Too many temporary fixes

Carl Hughes said:I don't follow. What does "too many fleeting comforts" even mean? What kind of comfort, from what source, and how much is too much?

That is entirely subjective.

If you are talking about memories rather than actual events, it's because the brain files away pleasant memories neatly, whereas bad ones just linger and wander. Too many of those wandering thoughts, and you end up dealing with trauma.

Every success is temporary.

So change something. If you aren't sure where to start, go see a professional and figure it out together.

If you want that to change, ask yourself what parts of your own behavior you can adjust regarding the situation.

Through grit and hard work.

I agree. Though I’d go a step further—everything is transient. Even the ancient Greek philosophers understood this concept of constant flux. It’s a necessary cycle; the old has to make way so that something new can actually take its place.

It’s all pretty standard stuff. What feels like a permanent goal today might just turn into a temporary comfort tomorrow—or maybe it won't offer any comfort at all, becoming nothing more than a missed mark and a fresh reason to feel frustrated.
That sense of being unfulfilled is usually fleeting, mostly because it gets patched over by whatever comfort you happen to find in the moment.
I think the real aim should be to stay true to yourself through all of it, while the days just keep passing by... one way or another.

velveteagle8 said:It’s all pretty standard stuff. What feels like a permanent goal today might just turn into a temporary comfort tomorrow—or maybe it won't offer any comfort at all, becoming nothing more than a missed mark and a fresh reason to feel frustrated.
That sense of being unfulfilled is usually fleeting, mostly because it gets patched over by whatever comfort you happen to find in the moment.
I think the real aim should be to stay true to yourself through all of it, while the days just keep passing by... one way or another.

+1
Exquisitely put.

Temperament?

When it comes to my temperament, I’d say I’m pretty mild. Honestly, I think it might even be mellowing out as I get older. I rarely pick fights. It feels like I’ve become incredibly easygoing. Maybe I show a little bit of grit in an email or a phone call here and there, but in person? I actively avoid conflict. I just don't have the energy to get worked up over nothing. Why bother?

Physically, I’m quite thin, but I’ve got plenty of stamina. I can ride a bike for miles or go for long walks without much trouble. Though, during those walks, you might catch me walking with my head down a bit, moving at a slower pace. If I have somewhere to be—especially if I'm relying on the subway or the bus—I make sure I'm early. Being punctual is important to me.

Parties? Well, it depends. I'm closer to some people than others. Sometimes I’ll agree to hang out just because I'm bored, and other times, I’d rather just grab a coffee by myself or head to a concert solo. There's a certain peace in that, isn't there?

Yeah, I’ve grown used to hardship. But honestly, I’m also pretty fed up with it. Even though things weren't "extreme" in my own family, we dealt with our fair share of moderate struggles. They aren't fun, especially when they happen frequently, like they have over the last 20 years. This goes back to what I said about my temperament softening. I don't argue much, which means I don't talk to my family very often either. It's not that I despise them, but I do hold some grudges. No abuse happened, mind you, but there's still tension.

It’s also strange to me when I see people who, by most standards, are doing better than I am. You know, people with stable relationships, better careers, solid finances, or active social lives. I see them complaining endlessly about tiny inconveniences—like having to wear a mask at a CVS or finding out a local Starbucks was closed. When I see that, it feels like they are making themselves massive victims when they really aren't. They exaggerate their struggles so much. Then again, I’ve heard people claim that *I* exaggerate my own hardships too. I guess it’s all just a cycle, right?

Carl Rivera43 said:Short-term fixes? That’s stuff like grabbing drinks with friends, hitting the mall, or catching a concert. Then there are those weird, paradoxical comforts—like the anticipation of meeting someone new, or that little hope that I might finally connect with a woman who actually gets what I need.

Long-term goals are pretty standard: career stability, if that happens; a steady relationship, if not; or just finding peace within myself. And probably having more real friends—you know, actually seeing who wants to be there and who doesn't.

My love life? Well, like I said, the paradox is in the anticipation of meeting someone. It feels a bit like playing the lottery, honestly. But sometimes I feel this pang of guilt because I do it that way, or because my criteria for meeting people are way too broad, or because I’m just not sure if I can truly show up as myself in a serious relationship.

I’m not a hateful person—and I don't think I deserve to be hated—which actually hurts a bit because I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. I mean, I don't hate people, though I do feel contempt sometimes, but I haven't felt true hatred in ages. Still, I've made mistakes, and maybe the reason I'm not sure if I deserve kindness is because of them. Maybe some resentment from others is just a signal for me, a way to see where I need to pay attention. It’s hard to sit with emptiness, and it’s hard to accept that certain things aren't coming back. Sometimes I feel like I’m not grateful enough, and that stings.

Falling in love doesn't happen for me very often. Probably because of old wounds, or just this feeling that life hasn't really flowed through me. Like I’ve spent too much time being a background character instead of the lead, or an object rather than a person with agency.

Has my past weighed on me? Absolutely. For instance, I finally landed a decent job a few weeks ago, but getting there was brutal—nearly two and a half months of grinding through almost 20 different interviews. That whole stretch really took a toll on my confidence. As for being persistent? Sometimes I am, usually when job hunting, though I can get a little too intense about it at times.
Unfortunately, I tend to fixate on the negatives. I try to rationalize why things are bad, but I often get lost in all the flaws of even the best ideas.

And yeah, my goals are often blurry. It’s like I’m trying to make up for everything that was lacking in my past. I’ll be turning 32 soon, but part of me feels like I’m in my early 20s—I hang out with people that age, and even people in their late 20s act like they're 22, so I feel like I'm 23. But then, walking down quiet streets on a cold winter night, I suddenly feel like I’m nearing retirement. Like I’m 50 with five failed marriages behind me. It’s as if everything I’ve heard, seen, and felt has piled up so heavily that I’m just trying to make sense of a life that feels too massive to grasp right now.

So, regarding reaching those milestones... that's the thing. There are these mental brakes. Sometimes I think I’ve outgrown them, but the truth is, a lot of things from my younger years were left unfinished.

Oh, and the subconscious is incredibly powerful in hindsight. It brings up so many extra questions, and let's face it, you can't really run away from yourself.
Also, my willpower has taken a hit. It’s not gone, but when I can't even reach the lower expectations I keep setting for myself month after month... well, that really slows me down.

Those are all external goals that depend somewhat on outside factors. It is generally believed that one should focus primarily on goals within their own control. In a spiritual sense, that would mean self-discovery, gaining insight into a higher reality, or connecting with something greater than oneself, depending on how you define spirituality.

Maybe the hatred people feel toward me can serve as a guide for what is happening, essentially showing me where I need to pay attention.

Hatred is an incredibly intense emotion; people don't just feel it out of nowhere. You usually have to do something truly terrible for people to genuinely despise you. That said, you won't be liked by everyone, and you can't please everybody. Some will find you boring, others annoying, and some might just find you irritating. We all deal with that.

Also, my pursuits are often too vague, as if I am trying to compensate for things that were lacking in my past. I am turning 32 soon, but I feel like I'm in my early 20s on one hand—sometimes I even hang out with people that age, though people five or ten years older often act just like them, so I feel about 23 in social settings. On the other hand, walking through quiet streets on a calm winter night, I sometimes feel like I'm nearing retirement, like I'm in my 50s with five failed marriages behind me. It feels as though the sheer volume of everything I have heard, seen, and felt is massive, leaving me trying to grasp life concepts that feel far too complex right now.

I occasionally feel like I'm six years old, and other times I feel like I'm 150.😁 Compared to that, your perspective remains much more consistent.😁

Everything you are describing is a perfectly natural way to feel. We all experience these fluctuations.🙂

Try to find a higher purpose, something to pull you away from constant self-analysis and getting lost in your own head. Everyone needs a personal philosophy—a way of seeing reality and a set of ideas to act as a foundation when everything around them starts to crumble.

As many other members have noted in previous posts, everything is in constant flux; you can have everything one moment and nothing the next. Even if you achieve every single goal, it does not guarantee they will last or that you will necessarily be happy.

mistybison said:Those are all external goals that depend somewhat on outside factors. It is generally believed that one should focus primarily on goals within their own control. In a spiritual sense, that would mean self-discovery, gaining insight into a higher reality, or connecting with something greater than oneself, depending on how you define spirituality.

Maybe the hatred people feel toward me can serve as a guide for what is happening, essentially showing me where I need to pay attention.

Hatred is an incredibly intense emotion; people don't just feel it out of nowhere. You usually have to do something truly terrible for people to genuinely despise you. That said, you won't be liked by everyone, and you can't please everybody. Some will find you boring, others annoying, and some might just find you irritating. We all deal with that.

Also, my pursuits are often too vague, as if I am trying to compensate for things that were lacking in my past. I am turning 32 soon, but I feel like I'm in my early 20s on one hand—sometimes I even hang out with people that age, though people five or ten years older often act just like them, so I feel about 23 in social settings. On the other hand, walking through quiet streets on a calm winter night, I sometimes feel like I'm nearing retirement, like I'm in my 50s with five failed marriages behind me. It feels as though the sheer volume of everything I have heard, seen, and felt is massive, leaving me trying to grasp life concepts that feel far too complex right now.

I occasionally feel like I'm six years old, and other times I feel like I'm 150.😁 Compared to that, your perspective remains much more consistent.😁

Everything you are describing is a perfectly natural way to feel. We all experience these fluctuations.🙂

Try to find a higher purpose, something to pull you away from constant self-analysis and getting lost in your own head. Everyone needs a personal philosophy—a way of seeing reality and a set of ideas to act as a foundation when everything around them starts to crumble.

As many other members have noted in previous posts, everything is in constant flux; you can have everything one moment and nothing the next. Even if you achieve every single goal, it does not guarantee they will last or that you will necessarily be happy.

Precisely. The real challenges often surface only after you've secured all your material success and social standing. ☕

Jose Ward11 said:Precisely. The real challenges often surface only after you've secured all your material success and social standing. ☕

And what kind of problems are we talking about, specifically?

Charles Wood73 said:And what kind of problems are we talking about, specifically?

My comment is meant to build on the previous point and the discussion at large.
As for what constitutes "specific," I believe it’s entirely subjective.

If you have already achieved your financial and social milestones, then you understand. If you haven't, there really isn't much point in explaining.

Carl Rivera43 said:Is it just me, or is life getting a little too heavy on the quick fixes?

Why does it feel like the good stuff is so rare, {while the half-measures or the real heartbreaks seem to stick around forever}?

I don’t know, I kind of get the feeling that by chasing all these tiny, temporary distractions, we end up hitting what people call—life saturation. Basically, we're just burnt out on this way of living.

It really hurts, honestly. That sense of emptiness in my love life... I'm not trying to be bitter, but sometimes it's hard not to feel a bit envious.

How do you actually go about finding lasting goals {instead of just settling for temporary comforts}?

What exactly counts as a "temporary comfort" to you? To me, it sounds more like those distractions people use to kill time when they haven't really set any concrete life goals or milestones. Is it unusual to have too many of them? I mean, I don't know how unusual it is, but I think it’s pretty standard to get lost in distractions when you're feeling lost yourself. All you can really do is try to define what your main objectives are and then attempt to actually work toward them.

Jose Ward11 said:My comment is meant to build on the previous point and the discussion at large.
As for what constitutes "specific," I believe it’s entirely subjective.

If you have already achieved your financial and social milestones, then you understand. If you haven't, there really isn't much point in explaining.

Of course I haven't, nor do I personally know anyone who has. That's exactly why I'm asking—I want to know what kind of massive headaches I might be looking at if, by some miracle, I hit the Powerball jackpot. ☕

If your goal is hitting the jackpot on a Powerball ticket—which, let’s be honest, is highly unlikely—then you’re already safe from whatever headaches come after winning. 👍

Jose Ward11 said:If your goal is hitting the jackpot on a Powerball ticket—which, let’s be honest, is highly unlikely—then you’re already safe from whatever headaches come after winning. 👍

Alright, I see where you're coming from now. You're basically just talking in circles to hear yourself speak. 😁

I feel like you’re completely missing the point of what I’ve laid out in my previous posts, though I suppose there isn't much sense in trying to explain it further to someone who doesn't seem to get it anyway.

Jose Ward11 said:I feel like you’re completely missing the point of what I’ve laid out in my previous posts, though I suppose there isn't much sense in trying to explain it further to someone who doesn't seem to get it anyway.

I asked you a direct question, and you dodged it. But then again, I suppose that makes sense; at the end of the day, every single conflict or headache we deal with in this world boils down to something material or social. There really isn't anything else beyond that, so there aren't any "problems" outside of those two categories.

Let’s assume you’re absolutely right about that—I have no issue with your perspective. However, that doesn't invalidate my point; if you can't see the logic in what I've said, there isn't much more to discuss. I'm not particularly fond of over-explaining myself.

Jose Ward11 said:Let’s assume you’re absolutely right about that—I have no issue with your perspective. However, that doesn't invalidate my point; if you can't see the logic in what I've said, there isn't much more to discuss. I'm not particularly fond of over-explaining myself.

There isn't really any room for "supposing" here... all issues, at their core, originate from and eventually circle back to the realm of nature and society. If you feel there are "more serious problems" lurking outside those boundaries, then honestly, that’s just your own subjective perspective. (Which, in itself, isn't actually a problem, so please, don't feel like you need to walk me through it.)

Charles Wood73 said:There isn't really any room for "supposing" here... all issues, at their core, originate from and eventually circle back to the realm of nature and society. If you feel there are "more serious problems" lurking outside those boundaries, then honestly, that’s just your own subjective perspective. (Which, in itself, isn't actually a problem, so please, don't feel like you need to walk me through it.)

Well, you could have just said so from the start... were you asking that first question because you were unsure of your theory and wanted to re-examine it, 🤔
or were you confident in your theory but simply looking for proof and some good conversation? ☕

Jose Ward11 said:Well, you could have just said so from the start... were you asking that first question because you were unsure of your theory and wanted to re-examine it, 🤔
or were you confident in your theory but simply looking for proof and some good conversation? ☕

Well, nothing's coming of that. I just felt like asking, I guess. Just tossing it out there to see if anything would stick.

Honestly, I’m just done with all these fleeting little comforts and that whole "spiritual Disneyland" routine where everyone insists on offering up a dozen different perspectives on everything. It’s exhausting. I find myself craving something actually substantial for once. That's really all there is to it.

I honestly find myself wondering what kind of massive, life-altering problems a person could possibly face when they actually have it all figured out—you know, someone holding down a high-paying career they actually enjoy, a stable family life, solid friends, good health, and none of those typical daily struggles.

darksurfer4 said:I honestly find myself wondering what kind of massive, life-altering problems a person could possibly face when they actually have it all figured out—you know, someone holding down a high-paying career they actually enjoy, a stable family life, solid friends, good health, and none of those typical daily struggles.

I can take a guess at what she meant when she said that once you have everything, the problems start rolling in. Since material things can't provide lasting satisfaction—and frankly, no single pleasure lasts forever—it stands to reason that even someone who seemingly has "everything" won't find true contentment.

Problems are everywhere. Everyone deals with them, including those who seem to have hit the jackpot.

It really comes down to distinguishing between satisfaction and fulfillment on an internal versus an external level.

Even if you check every box for your "external" needs, there’s always something brewing deep down inside. Not to mention, the more you own, the more you have to manage and worry about, which just increases the surface area for potential trouble.

A person might have a great career, a healthy salary, a solid marriage, and kids who are doing well, yet they’re still dealing with a hundred tiny irritations that we simply don't see.

That’s why the highest spiritual goal—the real internal one—is to achieve a sense of balance and peace. It’s about reaching a state where, regardless of the chaos happening around you, you remain steady because you've already found that center within yourself.

Someone lacking material wealth might be convinced that having it all is the ultimate point, but anyone who has explored a spiritual path knows that accumulating stuff isn't the endgame. That’s why they keep searching.

I know plenty of people with perfect marriages and luxury homes who don't have to work jobs they hate, yet they still look completely miserable.

Sometimes I feel like telling them to go out and chop some wood or find something difficult to do. Life is getting a little too easy for them, and they could use a reality check.