limited. I'm still learning the language, so I'm mostly stuck using my native tongue or English for anything more complex.

At work, I'm surrounded by men 95% of the time, so there's zero chance of finding female friends there... and the people at my classes are mostly older. There are a few girls, but we can't really talk because of the language barrier... I'm okay with one of them, I guess... she invited me out this weekend, but she already had plans. I chat with a guy here and there, we're fine, but I wouldn't look at it as a potential friendship; I don't really believe in platonic friendships between men and women.
Even though I'm in contact with people every single day, there isn't much opportunity to develop real friendships, as you can see.

ruggedcyclist56 said:Honestly, this whole thing basically boils down to:

Quote:>

So, John Doe is cruising down the I-95 when he hears a news alert on the radio about a single driver going the wrong way on the highway. And his reaction? "Just one guy?! There must be hundreds of them!!"

>
Quote:>>

Jonathan Fowler14 says: [URL='showthread.php?p=91784613#post91784613']> I’m super social, I’ve got plenty of hobbies, I’m out and about every day, and I'm always hitting people up to hang out... but man, am I unlucky. Every single person I actually manage to vibe with ends up moving away immediately.🤣

For some reason, people just seem to be dodging you :/

It’s funny how people who haven't even met me tend to steer clear, haha. Does anyone have a theory as to why? ☕

Jonathan Fowler14 said:I’ve joined a few Facebook meetup groups, and I keep running into the exact same pattern: a huge crowd of people all chime in saying they want to hang out, but the second someone actually suggests a plan, everyone goes silent. Honestly, I just don't get the logic behind it.

It doesn't matter if the groups are local or international. Most of us have just moved here, we're looking for friends, maybe still learning the ropes, and we're all essentially in the same boat. It seems like a great way to meet like-minded people—connecting online over shared interests, grabbing coffee, getting to know one another. I’ve had some success and met plenty of cool people, but things always seem to fizzle out because of busy schedules, people moving away, just not clicking, or people being super flaky and canceling last minute. 😁

I really miss having a consistent little crew to hang out with occasionally, but it feels like mission impossible lately. I’m not necessarily looking for my soulmate or a BFF, just a few reliable girls where we can make plans and actually catch up every couple of weeks.

So, in a group of 60 or 70 people, absolutely nobody is available ON THE WEEKEND to go for a walk, grab coffee, ride bikes, play sports, or hit up an event.

All 70 of those people are members of a meetup group, they scroll through the posts, read the comments, and specifically hunt down the link to join the WhatsApp group—so why? The reason clearly isn't to actually socialize, because in the last group I was in, there was only one attempt to meet up in three weeks, and almost everyone canceled at the very last second. I personally suggested hanging out three different times; I got a few promises and then just "we'll see," and that was it. This has happened with three different groups now.

I’m genuinely stumped. What is the point of joining these meetup groups if you have no intention of actually socializing? Is it just to have another useless group on WhatsApp? To get notifications and invites you don't care about? Do these people have some weird fetish? Do they just want to feel like they belong to a community without actually participating in it? 🙏

I totally get that people have jobs, families, and responsibilities. I have a ton of obligations myself; I'm on my feet from dawn till dusk and work weekends, but I always manage to find time to see people. My schedule is usually set almost two weeks in advance, and I don't deal with nonsense like sudden shifts "because a coworker is sick" or "I have to be home for a package delivery."

I truly believe friendships are vital, especially for our mental health. It makes me sad to see so many people put social connection at the bottom of their priority list, brushing off chances to meet new people and failing to respect other people's time.

When I hear responses like "I'll see, maybe," or "I don't know, I don't really feel like it," it feels incredibly unserious, and honestly, it's a turn-off.

Please enlighten me! If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears.
I stay active, I have hobbies, and I'm constantly reaching out to people... but I've been pretty unlucky because every time I finally connect with someone, they end up moving away. 🤣

That’s exactly what it looks like. Honestly, this phenomenon isn't even that rare; if anything, it's absolutely rampant across almost every corner of social media today.
If you actually want to improve your social life, you need to stop looking at a screen and find a physical space to gather—somewhere that doesn't rely on an online presence to exist. Join a local club, sign up for a hiking group, get involved in a pub trivia league, or find a community center. You have to show up in person.

I’m living in Germany and experiencing the exact same thing. To me, it just comes down to comfort and laziness.

People say they want to hang out, but then there's always an excuse—too far across the city, too rainy, too cold, too hot, or they're just paranoid about strangers.

Being afraid of people you don't even know? Honestly, that's just a bizarre kind of absurdity. Pretty concerning if you ask me.

Sure, some people claim they want to get out more, but then they struggle with social anxiety and find even basic small talk with strangers absolutely draining.

Jonathan Fowler14 said:That's a good analogy, I feel exactly the same way haha 😲
Seriously though, people used to be down to go digging a hole with me, but now they'd rather just grab a coffee.

It sounds like people are literally fleeing the country just to get away from me hahah. It's actually just a few people who either travel a lot for work, moved away temporarily, or had to head back home for personal reasons. These are three specific people I really clicked with, and they aren't even connected to each other.

I love socializing and meeting new people. But most of the time, I end up doing things alone—traveling, shopping, walking, going to a cafe or a movie by myself... It's not that I *need* someone, I just enjoy sharing my time with others... I think that's pretty normal.

It's really tough when you move somewhere new, you don't know the language, and your opportunities to bond with people are limited. I'm still learning the language, so I'm mostly stuck using my native tongue or English for anything more complex.

At work, I'm surrounded by men 95% of the time, so there's zero chance of finding female friends there... and the people at my classes are mostly older. There are a few girls, but we can't really talk because of the language barrier... I'm okay with one of them, I guess... she invited me out this weekend, but she already had plans. I chat with a guy here and there, we're fine, but I wouldn't look at it as a potential friendship; I don't really believe in platonic friendships between men and women.
Even though I'm in contact with people every single day, there isn't much opportunity to develop real friendships, as you can see.

It’s funny how people who haven't even met me tend to steer clear, haha. Does anyone have a theory as to why? ☕

So you're actually quite aggressive when it comes to socializing, huh? You even moved abroad just to be near them, haha.😂

I love socializing and meeting new people. Most of the time I end up doing things alone—traveling, shopping, walking, going out for coffee or hitting the movies by myself... It’s not that I need someone, I just enjoy sharing my time with others. I think that's perfectly normal.

That’s lovely, really. And yes, it is completely normal, obviously! If you were in New York City, for example, I would gladly go out with you and play along with whatever feminine role is required over coffee; it’s no issue at all. 🙂 Sherlock Holmes knows all about those platonic friendship tropes, but personally, I see absolutely no reason to initiate anything, fall in love, or sleep with every single woman I grab a coffee with, even during my downtime. 🙂

It’s a mess over here. Every woman you invite for coffee assumes you're looking to hook up, and if she actually goes, she finds it bizarre when you don't necessarily want to take it further. 🤔

So I just snap back at her: "Why shouldn't it be none of your business?" 😂

It is incredibly difficult when you move to a new place, don't know the language, and your opportunities to connect with people are so limited. I'm still learning the language, so I'm stuck using my native tongue or English for any complex conversation.

Hmm, where exactly did you relocate to? Honestly, I suspect communicating in English would be much easier; fewer things would be taken the wrong way compared to how they might be interpreted in American slang, for instance. Besides, with the massive surge of introverts these days, many people view simply grabbing a coffee as some sort of intense social obligation.

Andrew Doyle said:That’s exactly what it looks like. Honestly, this phenomenon isn't even that rare; if anything, it's absolutely rampant across almost every corner of social media today.
If you actually want to improve your social life, you need to stop looking at a screen and find a physical space to gather—somewhere that doesn't rely on an online presence to exist. Join a local club, sign up for a hiking group, get involved in a pub trivia league, or find a community center. You have to show up in person.

Most of the local clubs had to put everything on hold because of the pandemic, so that wasn't really an option until recently.

darkcyclist92 said:So you're actually quite aggressive when it comes to socializing, huh? You even moved abroad just to be near them, haha.😂

I love socializing and meeting new people. Most of the time I end up doing things alone—traveling, shopping, walking, going out for coffee or hitting the movies by myself... It’s not that I need someone, I just enjoy sharing my time with others. I think that's perfectly normal.

That’s lovely, really. And yes, it is completely normal, obviously! If you were in New York City, for example, I would gladly go out with you and play along with whatever feminine role is required over coffee; it’s no issue at all. 🙂 Sherlock Holmes knows all about those platonic friendship tropes, but personally, I see absolutely no reason to initiate anything, fall in love, or sleep with every single woman I grab a coffee with, even during my downtime. 🙂

It’s a mess over here. Every woman you invite for coffee assumes you're looking to hook up, and if she actually goes, she finds it bizarre when you don't necessarily want to take it further. 🤔

So I just snap back at her: "Why shouldn't it be none of your business?" 😂

It is incredibly difficult when you move to a new place, don't know the language, and your opportunities to connect with people are so limited. I'm still learning the language, so I'm stuck using my native tongue or English for any complex conversation.

Hmm, where exactly did you relocate to? Honestly, I suspect communicating in English would be much easier; fewer things would be taken the wrong way compared to how they might be interpreted in American slang, for instance. Besides, with the massive surge of introverts these days, many people view simply grabbing a coffee as some sort of intense social obligation.

In Germany, you can get by with English, but locals definitely prefer sticking to their own language—it makes sense. Since there are so many immigrants around, it sometimes feels easier to bond with someone from abroad than with a local German; they just don't quite get what we're going through. 😁

Hannah Castillo said:I’m living in Germany and experiencing the exact same thing. To me, it just comes down to comfort and laziness.

People say they want to hang out, but then there's always an excuse—too far across the city, too rainy, too cold, too hot, or they're just paranoid about strangers.

So, I guess I'm not the only one feeling this way! 🕺

If you're focusing solely on making female friends, it might be a bit more of an uphill battle. Generally speaking, women tend to have a packed schedule with a ton of activities to fill their day.

Jonathan Fowler14 said:I’ve joined a few Facebook meetup groups, and I keep running into the exact same pattern: a huge crowd of people all chime in saying they want to hang out, but the second someone actually suggests a plan, everyone goes silent. Honestly, I just don't get the logic behind it.

It doesn't matter if the groups are local or international. Most of us have just moved here, we're looking for friends, maybe still learning the ropes, and we're all essentially in the same boat. It seems like a great way to meet like-minded people—connecting online over shared interests, grabbing coffee, getting to know one another. I’ve had some success and met plenty of cool people, but things always seem to fizzle out because of busy schedules, people moving away, just not clicking, or people being super flaky and canceling last minute. 😁

I really miss having a consistent little crew to hang out with occasionally, but it feels like mission impossible lately. I’m not necessarily looking for my soulmate or a BFF, just a few reliable girls where we can make plans and actually catch up every couple of weeks.

So, in a group of 60 or 70 people, absolutely nobody is available ON THE WEEKEND to go for a walk, grab coffee, ride bikes, play sports, or hit up an event.

All 70 of those people are members of a meetup group, they scroll through the posts, read the comments, and specifically hunt down the link to join the WhatsApp group—so why? The reason clearly isn't to actually socialize, because in the last group I was in, there was only one attempt to meet up in three weeks, and almost everyone canceled at the very last second. I personally suggested hanging out three different times; I got a few promises and then just "we'll see," and that was it. This has happened with three different groups now.

I’m genuinely stumped. What is the point of joining these meetup groups if you have no intention of actually socializing? Is it just to have another useless group on WhatsApp? To get notifications and invites you don't care about? Do these people have some weird fetish? Do they just want to feel like they belong to a community without actually participating in it? 🙏

I totally get that people have jobs, families, and responsibilities. I have a ton of obligations myself; I'm on my feet from dawn till dusk and work weekends, but I always manage to find time to see people. My schedule is usually set almost two weeks in advance, and I don't deal with nonsense like sudden shifts "because a coworker is sick" or "I have to be home for a package delivery."

I truly believe friendships are vital, especially for our mental health. It makes me sad to see so many people put social connection at the bottom of their priority list, brushing off chances to meet new people and failing to respect other people's time.

When I hear responses like "I'll see, maybe," or "I don't know, I don't really feel like it," it feels incredibly unserious, and honestly, it's a turn-off.

Please enlighten me! If you have any suggestions, I'm all ears.
I stay active, I have hobbies, and I'm constantly reaching out to people... but I've been pretty unlucky because every time I finally connect with someone, they end up moving away. 🤣

People are out there looking for connection. But let's be real: most are perfectly fine with the bare minimum, like leaving a comment in a Facebook group.

Anything more substantial than that? It either triggers massive anxiety or people are just too damn lazy to bother.

That's why it's always easier to just slide into an existing crowd rather than trying to hunt down new people and attempt to build a consistent crew from scratch.

Jonathan Fowler14 said:Most of the local clubs had to put everything on hold because of the pandemic, so that wasn't really an option until recently.

In Germany, you can get by with English, but locals definitely prefer sticking to their own language—it makes sense. Since there are so many immigrants around, it sometimes feels easier to bond with someone from abroad than with a local German; they just don't quite get what we're going through. 😁

So, I guess I'm not the only one feeling this way! 🕺

Well, that’s just standard operating procedure for Germany AWHic! I know someone who lived there before moving back to the States, and he swore that unless you are part of their inner circle, there is absolutely zero warmth. It is as if their entire culture lacks any sort of social depth or genuine human connection—they just don't mess around with being friendly.

That said, even here in the US, the crowd has become a bit much lately, though it isn't all bad. I was out recently and met about ten different people; they practically drained me dry with their endless stories and constant chatter, so what can I tell you? Just come back home already, haha. 🙂 By the way, what are you even doing over there anyway?

The real tragedy is when people—whether they realize it or not—build up these mental walls that stop them from reaching out in the first place. By the time they actually make the effort to show up, they usually end up having a blast... it’s just that initial step of walking through the door that feels impossible, for one reason or another.

casualpanther6 said:The real tragedy is when people—whether they realize it or not—build up these mental walls that stop them from reaching out in the first place. By the time they actually make the effort to show up, they usually end up having a blast... it’s just that initial step of walking through the door that feels impossible, for one reason or another.

Actually, maybe it gets even deeper than that—though maybe it doesn't—when you have people who fight themselves. You know, those types who subconsciously build these barriers against socializing, yet somehow manage to talk themselves into going anyway. Then, once they arrive, they just end up feeling disappointed in themselves for the millionth time. They successfully talked their own self into an outing, only to find it was such a bust that the only thing they take away is more fuel for next time to build even bigger mental walls. It’s a cycle where they eventually fail at even convincing themselves to leave the house. It's kind of like trying to talk an asexual person into sex, since being "normal" is seen as a necessity, and you gotta be normal... you know, hitting that average mark, not standing out too much from the crowd. People are weird. Or at least, way different than your "average" American. Depending on what's driving that difference, this whole mess could be the absolute worst...