Highly sensitive people (HSPs)

I finally figured out how to stop absorbing everyone else's baggage.

I realized that most people just want to dump their problems onto someone else—usually me—without ever stopping to ask how I’m actually doing.

Ever since that clicked, I just repeat the word IGNORE to myself while someone is whining or venting. Even though I’m listening and can repeat back everything they said, this little mantra keeps that negative energy from sticking to me. You should try it.

A friend used to tell me to just shut down or tune out, but that didn't work because they would still drain my battery regardless.

Think of it as an active rejection rather than being passive. It's like someone blowing smoke at you and you're actively swatting it away with a piece of cardboard. Tuning out is passive; if you just sit there, the smoke is going to get in your lungs.

Hope this helps someone. Peace.

quietbison86 said:

Donna Gonzalez5 I can't even begin to describe the sheer level of nonsense I just read—it’s like someone took a handful of chaos and decided to make it their entire personality. Honestly, how does anyone deal with this kind of energy? It’s exhausting just thinking about it! Is it just me, or is everything getting weirder by the second? I feel like I need a drink just to process the absurdity of it all. Seriously, what are we even doing here? Anyway, where was I? Oh right—this absolute mess of a situation. Let me get this straight...
Have you ever been having a perfectly fine day—just cruising along, feeling good—and then you run into someone who’s basically a walking thunderstorm of emotional baggage? They start dumping all their drama on you, and before you know it, you're caught in the blast zone. And here's the kicker: the more they vent, the more you find yourself drowning in sympathy for them. It’s like this weird, exhausting phenomenon where instead of just feeling bad *for* them, you actually start feeling their problems as if they were your own. It’s not even just "worrying" anymore—it’s like their chaos becomes your reality. Ever felt that? It's freaking draining.
So, quick question for the group—have you ever finished a cup of coffee and just felt... off? Like, totally wired but in the worst way possible? I’m talking that restless, pacing-around-the-room energy, breaking out in a cold sweat, or that sudden, sharp spike of anxiety that hits you out of nowhere. Is it just me, or does caffeine sometimes feel less like a "pick-me-up" and more like a direct attack on your nervous system? Anyone else deal with this?
Is it actually hard for you guys to set healthy boundaries in your relationships, or am I just out here fighting ghosts alone? Seriously—is it just me, or does even saying "no" feel like you’re committing some kind of federal crime? I mean, come on. Why does it feel so heavy? You try to draw a line in the sand, and suddenly everyone is acting like you've personally insulted their entire lineage. It’s exhausting. Is it a lack of willpower? A fear of being the "bad guy"? Or are we all just collectively terrified of a little bit of friction? I want to know if anyone else struggles with this constant internal tug-of-war between wanting to be a decent human being and needing to protect your own sanity before you completely lose it.
Do you guys ever find yourselves just... swinging wildly between extremes when it comes to relationships? Like, it’s either all or nothing—you’re diving headfirst into the deep end, giving this person absolutely everything you've got, or the second you pick up on even a tiny bit of negative energy, you just slam the door shut and retreat entirely into your own shell. It’s like there is no middle ground, right? You're either all in or you're completely gone. Does anyone else do this?
Does anyone else feel like watching the news—or even just scrolling through some toxic garbage online—completely tanks your mood? Like, I’ll be having a decent day, minding my own business, and then boom, one headline about some disaster or political nonsense hits, and suddenly I’m just... drained. It’s exhausting, right? Does that negativity just seep into your bones and ruin your whole vibe?
Do you ever get that weird, nagging feeling that you just don't fit in anywhere? Like, at all? I’m talking about that deep-seated lack of belonging—whether it's with a religion, a nationality, or just whatever group you're supposed to be "part" of. Does anyone else feel like a total outsider looking in?

So, basically, what I’m trying to get at here is—are there any actual highly sensitive people hanging out on this forum? Like, real ones? And have you guys figured out some kind of mechanism to actually balance out all that empathy? I mean, specifically how to stop feeling so much for negative people... you know, like learning to recognize them and just... shut the door? Is it even possible to refuse to empathize when someone starts dumping their complaints or whatever negativity on you? How do you even spot it when you're starting to soak up someone else's toxic energy?

That's me! I'm talking about myself here—every single bit of it!

So, I just got off the phone with my neurologist—total whirlwind of a conversation, honestly—and apparently, my brain is running on empty. She’s telling me there's this chronic chemical deficit going on in my head. Specifically, a massive shortage of serotonin. She thinks it’s probably baked into my DNA—you know, genetic—but then she follows that up with the classic "but it doesn't have to be" line. Typical, right? One minute everything is hardwired, and the next, we're looking at possibilities. It's enough to make your head spin!

So, I’ve been going down this endless rabbit hole of medical tests—just constant, exhausting searching—because I can't shake these intense pressures in my head, weird numbness in parts of my body, and just general, nagging pain everywhere. It’s driving me nuts! And get this: the neurologists say everything is fine. The cardiologists? They say I'm perfectly healthy too. So, naturally, after all that digging, they basically brushed me off and pinned the whole thing on my mental state and some psychiatrist's evaluation. Isn't that just great?

So, I finally went through it—got hit with a diagnosis of anxiety disorders and somatic symptom disorder. Yeah, it’s a mouthful. Basically, my brain and my body have decided to team up against me in the worst way possible. Now, instead of just dealing with the mental loop, everything is manifesting physically too. It's a trip, honestly. To make matters worse, the plan is to tackle this whole mess through psychotherapy. So, I'm officially diving into the deep end of talk therapy to try and untangle this knot. Wish me luck, because it sounds like going to be a hell of a ride.

So, my neurologist gave me some advice—and honestly, I’m still processing it—about ramping up the physical activity. And I don't mean a casual stroll through Central Park, either. She was talking about serious, high-intensity workouts—the kind where your heart is absolutely hammering in your chest. The logic? Apparently, if I can get my heart rate high enough, it'll force enough oxygen and serotonin into my brain to actually get everything back in balance. It's like a biological reset button or something. But then—and here's the kicker—she dropped the other half of the deal: if the intense exercise doesn't do the trick, she says we're looking at moving straight to an AD. So, it's basically "hit the gym hard or start the meds." What do you guys think? Is this a legit strategy or just a way to avoid the prescription?

It’s actually pretty wild how my psychiatrist zeroed in on my anxiety—she saw it loud and clear—but she didn't flag me for depression. I mean, it's funny, right? Because I wouldn't exactly call myself a depressive person, even if I do get hit with those periodic low moods every now and then. It's like, okay, you caught the jittery part, but don't go putting me in that whole "depressed" box just yet!
Look, from the outside, I don't look depressed at all—not even a little bit. Seriously. If you saw me out and about, you wouldn't think twice. The thing is, I’m usually the one driving everything—I’m the initiator, the one making the plans, the one pushing the ball down the field. But honestly? It’s exhausting. It wears me out because I constantly feel like I’m pouring way more into the world than I’m ever getting back. Is it just me, or does it feel like I'm doing all the heavy lifting while everyone else just watches?

And now we’re diving headfirst into the deep end—human relationships. Whether we're talking about the friends who drive you crazy or the romantic interests that leave you questioning your sanity—it’s all part of the mess, isn't it?
Look, let’s be real—that field isn't exactly some perfect paradise either, and honestly? It’s all because of the exact same mess I just laid out above.
My relationships? Yeah, they’ve mostly been short, intense bursts of chaos—mostly because I have this habit of getting absolutely hooked on "emotional vampires." It’s like a magnet or something. I end up pouring everything I have into these people, feeling completely drained and wiped out every single day, while they just sit there taking, taking, taking. Why do I always end up being the one doing all the heavy lifting? It’s exhausting, honestly. I’m basically running on empty while they just exploit the effort I put in. What am I even doing?
Look, because of all that mess, I’ve got serious attachment issues now—like, majorly complicated. Honestly? I’ve become incredibly picky about who I let into my life. I’m hyper-vigilant and super selective when it comes to choosing a partner because, let’s be real, I am absolutely NOT interested in going through that level of agony again. I refuse to deal with that much suffering during a relationship, and I definitely won't be doing it once it inevitably crashes and burns. Why would I even sign up for that kind of heartbreak twice? Not happening.
Look, I’ve burned through plenty of friendships myself—I mean, quite a few—mostly because the whole "give and take" thing just wasn't adding up. It was always that one-sided energy, you know? Most of the time, my move is just to quietly fade out—just pull back, stop responding, and let them drift away into nothingness. But honestly? Every once in a while, I just can't deal with the games and I'll end things much more directly. Sometimes you just have to cut the cord.
So, plenty of my friends have been claiming—or used to claim—that I’m "needy." Even my family members have thrown that one in my face, which, honestly? Total nonsense. If you want to get technical, sure, maybe I’m "needy" when it comes to wanting a little more attention than I actually seem to be getting sometimes—but that’s about it! Is it really being needy to just want people to actually show up? Or am I just being labeled because I have expectations? Honestly, it feels like a reach.

Honestly, I almost threw my coffee right out the window this morning—seriously, it was that close. It just hits me with such a massive dose of pure, unadulterated nerves, you know? Like, my heart starts racing and I can't settle down. But then I look around and realize everyone else seems totally fine with it. They’re just sipping away like nothing's happening while I’m over here vibrating out of my skin. Is it just me, or does caffeine turn some people into total wrecks?
I only ever manage to actually lie down when I’m feeling totally, completely at peace—which, let's be honest, happens about once every blue moon.
Matcha and other teas work perfectly for me, though they just don't give me that kick I get from coffee 🤔

Yeah, the news absolutely wrecks my mental state—especially lately with all this COVID stuff that, honestly, I don't even buy... but there's always that nagging seed of doubt because of my anxiety
Ever since I was a kid, I was glued to those true crime segments in the paper and obsessed with gritty crime shows, and I truly believe that’s where the root of my anxiety lies. It makes me afraid of so much today—I mean, I have my driver's license, but I barely touch the wheel because seeing all those endless car accidents on the highway just freaks me out

And it's not just that I don't feel any sense of national pride; I actually feel a bit of a distaste for it. Having lived in such an international environment, I can tell you straight up: you find way higher quality people out there. Sure, there's trash everywhere, but generally speaking, the mindset abroad just clicks with me more
That's why I'm constantly daydreaming about moving overseas, but I'm stuck because my career path isn't exactly a gold mine—I studied sociology, and being in my late 20s with zero momentum makes it impossible to land anything real. I feel like I've been sentenced to these dead-end agency jobs with absolutely no future

Anyway, I'd say constant mood swings and just being generally dissatisfied with life is pretty much the hallmark of people like us

🤣
Everything about you is perfectly fine! Because you embody all of those things, including the erratic shifts.

People like that just aren't very sensitive to others, I guess. 🙂

I wouldn't say I used to be this sensitive about things, but lately, it feels like I've developed this strange little internal antenna that just constantly picks up on everyone else's moods... almost like some kind of tiny, unwanted emotional magnet.

It’s just like when your immune system crashes and you suddenly become a magnet for every virus going around. Emotional sensitivity works the exact same way. When you're burnt out or completely drained, you're way more vulnerable. You have to build up that immunity—on every single level.

I don't even know where to begin. It feels like a constant, uphill battle every single day. Honestly, if anyone else out there is going through this, please speak up—knowing I’m not drifting through this alone would make it all feel a little less heavy. Being by myself in my apartment is unbearable; I lose my appetite entirely and the panic just starts clawing at me. It’s the same story when I'm out in public, too. There's this persistent sensation, like a physical knot in my throat or a sharp cramp in my stomach. I just can't get comfortable. I have a tiny handful of people I can actually be myself around without feeling judged, but that's it. On top of the physical stuff, I'm constantly spiraling into existential dread and bouts of crying. Friendships feel impossible right now; I haven't the slightest clue how to build a social circle after finishing high school. I've never been the type to hit up loud, obnoxious clubs or crowded bars—that whole scene just drains me. All I want is peace and someone who actually understands. I'm currently looking into seeing a doctor to see what they say, but I'm also curious about alternative therapies. Has anyone here dealt with something similar? What actually worked for you, and more importantly, how do you find people who truly "get" it?

I think you’re dealing with a mix of anxiety and social phobia. You might want to look into CBT therapy. Just my two cents.

I’m just tossing out some advice here, though honestly, I struggle with this stuff every single day. It’s just how I am. But I believe people can change—and they should, especially if it means becoming better versions of themselves.

Seeing other people suffer—or what I perceive as their suffering and life's burdens—really gets to me. Maybe I feel it even more intensely than they actually do. Then again, if we stop noticing when people are hurting, what kind of people do we become?

There’s this older woman on my street who has spent her entire life reselling produce. She picks things up at the local farmers' market and sells them from a small stand. She and her son work from dawn till dusk, and it’s not like they’re living in some massive mansion. Their house is modest—not a shack, but definitely nothing fancy. They're just sun-beaten, constantly rushing back and forth.

She has a stand near Walmart, and every time I finish shopping there, I feel guilty. I didn't buy anything from her, instead handing my money over to some massive corporation that already has more than it needs, while she relies on those few dollars to survive. The other day, I bought two pounds of some specialty potatoes for $5.25. They were imported, sort of niche, and frankly, they weren't even good. For that price, I could have grabbed five pounds of decent local ones at Kroger, and they would have actually tasted good.

But I always end up right back where I started—she lives off those sales, and the owners of Kroger don't give a damn about my $5.25.

I wonder if anyone else actually thinks about this kind of thing, let alone lets it factor into their DECISIONS. I suppose I should probably just look out for my own interests and find the best deal, rather than paying extra for overpriced, mediocre potatoes.

I have a friend who is heavily involved in charity work and is very religious, but money is always her top priority. There is no way she would ever do something to her own financial detriment, even for a cent. Yet, she acts like she’s all about helping the poor.

Am I just overthinking everything?

I heard some psychotherapist arguing that people like that need to learn how to "get back into their own shoes"—basically stop obsessing over everyone else's perspective. I don't know. Maybe. But if we all just focus on our own damn selves, where does it end? That's exactly why we have global warming in the first place...

Sarah Ross21 said:I heard some psychotherapist arguing that people like that need to learn how to "get back into their own shoes"—basically stop obsessing over everyone else's perspective. I don't know. Maybe. But if we all just focus on our own damn selves, where does it end? That's exactly why we have global warming in the first place...

Man, this is actually pretty deep. I honestly think there’s a link between those two things and there might be a way to work through it, but you hit the nail on the head... is it even worth stripping away a part of yourself—one that I personally find useful and positive—just to chase some kind of emotional stability?

You probably need to find some kind of middle ground—learn how to step back into your own shoes first, then eventually lean toward the other person, but using logic instead of just raw emotion.

I was under so much stress yesterday that I could actually feel my "emotional immunity" bottoming out... I don't know.

Sarah Ross21 said:I’m just tossing out some advice here, though honestly, I struggle with this stuff every single day. It’s just how I am. But I believe people can change—and they should, especially if it means becoming better versions of themselves.

Seeing other people suffer—or what I perceive as their suffering and life's burdens—really gets to me. Maybe I feel it even more intensely than they actually do. Then again, if we stop noticing when people are hurting, what kind of people do we become?

There’s this older woman on my street who has spent her entire life reselling produce. She picks things up at the local farmers' market and sells them from a small stand. She and her son work from dawn till dusk, and it’s not like they’re living in some massive mansion. Their house is modest—not a shack, but definitely nothing fancy. They're just sun-beaten, constantly rushing back and forth.

She has a stand near Walmart, and every time I finish shopping there, I feel guilty. I didn't buy anything from her, instead handing my money over to some massive corporation that already has more than it needs, while she relies on those few dollars to survive. The other day, I bought two pounds of some specialty potatoes for $5.25. They were imported, sort of niche, and frankly, they weren't even good. For that price, I could have grabbed five pounds of decent local ones at Kroger, and they would have actually tasted good.

But I always end up right back where I started—she lives off those sales, and the owners of Kroger don't give a damn about my $5.25.

I wonder if anyone else actually thinks about this kind of thing, let alone lets it factor into their DECISIONS. I suppose I should probably just look out for my own interests and find the best deal, rather than paying extra for overpriced, mediocre potatoes.

I have a friend who is heavily involved in charity work and is very religious, but money is always her top priority. There is no way she would ever do something to her own financial detriment, even for a cent. Yet, she acts like she’s all about helping the poor.

Am I just overthinking everything?

I completely empathize with this. I feel the exact same way. I truly don't know how to navigate these feelings. Perhaps it wouldn't be a bad idea to find a therapist and talk it through; I imagine they might offer some guidance
And thanks for the response, I’ll definitely look into getting some professional help.

Did you see yourself in that situation? So I'm not the only one?!?! Good to know. 🙂

Look, if you get the chance to talk to someone, take it. It's not a bad idea. There are group workshops, classes, and even counseling centers for young people near Harvard in Chicago, among other things.
Personally, none of that did much for me, but I believe most people find it helpful.

Sarah Ross21 said:You probably need to find some kind of middle ground—learn how to step back into your own shoes first, then eventually lean toward the other person, but using logic instead of just raw emotion.

I was under so much stress yesterday that I could actually feel my "emotional immunity" bottoming out... I don't know.

For sure, but I’m worried that if someone wants to actually reset, they have to completely ditch those old patterns that keep dragging them back into the same mental loops for a while. You kind of have to experience both extremes to find any sense of balance... Or maybe I’m just tripping.
Anyway, I found this free 🎉 "High sensitivity and anxiety" webinar, but I’m low-key terrified to sign up because they might make me turn on my camera and actually talk. I have no clue what the vibe will be like, so I'm feeling pretty anxious about it.
If anyone actually has the guts 😁 to join, let me know and I can send over the link.

And ladies, trust me, you are definitely not alone in this. Fingers crossed 🙂

I wouldn't go mixing up hypersensitivity with anxiety. They aren't inherently linked, and they don't have to be.

The goal should be healthy functioning regardless of the circumstances. You work toward that. However you choose to get there is up to you.

Look, there’s a correlation, sure, but one doesn't necessarily dictate the other. Obviously, if you don't deal with anxiety, this probably won't mean squat to you. Personally, I struggle with it, so that was my main focus at first, though there are plenty of other factors in the mix. If nobody here actually cares about this stuff, then why am I even bothering? 🙂
If I decide to head out, I'll check back in to let you guys know how it went and what else I picked up regarding hypersensitivity 🙂

Definitely let me know! Look, you can always just bail and log out. I highly doubt anyone’s going to force you to turn on your camera. If you feel like speaking up, fine, but if not, don't. Just give it a shot—I'm sure you'll be fine. And if you aren't? Just log off. 🙂

Sam Jones8 said:For sure, but I’m worried that if someone wants to actually reset, they have to completely ditch those old patterns that keep dragging them back into the same mental loops for a while. You kind of have to experience both extremes to find any sense of balance... Or maybe I’m just tripping.
Anyway, I found this free 🎉 "High sensitivity and anxiety" webinar, but I’m low-key terrified to sign up because they might make me turn on my camera and actually talk. I have no clue what the vibe will be like, so I'm feeling pretty anxious about it.
If anyone actually has the guts 😁 to join, let me know and I can send over the link.

And ladies, trust me, you are definitely not alone in this. Fingers crossed 🙂

I ended up watching the webinar (my thanks to Sam Jones8). It turns out there was no need to turn on the camera, as we were permitted to communicate solely through the chat with the facilitator. The woman delivered a presentation regarding high sensitivity and anxiety, breaking down each concept individually before explaining how they intersect...

It was decent enough, and if anyone finds the subject matter compelling, they won't regret listening. However, it is worth noting that the entire presentation serves as a sort of introduction—a soft pitch, really—for a multi-part program that is promoted at the end for a specific fee.

Greetings to my fellow empaths 🙂

Was there an actual takeaway from that webinar, or was it just more superficial fluff?

@Sam Jones8, nice job delegating there :-)

Sarah Ross21 said:Was there an actual takeaway from that webinar, or was it just more superficial fluff?

@Sam Jones8, nice job delegating there :-)

Nothing revolutionary here ☕