Dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner

I’m 35 years old, and I just don't feel like I have enough emotional depth inside me. Naturally, that ends up bleeding into my personal life...
To give you some context: I’m an extrovert—I have plenty of friends and I genuinely love being social. I enjoy meeting new people, I like being noticed, and I appreciate being liked by others. I’ve got several solid, long-term friendships under my belt. Despite all that, I can't stand it when people touch me, or when they get too deep into my personal space. I'm not into kissing, hugging, or even those overly affectionate little gestures. For me, a handshake is pretty much the limit of acceptable physical contact. When it comes to romantic relationships, things are slightly better, but I just can't seem to sustain a long-term
connection. It’s hard for me to actually *like* someone enough to want something more, and even when I do find someone appealing, that feeling is never intense or strong enough to make me want to stay forever. As I've gotten older, these relationships seem to be getting shorter. It’s as if I simply lack the capacity to love with enough intensity—it feels like there’s an emotional void where those feelings should be. I don't have that urge to cuddle, nor do I feel the need to share my inner world with anyone. I love sex, but I view it more as a physical act rather than this whole "making love" process; my goal is just the physical release, which I enjoy purely for the sensation, not because I'm looking for a deeper bond—though, I suppose I could never bring myself to have a one-night stand with a stranger. Given how things are going, I’ll probably end up alone, and I’m honestly not sure if that’s what I actually want... how am I supposed to build an emotional connection with someone else when I haven't even managed to achieve that with my own inner circle?

What does being alone actually mean? Is emotional connection just some mental construct you've built up—since you're basically an "emotional cripple"—based on the false assumption that things work a certain way? Like, you look at people around you who seem to be winning and you try to manufacture this "permanent, unbreakable, eternal" bond that isn't even there...

Maybe acting extroverted is just a way to compensate for realizing your own "emotional disability." It could just be a precursor to settling into introversion as a long-term "conclusion"... Which, during a transition phase, might feel awkward, like telling yourself "I'm gonna end up alone." But what does being alone actually imply?

What’s the real difference, say, between having quick, athletic sex with someone decent you kind of know, versus someone incredibly hot you’ve never even met before?

ironrider11 said:What does being alone actually mean? Is emotional connection just some mental construct you've built up—since you're basically an "emotional cripple"—based on the false assumption that things work a certain way? Like, you look at people around you who seem to be winning and you try to manufacture this "permanent, unbreakable, eternal" bond that isn't even there...

Maybe acting extroverted is just a way to compensate for realizing your own "emotional disability." It could just be a precursor to settling into introversion as a long-term "conclusion"... Which, during a transition phase, might feel awkward, like telling yourself "I'm gonna end up alone." But what does being alone actually imply?

What’s the real difference, say, between having quick, athletic sex with someone decent you kind of know, versus someone incredibly hot you’ve never even met before?

Look, I'm talking about my own environment—it's a pattern that I personally perceive as being "correct," even if that doesn't necessarily make it objectively true. I'm just noticing that I don't fit into that pattern.

ironrider11 said:What does being alone actually mean? Is emotional connection just some mental construct you've built up—since you're basically an "emotional cripple"—based on the false assumption that things work a certain way? Like, you look at people around you who seem to be winning and you try to manufacture this "permanent, unbreakable, eternal" bond that isn't even there...

Maybe acting extroverted is just a way to compensate for realizing your own "emotional disability." It could just be a precursor to settling into introversion as a long-term "conclusion"... Which, during a transition phase, might feel awkward, like telling yourself "I'm gonna end up alone." But what does being alone actually imply?

What’s the real difference, say, between having quick, athletic sex with someone decent you kind of know, versus someone incredibly hot you’ve never even met before?

Well, the difference is massive. I just don't trust people I don't know—I don't want them in my personal space at all (I could probably go into more detail there since I've been through it, but let's leave it at that).

Most people would describe me as being social and easy to talk to, but honestly, they don't know a thing about me. I have zero desire to let anyone get deeply involved in my life—just the thought of it makes me incredibly anxious.

You weren't actually in love with those people. When you truly fall in love, you feel an intense need to spend your entire life by that person's side. Perhaps you just haven't met someone who knocks you off your feet in every way—physically, personality-wise, and sexually. Maybe one day you will!

rapidmaker15 said:I’m 35 years old, and I just don't feel like I have enough emotional depth inside me. Naturally, that ends up bleeding into my personal life...
To give you some context: I’m an extrovert—I have plenty of friends and I genuinely love being social. I enjoy meeting new people, I like being noticed, and I appreciate being liked by others. I’ve got several solid, long-term friendships under my belt. Despite all that, I can't stand it when people touch me, or when they get too deep into my personal space. I'm not into kissing, hugging, or even those overly affectionate little gestures. For me, a handshake is pretty much the limit of acceptable physical contact. When it comes to romantic relationships, things are slightly better, but I just can't seem to sustain a long-term
connection. It’s hard for me to actually *like* someone enough to want something more, and even when I do find someone appealing, that feeling is never intense or strong enough to make me want to stay forever. As I've gotten older, these relationships seem to be getting shorter. It’s as if I simply lack the capacity to love with enough intensity—it feels like there’s an emotional void where those feelings should be. I don't have that urge to cuddle, nor do I feel the need to share my inner world with anyone. I love sex, but I view it more as a physical act rather than this whole "making love" process; my goal is just the physical release, which I enjoy purely for the sensation, not because I'm looking for a deeper bond—though, I suppose I could never bring myself to have a one-night stand with a stranger. Given how things are going, I’ll probably end up alone, and I’m honestly not sure if that’s what I actually want... how am I supposed to build an emotional connection with someone else when I haven't even managed to achieve that with my own inner circle?

You basically gave yourself the answer to your "problem."
Until you're content with yourself in the areas that bother you, you're just going to keep looking for that fulfillment in other people. But it’ll never be enough, because you're dealing with a bottomless pit.
Anyone trying to get someone else to fill a void inside themselves is never going to be satisfied, mostly because they haven't sorted things out on their own.

You should probably look back to whenever you first noticed this happening.
All humans have a fundamental need for acceptance, attention, and love.
That's why we have emotions in the first place.

You don't strike me as a psychopath, 😁 so I guess this is likely just a consequence of something you went through in your life.

rapidmaker15 said:I’m 35 years old, and I just don't feel like I have enough emotional depth inside me. Naturally, that ends up bleeding into my personal life...
To give you some context: I’m an extrovert—I have plenty of friends and I genuinely love being social. I enjoy meeting new people, I like being noticed, and I appreciate being liked by others. I’ve got several solid, long-term friendships under my belt. Despite all that, I can't stand it when people touch me, or when they get too deep into my personal space. I'm not into kissing, hugging, or even those overly affectionate little gestures. For me, a handshake is pretty much the limit of acceptable physical contact. When it comes to romantic relationships, things are slightly better, but I just can't seem to sustain a long-term
connection. It’s hard for me to actually *like* someone enough to want something more, and even when I do find someone appealing, that feeling is never intense or strong enough to make me want to stay forever. As I've gotten older, these relationships seem to be getting shorter. It’s as if I simply lack the capacity to love with enough intensity—it feels like there’s an emotional void where those feelings should be. I don't have that urge to cuddle, nor do I feel the need to share my inner world with anyone. I love sex, but I view it more as a physical act rather than this whole "making love" process; my goal is just the physical release, which I enjoy purely for the sensation, not because I'm looking for a deeper bond—though, I suppose I could never bring myself to have a one-night stand with a stranger. Given how things are going, I’ll probably end up alone, and I’m honestly not sure if that’s what I actually want... how am I supposed to build an emotional connection with someone else when I haven't even managed to achieve that with my own inner circle?

Maybe you didn't really get the chance to learn how to connect from your family, so that deep emotional side of you just never fully developed.
You've got a social circle for the sake of hanging out and keeping things fun so life doesn't get boring, but those deeper bonds aren't happening because you don't have much to offer a partner in that department.
Sex isn't enough to sustain a relationship (even if you love it because it feels good and satisfies a physical need)—you also need emotion, love, intimacy, honesty, and that spontaneity combined with knowing how to actually maintain a partnership or a marriage.
Now, regarding that fear of intimacy—where you want it but just can't do it—you could try working through it with a therapist or alongside a partner. But if you're just experiencing emotions through something external, or if you find dealing with them exhausting, or if you think they're just for weak, pathetic, mushy people... then honestly, help might not work. You might just have to accept yourself as you are. As the years go by, there's less of a chance you'll find the drive or the right person to teach you how to love and feel...

rapidmaker15 said:Look, I'm talking about my own environment—it's a pattern that I personally perceive as being "correct," even if that doesn't necessarily make it objectively true. I'm just noticing that I don't fit into that pattern.

It’s obvious you’re talking about the environment. But what exactly? Or how? You say you don't have this thing—this emotional connection—so it’s just not something you experience or even grasp... everything you're saying is just based on some "correct" assumption of yours. Look, my neighbor just finished renovating his house. He’s got a high-end corporate job, wears the whole suit and tie thing, and seems to be in a happy marriage with a beautiful, sharp woman. He’s got two healthy, adorable kids who also seem smart. From where I'm standing, he's a happy, fulfilled, peaceful... satisfied man. But in my little calculation of "assumptions," I didn't factor in the fact that for the last few months, he's been shoving a gun barrel in his mouth every single night, only unable to pull the trigger yet... so he hasn't exactly been able to tell me how wrong my totally incorrect assumption was.

If I don't fit in with one group or another, and their whole vibe feels too vague to be worth my time, maybe I could just play along... you know, use some mimicry to fake being like them. Since no clique actually welcomes outsiders, it might be a way to test if that "vague but attractive" thing they have going on is actually real in practice. Just act the part, fake emotions that aren't even there... basically testing the pattern. Personally, I probably wouldn't bother. At least not by forcing it. Wouldn't want it to turn into some pointless, self-sustaining cycle of frustration...

rapidmaker15 said:Well, the difference is massive. I just don't trust people I don't know—I don't want them in my personal space at all (I could probably go into more detail there since I've been through it, but let's leave it at that).

Most people would describe me as being social and easy to talk to, but honestly, they don't know a thing about me. I have zero desire to let anyone get deeply involved in my life—just the thought of it makes me incredibly anxious.

Does anyone actually know anything about anyone else? Look at the question above. Does a wife or her kids ever really get it when a grown man—a husband, a father—finally pulls off some deep, secretive scheme he’s been nursing? Especially once a massive debt or a nasty lawsuit from a collector hits him right in the face... Man, that's a hell of a reality check. A whole lot of heavy truths hitting all at once...

So, when you talk about being "connected" to certain people—like, are we talking verified intel or just vibes?—it makes me wonder. Is this whole thing about feeling safe enough to actually let loose with "acquaintances," versus staying guarded around strangers? It feels like someone went through something... maybe a specific set of experiences that basically froze their emotional growth right in its tracks. You end up stuck in this state of emotional stuntedness. Then, any kind of physical contact becomes a massive trigger, whether they realize it or not. It leads straight to that visceral, "get away from me, I can't stand the sight of you" reaction... nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe you can see that some people acting like extroverts aren't even actually like that... it’s probably just a pattern, like mimicry to compensate for a handicap. Since society pushes this idea that being loud is "essential," people end up trying to force themselves into a social construct, using fake emotions as glue to stick to a persona that isn't even real...

Are other people's emotions actually deeper, more intense, or more significant? Does their lives feel more fulfilled... or is it just their way of interpreting things? Maybe they just have a natural leaning toward drama and a habit of attaching massive weight to totally mundane stuff. Or maybe they're just acting, like ironrider11 suggests—but honestly, why would they bother? Where would they even find the energy or the willpower to put on such a constant performance? It’s one of those questions that never seems to go away.

The fundamental flaw in this entire narrative is quite simple:

rapidmaker15 said:I’m 35 years old, and I just don't feel like I have enough emotional depth inside me. Naturally, that ends up bleeding into my personal life...
To give you some context: I’m an extrovert—I have plenty of friends and I genuinely love being social. I enjoy meeting new people, I like being noticed, and I appreciate being liked by others. I’ve got several solid, long-term friendships under my belt. Despite all that, I can't stand it when people touch me, or when they get too deep into my personal space. I'm not into kissing, hugging, or even those overly affectionate little gestures. For me, a handshake is pretty much the limit of acceptable physical contact. When it comes to romantic relationships, things are slightly better, but I just can't seem to sustain a long-term
connection. It’s hard for me to actually *like* someone enough to want something more, and even when I do find someone appealing, that feeling is never intense or strong enough to make me want to stay forever. As I've gotten older, these relationships seem to be getting shorter. It’s as if I simply lack the capacity to love with enough intensity—it feels like there’s an emotional void where those feelings should be. I don't have that urge to cuddle, nor do I feel the need to share my inner world with anyone. I love sex, but I view it more as a physical act rather than this whole "making love" process; my goal is just the physical release, which I enjoy purely for the sensation, not because I'm looking for a deeper bond—though, I suppose I could never bring myself to have a one-night stand with a stranger. Given how things are going, I’ll probably end up alone, and I’m honestly not sure if that’s what I actually want... how am I supposed to build an emotional connection with someone else when I haven't even managed to achieve that with my own inner circle?

If we were to swap that out for

"I'm an introvert, I don't have a single friend, I hate meeting anyone, I've never managed to build a long-term friendship, I don't care if anyone likes me, and I have zero interest in socializing..."

then the whole premise would actually make sense.

What you're describing sounds like a fear of intimacy—where physical touch is merely the "visible" symptom. Either you were smothered with affection as a child or perhaps neglected entirely, leading you to wall off your inner self behind reinforced concrete. However, you aren't even being critical enough yet; some people lack sexual impulses altogether, such as asexual individuals, while others struggle to connect with their gendered identity, like homosexuals.

There is still hope for you.

What you call extroversion is nothing more than the secondary extroversion of an introvert (essentially, you talk a lot without actually saying anything). What you label as friendship is merely acquaintance, because true friendship requires intimacy—that exchange of emotional connection where physical touch is a natural consequence. To embrace a true friend, to feel their warmth and presence... (though, let's be honest, if it ends up in bed, then there was no friendship between a man and a woman to begin with).

You have plenty of acquaintances and you're desperate for more. It’s obvious. Subconsciously, you can never have enough people around you because you haven't achieved intimacy with any of them, and you're searching for someone to finally satisfy your soul. In reality, you would probably be perfectly content with just one or two close friends. Real ones.

Technically speaking, it's a "splitting" of the soul and the ego. You exist in your own world, trapped in your own head and your own thoughts; since you aren't intimate with yourself, you cannot be intimate with anyone else. You don't truly feel, nor do you allow others to feel. Everyone else is simply a threat lurking outside the walls of your reinforced concrete fortress.

Good luck!

rapidmaker15 said:I’m 35 years old, and I just don't feel like I have enough emotional depth inside me. Naturally, that ends up bleeding into my personal life...
To give you some context: I’m an extrovert—I have plenty of friends and I genuinely love being social. I enjoy meeting new people, I like being noticed, and I appreciate being liked by others. I’ve got several solid, long-term friendships under my belt. Despite all that, I can't stand it when people touch me, or when they get too deep into my personal space. I'm not into kissing, hugging, or even those overly affectionate little gestures. For me, a handshake is pretty much the limit of acceptable physical contact. When it comes to romantic relationships, things are slightly better, but I just can't seem to sustain a long-term
connection. It’s hard for me to actually *like* someone enough to want something more, and even when I do find someone appealing, that feeling is never intense or strong enough to make me want to stay forever. As I've gotten older, these relationships seem to be getting shorter. It’s as if I simply lack the capacity to love with enough intensity—it feels like there’s an emotional void where those feelings should be. I don't have that urge to cuddle, nor do I feel the need to share my inner world with anyone. I love sex, but I view it more as a physical act rather than this whole "making love" process; my goal is just the physical release, which I enjoy purely for the sensation, not because I'm looking for a deeper bond—though, I suppose I could never bring myself to have a one-night stand with a stranger. Given how things are going, I’ll probably end up alone, and I’m honestly not sure if that’s what I actually want... how am I supposed to build an emotional connection with someone else when I haven't even managed to achieve that with my own inner circle?

I'm not 35—I'm actually ten years younger—but I relate to almost everything said here. Except for the part about sex; for me, it isn't just a physical act. It's a combination of pleasure and a way to express that I care about the person. That said, it's been a long time since I felt enough affection for someone to say I wanted to spend the rest of my life with them.
So, I definitely understand where the author is coming from.

briskpuma6 said:The fundamental flaw in this entire narrative is quite simple:

If we were to swap that out for

"I'm an introvert, I don't have a single friend, I hate meeting anyone, I've never managed to build a long-term friendship, I don't care if anyone likes me, and I have zero interest in socializing..."

then the whole premise would actually make sense.

What you're describing sounds like a fear of intimacy—where physical touch is merely the "visible" symptom. Either you were smothered with affection as a child or perhaps neglected entirely, leading you to wall off your inner self behind reinforced concrete. However, you aren't even being critical enough yet; some people lack sexual impulses altogether, such as asexual individuals, while others struggle to connect with their gendered identity, like homosexuals.

There is still hope for you.

What you call extroversion is nothing more than the secondary extroversion of an introvert (essentially, you talk a lot without actually saying anything). What you label as friendship is merely acquaintance, because true friendship requires intimacy—that exchange of emotional connection where physical touch is a natural consequence. To embrace a true friend, to feel their warmth and presence... (though, let's be honest, if it ends up in bed, then there was no friendship between a man and a woman to begin with).

You have plenty of acquaintances and you're desperate for more. It’s obvious. Subconsciously, you can never have enough people around you because you haven't achieved intimacy with any of them, and you're searching for someone to finally satisfy your soul. In reality, you would probably be perfectly content with just one or two close friends. Real ones.

Technically speaking, it's a "splitting" of the soul and the ego. You exist in your own world, trapped in your own head and your own thoughts; since you aren't intimate with yourself, you cannot be intimate with anyone else. You don't truly feel, nor do you allow others to feel. Everyone else is simply a threat lurking outside the walls of your reinforced concrete fortress.

Good luck!

You've given me so much to think about! I have plenty of friends and I want even more of them. I know everything and anything about their lives, I stay involved in what they're doing, and I'm always there when they need someone to lean on. But they actually know nothing about me, and I am incredibly reluctant to share anything intimate.
It's hard for me to truly connect with people, though I don't really feel a desperate need for it either.

I didn't have a traumatic childhood; my parents weren't abusive, but I can't say I feel any deep, overwhelming love for them. I moved out at 18—went off to college in a different state—and honestly, I never really missed them. It felt more like a relief, a sense of freedom. Now they complain that I barely call and never come to visit. But I really don't have the desire, and frankly, it feels like a chore.

Henry Fisher74 said:You basically gave yourself the answer to your "problem."
Until you're content with yourself in the areas that bother you, you're just going to keep looking for that fulfillment in other people. But it’ll never be enough, because you're dealing with a bottomless pit.
Anyone trying to get someone else to fill a void inside themselves is never going to be satisfied, mostly because they haven't sorted things out on their own.

You should probably look back to whenever you first noticed this happening.
All humans have a fundamental need for acceptance, attention, and love.
That's why we have emotions in the first place.

You don't strike me as a psychopath, 😁 so I guess this is likely just a consequence of something you went through in your life.

But how am I supposed to do that? I can't even figure out what I'd actually be dissatisfied with if I tried.
I mean, I think anyone facing any kind of real-world problems would probably just laugh at my life

Look, I’d like to think of myself as a pretty level-headed and rational person—I can usually tell when my actions actually make sense and when they don't. When I step outside those boundaries or act on impulse, I’m fully aware of the fallout.
I realize that if I can't actually bond with someone or just let my emotions take the wheel, I’ll probably end up alone. And honestly? That’s exactly what I’m trying to fix. I don't quite get why it works this way, but I recognize it’s an issue I need to tackle. I don't want to be solo. I hate being alone. If I stay home by myself for even two days, I start spiraling into this depressive, miserable headspace. I really, truly need people around me. So, I don't understand how it's possible that I struggle to connect with guys—or anyone, really. Where did all those feelings go, and how am I supposed to just "manufacture" them? I’d honestly settle for a messy, unhappy relationship at this point; even sadness is a feeling, and I just want to feel *something*.
I guess I'm just getting tangled up in my own explanation.

Honestly, the fact that you’re actually spotting your own patterns? That’s huge. Like, that’s massive progress right there. But look, before you try to fix anything, you just gotta embrace who you are right now. If you don't, every single attempt to change is just gonna be surface-level nonsense, you know? Just scratching at the paint. Some people are just wired a certain way. Maybe one day you'll stumble upon someone who just *clicks*—someone whose vibe, humor, and interests hit all the right notes—and then closeness just happens naturally. But hey, if this whole thing is really just a fear of being alone? My best advice is to take a massive, deep dive into your own soul.

rapidmaker15 said:Look, I’d like to think of myself as a pretty level-headed and rational person—I can usually tell when my actions actually make sense and when they don't. When I step outside those boundaries or act on impulse, I’m fully aware of the fallout.
I realize that if I can't actually bond with someone or just let my emotions take the wheel, I’ll probably end up alone. And honestly? That’s exactly what I’m trying to fix. I don't quite get why it works this way, but I recognize it’s an issue I need to tackle. I don't want to be solo. I hate being alone. If I stay home by myself for even two days, I start spiraling into this depressive, miserable headspace. I really, truly need people around me. So, I don't understand how it's possible that I struggle to connect with guys—or anyone, really. Where did all those feelings go, and how am I supposed to just "manufacture" them? I’d honestly settle for a messy, unhappy relationship at this point; even sadness is a feeling, and I just want to feel *something*.
I guess I'm just getting tangled up in my own explanation.

I see a few different issues playing out here.
First off, there's that massive fear of loneliness you mentioned—how being alone sends you straight into a depression or a bad mood.
Then there's the fact that you can't handle being solo because the isolation itself feels unbearable to you.
Plus, you aren't really close with your family, and there isn't much emotional depth with your friends either...

Usually, most people have some level of emotional capacity (unless we're talking about serious clinical diagnoses), but often the fear and pain are so intense that we avoid facing them altogether. In reality, we're mostly just avoiding facing ourselves.
Because of that, we tend to use external stuff as a Band-Aid to patch up that unbearable internal state. We subconsciously stifle or suppress our emotions—basically turning into robots—because feelings usually just get in the way. They're hard to control, they overwhelm us, they mess with our ego, they hurt, they're annoying, or we just don't know how to deal with them. It’s also a super common foundation for addiction.

The real kicker is that most of us aren't able to just sit still for an hour or a day and be content with our own company while doing absolutely nothing. And by "nothing," I mean not watching TV, not scrolling through your phone, not reading, not thinking... just being present with yourself and your current state of mind and emotion.

So, it sounds like you're feeling this inner emptiness and loneliness, and you're using social interaction to try and patch that hole.
You likely have the capacity for emotions, but you're unconsciously blocking them.
I'm guessing it might be tied to fears regarding intimacy, loss, punishment, getting hurt, or maybe even humiliation...

I don't think you're going to find the answers just sitting there alone... but you could start by asking yourself some questions like:

I didn't particularly love my parents because...
I felt contempt or anger toward my father, and I pushed him away because...
I couldn't wait to move out of my parents' house because...
I don't feel the need (or want) to reach out to my mom, dad, or siblings because...
I don't open up to other people because...
When I hang out with people, it's mostly just a way to avoid feeling...
In a relationship, I'm scared to say "I love you" because...
I don't like hugging or being affectionate with a partner because then I feel... (repulsed, restless, obligated to reciprocate, or just nothing at all)...
I don't want emotions in my life because... (they hurt, they're inconvenient, I don't understand them, they control me, they make me feel weak, they leave me vulnerable, or I perform better when I'm acting like a robot, etc.)......

Donna White50 explained the whole situation perfectly!

PS: actually, it just occurred to me... 🙂

Honestly, you might want to look into regressive hypnosis to tackle this issue of yours. Find a decent specialist and give it a shot. Good luck!

rapidmaker15 said:But how am I supposed to do that? I can't even figure out what I'd actually be dissatisfied with if I tried.
I mean, I think anyone facing any kind of real-world problems would probably just laugh at my life

It's rare for someone to reach their own conclusions alone; you usually need to talk to someone who actually knows what they're doing.
Nobody is born emotionally unavailable, I suppose.
It’s kind of like how people develop phobias without having any clue why.

The truth is just that we don't all have the same capacity or intensity of emotion to give to another person. But that's a different conversation. It seems like you generally struggle with being close to people.

Donna White50 said:I see a few different issues playing out here.
First off, there's that massive fear of loneliness you mentioned—how being alone sends you straight into a depression or a bad mood.
Then there's the fact that you can't handle being solo because the isolation itself feels unbearable to you.
Plus, you aren't really close with your family, and there isn't much emotional depth with your friends either...

Usually, most people have some level of emotional capacity (unless we're talking about serious clinical diagnoses), but often the fear and pain are so intense that we avoid facing them altogether. In reality, we're mostly just avoiding facing ourselves.
Because of that, we tend to use external stuff as a Band-Aid to patch up that unbearable internal state. We subconsciously stifle or suppress our emotions—basically turning into robots—because feelings usually just get in the way. They're hard to control, they overwhelm us, they mess with our ego, they hurt, they're annoying, or we just don't know how to deal with them. It’s also a super common foundation for addiction.

The real kicker is that most of us aren't able to just sit still for an hour or a day and be content with our own company while doing absolutely nothing. And by "nothing," I mean not watching TV, not scrolling through your phone, not reading, not thinking... just being present with yourself and your current state of mind and emotion.

So, it sounds like you're feeling this inner emptiness and loneliness, and you're using social interaction to try and patch that hole.
You likely have the capacity for emotions, but you're unconsciously blocking them.
I'm guessing it might be tied to fears regarding intimacy, loss, punishment, getting hurt, or maybe even humiliation...

I don't think you're going to find the answers just sitting there alone... but you could start by asking yourself some questions like:

I didn't particularly love my parents because...
I felt contempt or anger toward my father, and I pushed him away because...
I couldn't wait to move out of my parents' house because...
I don't feel the need (or want) to reach out to my mom, dad, or siblings because...
I don't open up to other people because...
When I hang out with people, it's mostly just a way to avoid feeling...
In a relationship, I'm scared to say "I love you" because...
I don't like hugging or being affectionate with a partner because then I feel... (repulsed, restless, obligated to reciprocate, or just nothing at all)...
I don't want emotions in my life because... (they hurt, they're inconvenient, I don't understand them, they control me, they make me feel weak, they leave me vulnerable, or I perform better when I'm acting like a robot, etc.)......

Thanks for the comment; you summarized that really well. I wouldn't exactly say I didn't love my parents, it's more that I never really connected with them—deeply, anyway. Why? It's hard to pin down. They are good people, especially my dad, but we never really expressed any emotion, even though I know they're there if I ever actually need them. Maybe that's where the issue lies?

I do want emotions in my life; I just don't know how to "make" them happen.

And as for why I don't like being hugged or kissed or touched—it’s because I feel like people are invading my privacy, especially when it’s uninvited, if that makes sense. I just get uncomfortable when someone holds my hand or even stands too close; I feel much safer maintaining some distance. Is it possible that this is why I struggle to connect with a partner?

Onarha, what even are emotions?