Dealing with a total narcissist

Hey everyone, looking for some advice, criticism, whatever you got.

Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted more. I’m constantly chasing "better" and setting these massive life goals—which usually translates straight into my career...
Because of this crazy ambition, I walked away from my last job—didn't get fired, just felt like I didn't fit anymore—to take this new one. It's fine for now, but I'm already restless, like I need a bigger role and a better title than what I have right now.
The catch is, I don't even qualify for a promotion yet—not enough years under my belt—plus, I'm incredibly impatient. Like, deeply impatient. I want everything overnight and I have zero chill when it comes to waiting for things to happen, including moving up the ladder.

All this basically means I'm stuck feeling dissatisfied and miserable with my life, even though objectively I have everything most people would kill for. It's just this constant drive. I started college a bit late—a few years behind the curve—and now that I'm in my 30s, I feel like I'm lagging way behind and haven't actually achieved anything significant.

I've got a great marriage and kids (so at least I checked those boxes), and my husband holds a pretty high-level position at his company, which might be adding to my frustration?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging anyone. To me, everyone is equal—whether you're a baker, a janitor, or a mechanic. Character is all that matters.

But honestly, I'm killing myself and burning out—which makes me miserable and, unfortunately, takes a toll on my husband and kids—because I'm constantly whining about wanting more... and more... and more.

How do I stop? How do I actually be happy with what I've got? I know there are people out there struggling to find work or grinding for minimum wage on weekends and holidays—I see them—but I still can't help myself.

Alright, hit me with the critiques. 😁

Seriously, you should run for office. I’m not even joking—you sound exactly like someone I’d actually vote for 👍

Haha, nice joke, but politics is the last thing on my mind. I can barely name our politicians—and even then, I’m counting on one hand—so you can probably guess how much I actually care about the whole scene.

I don't know, man. This ambition is just suffocating me. I feel like I need to be way further along by now, and I'm only 31...

Robert Gray3 said:Haha, nice joke, but politics is the last thing on my mind. I can barely name our politicians—and even then, I’m counting on one hand—so you can probably guess how much I actually care about the whole scene.

I don't know, man. This ambition is just suffocating me. I feel like I need to be way further along by now, and I'm only 31...

Look, I can't offer any real insight since I'm totally out of my depth with that kind of stuff, but hey—now you know why people turn to booze, weed, hobbies, affairs, or whatever else helps numb that internal ache.

I got nothing

A therapist would probably be a better bet than anything listed above. ☕

Robert Gray3 said:Hey everyone, looking for some advice, criticism, whatever you got.

Ever since I can remember, I've always wanted more. I’m constantly chasing "better" and setting these massive life goals—which usually translates straight into my career...
Because of this crazy ambition, I walked away from my last job—didn't get fired, just felt like I didn't fit anymore—to take this new one. It's fine for now, but I'm already restless, like I need a bigger role and a better title than what I have right now.
The catch is, I don't even qualify for a promotion yet—not enough years under my belt—plus, I'm incredibly impatient. Like, deeply impatient. I want everything overnight and I have zero chill when it comes to waiting for things to happen, including moving up the ladder.

All this basically means I'm stuck feeling dissatisfied and miserable with my life, even though objectively I have everything most people would kill for. It's just this constant drive. I started college a bit late—a few years behind the curve—and now that I'm in my 30s, I feel like I'm lagging way behind and haven't actually achieved anything significant.

I've got a great marriage and kids (so at least I checked those boxes), and my husband holds a pretty high-level position at his company, which might be adding to my frustration?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not judging anyone. To me, everyone is equal—whether you're a baker, a janitor, or a mechanic. Character is all that matters.

But honestly, I'm killing myself and burning out—which makes me miserable and, unfortunately, takes a toll on my husband and kids—because I'm constantly whining about wanting more... and more... and more.

How do I stop? How do I actually be happy with what I've got? I know there are people out there struggling to find work or grinding for minimum wage on weekends and holidays—I see them—but I still can't help myself.

Alright, hit me with the critiques. 😁

It’s that crushing sense of inadequacy. You start believing that, stripped of all those hollow, grandiose achievements, you possess absolutely no inherent value.

Perhaps it sounds foolish, and any advice I offer might seem painfully banal—and while my struggle wasn't quite as extreme as others, it was certainly there—but I found a genuine lifeline in certain "slow living" YouTubers. It was only after I finally managed to find some semblance of balance, a process that took years of grinding through anxiety, that the things I used to obsess over ceased to feel so vital. Once I loosened up, I could actually move toward the life I wanted. Before that, I was operating under a constant, subterranean tension that was too deeply buried for me to recognize until it escalated and left me completely paralyzed. It’s only recently that I’ve begun to truly grasp the wisdom of the older generation; they kept telling me to slow down and that most of the things I was burning myself alive for weren't actually worth the cost.

casualcanyon3 said:It’s that crushing sense of inadequacy. You start believing that, stripped of all those hollow, grandiose achievements, you possess absolutely no inherent value.

Perhaps it sounds foolish, and any advice I offer might seem painfully banal—and while my struggle wasn't quite as extreme as others, it was certainly there—but I found a genuine lifeline in certain "slow living" YouTubers. It was only after I finally managed to find some semblance of balance, a process that took years of grinding through anxiety, that the things I used to obsess over ceased to feel so vital. Once I loosened up, I could actually move toward the life I wanted. Before that, I was operating under a constant, subterranean tension that was too deeply buried for me to recognize until it escalated and left me completely paralyzed. It’s only recently that I’ve begun to truly grasp the wisdom of the older generation; they kept telling me to slow down and that most of the things I was burning myself alive for weren't actually worth the cost.

Solid advice, thanks.

Yeah, you read me perfectly. That whole sense of worthlessness thing. I have no clue why, but I’ll be real: my self-esteem is basically zero. I don't value myself, and I’ll do anything just to please everyone else so nobody thinks poorly of me—total lack of confidence. That’s probably where that obsessive drive for ambition comes from, too...

I honestly think this whole perfectionism thing—this obsessive drive to crush every single goal—usually stems from some kind of rejection you dealt with back in childhood. Personally, I’m way too much of a perfectionist; I’m basically my own worst enemy at this point. It’s that constant "inner critic" that just ruins everything and leaves me feeling miserable. That voice in my head is convinced I haven't achieved nearly enough, no matter what I actually do. Sometimes, it genuinely drags me down into a depressive funk.

Look, ambition isn't a bad thing—it's the fuel that keeps you moving. The smartest move is to play the long game with your career: figure out where you want to be in, say, ten years, and start walking that path. The real trouble starts when things don't go according to plan and you're left dealing with massive frustration or just plain impatience. I guess you eventually have to develop some actual tolerance for failure. You learn that through experience—mostly by slamming your head against a wall for years. Eventually, you realize nothing happens overnight. Careers are built brick by brick, always keeping that target in sight. And hey, sometimes you pivot; if one path hits a dead end, you just head in a different direction. It's about the journey, not just the destination. Plus, you have to learn how to shut up that inner critic that's never satisfied with anything you do.

The only way you can truly move at your own pace and grow based on your actual talent is by starting your own business. If you feel like you’ve got the skills—and it sounds like you think you have what it takes to climb higher than where you are right now—then you definitely have what it takes to jump into entrepreneurship.

If you decide to stay on the corporate ladder, though, try stepping back and looking at your team through the eyes of a manager. Ask yourself honestly: how much trust would someone need to place in me to hand over more authority? Am I actually the top performer among my peers, or am I just feeling ambitious? Ambition is a massive asset if you genuinely have exceptional skills, if you’re still constantly learning, and if you have that natural leadership quality where people actually want to follow you. It's about being someone others listen to, not just someone who wants a title.

It’s also a really good idea to sit down with your coworkers or your boss and get some honest feedback on how they perceive you. You need to figure out if your ambition is grounded in reality or if it's just an inflated ego. If it turns out it's just ego, then you know you've got some self-work to do. But if they confirm you're ready, then you’re on the right track toward the position you actually deserve. 🙂

That feeling of being worth nothing. Like, you think that once you strip away all those empty, grandiose achievements, there’s just nothing left of value underneath.
Exactly. 🙂

And I guess... maybe just look back at everything you actually managed to pull off while you were feeling that way. From where you're standing now, looking back at that headspace, does what you did actually seem as trivial as you thought? Is it really as unimportant as you're telling yourself?