I'm feeling totally lost

I am not quite sure where to start. I just know that my mother left when I was fourteen, and I suppose that is where everything began to unravel.
I realized pretty early on that the issue was with me; I became too attached to people because I was terrified of being alone. Maybe because I wanted to be loved so badly, I made a lot of wrong choices.
My romantic life hasn't been much better. I get the feeling my exes eventually felt smothered by me and started pulling away.

I managed to keep things under control until my daughter hit her teenage years.
She doesn't really find me interesting anymore, which I guess is perfectly logical since she found her own group of friends.
I have to admit, I probably should have focused more on myself instead of assuming I would always just be a mother to a little girl who needed me.

I am in a serious relationship now, but it seems that after a while, I start smothering my partner out of intense love and a fear of losing them.
What should I do? How can I keep this under control?
If I keep going like this, I might end up alone.

While he’s busy doing his own thing, you should probably just focus on yours.

If you can see that he actually loves and respects you, then maybe... I don't know, just accept that? Like, try not to get hung up on every tiny little detail or mistake, otherwise you might end up ignoring all the actual proof that he cares about you.

And please, never, ever try to "test" him. I really think there isn't a single person out there who can pass those kinds of tests that people with deep insecurities or needy tendencies tend to run, and honestly, it always, always leads to disaster.

I mean, it sounds pretty easy to say, and even easier to decide to act that way, but actually making it happen in real life is kind of complicated.

Therapy helps, though. Maybe.

There’s a massive difference between showering a partner with affection and suffocating them because you're terrified they might leave. Those are two completely different animals. If you end up losing that person, it won't be because of a lack of love; it'll be because of everything else that has nothing to do with love.

What chronically insecure people refuse to admit is that they’re essentially just using a relationship to soothe their own needs and quiet their own anxieties, often without giving a damn about anyone else's experience.

I hear you, I really do, but I’m honestly worried that there isn't much hope without actual psychotherapy. I just hope they have a solid support system around them. Let's be brutally honest here: this isn't just about being abandoned by a mother; there's a whole lot more baggage to unpack than that.

What’s the problem? Being alone, just being with myself. Learn to be your own best friend instead of looking for salvation in other people.

briskbison47 said:There’s a massive difference between showering a partner with affection and suffocating them because you're terrified they might leave. Those are two completely different animals. If you end up losing that person, it won't be because of a lack of love; it'll be because of everything else that has nothing to do with love.

What chronically insecure people refuse to admit is that they’re essentially just using a relationship to soothe their own needs and quiet their own anxieties, often without giving a damn about anyone else's experience.

I hear you, I really do, but I’m honestly worried that there isn't much hope without actual psychotherapy. I just hope they have a solid support system around them. Let's be brutally honest here: this isn't just about being abandoned by a mother; there's a whole lot more baggage to unpack than that.

That's true. There is likely a lot to work through, and it would probably be a long process.
But maybe just admitting that things aren't okay is already a step forward.

Honestly, it’s quite a compliment that you find partners so easily. Given that you're reaching an age where most people are looking for something more permanent, it seems you've managed to secure that "serious relationship" everyone talks about—which is great, truly. But if I could offer one bit of unsolicited advice: learn to live for yourself. Prioritize your own worth above all else, because if you don't, you risk becoming a burden to someone else. Personally? I have absolutely zero interest in being a weight around anyone's neck—not even for a single ounce—let alone something much heavier.