Topic of the day > Is romance dead?

Dec 20th. Is romance officially dead?

The other day, Aljehin asked me on the chat what romance actually means to me. I’ll admit, I had to pause and really think before I could give an answer.
How do you all define romance? And when was the last time you actually did something romantic—or better yet, experienced it?

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This topic was pulled from the 146th post of the topic of the day.

Thomas Hernandez4 said:Dec 20th. Is romance officially dead?

The other day, Aljehin asked me on the chat what romance actually means to me. I’ll admit, I had to pause and really think before I could give an answer.
How do you all define romance? And when was the last time you actually did something romantic—or better yet, experienced it?

___________________________________
This topic was pulled from the 146th post of the topic of the day.

I don't think it's gone.
Romance happens every single day—from that first kiss when you wake up to any small gesture made for the person you love.
You don't need a grand spectacle; so much of it is built bit by bit through the little things.😁

Right now, I’m not exactly in a season of life where I can just relax or let my guard down...
But sitting down with some hot cocoa (or maybe a decent glass of wine😁), catching a movie with my better half once the kids are finally asleep—a little downtime like that goes a long way.😁

Thomas Hernandez4 said:Dec 20th. Is romance officially dead?

The other day, Aljehin asked me on the chat what romance actually means to me. I’ll admit, I had to pause and really think before I could give an answer.
How do you all define romance? And when was the last time you actually did something romantic—or better yet, experienced it?

___________________________________
This topic was pulled from the 146th post of the topic of the day.

Maybe, maybe not.

The way life moves so fast these days, plus all this tech, I guess it’s kind of killed the vibe of romance.
Everyone’s just in such a rush for everything.

What is romance to me?
I'll write that later, I guess. 😉

Thomas Hernandez4 said:Dec 20th. Is romance officially dead?

The other day, Aljehin asked me on the chat what romance actually means to me. I’ll admit, I had to pause and really think before I could give an answer.
How do you all define romance? And when was the last time you actually did something romantic—or better yet, experienced it?

___________________________________
This topic was pulled from the 146th post of the topic of the day.

I wouldn't say she's lost... she just needs to find the right person...🙂😁Romance... it’s really just all those little gestures that make your heart feel warm. Those tiny, quiet moments that actually give life its meaning...😍...what was actually done, or perhaps what was earned... hmm... just let me think back for a second...🤔

I’d say we’re dealing with an inflation of romance here☕

A single question in the title, followed by two entirely different questions in the intro post 🙂.

Let’s start with two definitions I pulled from the web: one says romance is "an enchantment characterized by a diminished sense of reality; daydreaming, or escapism," while the other claims "romance consists of the words and actions that make our special someone feel loved and unique."

Therefore—if we are being logical—romance implies a certain detachment from reality, which makes it fundamentally impossible to sustain 24/7 within the lived experience of a relationship. To claim that minor, mundane expressions of affection constitute "romance" is either a devaluation of the concept itself or a desperate attempt to deny one's own lack of romanticism.

Complaining about some supposed disappearance of romance is just as geriatric as whining about how today's youth are terrible, ill-mannered, lazy, and disrespectful. Nothing has actually vanished: those who know how, will find a way, and those who don't—or simply won't—will always find an excuse.

As for the question regarding one's own romantic words and deeds, it will remain—oh, how shocking 😬—unanswered. Romance is a two-person, exclusive affair, and attempting to provide proof of such intimacy by bragging about your own examples just to participate in a pissing contest is, quite frankly, very unromantic. Just as a gentleman kisses, a romanticist romanticizes—and stays silent 😍.

I’m such a sucker for those little random romantic gestures, you know? Like when my guy slips a Hershey’s bar into my bag and I don't even realize it's there until I'm sitting at my desk during a coffee break at Starbucks. 😳 Or just those silly moments where we're both humming some goofy little nursery rhyme that uses our nicknames. 😳
When I say romance, I mean those tiny, sweet little things that happen throughout the day. Luckily, I've always ended up with guys who totally get me and lean into that stuff, so I can't really complain. It would be so hard to date someone who looks down on that kind of thing, honestly. Either we're being total sweethearts together or we're nothing at all. 🙂

To me, romance is defined by those moments where you simply surrender to your emotions and let your dreams take the lead. However, modern lifestyle trends seem to be pushing us toward a more mechanical existence, and sexuality is frequently caught in that same trap. The internet is absolutely saturated with sexual content featuring performers who act less like lovers and more like mere sexual technicians.

Hollywood films—mostly American productions—have completely commodified and exhausted the very idea of romance. It’s a classic case of inflation; when you oversupply something, you inevitably devalue it, and this repetitive, copy-paste version of "romance" we see everywhere isn't actually romantic at all.

On the other hand, there are still plenty of women today who are perfectly capable of feeling and experiencing true romance. I think the poem by Cesarić's that I recorded once (for one specific person) serves as an implicit testament to that, especially since it resonated so deeply with many of the women on this forum. Throughout my life, I've written a handful of songs dedicated to the women I've been with; I know for a fact they still keep them in written form or have them memorized to this day. But such things can't be manufactured; they have to happen spontaneously, and a woman truly has to inspire a man to perform such an act...

I look back on that whole period with nothing but pure contempt. I’ve certainly learned how to keep my impulses in check by now, but when I was much younger, I used to be incredibly dismissive of the guys I was seeing. I could be truly awful... 🤣

George Rivera3 said:I look back on that whole period with nothing but pure contempt. I’ve certainly learned how to keep my impulses in check by now, but when I was much younger, I used to be incredibly dismissive of the guys I was seeing. I could be truly awful... 🤣

And why is that?

Thomas Hernandez4 said:Dec 20th. Is romance officially dead?

The other day, Aljehin asked me on the chat what romance actually means to me. I’ll admit, I had to pause and really think before I could give an answer.
How do you all define romance? And when was the last time you actually did something romantic—or better yet, experienced it?

___________________________________
This topic was pulled from the 146th post of the topic of the day.

Why would it be lost? It’s right where it has always been... tucked away in the intimacy between two people, found in those small, quiet gestures that bring a smile to someone's face and make the mundane parts of the day feel a little lighter.
Or am I missing the mark on what real romance is?

Maybe the opening question is referring to those grand, sweeping gestures—the kind where one person performs for an audience of mutual friends just to prove how serious and deep their connection is. If that's the case, I'm fairly certain that isn't romance; it's just a desperate craving to have everyone staring at their "epic" love story.

George Rivera3 said:I look back on that whole period with nothing but pure contempt. I’ve certainly learned how to keep my impulses in check by now, but when I was much younger, I used to be incredibly dismissive of the guys I was seeing. I could be truly awful... 🤣

🙂

...And honestly, I find it utterly exhausting to witness two people describing one another as "partners." A partnership or a joint venture is a cold, pragmatic arrangement; it possesses neither romance nor any hint of eroticism. It is truly a pathetic state of affairs when you feel compelled to emphasize and declare that your relationship is a "partnership," or when you find yourself referring to your girlfriend or wife merely as a "partner."

Nicholas King said:And why is that?

I can't quite put my finger on why it leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth.

I’ve always been more about the actual work, the tangible results. I feel things too, but for me, it’s more about trying to convey something gentle... only to end up just saying, hello, Selma 😬...

that's just how I operate

Does the "hey Selma" part come before or after the mocking?

George Rivera3 said:I look back on that whole period with nothing but pure contempt. I’ve certainly learned how to keep my impulses in check by now, but when I was much younger, I used to be incredibly dismissive of the guys I was seeing. I could be truly awful... 🤣

The poor orphan. Honestly, that contempt is merely a defense mechanism, because deep down, the subconscious is painfully aware of that inherent deficit and poverty of spirit. It is quite similar to how someone who lacks any sense of pitch or musicality might react by scorning music itself...

feralranger said:...And honestly, I find it utterly exhausting to witness two people describing one another as "partners." A partnership or a joint venture is a cold, pragmatic arrangement; it possesses neither romance nor any hint of eroticism. It is truly a pathetic state of affairs when you feel compelled to emphasize and declare that your relationship is a "partnership," or when you find yourself referring to your girlfriend or wife merely as a "partner."

According to whose definition isn't it? A partnership can apply to any duo. Business, romantic, platonic... As far as I'm concerned, a partnership can absolutely be erotic. A partner is simply someone you share something with—whether that's a business, a game, or intimacy... it all depends on the nature of the bond. A partnership is a serious commitment. 🙂
Still, obviously everything comes down to perspective, but claiming something is "sad" just because your own subjective view differs from theirs seems a bit radical, doesn't it?

Thomas Hernandez4 said:Dec 20th. Is romance officially dead?

The other day, Aljehin asked me on the chat what romance actually means to me. I’ll admit, I had to pause and really think before I could give an answer.
How do you all define romance? And when was the last time you actually did something romantic—or better yet, experienced it?

___________________________________
This topic was pulled from the 146th post of the topic of the day.

It’s a solid question. To me, in a world that moves at a million miles an hour, it’s way too easy to overlook the simple, beautiful things that everyone actually craves.

For me, it doesn't have to be some grand gesture—just a kind word, or a small sign that someone truly appreciates you. Something like that.

As for the last time I felt romance in action... it’s been a while. Seriously guys, let's try to be a little more romantic in the coming year!

Never! 🙂

George Rivera3 said:I can't quite put my finger on why it leaves such a bitter taste in my mouth.

I’ve always been more about the actual work, the tangible results. I feel things too, but for me, it’s more about trying to convey something gentle... only to end up just saying, hello, Selma 😬...

that's just how I operate

The reactions you're describing—contempt and disgust—are incredibly visceral. It’s also somewhat telling that when asked to explain the "why" behind those feelings, you immediately pivot to discussing your own supposed inability to express strong emotions.

If I were in your shoes, I would probably try to dig deep into the roots of those reactions—really get under the surface—and then systematically tear them out by the source.