Living with masked depression

Donna Sanchez5 said:Honestly? Because I'm terrified.
The idea of taking something scares me—mostly because of how wildly different people's experiences are. You hear about people for whom it was a lifesaver, and then you hear about those for whom it made everything significantly worse.
My whole life is built on science... hard, exact science. From my perspective, taking these drugs feels like playing Russian roulette. We are talking about medications where, even today, there isn't a crystal-clear definition of the exact mechanism by which they treat the illness. They work—somehow—but we don't know exactly *how* with 100% certainty. And God knows what else they are doing to the body.
A simple example—why do so many people gain weight? It's because the drugs directly block certain biological processes; the weight gain is just a consequence. I'm not worried about the scale personally, I'm just using it as a practical illustration.

And I'm even more hesitant about the possibility of masking an underlying physical ailment with antidepressants.

I have studied depression extensively. As of today, we still don't truly understand why it occurs...
Is it an autoimmune disorder of the brain?
Is it a metabolic disease?
Is it a genetic condition that flares up due to epigenetic triggers?
We don't know...
Just because a psychiatrist suggests something doesn't mean I take it as gospel. Look—there was a time when psychiatrists were actually recommending lobotomies to patients. That doesn't mean someone won't look back at today's treatments fifty years from now with a smirk. 🙂
I get that I might be overthinking it, but this isn't simple—and that's why I'm uncertain.

Donna Sanchez5 said:Exactly. I'm saying I deal with serious anxiety and depressive episodes—but the real struggle is the "chicken or the egg" scenario. I can't tell if these physical symptoms and my inability to get things done like I used to are driving my fear of the future and illness, or if the depression itself is manifesting as these physical pains.

Carl Cox3 said:How frequently do these episodes occur, and roughly how long do they last?

If they are frequent and prolonged, it likely means your brain isn't producing enough serotonin. You may need to supplement with SSRIs until your overall life circumstances improve—specifically regarding your spinal issues and whatever else you're facing.

Antidepressants saved me; they improved my quality of life by 300%. They are excellent medication. 😍

mistynomad12 said:I don't know if you're just dealing with a mental health thing, but I went through the exact same thing. For me, it turned out to be my hormones messing everything up. I went to my doctor and laid out all the symptoms—brain fog, zero energy, non-existent libido, blah blah blah. She just prescribed me an SSRI, which didn't do a damn thing. I eventually just accepted that I had no drive and felt fine just lying around all day. Later on, I finally saw an endocrinologist... and it was the same old story: "Take some vitamins, maybe exercise a bit more," blah blah. So, I started doing my own hormone therapy, and suddenly all those depressive symptoms just vanished. If the root cause isn't mental, then getting put on an SSRI doesn't mean much; it won't fix anything. Doctors love pushing antidepressants, but if it's not a mental issue, taking them is basically like using recreational drugs for nothing. I get that it's hard to admit to yourself that you have depression, but if you feel like it's something else, it might be worth looking into. Personally, I just "knew"—well, more like I could feel—that it wasn't purely psychological.

velvetstag5 said:How are you dosing the therapy since you aren't under medical supervision, and how long do you plan to stay on it? Are you checking your levels with lab work, or just going by how you feel? It honestly sounds a little too simple to me. Are there side effects, and have you looked into why American doctors tend to avoid this approach compared to what's done elsewhere in the world?
That's a lot of questions!

mistynomad12 said:And I'll take it for as long as I can. 😁 I monitor certain parameters that might get messed up (like lipids, hematocrit, and other stuff). Generally, you can feel the mental effects when hormones are out of whack (like high estrogen or being extra emotional 😁), but obviously, you can't just rely on vibes. It's not even slightly simple because if you don't know what you're doing (or if you're just following protocols written by the manufacturers of drugs covered by Medicare), you could end up feeling worse than when you started. I spent hours and hours watching videos and reading books. Generally, in the European Union, there isn't much history regarding hormone treatment. The United Kingdom is a bit ahead of the rest, but they aren't in the EU anymore 😁. In the US, it's kind of hit & miss. Since it's Hollywood there (where you think actors bulk up 50 pounds in three months just because they have trainers and chefs 🤣), bodybuilding... well, they've dealt with this and are way ahead of the European Union. Of course, TRT clinics started popping up like mushrooms after the recession, and you can make some serious money there. Just like with opiates, amphetamines, and all that crap, availability is way higher and the criteria are looser. There are way more specialists now because the population is aging and "baby boomers" don't want to walk around without energy or dealing with erectile dysfunction. Why do our doctors avoid it? Because they don't know any other way, and once you start, it’s supposed to be for life. It's much easier to just prescribe an SSRI because the profits are bigger and they make new ones every year. Testosterone was synthesized by a Nazi scientist and it's ultra cheap to produce. Even for bodybuilders using ten times the dose, testosterone is the smallest part of their cost. The problem is when you use high doses, you don't just need the test, you need like 100 other things to fight the side effects, not to mention the other stuff people mix in (like veterinary drugs for muscle building 🤣). Testosterone used to be used for depression before (which, in my experience, actually makes sense).

Anyway, enough about the good stuff. What are the negatives?
When you use an external hormone source, your own production shuts down.
There are fertility drugs, but it's known that people can end up infertile after years of use. So, an ideal candidate should probably handle their family planning first. If you don't want kids, it acts as a contraceptive. 😁 Your red blood cell count rises, so you have to watch your hematocrit and donate blood periodically. Like anything else, if you abuse it, you can have consequences for your cardiovascular system, and who knows what else.

For me, it was an easy choice. Either lose the best years of my life feeling like I'm 80, with zero energy or drive because of medical dogma, or take matters into my own hands. I tried everything naturally, but nothing helped. Now I feel like a teenager again. If I had just bowed my head and let the system swallow me up, I'd probably be on all sorts of psychoactive substances right now.

When you actually have some energy and drive for life, I guess everything else just becomes easier to tackle. I don't even really crave recreational drugs anymore, I've started eating way better, I'm getting out more for some fresh air and sun, and I'm slowly cutting back on the smoking... It's like one thing just kind of pulls the others along, maybe.

Donna Sanchez5;85477881 said:How long were you struggling before you finally started medication?
And if you don't mind me asking, are you still on a prescription, and did those issues tend to resurface once you stopped?

Were your symptoms purely physical, or did they include an emotional component?

I dealt with these issues for years before I sought help. I've been on medication for fifteen years now, and honestly, my only regret is not starting sooner; it would have allowed me to live a functional life much earlier, much like the one I lead today while on treatment.

The symptoms were both psychological and physical in nature.

velvetstag5 said:Have you thought about digging deeper to find and actually treat the root cause of your hormone deficiency? I wonder what

the internal medicine specialists and endocrinologists
are like here—do you think they actually offer any real solutions?

Donna Sanchez5 said:Honestly? Because I'm terrified.
The idea of taking something scares me—mostly because of how wildly different people's experiences are. You hear about people for whom it was a lifesaver, and then you hear about those for whom it made everything significantly worse.
My whole life is built on science... hard, exact science. From my perspective, taking these drugs feels like playing Russian roulette. We are talking about medications where, even today, there isn't a crystal-clear definition of the exact mechanism by which they treat the illness. They work—somehow—but we don't know exactly *how* with 100% certainty. And God knows what else they are doing to the body.
A simple example—why do so many people gain weight? It's because the drugs directly block certain biological processes; the weight gain is just a consequence. I'm not worried about the scale personally, I'm just using it as a practical illustration.

And I'm even more hesitant about the possibility of masking an underlying physical ailment with antidepressants.

I have studied depression extensively. As of today, we still don't truly understand why it occurs...
Is it an autoimmune disorder of the brain?
Is it a metabolic disease?
Is it a genetic condition that flares up due to epigenetic triggers?
We don't know...
Just because a psychiatrist suggests something doesn't mean I take it as gospel. Look—there was a time when psychiatrists were actually recommending lobotomies to patients. That doesn't mean someone won't look back at today's treatments fifty years from now with a smirk. 🙂
I get that I might be overthinking it, but this isn't simple—and that's why I'm uncertain.

Donna Sanchez5 said:Honestly? Because I'm terrified.
The idea of taking something scares me—mostly because of how wildly different people's experiences are. You hear about people for whom it was a lifesaver, and then you hear about those for whom it made everything significantly worse.
My whole life is built on science... hard, exact science. From my perspective, taking these drugs feels like playing Russian roulette. We are talking about medications where, even today, there isn't a crystal-clear definition of the exact mechanism by which they treat the illness. They work—somehow—but we don't know exactly *how* with 100% certainty. And God knows what else they are doing to the body.
A simple example—why do so many people gain weight? It's because the drugs directly block certain biological processes; the weight gain is just a consequence. I'm not worried about the scale personally, I'm just using it as a practical illustration.

And I'm even more hesitant about the possibility of masking an underlying physical ailment with antidepressants.

I have studied depression extensively. As of today, we still don't truly understand why it occurs...
Is it an autoimmune disorder of the brain?
Is it a metabolic disease?
Is it a genetic condition that flares up due to epigenetic triggers?
We don't know...
Just because a psychiatrist suggests something doesn't mean I take it as gospel. Look—there was a time when psychiatrists were actually recommending lobotomies to patients. That doesn't mean someone won't look back at today's treatments fifty years from now with a smirk. 🙂
I get that I might be overthinking it, but this isn't simple—and that's why I'm uncertain.

Donna Sanchez5 said:Honestly? Because I'm terrified.
The idea of taking something scares me—mostly because of how wildly different people's experiences are. You hear about people for whom it was a lifesaver, and then you hear about those for whom it made everything significantly worse.
My whole life is built on science... hard, exact science. From my perspective, taking these drugs feels like playing Russian roulette. We are talking about medications where, even today, there isn't a crystal-clear definition of the exact mechanism by which they treat the illness. They work—somehow—but we don't know exactly *how* with 100% certainty. And God knows what else they are doing to the body.
A simple example—why do so many people gain weight? It's because the drugs directly block certain biological processes; the weight gain is just a consequence. I'm not worried about the scale personally, I'm just using it as a practical illustration.

And I'm even more hesitant about the possibility of masking an underlying physical ailment with antidepressants.

I have studied depression extensively. As of today, we still don't truly understand why it occurs...
Is it an autoimmune disorder of the brain?
Is it a metabolic disease?
Is it a genetic condition that flares up due to epigenetic triggers?
We don't know...
Just because a psychiatrist suggests something doesn't mean I take it as gospel. Look—there was a time when psychiatrists were actually recommending lobotomies to patients. That doesn't mean someone won't look back at today's treatments fifty years from now with a smirk. 🙂
I get that I might be overthinking it, but this isn't simple—and that's why I'm uncertain.